And Maybe

im gonna claw myself apart. we watch netflix together and i keep a respectful and responsible distance; you lean against me to pause the screen. ask if i want cookies. i can’t stop staring at your lips. what? i say. i knew what you’d asked me even as you ask again, i just don’t want the moment to end.

we’re just friends. we’re just friends.

It’s slow, like honey dripping

But I can see things changing

self promo lol you should go follow my writing blog

“wait, did you think it was you?”

yes. i did. i thought it was me that all your words went to, i thought it was me that ran through your mind on a daily basis. i thought it was me you were falling in love with as we danced in a dimly lit parking lot on a summers night. i thought it was me from the hushed laughs and holding hands in bookstores. i thought it was me that night at the hospital when i’d just lost my best friend. but it never was, i never was the girl you loved. and now we aren’t speaking and i’m losing my mind trying to drown my thoughts in the music that reminded me of you.

- you broke my heart but i wasn’t even yours

my love for you was a song

you liked the melody

but you never bothered

to listen to the words

I’ll play my music for someone who wants to listen.

my sunflower

i looked at you through the cracked screen of my phone. through the cracked and pixelted, you were beautiful: an angel, in my eyes.

you lauged lightly, a mellifluous sound, as i made a joke about one of your multiple ex-girlfriends.

you continued to blab about your current "love inerest" that would probably end within the span of 3-10

crack

the sound of my fragile heart tearing echoed in my ears and inreased slightly more with each word you uttered. it would never be fully-broken, never be fully-healed

always continuing the slow, agonizingly painful, ceaseless torture - like the nightmare that re-occurs every night: you're there, i'm running and running, sweat dripping, thighs burning, flushed face, but i can't seem to move an inch can't seem to get my feet off the ground.

i keep the smiling demeanor on for you.

so i don't worry you

so you're not confused,

so you'll continue to talk to me without any hesitations,

so you won't bother asking why i'm hurting so much inside,

it's all for you

i listen as you talk about her, not realizing that you are chipping pieces off of me second by second, like i'm merely a clay piece for you to play with and abandon once you're done, yet you keep coming back for more, you can't seem to let go.

my smile falters once you end the call saying that your mom called you - probably to set the table or something.

a deep sigh escapes my mouth and the corners of my mouth turn down into a frown.

sluggishly crossing the room, i grab the hoodie; your hoodie, merely a piece of fabric, yet it means so much more to me than you could possibly imagine.

after being repeately washed, it still had that faint smell: you - you, you , and nothing but you.

i slipped the sweater over my head and through my arms - the hoodie fell to about my mid-thigh.

the aroma filled up my senses completely, i felt drunk on you, intoxicated with just the mere scent of you.

i craved for you to be near me, to hold me, to talk about me like you actually want me, and need me - like i need you

Why do I always end up shipping people who don’t end up together or it takes them forever to get together?

self care is following a ton of minecraft blogs at 2 am when you should be sleeping and drinking chocolate milk with too much chocolate in it while you listen to a playlist of your all time favorite songs

Does anyone else love bad weather? Like the kind that’s loud and dark and draws attention to its self like pounding rain drops and thunder and lightning that seems just so close. And you can sit near a window and it’s dark outside and maybe you’ve got a candle lit or a lamp and it’s so warm inside and you’re wearing you’re favourite sweater and watching a good show or reading a good book and it’s beautiful outside the rain and the clouds and the sound of it all and you’re just so content and cosy and happy

i'd kill for this

i want that wet slow tongue kissing where you’re pressed right up against each other grinding and biting and grabbing and moaning and saying nasty stuff to each other GOD

*just fucking T-poses*