Open Letter To Aromantic And Aro-spec Allies: On Overuse Of The Word “valid”, And Why It Needs To

RECORD BREAKERS

Life on earth, as magnificent and versatile as it is, is seemingly tame compared to the weird and wonderful creatures that once existed. All categories of life have reached unimaginable sizes, here are just a selection of prehistoric record breakers!

MEGALODON The biggest shark known to have existed, ruling over the oceans as recently as up to a million years ago. A length of almost 20 metres and weighing in at an estimated 48 tonnes, Megalodon could deliver a crucifying bite of up to 110,000N. It is no surprise that the Megalodon was dubbed the “whale killing shark”.

MEGATHERIUM Our early ancestors would have been quite familiar with Megatherium as they existed up to 8000 years ago, they were in fact the largest sloths to have existed. Sloths have a reputation as being lazy, slow and docile, but Megatherium was a 6 metre long, 4 tonne monster with a killer instinct and knife-like claws. Megatherium’s discovery came before that of the dinosaurs. Skeletons of these prehistoric beasts were a delight to the Victorian public and paved the way for the science of palaeontology.

ARCHELON Literally meaning “large turtle”, Archelon certainly was just that. Existing during the cretaceous, the time of the dinosaurs, Archelon could reach 4.5 metres long and may have lived to over 100 years old. Archelon could not compete with other cretaceous beings in speed and agility, but its blade-like beak was able to slice through flesh and crush though the toughest ammonite shells. Unfortunately Archelon appears to have been a popular snack for other marine dwellers, skeletons are frequently missing flippers or heads and covered in slashes.

TITANOBOA When the dinosaurs reign ended, a new era saw the rise of new super-predators, one was Titanoboa, the largest snake ever with a body up to 13 metres long, standing a metre off the ground and weighing up to 2500 pounds. Titanoboa was 30% longer than even todays largest species. Scientists believe this humongous snake hunted like its modern relatives, the boa constrictors, by winding around prey and suffocating them.

IRISH ELK Owner of the largest antlers of any animal, up to 3 metres wide, the Irish Elk gets its name from its frequent discoveries in Irish peat bogs. Existing up to 10,000 years ago, these would have been a common sight in grasslands for our ancestors. Many fossils indicate the animals died of starvation which is why the antlers are thought to have been part of elaborate mating contests between males, often resulting in one being fatally injured and unable to feed itself.

DEINOTHERIUM A distant relative of the elephants and mammoths, Deinotherium was more sinister, its name translates to “terrible beast”, they would have most likely caused trouble for our ancient ancestors around 1.5 million years ago. Deinotherium is actually considered to be the second largest land mammal of all time, behind Paraceratherium and is iconic in appearance due to its sharp, downward facing tusks.

ARCTODUS Known as the short faced bear, they were the biggest bears on record and one of the largest mammal carnivores to have existed. Whilst their skull was short, they were packed with piercing teeth that could deliver a bone crushing bite. Existing up to 11,000 years ago, out ancestors would have stayed well clear of this 900 kilogram predator, with slender limbs and knife-like claws, Arctodus was deadly.

SARCOSUCHUS One of the most infamous fossil discoveries in history, Sarcosuchus was the largest crocodile to walk the Earth up to 112 million years ago, this was a crocodile capable of killing dinosaurs. Sarcosuchus was twice as long as a saltwater crocodile, that’s 11-12 metres long and could reach over 8 tonnes. Its jaw was packed full of 66 teeth either side of its jaw and would have clamped down on prey that wandered too near.

ARGENTINOSAURUS One of the largest lifeforms that has ever stood on the Earth, Argentinosaurus could grow up to 30 metres long with its hind limbs standing 4.5 metres off the ground. They existed between 97-94 million years ago and at adulthood would have been virtually indestructible to predators. Its weight is estimated at a staggering 80-100 tonnes. There hasn’t been another land mammal on the same scale as Argentinosaurus since and it’s unlikely there ever will be.

SPINOSAURUS The largest discovered therapod ever, a group that includes Allosaurus and Tryrannosaurus. Spinosaurus remained an enigma to scientists for decades, the only discovered specimen was sadly destroyed during World War 2 and was not rediscovered until the 21st century. Spinosaurus is thought to have reached up to 16 metres long and weighed in around 12 tonnes, that is almost double the weight of a T-rex!

do i want to do that because i really want to do it, or do i just want to change my life drastically?

Aromanticism often goes hand-in-hand with:

Low self-esteem, self-loathing, and/or feelings of inferiority

Feeling lonely, isolated, or like you’re an “other”

Shame

Anxiety

Fear of abandonment, distrust of friends and family

Constant second-guessing one’s own identity

Fear of the future or an inability to imagine oneself with a “happy ending”

Disassociation in the form of feeling “unreal” or “inhuman”

This is a huge problem that can really destroy a person, and the root cause is the way our society treats relationships. But the thing is, nobody ever tries to address this problem. People outside of the aro community (which is small and disjointed as it is) don’t discuss aro issues, and don’t try to think critically about the messages they put out, and then when aros talk about how much they’re hurting, we just get told that we don’t have it as bad as other people, so we don’t have any right to complain, and our feelings aren’t real.

God knows it’s hard to heal yourself without help from others, and aros aren’t getting that help. And sure, sometimes we can talk to each other, but that can only get you so far- it’s the emotional equivalent of two people simultaneously trying to save each other from drowning. The aromantic community needs outside support, but nobody is trying to help us aside from saying that we’re Valid™ every now and then. That’s a big problem.

Georgie's reaction to Ben Barnes' birthday is everything to me

you’ve heard of long-term partners, now get ready for:

long-term friends that don’t get bored and abondon you as soon as they are in a romantic relationship

I love that the dinosaurs being portrayed as animals and not part of a 24/7 fight club, but the only thing I still want out of Prehistoric Planet is to see a hadrosaur beat the shit out of a theropod. I'm tired of them being docile carnivore fodder, I guarantee you they contained the same wrath of God as every extant giant prey animal does.

“this is the hill you want to die on?” oh no i just love arguing. i fully intend to leave this hill once it gets boring. sorry for the confusion!

for an aro person, I fantasize a lot about intimacy. but not in a romantic context like smoochy ooky pooky boo-boo...hell no.

intimacy as in being completely emotionally open to/with someone, being so comfortable with them that you just feel safe and warm. I want to have that type of closeness with someone without having to feel guilty that I won't be able to give them romantic love.

it can be something so very deep within my core, but it's just...not romantic. is that so bad?

has aro tumblr ever talked about how being aro can put you more at risk of unhealthy/codependent friendships from either desperation and fear of abandonment or just feeling like you need to fill the void of romance

at the very LEAST i think there’s a point to be made about amatanormativity encouraging unhealthy codependent behaviours, in romantic relationships or otherwise