Sylvia Plath, In One Of Her Last Essays, "Ocean 1212-W" (dated 1962)

You did not deserve to be sexually harassed. This is true no matter what you wear, how you look, how much money you make, where you work, what you do, or anything else.

The majority of sexual harassment cases involve some kind of complication.

Maybe you dated the person, flirted with them, or had sex with them before. 

Maybe you knew or suspected that they had a history of being inappropriate with others. 

Maybe you’ve always looked up to this person, considered them a friend, a mentor, or someone who’s helped you a lot in the past. 

Maybe it’s happened more than once. 

Maybe when it happened you didn’t know how to react so you didn’t say anything. 

Maybe after it happened you acted overly nice to the person or reassured them it wasn’t a big deal. 

Maybe the person isn’t the kind of person we think a harasser is: they’re someone really respected in society or more attractive than you or physically smaller or female. So you or others have a hard time believing that person could hurt you. 

Maybe you really like the person for other reasons and feel torn about seeing them as someone who’s hurt you. 

It’s important to know that it’s not unusual if your situation feels more complicated.

In fact, that is the more common situation. 

You are not imagining it. If something feels off, it probably is. Doubt is part of the pattern. So is denial.

Muted Square in the Zoom

They didn’t say my name in the meeting. Not once. I was there and had written half the report.

The credit went around the table like a bottle passed hand to hand. I watched it skip over me.

At lunch, I sat with them. One of them asked me, “Are you new?”

I’ve been here fourteen months.

After a while, you stop correcting people. You stop reminding them that you’re part of it. You become good at inhabiting the background. Or a muted square in the Zoom.

But I’m still here. Still opening the spreadsheet. Still writing the copy. Still dressing up and disappearing.

They didn’t see me. But I saw everything.

To Report or Not To Report...that is the eternal flaming highway wreck of a question.

They asked if I wanted to file a complaint. I said no I’m trying to stay employed, not enter The Hunger Games.

"There must be satisfaction gained in accurately naming the thing that torments you."

-Miriam Toews

Just finished Women Talking (both the book by Miriam Toews and the movie by Sarah Polley) and I honestly don’t know how to describe it without using all caps. It’s probably the most clear-eyed thing I’ve ever seen about what it actually feels like to live in the aftermath of harassment. If you’ve ever felt like you were losing your mind trying to name something everyone else was fine ignoring I really highly recommend this rare artwork to you all.

Hi, I just wanted to say this blog has helped me a lot with understanding and healing from being harassed at work. I hope you have a lovely weekend <3

Thank you, what a pleasure to hear! Made my weekend, in fact. Have a great weekend yourself.