“I’m Drowning.”
“I’m drowning.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I haven’t slept in days.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I don’t want to get out of bed.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“It feels like everything is piling on top of me.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
Over and over,
I speak.
I crack open the door to my pain,
let pieces fall out,
quietly hoping someone will catch them.
But the words just echo back
into an empty hallway
with nothing but
“I’m here if you need anything”
to cushion the fall.
What does that even mean—
if no one’s really listening?
If no one knocks, no one checks in,
no one sits beside you
in the silence where words don’t reach.
Each time I say I’m not okay,
and it’s met with nothing but space,
it teaches me something:
my voice doesn’t matter here.
So I stop saying it.
I stop reaching out.
I stop hoping.
The loneliness grows louder.
The weight gets heavier.
And eventually,
even breathing feels like a burden.
“Let me know if you need anything”
isn’t comfort.
It’s a curtain drawn between me and the world.
It’s a phrase said to feel helpful,
without being helpful at all.
Because if no one listens,
if no one shows up,
then communication isn’t key—
it’s a locked door
with no one on the other side.
And eventually,
you stop knocking.
You stop trying.
You just let it all collapse.
More Posts from Invisiblynumb and Others
If only you know how my hands would shake when no one was looking. How’d I’d stay up late staring at the ceiling going over everything in my head asking myself if I made the right choices. If only you knew about the voice in my head that kept saying I wasn’t good enough that I wasn’t as strong as I tried to seem. I kept smiling , kept my voice steady because that’s what you needed me to see. But when I was alone behind closed doors . I broke down. The tears I held back all day would come pouring out and I’d finally let myself feel all the things I’d been pushing away. If only you knew how hard it was to keep going, to keep pretending everything was fine when all I really wanted was to disappear for a while. You saw me calm, put together, smiling like nothing was wrong. But you didn’t see the cracks the moment I doubted myself. The times I wondered how much longer I could hold it together. I made it look easy bc I thought that’s what I had to do. But inside I was fighting battles no one else could see. And every day felt like a new fight. If only you knew ….
I wanted to be loved, but not like this.
Not like a lighthouse watching ships, that never dock.💔
Theres two things in this life that can turn you into a monster. I found it and it found me. Innocence doesn’t fade, it rots. Go soft in the middle like a peach left too long. First it’s sweet then it makes you sick. Then it makes you hungry for something bad. Something real bad. Something that could swallow you whole. It was sweet, I was sweet. I was so sweet , too sweet and sweet don’t save you. It sits there and rots in your hands. I was black this year , that was the year I stopped crying, started watching, started listening. I watched your mannerisms, I waited for the snap beneath your breath. There’s something off about you, off about you. There’s something off about you. Your leather hands slid down my back it don’t feel wrong but I know it don’t feel right. There’s pink on everything but there’s nothing light in me anymore. There’s something off about you.
JM.
I broke in places no one could see, and smiled like nothing ever cracked…
