Theres Two Things In This Life That Can Turn You Into A Monster. I Found It And It Found Me. Innocence
Theres two things in this life that can turn you into a monster. I found it and it found me. Innocence doesn’t fade, it rots. Go soft in the middle like a peach left too long. First it’s sweet then it makes you sick. Then it makes you hungry for something bad. Something real bad. Something that could swallow you whole. It was sweet, I was sweet. I was so sweet , too sweet and sweet don’t save you. It sits there and rots in your hands. I was black this year , that was the year I stopped crying, started watching, started listening. I watched your mannerisms, I waited for the snap beneath your breath. There’s something off about you, off about you. There’s something off about you. Your leather hands slid down my back it don’t feel wrong but I know it don’t feel right. There’s pink on everything but there’s nothing light in me anymore. There’s something off about you.
JM.
More Posts from Invisiblynumb and Others
You thought you were going to be hot shit, didn’t you? You thought you were going to be somebody , didn’t you? Overreaching without ambition, you know what that means? It means you weren’t brave enough to be better. It means you are mediocre. You wanna fail me? I fucking dare you! Screw your courage to the sticking place and make it mean something to you because this banality, this falsity you wallow in will devour you until you are as small as you pretend to be. And then… you will disappear and no one will give any more thought to you than they do an unread cookie fortune..
From One
who says, “Don’t cry.
You’ll like it after a while.”
and Two who tells you thank-you
after the fact and can’t look at your face.
To Three who pays for your breakfast
and a cab home
and your mother’s rent.
To Four
who says,
“But you felt so good
I didn’t know how to stop.”
To Five who says giving your body
is tough
but something you do very well.
To Six
Who smells of tobacco
and says “Come on, I can feel that
you love this.”
To those who feel bad in the morning yes,
some feel bad in the morning
and sometimes they tell you
you want it
and sometimes you think that you do.
Thank heavens you’re resetting
ever setting and resetting
How else do you sew up the tears?
How else can the body survive?
“I’m drowning.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I haven’t slept in days.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I don’t want to get out of bed.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“It feels like everything is piling on top of me.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
Over and over,
I speak.
I crack open the door to my pain,
let pieces fall out,
quietly hoping someone will catch them.
But the words just echo back
into an empty hallway
with nothing but
“I’m here if you need anything”
to cushion the fall.
What does that even mean—
if no one’s really listening?
If no one knocks, no one checks in,
no one sits beside you
in the silence where words don’t reach.
Each time I say I’m not okay,
and it’s met with nothing but space,
it teaches me something:
my voice doesn’t matter here.
So I stop saying it.
I stop reaching out.
I stop hoping.
The loneliness grows louder.
The weight gets heavier.
And eventually,
even breathing feels like a burden.
“Let me know if you need anything”
isn’t comfort.
It’s a curtain drawn between me and the world.
It’s a phrase said to feel helpful,
without being helpful at all.
Because if no one listens,
if no one shows up,
then communication isn’t key—
it’s a locked door
with no one on the other side.
And eventually,
you stop knocking.
You stop trying.
You just let it all collapse.
I broke in places no one could see, and smiled like nothing ever cracked…
I wanted to be loved, but not like this.
Not like a lighthouse watching ships, that never dock.💔
