When I Say That I Am Afraid Of Being My Father Or Making Mother’s Mistakes , I Am Greeted With The
When I say that I am afraid of being my father or making mother’s mistakes , I am greeted with the old saying , the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as if I am destined to be just like them solely because I am a product of them. I want to tell them that the apple can roll away. That it can hit the ground running and drift away with the creeks stream. That it can be picked up by gentle hands and placed somewhere different , a better place where the apple is polished and admired and painted like its art. The apple still did come from the tree, they’ll argue.
But it can feel different , be different.
The apple doesn’t have to go far in order to be nothing like the rest of the tree. My exterior may look like theirs but I am not filled with their rot.
More Posts from Invisiblynumb and Others
“I’m drowning.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I haven’t slept in days.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I don’t want to get out of bed.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
“It feels like everything is piling on top of me.”
— “Let me know if you need anything.”
Over and over,
I speak.
I crack open the door to my pain,
let pieces fall out,
quietly hoping someone will catch them.
But the words just echo back
into an empty hallway
with nothing but
“I’m here if you need anything”
to cushion the fall.
What does that even mean—
if no one’s really listening?
If no one knocks, no one checks in,
no one sits beside you
in the silence where words don’t reach.
Each time I say I’m not okay,
and it’s met with nothing but space,
it teaches me something:
my voice doesn’t matter here.
So I stop saying it.
I stop reaching out.
I stop hoping.
The loneliness grows louder.
The weight gets heavier.
And eventually,
even breathing feels like a burden.
“Let me know if you need anything”
isn’t comfort.
It’s a curtain drawn between me and the world.
It’s a phrase said to feel helpful,
without being helpful at all.
Because if no one listens,
if no one shows up,
then communication isn’t key—
it’s a locked door
with no one on the other side.
And eventually,
you stop knocking.
You stop trying.
You just let it all collapse.
ⁱᵐ ᶠᵃˡˡⁱⁿᵍ ᵃᵖᵃʳᵗ ʳⁱᵍʰᵗ ⁱⁿ ᶠʳᵒⁿᵗ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵉʸᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿᵗ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ˢᵉᵉ ᵐᵉ
Happiness scares me because there is always a price to pay afterwards. ..
Im still getting over the fact that you will never pay for what you did. But I will. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, it doesn’t go away.
