It's Deeply Painful How One Person Can Make You Feel Like You're Walking On Clouds And Other Times, The

I need to destroy myself to feel satisfied

TW: mention of suicide attempt

My therapist is proud of me!

This was the first time she explicitly told me how proud she is of me and how far I've come.

While I've had a lot of people tell me that they're proud of me but somehow, hearing this from someone who knows me a lot differently than others, knows all those things that I refuse to share with others, understands my thought process, it just made all the difference.

As she was telling me about the growth I've had, I couldn't hold back the tears.

She told me that I seemed more confident, sure of myself and stronger than ever before. It was really overwhelming.

I'm really glad to have found her and to have come so far. From attempting to take my own life last year to not depending on anyone for my happiness and being content with my life as it is. It's been one hell of a journey and I'm just happy to be alive to experience this.

Never give up, you'll get there eventually.

Migraine aura + Splitting/ Spiraling = Fucked

as the solitude comforts me,

the loneliness eats me up and

I let it.

— Fernando Pessoa, from “The Book of Disquiet.”

Trying to not to be afraid of this energy. One of the days when I feel sorry for myself. Sigh.

I belong to none,

not these extended hands,

the rosey skies,

or the bloodied battlegrounds in my name.

I belong to none other than myself

but know not which one in particular

I may not love myself on most days

but I definitely would not let you either.

*goes through a hard time*

Me: I must be pretending

*feels incredibly lonely and wants to talk to someone*

Me: ew I'm too needy and weak

*experiences shitloads of emotional pain*

Me: stfu you're not a baby, gulp it down alone like an adult

I just read “each time you open a book and read, a tree smiles knowing there's life after death”and OH MY GOD