I'm So Sick Of These Destructive Defense Mechanisms That Do Protect Me From Getting Hurt But At The Same

Along with bpd, is unreal in another dimension

having bipolar and being told you have it for the rest of your life with no cure feels so unreal to me.

i'm so sensitive that sometimes my brain makes my emotions go numb as a self-defense mechanism

“Please dont expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”

— Sylvia Plath

“It could’ve been worse.” It could’ve been BETTER. It could’e been EASIER. It could’ve been lovely. It could’ve been beautiful, it could’ve been fun. It could have been simple, it could’ve made you HAPPY. 

You can drown in two feet of water just as simply as you can in an ocean. Stop downplaying what happened and neglecting your feelings. Kill that idea with fire. Or at least acknowledge that what happened was bad without immediately trying to justify or dismiss it.

The bone chilling winter comes after my soul

as I run through the slippery woods

plummeting inside the abyss.

yeah

i wanna lay under my blanket and die

Low and low, I sink

lo and behold, I crumble.

You are just a fragment of my imagination

it feels insulting to cry out loud

when some have loved and lost you

and I've only lost.

Mary Oliver