I'm So Sensitive That Sometimes My Brain Makes My Emotions Go Numb As A Self-defense Mechanism

I'm not the past version of myself who didn’t rest,

I'm not okay and I need the help.

Low and low, I sink

lo and behold, I crumble.

This Morning: A Thread (TW: Suicidal ideation)

My brain: Ugh, not again

How and why am I still alive?

Because I just fell asleep, it's normal

I don't want to be here.

I don't want to be here.

I cannot unalive myself here. I need to wait until I can.

I need to study, get my degree, get a job, start living alone.

Only then will I be able to end it.

Alone, alone, alone.

Yes, only a few more years.

Let's start the day.

It's so much easier to push people away. I don't want to feel anything. I want to turn off my emotions and self destruct. I refuse to feel grief or any strong emotion that I just don't want to feel. I'd rather not think about any of those emotions and just keep trying to destroy myself. I can't cope with real life. I'd rather make them hate me. My brain is telling me to push them away. And I can't stop it.

The cold and the void have made me into a deadly concoction of shivering mess.

I don't want to do this anymore. It fucking hurts so bad. It's not worth it. I'm tired.

✨Fucked it up again ✨

I'd like to stop being anxious now. My head is exploding.

as the solitude comforts me,

the loneliness eats me up and

I let it.

You are just a fragment of my imagination

it feels insulting to cry out loud

when some have loved and lost you

and I've only lost.