Lorde’s First Notes For Still Sane, Buzzcut Season, And Team

i h8 when im way more obsessed w someone than they are with me

everytime i listen to this song (3 times a day or more) i cry

Dream Machine (Short) | Brett Vapnek | 2001

Mary Timony

I WANNA BASH MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL

listening to i’m your man by leonard cohen and i want to be punished by them.. i feel like such a pervert wanting to be hurt during intimacy..

im not sure what’s wrong with me. like i was telling them that i don’t care that they talk to other people.. i dont know why im feeling this all encompassing need to be needed by them or by anyone and i feel like this is gonna ruin me in the future. but like i dont think my need to be hurt is really bad at least i hope not.

i was watching edits of secretary and like in the ideal world i find someone like mr grey, someone who can appreciate the erotic elements of butchfemme as well as respect and wouldn’t make me feel bad about the way i approach sex. because i can see my desperate nature in lee but the way mr grey is so disgusted by himself is ME.

uni has been such a weird and alienating experience, granted i’m in my first year and it’s a huge place but it seems like everyone knows eachother and that everything is going smoothly.i went in thinking id make so many friends and feel content with my choices but my mental health has been deteriorating and my doctors (who are male and i swear that has an impact) don’t understand what im trying to say.

We Are Who We Are, Luca Guadagnino (2020)

this work maintains for every moment that fleetingness that only Guadagnino manages to convey with such complex simplicity. a story that is an epiphany, the slowness of a summer that passes away, slowly letting the first signs of an imminent change emerge. self-rediscovery, mourning, and again the peace of the quiet sky after the storm. the purgatory of an existence lived anywhere except in a place concrete enough to call it home. adolescent desire, contemplation of beauty. there is purity even in the eros, which never falls beyond the veil of vulgarity. in today's cinematographic culture where sexuality, the exaggerated complexity of man and the so-called beauty are mercifully flaunted, Guadagnino gives us everything and nothing. there is simplicity even in the complex world of those who are slowly starting to discover their identity. religion rediscovered after the untimely death of a friend, or perhaps something more. "I'm 19 years old and I'm a widow, crazy right?", there is innocence even in torment and in the guilt of death. loving in the immeasurable and unconditional way of adolescence is also healing oneself from sorrow, protecting oneself from those who are not able to understand us and carrying each other in our pockets. those who have died are not mourned and distance is treated with so little that one doubts the distance itself.

at the end of the show i let The Great Gig In The Sky play in my headphones. war ultimately leads to peace, to silence.

one of the most splendid cinematic pieces I have ever experienced.

50's Bois (2008) by Syd London

do you love me now? ✺*ೃ༄

We Are Who We Are: 1.01 (2020) dir. Luca Guadagnino