I Wanna Age Like An Old Cowboy. Give Me A Southern Squint With Very Exaggerated Crows Feet And A Furrowed

New tail :3

My girlfriend got it and the bells for me. I love it.

Love this. Also, yes to the tutor stuff. I work in my local writing center, and WE WANT TO SEE YOU! We're just a bunch of nerds who want to talk about writing and help you with your writing. Please reach out to a tutor :]

Important Academic Reminders

there is no shame in asking for help

there is no shame in having a tutor

there is no shame in not getting As

there is no shame in not knowing what you want to study

there is no shame in having a job

there is no shame in struggling in a so-called "easy subject"

there is no shame in withdrawing from a course

there is no shame in changing your major

there is no shame in not taking a full load of classes in a semester

there is no shame in realizing your school may not be for you

hope these are useful :) -love pika☁️

RAAAAAH

I ORDERED MYSELF SOME EARS AND IM SO EXCITED LOOK HOW COOL THEY LOOK

I need them in my hands NOWWWWW

I enjoyed this month. I lived by the rule of: my camera roll is just a bunch of work schedules and spreadsheets. How do I fix this?

Then I planned a bunch of fun shit to go do with friends. Now, my camera roll is full of smiling faces, pumpkins, and art.

Look at your camera roll and see what you can do or plan to make it more colorful and joyous to reflect upon.

So I have this bit, right? It's been a while since I've done it, but if I bring it up with my friends, they can still easily understand or remember the joke.

It's called the Dan Rules. It's often comedically egotistical and vain and was made because out of our little group, it was a joke that I am (as an act) an eccetric (maybe enigmatic if I'm feeling fancy) person who does whatever the hell I want.

If people thought to question my behavior, it was often quickly followed with a "that's just Dan" from my friends and easily dismissed. Sure, some of my boldness was probably left over from my middle school years, where I felt I had to lean into my weirdness completely so people would see me more as a joke than a freak.

But then I found myself in a safe, accepting environment, one where the need to bite and snarl and run away never came. I waited a while for it to arrive for me to feel the need to play the part of the fool for my newfound companions entertainment. It shocked me when I was left with genuine love and compassion. I leaned out of self-deprecating humor and completely into the (very obviously joking and fake) role of an egotistical short and angry ruler. For fucks sake we still have the name of the group chat as "Dantopia". I still did the bit to entertain my friends, to keep them laughing at my antics. But this time, it was accompanied by my own laughter. I enjoyed a new sense of freedom it brought.

The Dan Rules came out of when we were messing around, and I'd lean into this foolish king role, and I would proclaim something insane or childish. A popular one was, "Dan is never wrong." Often followed by a warranted scoff.

But the second rule is a good one, I think, one that really shone through as a reminder that I am not now who I was before.

"I do what I want."

I hadn't had much freedom before I met my current group of friends. I was quiet and kept quiet at times. I felt muzzled and chained, and as if I was a dog because someone forced a collar around my throat and pulled me on a leash.

It wasn't only that I didn't have the choice of self-expression, though. I'd also seen what happened to people who gave too much into reckless. I grew up with the weight of their actions carried on my shoulders, and while I have always been bold in my identity and beliefs, I was quiet and still when presented the opportunities to escape from situations where people kicked me down for who I was. I feared what would happen if I left my old group. Ironically, this fear led me to be isolated.

I found myself almost completely alone in the pandemic, and my only saving grace was a new school with new people. New people who didn't tell me to shut up or that I was ugly or that I needed to stop acting like an animal or they'd treat me like one. Instead, I met friends who handled me gently and taught me it was okay to hug just as it's okay to bark, and they welcomed me. I felt at home. I felt as if I knew myself completely.

So, with the second rule, which I still follow to this day, I added a private note.

"I do what I want. Because I can trust myself to."

Know thyself

I can trust myself to bark or scowl or growl just as much as I can to love and kiss and hug. I can stay aware of what is and isn't good and how much or how little I can trust someone. I can be bold and loving all at once and welcome others with open arms and flashing fangs.

I am in complete control over myself, and even when I am doing something so I can see my friends laugh, I am also doing it because I can, and I do what I want.

I had a bad biting problem when I was younger. That and clawing at people. It wasn't that I didn't know it hurt. I assumed as much. I felt bad after I did it. But people were always touching me.

I hated it. I've always been pretty soft-spoken around people unless I know them well. Teachers have always joked that they can't hear me. Sometimes, I talk very little during the day, and my voice sounds clogged and scratchy by the end of it from not being used. I've always been short. When I was younger, I was kinda scrawny. My claws and teeth often felt like my only defense when people would come near me.

I was always so jumpy, and I had my reasons, but it often led to me panicking and hurting people when I really didn't mean to. They just happened to move a little too quickly when they were a little too close to me. I felt bad about it afterward. I'd feel the urge to whine and lick at my friends' wounds in apology. I couldn't do that, of course, and no injury was too severe, but it still hurt.

I eventually got used to not using my claws and keeping them tucked, especially after I got out of the hostile environment I was in as a kid. However, the urge never really went away. I still panic sometimes when my friends get close to me or move past me too quickly. I do my best not to make any move that could hurt them. They understand a lot of the time, or I hope that they do. They're always quick to tell me it's okay. I still feel bad sometimes, though, when we're play fighting, and suddenly I start snapping my teeth. It doesn't feel very fair to them.

I think I'm better than I used to be. Now I at least keep my claws cut, and when we play, I try to keep my bites from catching any skin, and if they do, I try my best to keep them soft. I try to warn them in the ways I can when I'm not feeling safe, though at times it's difficult as I tend to go very quiet when I'm very upset and can only communicate through body language. I really hope they know that I never intentionally swipe at them in a way that isn't playful or that when I bear my teeth, I'm only trying to ask them to back away.

Love when my friends passively refer to me as a dog but still respect me. Like yeah, this is our friend. They bite and bark n shit. They're cool.

Also, a picture of me, drawn by one of my friends 😌

Be like me

Load up fallout 4

Play until I look around and my room is completely dark

Realize I have not eaten today (don't do this part)

Go into kitchen, find a hunk of smoked brisket in the fridge. Cut off a chunk and go to town on it. No sauce. Nothing. Just meat.

Heavily push down the urge to growl at the dogs because it's my food.

Also find a container of chopped up cucumber. Eat a handful of it.

Feel satisfied.

Go back to fallout.

New mask! Raccoon >:]

It's meee! It looks a little patchy in some of the darker parts, so I may fix that and add fur as well, but I think it turned out pretty cool. The eyes are also a little off putting so I might change em >:

How the hell am I supposed to explain to people that when I imagine my dog form it's just some of the dogs from fucking Chernobyl TwT