You Guys Have Olive Gardens?

You guys have Olive Gardens?

My ideal date? You release me into the wild to hunt me for sport on your remote island BUT I’m not very good at hiding so you find me within 20 minutes. You hold the gun to my face but there is something so earnest in my eyes and hands that you cannot carry through. You pick me up and carry me back to your mansion. I am so polite and charming that you nurse me back to health. You grow to love and trust me despite the fact you’re holding me hostage after I fell of a charter vessel bound for Brazil. You buy me new clothes and have them shipped to the island. I kiss you good morning every day. You propose marriage. I accept. We skype in a priest and get married with the butler as our witness. That night I kill you and the butler. I redistribute your wealth. I live in the mansion on the abandoned island for the rest of my days. I study snail ecology. I never remarry. You were the love of my life but you were too dangerous and evil to live. I am buried next to you. The tides eventually wash our bodies away. Into the depths of the ocean, together.

More Posts from Bugishere and Others

4 years ago
Why Would You Do This

Why would you do this

the single most powerful thing you can do to eat ethically, is to eat locally

6 months ago

I changed my sister's nickname on Instagram to 'The Creature 👽👽👽' and then five minutes later got a notification that she changed mine to 'gronch mcsquank'.

gronch mcsquank

Instagram, when I die, and my grave says 'gronch mcsquank', I hope you're in there with me.


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4 years ago

The outside smells like cigarettes,

The change rooms smell like man sweat,

The back smells like Doritos,

The doors all smell like cleaner,

And I am alone.


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3 years ago

OH MY GOD??? BELOVED NIGHTMARES UPON ME??? I AM GOING TO USE THIS TO MAKE MY DND PLAYERS CRY???

This is the wrong season to be talking about it, but literally no adaptation of Christmas Carol will ever top this one stage adaptation I saw in 2018, and it’s 100% because of the first scene of the play

Almost every Christmas Carol starts with the same scene: Christmas Eve, the day before Scrooge is visited by the three ghosts. This is the same scene that the rest of the audience - including myself - is expecting to see

The house lights go out. The stage is dark

A boy is singing: “God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay…”

The sound of wind whistles through the dark of the theater.

“Remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas day, to save us all from Satan’s power…”

The boy pauses. The wind picks up. Somewhere in the audience, a child sounds upset

“…When we had gone astray. Oh tidings…”

The boy’s voice fades away. The wind howls

A church bell rings

The stage lights come on. Fog is floating across the stage. A deacon, two gentlemen, and Scrooge stand in the fog like islands in a sea

Between them is a coffin

The wind howls. It makes the word, “Ebenezer,” in a voice that shakes the floor

The deacon says: “Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God to take unto himself the soul of our departed Jacob Marley…”

“Ebenezer,” says the wind

Scrooge whips around at the sound. Fog coils around his feet

Nobody else on stage hears his name

“…We therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth-”

“Earth,” says the wind

“-ashes to ashes-”

“Ashes,” says the wind

“-and dust to dust”

“Dust” says the wind

“In the certain hope of eternal life through our Lord Christ; who shall change-”

“Change” says the wind

“-our vile body-”

“Change” says the wind

“-that it may be like unto His glorious body-”

“Change” says the wind

A church bell rings. Children are crying in the audience

One by one, the parishioners exit the stage. Scrooge is left alone with the coffin

He says a few words - laughs at his mishearing voices on the wind - and turns to leave

A church bell rings

Scrooge pauses - and turns to look at the coffin

Lights flash. The coffin lid slams open, and the ghost of Jacob Marley, horrible, pale, and screeching, leaps out of the coffin, hands reaching out to Scrooge and howling - 

“SAVE YOURSELF!”

Lights flash and the stage goes dark. Children are screaming. Parents are screaming. I’m screaming

The rest of the production was gorgeous, but I still maintain that the first scene was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen attached to any adaptation of Christmas Carol

4 years ago

Some of y'all's water tastes like skin tight jeans feel. You take a sip and just mm no get out of my body please thank you.

4 years ago

Can we get...??? The screen cap??? Or???

coupled with like. you know how in mandy there’s that scene where she walks out of the water and he looks at her through the fire and the only look we get at her is from the neck up and she looks like this gaunt and kind of grotesque and incredibly beautiful otherwordly thing with one enormous throbbing eye. and you’re like oh he loves her.

3 years ago

Okay but consider this, the homoerotic mad scientist is named Henry.

If I had a nickel for every time a mad scientist had a homoerotic relationship with some guy named Henry, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice.


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2 years ago

full offense but none of you would have ever survived fanfiction.net in 2009

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bugishere - Bug
Bug

I am a terrible insect who works at a community centre.

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