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Source Brooklyn Nine Nine - Blog Posts

5 years ago

Artemis: I'm not a stone cold bitch, I'm a natural, beautiful presence.


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5 years ago

Zatanna: Do you know how many basic bitches would KILL to have the same personality as me?


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5 years ago

Wally: I'm going to go take another crack at Ivo

Artemis: You've been in there like 5 times. What are you going to do, annoy him into talking?

Wally: Ha ha

LATER

Wally:*sturming guitar and screaming*


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5 years ago

Kaldur: I must say, this is going considerably better than when I came out to my colleagues.

Kaldur: They were not, as the kids say, awake.

Wally: Do you mean woke?

Kaldur: I did mean woke. But it's grammatically correct


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5 years ago

Nixon: The odds of that happening coincidentally are vanishingly small.

Webster: I would say infinitesimally.

Liebgott: Yes, and I would say teenily-weenily. We all know words.


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4 years ago

Washington: oh yeah ill look it over nice work

Hamlinton: good thanks dad

Everyone: *stares*

Hamlinton: why is everyone starting at me?

Eliza: You just called General Washington dad

Hamilton: what? Nobi didnt i said thanks man

Washington: do you see me as a father figure Alexandre

Hamilton: what?! No! If anything i see him as a bother figure cause youre always bothering me

Madison: hey show your father some respect

Hamilton: i didnt call him dad!

Washington: No no no. Alex i take it as a compliment

Burr: its no big deal i called theodosia mom once and she's my fiance.

Hamiltion: guys jump on that burr has psychosexual issues

Jefferson: old news but you calling the general daddy

Hamilton: hey daddy is not on the table here

Seabury: but you did call call him dad dude

Hamilton: you shut up youve done nothing but lie since you got here


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1 year ago

Kunikida: Ranpo have you seen Dazai?

Ranpo, clearly lying: Um, no. That idiot's probably off working his dumb plan.

Ranpo, who also helps Dazai with his plan: He's so stupid.

Kunikida:

Ranpo: You know, the only reason the president hasn't fired him is that we're worried that he'll kill himself.

Ranpo: *leaves*

Kunikida, internally: Yep. They're up to something together.


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1 year ago

*married skk au where Chuuya is an ada member and he and Dazai brought their child to work*

Dazai: Chibi, we know where the serial killer is. Me and Kunikida will go arrest him. I need you to take the baby.

Chuuya: No, you need to take the baby. I have to go right now.

Dazai: So what do we do???

Chuuya: I guess we can call that creepy babysitter we interviewed this morning.

Dazai: Turned out that babysitter is the serial killer we are looking for.

Chuuya, yelling: Even better! Two birds, one stone. We bring him to you!

Dazai, yelling: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!


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1 year ago

*married soukoku au*

Chuuya: I dont understand. I thought we were on the same page about kids. We talked about this.

Dazai: We did?

*flashback*

Chuuya: Aw, look at these pictures of Q and Elise.

Chuuya: *shows photos of the kids in a water park*

Dazai: Mm.

Chuuya: We should do this someday. What do you think?

Dazai: Are you kidding me? Of course!

*end of flashback*

Dazai: I was talking about going to the water park! You were talking about having kids???

Chuuya: Yeah! I said, "Do you think we can afford it?" and you said, "We'll start saving right away."

Dazai: So you mean, all that water park money I've been saving, you want to spend it on kids now?


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1 year ago

Dazai: *has music loud while dancing in the middle of the office*

Kunikida, turning down the volume: Get back to work, now Dazai!

Dazai: How dare you, Iago, Backstabber?

Kunikida: I'm surprised you've read Othello.

Dazai: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.


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