Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
Mammon does in fact tattle to Lucifer about Asmodeus and Fizz's relationship. Let's say the Helluva timeline lines up with Lucifer and Alastor getting closer sometime after season 1.
Lucifer doesn't know why Mammon bothered, even if Lucifer didn't have whatever was going on between him and Al -- he still wouldn't give a fuck. And he'd give even less of a fuck considering Mammon was still committing copyright infringement for his park, the audacity of that man was astronomical.
Still, Mammon calls a meeting to spill the tea because even he knows Lucifer is a hermit who does not keep up with the drama of Hell's so-called elite.
Asmosdeus finds out and therefore Blitzø finds out. So they all crash the meeting to give Mammon what-for. Fizz and Blitzø because they've never met Lucifer and think he's going to be pissed. Moxxie and Millie because Blitzø lied about where they were going and refused to let them leave. Stolas for moral support (and he's also never met the King, sue him, he's excited despite the circumstance) and Ozzie because he couldn't stop them so he might as well join them.
Following multiple very unnecessary pit-stops and shenanigans, they finally arrive at the palace---and it's too late.
Alastor has already kicked Mammon out and now he and Lucifer are doing paperwork, gossiping, and fighting over the (according to Alastor) tacky interior design of the palace.
The Helluva gang bust in (Blitzø is on a horse for some reason, he's very happy about this) and it's very anti-climatic.
Asmodeus: so you...don't care that I'm in love with an imp?
Lucifer, dad mode: You're in love? I'm so proud of you!
Blitzø: Just to be clear, I'm fucking this bird, there's nothing you can do about it
Lucifer: Okay??
Alastor: Darling, they think you care about hell's hierarchy
Lucifer: Oh! Yeah, uh-no. That'd be pretty hypocritical of me considering [gestures to Alastor]
The Helluva crew leave the palace once Lucifer and Alastor start bickering again looking like they've escaped a hurricane, wondering if they should be sending the King of Hell a 'Congratz on the Divorce' card.
Moxxie: ...does this mean we have two Kings now?
I don't think I've read a single fic where Alastor and Lucifer get together because they make each other laugh. I need to see them being cringey old-ass qpr pals with combined -1000 rizz somehow charming the other by having horrible taste in humor.
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No one remembers who started it but hardly a day can go by without Alastor and Lucifer trading dad jokes back and forth like a hot potato.
As soon as one catches sight of the other BOOM cringe-ass pun and without fail the other will burst into uncontrollable laughter.
And the jokes are bad. Like really bad. Not even Charlie can find the silver-lining (and she has tried). Listening to them laugh at those truly horrible jokes sparks an avalanche of second-hand embarrassment on the part of everyone within ear shot.
It eventually gets to the point that just looking at each other triggers a Pavlovian response where they just giggle and wheeze before the other can even tell a joke.
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Someone: Really? You want to be with that guy?
Alastor or Lucifer: He makes me laugh :)
I need to rant for a moment:
AROACE IS A SPECTRUM, NOT A BINARY
As someone who is on the AroAce spectrum myself, it’s beyond frustrating that people claim to advocate for AroAce rights and representation don’t understand this.
The Aromatic spectrum can mean someone isn’t interested in romance at all to someone(like me) who only wants a romantic relationship after developing a deep connection.
The Asexual spectrum can mean someone is repulsed by sex and sexual things, to someone who is okay with having sex and doing sexual things while having no sexual desires themselves.
I understand that some people are just misinformed but I’ve seen some genuine animosity floating around in the Hazbin Hotel fandom specifically.
Alastor is canonically AroAce, but we don’t know what points are of the spectrums he’s on. On top of that Vivzipop herself has stated she’s okay with people shipping Alastor with other characters
In addition to that, QPR(queer platonic relationships) exist.
STOP I CANT😩🤚
Hear me out. Let’s change Radioapple and Huskerdust to MorningRadio and StripPoker