Aspec Positivity - Blog Posts

aroallos: you are not gross or impure.

alloaces: you are not “waiting for the right person”.

aroaces: you are not unfeeling.

angled aspecs and oriented aroaces: your love is valid.

aplatonic and aqueerplatonic people: you are normal.

demi and greyspec folks: you are not “just like everyone else”.

abro, aceflux, and aroflux people: you are not “indecisive”.

hetero aspecs: you are part of the community.

sex/romance positive aspecs and hypersexual aspecs: you are not pretending to be aspec.

sex/romance indifferent people: you are deserving of respect.

sex/romance repulsed people, both allo and aspec: you are not broken.

aspecs who use microlabels I have not included above: you exist.

aspecs: you are here. you are queer. you are deserving of whatever kind of love you want to receive.

as an asexual who likes to imagine sex but doesnt actually like having sex, sometimes it just feels like sex isnt real but i wish it was. and post

Aro pride! You don’t need anyone else to complete you; you are already wonderful.

How to ask someone to be your QPP

I’ve gotten a couple of communications about this, so I thought I’d try answering it directly here.

Much like how to ask someone to be in a romantic relationship, asking someone to be in a qpr (queerplatonic relationship) can be very personal and individualized.

A good place to start is by bringing up the concept of a qpr and discussing it with the person.  They might know exactly what it is, or they might not know anything about it, or they might’ve heard of it but not know what it means to you (and honestly, what it means to you is going to be the most important).

When you’re talking about it, you can kind of gauge their reaction and see how they handle it.  If they’re dismissive or uninterested, then you know it might not be safe or helpful to try to ask them to be in a qpr with you.  If they’re respectful and want to know more, then it’s a great gateway to further discussion.

You might talk about popular depictions of qpr’s, or what you, personally, would want in a qpr, or the challenges and joys of being in multiple qpr’s or in a qpr and a romantic relationship, etc.

I’d recommend giving that some time to sit and kind of… settle in.

Then, if it has gone well so far, you can start a separate conversation about asking that person if they’d like to try building a qpr with you.

I think the phrasing here can be really important.  Since some people define qpr’s as almost like romance-less and sex-less marriages, it could be considered a pretty serious thing to ask someone to be your qpr, almost like a platonic proposal.  They might not be ready for that.

You could consider framing it more like “deepening the friendship” or even “try building a qpr” (as I phrased it above), which focuses more on the process and less on the final result.

This is a great time to strive for excellent communication, and talk about things like whether you’re on the same page about multiple qpr’s, or what you think/feel about how to handle if one or both you has romantic relationships, too.  At some point, you’ll want to talk through your respective thoughts on things like the role of physical affection in your relationship, including whatever boundaries you have (or want to have).  These kinds of conversations aren’t always easy, but they’re really important for healthy relationships of all kinds.

Followers, if you’ve asked someone to be your qpp, how did you do it?  What are some helpful ways to approach this?