Zylahbee - Zylahbee

im reading emily wilde’s encyclopaedia of faeries right now and im not sure how i feel about it.

like i like it dont get me wrong. i eat anything up that has fairies of any kind.

but im a very.. emotional person, and so the format of the book being emily’s diary, and her being quite a.. professional and almost stoic? person, doesnt quite engage me as much.

maybe she taps into her emotions later in the story (i’m about a 1/3 of the way through) so idk!! thats just my thoughts so far

The way Marvel resisted having proper queer representation for sooo many years and now their first queer show is not only one of the most popular and successful MCU shows of all time it's also getting nominated for awards which is something very few Marvel projects have achieved..... Marvel/Disney I hope you've learned something from this

chronic pain diagnoses are all like yeah we don't know what this is or why it happens. we also don't know how to treat it. good luck out there soldier

Bloom redesign 💙

i was trying to figure out why I find it so difficult to talk about my illness & disability with new people, or even people from my past, and I realized part of it is that I still feel like a phony? I didn't bring my cane last night and so it felt like I would get called a faker. or maybe that I was really a faker, see I'm out without my cane maybe I don't need it? and then the other part is that when it's a new person I feel like they're going to immediately run for the hills bc I am a huge red flag burden for so many reasons having these problems.

and then I thought about it some more & while some of that is kinda true, mostly I have to kill the ableist in my head. yes, sometimes it will be too much for people. but I have to let them make that choice. I have to just be who I am & let it happen even if it's heartbreaking to not meet new friends or connections. because not everyone will see it that way, and I literally cannot hide it so I have to just exist as I am and let the cards fall as they might.

feeling really crap.

sorry to messages and stuff i havent replied to yet, ive read it all and appreciate it i promise

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought “why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,” so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It’s alright if you can’t because apparently I fuckin couldn’t either

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

being a disabled environmentalist is hard.

i care so much and i wish i could aim for things like zero waste. but i just cant, doing something like that would be ignoring my health needs.

its quite isolating, because i try to find tips and environmental swaps but often they just arent possible for me to use/do and then i feel guilty for that.

even though i know its not my fault and i cant help it, it just triggers my inner ableism and i blame myself for being this way.