Think Fast Chucklenuts

180111 Pepsi Event

satsuhiko

“We need more aroace rep” you guys couldn’t even handle Jesus Christ

Okay I saw ur rant earlier on ur Instagram and lowkey this book sounds like trash, but it gave me a stupid idea that I might reflect on later and view as trash. Just hear me out on this AU.

So Henry Higgins is obviously a proud bachelor (and certified virgin), but one day he answers the door to see a random woman at his doorstep and she drops off this young boy at his house who she claims is his son. Apparently she says that had a one night stand 13 years back and he is the product of that hookup. Whether or not this is true, it doesn’t really matter cuz this boy apparently is headstrong in this belief that Henry is his father and he’s been eagerly awaiting the day he could meet him. He’s clearly not been raised in an affluent household but he’s also claimed to have studied his father’s work whenever he can and is clearly trying to put his best (albeit imperfect) posh accent possible.

Henry thinks this is stupid and doesn’t want to raise this boy, so he plans on shipping him off to boarding school, but Pickering convinces him to instead take the boy under his wing since he’s seems to have taught himself a thing or two about Linguistics, so he has potential. Also like, come on now, they can’t just abandon him like a dick. This boy holds and innocent and unconditional love for his supposed father and seems willing to learn whatever from him.

Henry reluctantly keeps the boy, and the rest of the story would follow Henry essentially taking on a new apprentice while also learning how to be an actually good parent and treat his son well. Pickering of course is the more level-headed guardian who naturally dares well with kids while he teaches Henry to eventually come around and show some appreciation to his son, even if his attempts at doing are awkward and prudish at first.

first of all, just to clarify, i am naturally a massive hater so my opinion’s 100% not god! the book is quite good in some respects. besides Henry Higgins’ Illegitimate Fucking Baby, i mostly DNFed it over its questionable handling of its trans character, and also the weird classist undertones and stereotypes that seemed to litter every other page. i’m sure it’s plenty of peoples’ cup of tea, just not mine!

second off, somehow i didn’t clock that we were insta moots until now... you’ve seen and heard WAY TOO MUCH. spray bottle /j

ASIDE FROM ALL THAT, THAT’S AN ADORABLE CONCEPT. it reminds me of @/freddy-eynsford-hills-cuck-chair‘s (i don’t wanna bug em with a tag lol, but if you’re reading this, hi!!!!) au about henry, eliza, and pick all raising a child together,,, i feel like it’d be so interesting for henry to have to deal with someone less mature than himself for once in his life. eliza was one thing but a preteen is, like, another kettle of fish… i think he would suck in objectively the funniest ways possible. i actually had an au in my brain where he and pickering were highschool teachers/uni lecturers because i love that trope to death, but i fear i can’t start talking about that because i Will Not Shut Up <\3

i know you put the kid at like 12ish, but the concept of Henry The Bad Dad dealing with a CHILD-child gripped me so fucking suddenly after reading this ask, so apologies that none of these shitty little doodles technically apply to the specific headcanon you mentioned. they were funny in my head </3 i hope you like em anyway. uno reverse, now you gotta hear ME out… see MY vision…!

"How about you totally go fuck yourself with your foot, I'm sure it would fit all the way up that giant fucking asshole of yours!"

when you realize you're the male side hoe

I just wanna ask a question

Who is Beef Wellington?

Spread positivity or whatever the fuck idk

When I was in 8th grade my friend had this app where you could put in a picture and it would add randomly generated text to create memes. Those painfully 2010s top text / bottom text memes. and i remember getting so mad at her when we were at camp for doing it with really bad pictures of me. it's been 13 years and i haven't spoken to her in 7 and i've changed my mind this is actually the funniest thing i've ever seen