Dear Harvey,
Dear Harvey,
I never thought that I’d have to write a goodbye letter to you. I guess I just thought that we would end at least as friends, but it’s been two weeks since our conversation and I wonder if we just said goodbye without saying goodbye. This is the part where I start to wonder if the last ten months ever meant anything to you and if it was all just a moment in your life you’ll never think about again. Strangers to lovers and back to strangers again. I never was one for saying goodbye. Even if I see you ten years from now, I think my heart will still feel heavy. I think a part of me is ready to let go. To let what happened between us rest. Holding onto you is starting to hurt, and love should never hurt.
I do love you and the thing is... I’m only seventeen. And seventeen is a really inconvenient time to be in love with someone. I hope you know though, that I don’t blame you for anything. Sometimes people hurt other people and things like that need to happen for people to grow.
I think maybe we did belong to each other just for a slight moment it felt right. I’d like to blame time; she is an awful person to some. I don’t think she has ever liked me.
I’d like to blame those stupid books I read. The true blasphemy of literature is the romanticization of romance. They make it beautiful—all soft words, and elegant lines—and enchanting, with magic sparkling in the margins. And you can feel it in the depths of your soul, an unexplored ocean of laughter and tears and dreams all melded together. The yearning for a kiss that brushes against the steady and so so warm pulsing beat of life—against the smooth skin of a lover's neck. The desperation to touch another being and feel that they’re alive, right there next to you—right there, and never leaving. To love and be loved is a jewel among treasures and all that we each seek—all that we each desire.
It burns and it burns, and it burns. The never-ending ache of love and sorrow. Perhaps in some other life I could have refused, could have torn my hair and screamed, and made you face your choices alone. But not in this one. You would sail to Troy, and I would follow, even into death. But I'm afraid we have reached the end of our love story. I’m turning to the next page, and you’ll stay on the one behind. Only to be read when my daughter who in twenty years will cry to me about how she loves a boy so much it burns her. I did too. I still do.
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I’m almost glad that I didn’t get to taste you in the way I long nothing but desire,
Your lips would’ve been the way I left this world
Who wouldn’t thought that something so soft could be something so tormenting.
- cat lover ! 
Kissing him felt dipping my whole tongue in sugar and strawberries
On June 24th at 16:53, you messaged me for the very time saying “heyo” and we made some jokes. A couple days later we somehow ended up sharing the music room together at school.
You played the guitar and I glazed my fingers over the keyboard, too nervous to play, too scared to fail you. Music moves so smooth when you play it.
We spoke all the time after that, until we didn’t anymore and you went away.
I remember the way you sang that night at your house, how you told me I was beautiful after you saw me in a way no human ever had before. How it felt believable coming out of your mouth.
It was a different kind of love this time around, you made me feel… different. I don’t know where you are now, or who you’re in love with but I hope you’re happy. And I hope that in some way, you think of me the way I think of you.
lemon boy...
The end of whiskey bottles are supposed to make me forget you, not remember you twice as hard.
I’m so desperate for you it’s embarrassing. How did this happen? How did we go from promising each other the world to hardly talking at all? When did all the laughing turn into shouting. I love you and it’s killing me. I love you and it’s hurting. I love you and I don’t know what to do with myself. I love you and it’s torcher. Do you miss me? are you ever thinking about me? Wondering if I’m okay. Or if I up screaming and crying. I’m still sleeping in your jumper. It’s like having a ghost that you can touch. I close my eyes and you’re here and I feel your skin, your kisses, your hugs. I close my eyes and I relive the whole moment. From very first day I knew of your existence, to the day we first met, and how you greeted me. So tall, so confident. The first time I heard your voice in person I almost crumbled. Please come back, just come back, come back, and come back. I’ll say I’m sorry and you can say it back and we’ll forget the whole thing and start again. Promise me you won’t forget this? You won’t forget when I was me, and you was you, and this was us. I love you and it’s killing me. I love you and it’s torcher. I love you and it’s hurting. I love you and I don’t know what to do with myself.
July.
July unfolds herself in a mess of aching limbs and a stretched-out heart. Swollen. A dream-haze. How slowly the summer months drift by; blush coloured clouds, coral lights, the world dusted in rose pink and a breathless awaiting. An awakening kiss. It seems that these days are a litte forsaken. The prince never comes/the angles stop believing in us. We breathe a sigh of relief. The sky relaxes her muscles and the birds fly home.
you’ve ruined 11:11 for me
healing….
When the world turns quite and the sun fades away and there are no distractions to spare my heart the thought of you, and the only thing to be heard is the whistle of the wind or rain as it gently patters against my windows, it’s easier. I understand now why you left and I’m slowly accepting the fact that you won’t be coming back. I don’t choke or lose my breath to the idea of you with different women, but rather happy. Happy that you’re happy. stay safe out there buddy, I’m rooting for you always.
it takes a certain kinda soul to see the beauty in someone’s darkness. Perhaps the truest kinda love is loving the darkest most ugliest parts of someone, and understanding that you might not be able to change them, but you’ll love them anyway.
in another universe I wasn’t scared to hate you. in another universe I hurt you just as much as you hurt me.
In another universe forgetting you was easy.
But this isn’t another universe. It’s reality and I still love you even though you hurt me.
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