Everyone Who Reads This Post Will Get Some Big Spicy Joy Within 24 Large Minutes (hours)

some blog: picture of well photographed moss and/or funghi

the whole of the naturecore community:

Batman and Catwoman model swap

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more people should talk about dan reynolds

in case you dont know who that is hes the lead singer of imagine dragons and an amazingly outspoken lgbt ally who specifically focuses on trying to help lgbt youth and i never see anyone on tumblr mention him or the work he does.

dan reynolds was raised mormon and in 2012 the first major imagine dragons single “its time” was on glee, and he started receiving letters from gay fans saying that they loved him and his music but that he probably didnt accept them because he was a mormon. he says that this broke his heart and he knew he had to do something.

not only is he really vocal about lgbt support and issues (which is more than i can say about a lot of people in the spotlight like he is) he created the loveloud foundation last year which is dedicated to supporting and helping lgbt teens and educate people about the things they go through, aiming to lower the rates of suicide, mental illness, drug use, etc.

the foundation puts on the annual loveloud festival in salt lake city, and the second one happened this past july. its an all-day music event that donates all of its profit to lgbt organizations (actually good ones, not shitty fake ones) and this year they raised ONE MILLION DOLLARS in one day.

but he and the people in charge of the festival actually GIVE A SHIT. a trans woman was harassed at the festival when she tried to use the restroom, being told she was in the wrong bathroom, and the loveloud festival not only immediately acknowledged it they ENCOURAGED other people to share any unpleasant experiences they had at the festival so they could reevaluate and figure out how to do better next year.

heres his speech from this year’s loveloud:

“…i wish you could understand… i wish you could see how much we care about you, how much we love you, how much we support you, how much we stand with you. i hope that tonight, and today, you know… you know that your sexuality is pure, and its true, and its clean. i hope that you know you are needed; we need you. i dont wanna hear any more stories of youth taking their lives in utah. we must change our culture. we must change the way we see each other. i know this culture! i know these people! i was raised in this world. i know it. i understand religion. i identify with the beautiful aspects of how i was raised. i cherish many of those things today as part of my life, but one thing that will not be part of my life, ‘cause it does not align with my heart, is to tell someone how to love, and who to love. it’s the most simple concept! its the first thing we’re taught! from a young age! all my girls [he has three daughters] know it. they come out of the womb, and they know, you love. you dont tell someone how to love; you just love. let… love and let love, thats it.

i accept you, i see you, i stand with you, i fight with you. til the end, i will fight with you. i love you all.”

i think allies could learn from him and the way he talks about being gay. its not just okay, its pure. its true. its clean. its perfect. specifically addressing the way gay love and sexuality is demonized and slandered.

idk. i just love dan reynolds and i think more people need to know about what he does.

fuck it until you make it

gather round, folks, that i may pass down the tale of Fuck-It Jonn, because that dude is just the GREATEST FUCKING CONMAN in the WORLD, and he WASN’T EVEN TRYING. he absolutely fucking STUMBLED ON ACCIDENT into THE SCAM THAT WOULD DEFINE HIS ENTIRE LIFE. the lie that transformed his ENTIRE EXISTENCE out of SHEER RANDOM BULLSHIT.

and his sole motivation was to EAT FINGER FOOD.

consider:

in the Wayback Days™ before i was born, the people who would later become my parents had this friend named… yeah, let’s say jonn. i’d rather not say his real name. bitches not snitches, and all that.

so. france in the late 80s. jonn and my parents had just finished school and all found jobs in computer engineering. (not that they STUDIED computer engineering, mind you. no, they were all studying how to become fish farmers or some shit. but those were simpler times, when knowing how to turn the fucking screen on got you a comfortable salary at the ripe old age of 24 years old.)

except that jonn, who was a chill hippie kind of dude, was bored to death by his desk job. so bored that he decided to just up and quit. “fuck it”, was basically jonn’s motto. fuck it, he’d find something better! fuck it, and things would work out! EXCEPT (as you may have guessed) THEY DIDN’T. for months and months he didn’t find another job. and so he ended up depressed, struggling, and eating dinner at my future-parents’ tiny apartment, three times a week, so he wouldn’t literally starve.

time went by. jonn was still unemployed. so before his resources hit rock bottom, jonn did the only logical, reasonable thing. what’s that, you ask? begged for his old job back? went back to school? crawled home to his parents? ha ha! obviously you do not share jonn’s ADVENTUROUS AND ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT. and also you lack his BIZARRE LOGIC AND PLAIN WEIRD APPROACH TO LIFE.

what jonn did was: say “fuck it” (again) and leave for thailand.

because you see, thailand was cheap by french standards. so cheap that even a penniless dude on unemployment could live there for weeks on end, spending much less than he would have in france, as long as he didn’t mind roughing it. and jonn didn’t mind! “fuck it”, he’d said. and by god, he would stand by his words!

so jonn gamely scrounged up the money for the plane ticket and then… yeah. basically bummed it out in thailand. for two months. seeing the sights. sleeping on the street. making new friends.

and one of these news friends turned out to be very adept at FORGING PAPERS.

huh, jonn said to himself (probably high at the time) this sounds not at all shifty and more like a ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY; what could POSSIBLY GO WRONG. my new thai best friend is even offering me a FAMILY DISCOUNT. for fake papers. fuck it! let’s have some!

as far as i can tell, jonn… didn’t even need fake papers?? like, he was literally just trying not to pass up on an opportunity here. so he smoked some more weed (i can only assume) and got A BRILLIANT IDEA. fake ID card? LAME. fake driver’s licence? HACKNEYED. fake medical degree? PEDESTRIAN. no! jonn got himself a fake press card.

but why??

well, OBVIOUSLY, just so he could get into cultural events for free - conferences, art premieres, etc - and eat all the finger food. that was his grand plan. stroll into press-only events, wave his poorly-made card around, and gorge himself on canapés. no more going hungry! ever! jonn would live off tiny slices of toasted foie gras and flutes of cheap champagne for the rest of his life!

so now jonn, Very Obviously Fake Journalist™, is back in france and he’s DOING THE THING. and guess what? this was before google. before facebook. before linkedin. impersonating a journalist was very easy. if people asked where you worked you just said you were freelance, then steered the conversation to current politics and stealthily devoured the entire buffet while everybody was busy debating.

and so. this is what jonn is doing. his monumentally stupid plan is actually working. this is how he eats. with thai-made fake papers and sheer fucking confidence. and of course people start noticing him eventually! jonn is always fucking there! at all and any events in paris! because, again, THIS IS HOW HE EATS! but it’s always the same people running around in these circles, anyway. so nobody’s surprised to see the same dudes popping up over and over again. jonn blends in! and jonn is very good at making friends. and changing the subject. and eating canapés.

and then ONE DAY

one of jonn’s newfangled journalist friends (a REAL journalist, mind you, who has NO IDEA that jonn isn’t What He Seems) basically goes: “dude i’m so swamped rn. everyone wants everything all at once. fuck. shit. are you swamped too?”

“oh, for sure,” jonn says through a mouthful of his twenty-ninth serving of canapés that night. “not a second to myself”

“god. fuck. tell me about it. shit. i’m just so damn swamped.” Real Journalist shakes his head. “if i could only find someone to cover for me on this one article.”

now, i know i said before that jonn was smoking weed. but i must confess now i said it for humorous effect. i have no idea if jonn’s ever been within five hundred yards of a blunt his whole life. but what you must understand is that jonn is Chill™ on like. a soul-deep level. his whole mind is one long exhale of smoke followed by the words “fuck it”. this is a man who left his job for no reason, lived in thailand on a tourist’s visa for two months, got fake papers there for the lol of it all, and is now living off press-only events in paris. jonn was BORN HIGH.

SO. when RJ asks him: “dude. jonn. you said you were working freelance. i know you’re busy but don’t you think you could maybe cover for me? just this once?”

jonn NATURALLY answers: “fuck it. sure”

then goes to an unemployment center and applies for one of their free one-week classes. on journalism. jonn spends ALL OF ONE WEEK learning How To Write An Article Like A Real Journalist With A Real Press Card. then writes the article. basically bullshitting his way through that thing. half-assing the life out of it. faking his heart out. because why not? FUCK IT.

i have NO IDEA if he actually did a good job or not. but it was in fact good enough for RJ who really must have been truly swamped, and was so truly grateful that he told all of their mutual journalists friends. who were ALL SWAMPED. i’m given to understand it’s the natural state of the journalist in the wild.

and so jonn is now REGULARLY COVERING FOR ALL SORTS OF JOURNALISTS.

not making much money i assume. but still, not bad for a dude who studied journalism for five whole days.

and well, it’s kinda fun! better than moping around at home waiting for the next free canapé press-only premiere. so jonn keeps at it. and eventually it occurs to him that hey! he spent two months in thailand. why not make an article out of that? so he writes himself a lil paper, retelling his Bumtastic Adventures in the Land of Thai People, Cheap Living and Forged Papers (That Last One Having Nothing to Do With Him Personally of Course). and he’s kinda proud of it. so much that he gives it to his journalist friends. can they maybe pass it around? see if anybody would be interested in publishing it? for a modest fee and some more canapés?

and yeah. someone was in fact interested in publishing it. and that someone was:

THE

NATIONAL

GEOGRAPHIC

(french edition.)

so jonn got a REAL press card. got a FULL-TIME JOB at the national geographic. and spent the REST OF HIS WORK LIFE traveling abroad for six months, then going back to paris the rest of the year to write about his wacky journeys. he’s retired now, having published several books full of his articles and photographs. he’s bought a b&b in the french countryside with all his money. and continues to say “fuck it” to any problem that comes his way like the absolute fucking legend he is.

as far as i know, none of his journalist buddies nor his boss ever found out about any of this.

i think part of why minecraft is such a well loved game is because you dont have to be good at it to play it

like, you can get into the complex shit of the game and memorize spawn patterns and learn redstone and all that but really you dont need to to have a fun experience… you can just… goof off and build a dirt hut and have a pet cow adn thats the dream

i just want one (1) original post of mine to be famous

i’m going through some 19th century travel diaries of people traveling from england to australia, and there’s this diary dated 1835, by a woman called eliza taylor. she’s fascinated by flying fish and dolphins, sees seagulls (”they are like pigeons but make a similar noise to ducks”), stargazes “till tea time” with the captain and another woman passenger, describes the boatswain playing the violin very well. these two paragraphs struck me, this one she writes during some party on deck:

Their merriment accorded not with my gloomy reflections both for the past and the future. I am very melancholy this warm weather and often wonder whether in any future years I shall ever have a taste of the joys and scenes of happiness I had in my childhood. My evil genius whispers No.

(what happened to you, eliza? we won’t know. just a glimpse of her sadness in a travelogue is all we’re allowed to see)

and then, on another evening, she sees something that may be bioluminescence, or maybe just starlight:

In a fine blue sea, the foam caused by the vessel at night seems full of stars. The snow white ferment, with the golden sparkles in it is beautiful beyond description. You look over and devour it with your eyes, as you would do much etherial syllabub. Finalmente, the stars issue forth, and the Moon always more lovely the farther you get South, completed the magnificience of the imposing scene.

it’s such a lovely description, so full of wonder.