Life Just Makes So Much More Sense At 3am.

My sister @ my cat:

“Don’t you have a hobby?”

“Hey....hey.....HEYYYYY.......DIPSHIT”

*Pats the cat aggressively*

“Is she pregnant? She’s fat.”

“Did she eat a dumpster?”

Watching the GameStop meltdown brought out the economics nerd in me that I lost in high school right around when microbiology seemed like the coolest shit around.

Watch me explain how a Reddit forum is saving the economy but also possibly shutting it down. Don’t get me wrong, the bubble will burst at some point soon, I just hope it swings the pendulum against the hedgefucks.

My favourite part about this entire thing is the public realization that Wall Street isn’t as rational or analytical as people thought, there isn’t really a lot of brainpower going into this as they want you to think. It was, is and has always been a dick-measuring contest among those who have money to throw around. If those are the rules, then let everyone play.

If they keep holding, this would be big for retail investors. But also for brokerage firms as the next wave of experimental, hungry and driven individual investors might not be so kind.

Power to the people. Make them bleed green.

Keep hearing about everyone picking up a new skill during the lockdowns and well I’m proud to announce that I can now successfully unravel and re-ravel my self at will.

Do I have an exam tomorrow? Yes.

Will I sit down and finish my reading and be proactive and prepare for tomorrow? No.

Or will I ingest toxic amounts of coffee and chocolate and leave the rest up to whichever deity the internet believes in to help me out? Absolutely.

I came here for the jokes, I got indoctrinated into a cursed cult instead.

Private investigator playing for both sides, I disappear people and find missing people. And sometimes for kicks, I’ll just disappear myself.

Your Tumblr username decides your profession. How is your first day at work?

Out of all the things to fast track in life, I went for a mid-life crisis.

Them: Can you check whether this specific transaction would be governed by the donation laws or would it be considered as a loan favourable to our clients?

Me: I’m only on fractions.

That’s it. That’s the joke. Thank you for coming.

Never do I regret my life choices more than when there is an impending exam/deadline on the horizon.

Therapy is nice and all but have you ever made drastic life choices in response to the shit you put yourself through out of sheer procrastination?

“Hey fuckface, get off my property.”

“Not until you return my limited edition Ben 10 watch with the camo strap.”

“Already sold it, what ya gonna do?”

“Hope you like your phone flushed down the toilet.”

Exit stage right.

I’m right and I should say it