The Greek Class Didn't Destroy Richard, He Brought That On Himself.

ENFJ: why don't you smile more?

INTP: I don't see the point in smiling.

ENFJ: there is no point in that, it is just more welcoming.

INTP: I don't want to seem welcoming.

ENFJ: you can make more friends.

INTP: you can also make enemies.

ENFJ: how about this, you can't avoid people all your life, you have to live in society.

INTP: not if there is no society.

ENFJ: that sounds....sus

INTP: I am totally not building a robot army to take over human population and start a sci-fi war to eradicate humanity.

The many stages of depression: (TW)

Depression is one of those feelings that a lot of people have experienced at least sometimes in their lives. It is quite correct to state that everyone at one point in their life have been through it or will go through it. Some get depressed more than others; it could be due to environment, abuse, loss, bullying, mental disorders, stress, poor health, etc.

It is something widely experienced but not widely explained. The mystery of why depression happens to certain people can boil down to their psychological state but should not be considered the single parameter for its existence. Depression like cancer can happen to anyone regardless of any amount of money, status, love or psycological wellness they have. And like Cancer you can't just tell someone with depression to just ignore it or say they are overreacting.

As someone who goes through bouts of seasonal depression and lives in a place where depression is not even considered "real". I have broken down depression according to personal experience into 5 stages.

I am not a medical professional ( I do want to become a psychologist) or someone who can give advice on this topic. But as a patient of depression for around 2 years I can give a little insight into it. Just because I said there are 5 stages doesn’t mean it has to be these stages only, or in the same order.

Here it goes:

1. Anger: just like the stages of grief I always thought the 1st step towards depression starts with anger. It could be outbursts, sudden rage, irritation, annoyance, physical reactions such as intensive urge to kick or punch something (I always have days when I want to burn buildings down and kill my classmates). These reactions can be due to the sudden change in mentality we get before full blown depression kicks in. When we just hate every thing. Everything is stupid. Everyone is being annoying. One of our 1st reactions to anything upsetting is to be mad about it. Depression is not an exception. Anger is where you start. When you start to blame everything around your for causing the pain you are going through. This stage is very important, it is always good to take out your anger before it becomes too much. During this stage I am at my peak of annoyance and can be diabolical.

2. Paranoia: the stage that continues what anger started. This is when realisation kicks in that something is wrong in your mind. You can become paranoid of everything around you. Why is my friend ignoring me for 5 minutes? Why did my parents became quiet when I walked in? Why does it feel like someone is watching me? Why can’t I trust anyone? This is when you are at your peak in terms of insanity. I have been in this stage for the most part of my depressive episodes. Especially as an intuitive, paranoia can be disturbing and harmful to your mental health. It makes you question silly things that don’t even matter for the sake of increasing your blood pressure and start to isolate you from social life. That’s where stage 3 will come

3. Withdrawal: not the withdrawal due to addiction. This is when you start isolating yourself from others. Paranoia put the seed of doubt in your mind about people and how you don’t want them to be near you. People can be a problem sometimes. And this stage is just what being isolated means. This is also the stage people are the most familiar with, because it is often what depression is portrayed as: isolating yourself from other humans as way to build a wall to protect yourself from what paranoia caused. During this time I stop taking calls from my friends, family, anyone. I stop messaging or replying. I often stopped eating with family or having lunch at school with my friends. As an introvert this stage isn’t even that hard, but there is a difference between the choice of isolating yourself because you don’t like to be around strange people and the want to isolate from people you care about.

4. Sadness: the most well known stage of depression, some people mistake it for the definition of depression, which is so wrong. After isolating yourself, you become vulnerable. This is that stage of vulnerability and mostly when people start to have negative thoughts (suicidal thoughts). Sadness itself can’t be explained that well, other than that it leads negativity, hopelessness and the lack of interest in anything cheerful. When I get into this stage, my depression is the most apparent to other people. This is when my mom steps in and ask if things are wrong. And I say #fine when I am so not. Sadness can manifest in tears, coldness, increased self awareness, intrusive and harmful thoughts etc. This is one of the hardest and longest stages to overcome. Yet not as harmful as the next one…

5. Numbness: let me deep breathe before this……this is the most dangerous stage of depression. Every stage before this one had some sort of emotion in it. Anger, paranoia, withdrawn, sadness. But Numbness is the lack of any emotion that can be experienced, even negative ones. You lose all your hope. All your wishes and goals. Everything becomes a barren wasteland of nothingness. The lack of emotions is the worst thing that can happen to you. Just like how you die when your heart stops beating, having numbness to emotions will as in many cases lead to death. Unfortunately, this is the stage when most suicides take places. The inability to have any interest in life and getting overwhelmed from the fact you stopped living the moment you stopped feeling. Have I been in this stage? Yes. But since I am alive there must be a way out of it.

When I said 5 stages of depression, it was meant for those who sadly ended their lives because of it. Stage 6 is for those who made it out alive.

6. Acceptance: again like the stages of grief Depression ends with acceptance. Accepting your problems (I am the problem it's me!), accepting yourself as a problem, accepting help from people who care for you and accepting the little hope left deep down. If you made it to this stage, you are capable of doing anything you want.

Note: You are worth it! (Can't believe I AM saying this) And if you are going through depression or anything related to that, remember that one of reasons to stay alive is to pull revenge on all the people you hate. Maybe in future you can show your haters that the reason they hate you is beacuse of how strong willed you are. You don't have to prove your talents. You don't have to accomplish things to justify your existence. You are here for nobody but yourself. Be selfish, be a bitch and live out the best life there is.

And not to forget Richard is looking back at his college years and the events were not happening at the same time. So it is possible the way he tells the story is to hide a lot of details, or maybe he just forgot all the details. The romanticized way he puts most things always felt to me like a bandage on a wound as if he was covering the darker parts of the story. Almost all the characters are gay to an extent, as if Donna was trying to just confuse us which I think fits for what the story is about. Personally I don't eaxctly ship any of them lol. Francis's sexuality was always considered by everyone as gay but it's not ever confirmed that he can bi or pan or something else.

I put the book down and put my hands on my mouth when we got the incest reveal, it made me....sick. It wasn't that shocking since Richard literally thought they were a couple before he was told they were twins. It was Charles's dark side reveal that shocked me and disgusted me more (thank god, Henry took her away from Charles at the right time). I also think the reason Charles was obsessed with Camilla might be because of the greek thing, maybe he took Julian's greek ideals to heart. I also think Henry and Camilla as a couple isn't really romantic (it could be seen as one) but it seemed quite mild incomparison to what others were up to.

This book is so messy. It keeps me up at night. The problem is I don't know anyone who has read it near me, so these hcs keep me alive.

So, for my sanity. Let me get this straight (lol); Henry was in love with Camilla and she was in love with him. And Richard was also in love with Camilla but she friendzoned him. Francis and Camilla had kissed (twice) and Charles was furious. Francis was flirting with Richard the entire time ( "cubitum eamus") Richard fantasized about spending his old years with Francis (and they kissed ofc). Richard also described Henry in a very no homo way. Francis and Charles were secretly hooking up. And so were Charles and Camilla (also, Charles was an abuser, why don't people talk about that more?). Richard described Camilla to look very masculine and like Charles to a tee, so he also liked Charles (?). Bunny was a huge homophobe, kinda sus; also had a strange interest in Henry. And Henry was probably in love with Julian (that little weird kiss mentioned ounce). I am a missing something?

Donna. Donna. Donna, what tf is this book is about?

*Highschool AU*

**Dazai**

*swarmed by his fangirls/boys*

Girl: Dazai-senpai, I really like you 💖

Others: meee toooo

Dazai: I think you are very pretty too~

Girl: would you go out with meee?

Dazai: *omg I am so popular, omg I am so loved, omg so cute juniors, omg I can't---*

Dazai: how about we meet up at----

Atsushi, dragging Dazai out of the place: Dazai-san not this again!!! Chuuya-san's been watching you out of that window

Dazai: H-He was?? Atsushi....can you hide me somewhere, I might die---

Girl: omg omg do you think Atsushi's the one senpai's dating?

Girl #2: why is it ALWAYS Atsushi taking the good ones?

Girl: I think it's cuteee

************************************

**Chuuya**

Girl: I l-like you, Chuuya-senpai

Chuuya: *not this again* I am sorry, I am not interested in dating

Girl: a-are you dating someone?

Chuuya: *there's no way I will admit I am dating that bandaged freak* NO

Girl: then do you like someone?

Chuuya: I guess so...

Atsushi: *walking outside the class*

Chuuya: *yes I can excuse myself now* hey Atsushi, wait for me!!!, sorry I gotta go

Girl: WHAT WHAT THE FUCK ATSUSHI AGAIN? IS HE COMPETITING AGAINST ME?

*later*

Girl: did you know Chuuya-senpai is in unrequited love with Atsushi

Girl #2: Atsushi really has it all huh?

************************************

**Akutagawa**

Girl: Akutagawa-senpai, I...I...

Akutagawa, staring into space:....

Girl: I like you...eh..I.

Akutagawa: sorry, I am dating someone

Girl: woah...I didn't know-who is it?

Akutagawa:....my pet

Atsushi, listening to this: hey, I am not a pet!

Dazai: you are like a cat, a pet cat!!! Hehe

*later*

Girl: I got rejected again

Girl #2: did you know I saw Akutagawa-senpai and Atsushi walking holding hands!

Girl: ATSUSHI AGAIN!!!

Girl #2: maybe you should try Gin-chan

************************************

Atsushi: why are you all following me?

Girl: teach us your ways

Girl #2: how do you do it? Catch em'all?

Atsushi: what

(after studying seriously for a month and still being aggressively average as usual I am back to Tumblr)

I feel so much stress that I want to pack up my bag in middle of the night, run away from home, change my name and start a new life working for some restaurant as a waiter or something.......

Julian: Henry, what's the ONE thing I told you NOT to do EVER?

Henry: kill someone

Julian: And what did you do?

Henry: I killed someone

Julian:

Man literally left after he found out his students killed someone ☠️☠️☠️☠️

He's not gonna clean this mess

Saying "I swear on god" when you are an atheist is the biggest power move I have ever done.

There's a Olivia Rodrigo song for every emotion. (I LOVE ALL OF THEM)

Brutal: I hate this world so much

Traitor: I got cheated on/my friend found a new friend

Driver's license: I miss my ex/ex-friend

1 step forward, 3 steps back: toxic relationships and issues you can't leave

Deja vu: I can't believe he/she/they replaced me!

Good 4 u: oh so you have moved on from me...sure...ahahhah...I am not mad...hahhahah...(ur dead)

Enough for you: I changed everything about myself because ur shit

Happier: maybe you can be less happy, there are some sensitive people around!

Jealousy Jealousy: self explanatory (also "everyone thinks he’s so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick" ~Draco Malfoy)

Favourite Crime: I know u are a felon and a criminal but you have a sweet side and a tender heart only I can change!

Hope ur ok: (cries) address the letters to the holes of my butterfly wings (cries some more)

"Do you have any other advice?" asked the boy.

"Don't measure how valuable you are by the way you are treated," said the horse.

Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.

I made my friend finally watch BSD and she just got to Oda's death scene

That took the will out of her

She sent me a hundred messages about how bad she felt about him dying

And out of guilt I told her to watch BSD wan

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I can't wait for her to suffer even more just like I did 😈🤫