Absolutely Him

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Gotham is an awful place to be why do we all want to be there lol

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JUST ANOTHER OF YOUR MISTAKES

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, grieving, a lot of pain, eventual fluff, smut

A/N: thanks for reading guys

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE

~~

Y/N was never a light sleeper, but this particular time waking up felt way more difficult than usual. Her head was hurting from all the crying and the last thing she could remember was Tommy holding her against his chest and the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with his own unique scent before she nodded off, unable to handle the recent events.

“Mrs. Shelby, you're awake” One of the maids spoke up with a gentle smile, putting a steaming tea on the nightstand by her side.

Sitting up, Y/N furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“I'm not a Shelby” She responded with more annoyance than she'd like.

“Oh” The older woman said with a hint of shame. “My apologies. Mr. Shelby asked to bring you tea and some pain relief tonic,”

Y/N nodded, thanking her quietly before she rose from the bed, looking around. The room looked familiar in a less than pleasurable way, just like the clothes she was wearing. Sighing deeply she walked out of the room, seeing the dark corridor of the places she once called home.

After getting refreshed and dressed, Y/N walked toward the grand staircase. She stopped cold, feeling goosebumps running through her spine in the worst possible way when she saw the monumental portrait of Thomas and her in the stairwell. One she used to see everyday. The eyes on the portrait looked as lively as ever, mocking the pain she held in her chest every time she saw it. There she was, the former lady of the house, laying claim to her domain even from the grave. The longer she stared at her, the more she felt Grace was taunting her. “You may have been his woman once, but I have his heart and his ring on my finger now.” The words rang in her ears, coming from the depths of her memory, loud as the day she heard them for the first time. Y/N couldn't seem to be able to tear her gaze away, silently battling the ghost that seemed to curse her relationship forever.

She stood there for a long moment, immersed in the painting so much that she didn't realise she was being watched.

Thomas stood in the doorway on the other side of the corridor, watching her silently losing the battle as shame gnawed on his insides. He should have thrown it away long ago, but it was the last thing on his mind as he desperately looked for Y/N everywhere. The dead woman on his wall wasn't a big concern.

“You're awake” He spoke up, unable to handle the silence anymore.

She turned around, almost startled, as he caught her staring at her. The first thing she noticed were the glasses on his nose, and she fought against the little smirk that tried to appear on her lips so badly.

“What am I doing here? Where are the boys?” She asked, straight to the point. Thomas shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, knowing she wouldn't be happy with the news.

“Boys are with Frances upstairs, playing.” He responded, looking her in the eyes. “You're not safe outside of Arrow house. You three need to stay here until the vendetta is over.”

“What if you had more men surrounding my flat instead?” Y/N bargained.

“It’s too dangerous and I need my men concentrated not spread out over cities” he replied, already prepared for the questions he knew she'd ask.

She wanted to argue so badly. Y/N wanted to be free from him and the reminders of the past that this house held. But she knew that receiving a black hand was a serious threat she didn’t have the capacity to handle by herself.

“The only reason I'm not leaving right now is because I need to keep them safe.” She said, stepping closer. “...and if anything happens to us, I want you to know that it's all your fault.”

Despite knowing and seeing the pure hatred in her eyes, Thomas could never fully brace himself for the impact of her words.

“Nothing will happen to any of you. I give you my word” He said, quieter this time.

“Your word means nothing to me, Thomas. Just… just stay away from us as much as possible.” Y/N added, wanting to walk away.

“You can't expect me to stay away. They.. are my kids. My sons.” He said suddenly, and the confidence and fierceness of his voice made her stop in her tracks. “I regret losing you every single day. Every day I grieved the loss of my bloody heart, and then I found out there's three I should have been grieving. But you're here, and so are they. So I won't let yo–them go.” He hissed out, almost frantically and the vulnerability in his eyes made her slightly tremble. It hurt even more, because she waited so long to hear.. anything. Any crumb of reassurance would be enough to keep her here, but he didn't say a fucking word.

Straightening her back, Y/N inhaled a deep breath, looking back at the bloody portrait who was witnessing the whole scene. Seconds later she looked at him again, and the fire in his eyes was more lively, outweighing the dead, judgemental stare.

“They won't call you their father. If you break this rule, you won't see us again.”

***

The next day Y/N woke up, bracing herself for another battle as she walked down the stairs and to her surprise, the portrait was… gone. Her heart thumped wildly at the realisation and she couldn't believe her eyes. Suddenly the tension in the house seemed to have lessened.

Walking to the kitchen, she noticed Thomas sitting by the table with a cup of coffee and a cigarette in his hand, as he read the newspaper. It felt weirdly domesticated and the thought alone made her smirk.

“Did the boys eat?” She asked, not sure what to expect.

“Frances fed them an hour ago. Tommy is napping in the living room, and Nick is picking daisies with Mary in the garden.” He responded in a calm tone, not tearing his gaze away from the newspaper.

Silence hung in the air as they each did their own thing

Finishing up her breakfast, Y/N cleared her throat again as she looked at the wall in front of her.

“The portrait is gone” She pointed out in an emotionless voice, not looking at him. A couple longer moments passed before she heard him exhale a cloud of smoke.

“What portrait? He responded, and Y/N’s lips stretched into a subtle smile before she grabbed her plate and walked away.

A couple days later Y/N still avoided him, occasionally getting to talk to John or Arthur, but both of them were distracted by the giant threat hanging over the family. Polly seemed to keep it together the best, coming over whenever she felt like it for some female company.

Y/N said her goodbyes to Polly, going to put the cups into the sink and cleaning the mess after Nick. She wasn't used to having maids doing everything for her, so it was more comfortable to just clean the mess herself. Nick himself was currently spending time with his uncles by the stables, and Tommy was… who knows where.

After cleaning, Y/N went looking for the other boy, asking Frances who just directed her to the little room where the toys were stored.

She expected everything, but not the view she saw arriving in the doorway. Little Tommy sat back on his legs, watching with wide eyes and furiously colouring the different shapes Thomas drew for him.

“Dat?” Tommy asked suspiciously, pointing towards the crooked flower on the paper and glancing at him with big eyes.

“This?” He asked with a grin, “that's a flower” he explained, to which the boy nodded, narrowing his eyes lightly.

“...and dat?!” He asked suddenly in a squeaky tone, seeing the car Thomas drew for him.

“That's a car. Almost” He chuckled, seeing the crooked shapes as he tried his very best.

Tommy nodded, grinning in the same way as his father before glancing at his mum.

“Hi!” He waved, before pointing to the flower again. “fwowa!” he said proudly, pushing his little chest forward.

Thomas just laughed quietly, putting the pencil down.

“Good job, little man” he said, before slowly rising from the floor with a groan.

“Oh God, I'm too old for this” He whispered with a chuckle, glancing at Y/N who wasn't able to suppress the smile on her face after she heard Tommy talk. “Don't smile like that, now it's your turn.” Thomas added, passing by her in the doorway, his shoulder brushing against hers.

***

The next couple weeks were… rougher. Changretta was relentless in his search, which turned into a couple of seriously dangerous situations where John got shot in the chest barely coming out alive. Polly didn't agree with a lot of Thomas' actions, despite his inability to back off right now. He stood his ground, no matter how difficult it was sometimes to keep Y/N inside Arrow house whenever worse moments would arrive. And they did, fairly frequently.

The pull he felt became stronger and stronger, no matter how many daggers she kept throwing. Spewing the words she held deep inside, reminding him of the monster he used to be… or maybe still was? He couldn't tell. The view in the reflection of his mirror was so blurry, that it didn't matter. As long as she saw him to be fit enough to be around boys.

The house was completely quiet as he made his way through the corridor, lacking the usual sounds of kids playing or Y/N walking from one room to the other. Walking past the library, he caught a glimpse of light coming from the room that made him stop in his tracks.

His hands trembled with anxiety. The fear settled in his ribs over three years ago and hasn't left him once, even though they were here.

Thomas was aware of how powerless he was once the vendetta was over. The thought of them leaving the house and never coming back was making his heart squeeze painfully, reminding him of the privilege he once had, but gave it up willingly. The fear was like a loop, tightening around his throat with each passing day as he grew comfortable coming home and seeing them here.

Walking into the library, Thomas was completely quiet, wanting nothing but to see her if it was all he could count on. He was completely unaware of the fact that she always felt his presence. Sometimes letting him stay, and other times making him leave so desperately that made him wonder whether it was possible to day from a broken heart.

Step after step he tried to control his shallow breathing as he finally saw her. Standing by the big shelf, he traced over the backs of books standing there for so long, it felt like they were always there.

“You wouldn't like that one” He spoke up quietly, noticing how she didn't even budge hearing his voice. It took a longer moment before she replied.

“How so?” Her voice was calm, light-hearted as she found herself lost in the countless stories filling up the wooden shelves. The nagging thoughts in his mind disappeared the second he heard her voice.

“Because you don't like uncertainty. It's filled with unanswered questions and has an open ending.” He thought for a moment before replying, well aware of the content of this book, because he read them all. In the moments of despair, trying to hold onto every scrap of feelings in the house so empty, it felt like nobody lived inside.

Sighing deeply, Y/N put the book back in its place, grabbing another one.

“Nobody likes uncertainty, Thomas. Holding onto the moment, unsure of what's to come.” She sighed, hearing his slow footsteps approaching. “A book is just a book. You can close it, and move onto another one anytime. If only life was just as easy.”

Silence in the room caused the whole scenery to become more intimate, unexpectedly even for him. Stopping mere inches behind her, he watched the back of her head for a moment, remembering the nightmares he had every night. Ones where he couldn't reach her, no matter how he tried.

His breath caught in his throat as he slowly raised his hand, moving it closer and closer towards her shoulder. Inches away, he noticed the goosebumps covering her skin. Without looking he reached out to the shelf, grasping onto the book he knew by heart, while his arm brushed against her own.

He stood close, too close, and Y/N knew it too well, yet she couldn't bring herself to make him leave or pull away. The way he trembled as his chest pressed lightly against her back made her stand still.

“You'd love this one” He whispered, not feeling brave enough to speak loudly. The uncertainty they talked about he knew better than anything else.

Her breathing became heavier, feeling him so close, the tingling on her skin she hadn't felt for so long almost made her flinch. Slowly, she turned around facing him.

This, Thomas didn't expect as she suddenly looked up, their eyes meeting in a gaze long forgotten, yet still alive and lively as when they looked for the first time.

“I don't read anymore” She confessed quietly, and his eyes couldn't help but watch her lips intently. The way they wrapped around the words she spoke.

The urge to grab and hold her closer was strong, almost too strong. Tommy tilted his head to the side, getting a better look at her face in the dim light.

“I can read it to you” He offered quietly, as it was the closest she allowed him to… just be near her.

So he waited, scared of ruining the moment as she moved closer. Their noses brushing against each other.

“I wanted you to speak, not read.” The sound of her voice was like the most beautiful music he ever got to listen to, even though the words were far from it. “...but now it's too late, and you're standing too close.” her breath touched his lips, taunting.

…and then she pulled away, leaving him standing there. Slowly making her way out of the library.

“You're cruel” He said, loud enough for Y/N to hear.

***

Y/N opened her eyes suddenly, sitting up as she took a deep breath, desperately trying to blink away the nightmare she had. The clock showed three AM in the morning, and her heart was pounding from the fear she felt. One she rarely felt anymore, feeling as Thomas was taking it over day by day, despite her unwillingness to share anything. Even the broken, ugly parts he ruined.

His cold eyes kept looking at her in the dream, so unfazed by the idea of her absence. The humiliation turned into physical tears rolling down her cheeks as the memories clouded her reasoning.

Getting up from her bed, she remembered the way he touched her. Avoiding her eyes, throwing his head back. Not bothering to bare himself, so eager to take but never give. Forcing her to pour from a completely empty cup.

Her bare feet were cold against the floor as she quickly made her way through the corridor, knowing where she'd find him. Swiftly opening the door to his office, Y/N didn't bother to say a word or wipe her tears away as she quickly walked up, not looking him in the eyes.

“Y/N?” He asked, taking his glasses off and setting them on his desk while she suddenly pulled him back, creating more space to straddle his lap. Tears kept streaming in a smaller amount, but never ending as she ripped his shirt open, baring his chest.

“What are you–” He tried to speak up, but she didn't let him, as she pressed her lips against his so aggressively his breath caught in his throat.

Pulling on his belt she unbuckled it skillfully, a motion she knew too well from all these years ago. The inner pain burned her chest as she kissed and bit him, while pushing his arms away.

“Shut up” She hissed, as the humiliation from the memories took over her mind. The shame of giving and never asking for more. Of being taken and left without any rest. Pulling his pants open she stroked him impatiently, doing just enough to get him going. It wasn't difficult, as he was the only man she ever slept with, knowing his habits and body more than she'd care to admit.

Her nails raked over his throat and chest, ripping a deep groan from his throat.

He didn't dare to ask, feeling and giving everything she wanted to take. Despite the burning, the physical attraction and need she felt was stronger, her arousal glistening and visible as she lined him up with her entrance, not caring enough to be slow or subtle as she sank down on him fully. A subtle moan pushed past her lips as she squeezed her eyes tightly, doing the same thing he used to.

His eyes were wide open, taking the beautiful sight of her on top of him, but the expression on her face made him hurt so badly, he thought he might not survive. He reached out, wanting her to look at him, but she refused, keeping her eyes squeezed tightly as she moved on top of him frantically chasing her release.

“Y/N” He begged quietly, as her hands wrapped around his throat, squeezing to cause pain.

“I hate you. I hate you so much” She whimpered, as his fingers dug into her thighs.

“Please” He whispered, and she let go of his throat, digging her nails into his shoulders.

Thomas wanted to reach out to wipe her tears away, but he knew she wouldn't let him.

So he leaned forward, his forehead pressing against her collarbone when he let out a shaky breath.

“I love you” He whispered weakly, holding her tightly as she haven't stopped moving even for a second, brimming on the edge.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you” She cried out, opening her eyes as she looked down at him, meeting his gaze. His eyes were half lidded but he didn't give up, staring and repeating like mantra.

“I love you” kept spilling from his lips as she reached her peak, causing him to follow right after as they reached the release.

His head fell forward, tears escaping his tired eyes as she quickly got off of him, leaving him without a word.

***

Y/N was growing increasingly restless inside of the Arrow House. Her days had been filled with reading and finding activities to keep her sons occupied, which took less time than usual, as Thomas took every opportunity to spend time with them. There was one room she had only been in once prior on this visit. She shuddered at the memory of her desperate conflicted intimacy with Thomas. Y/N knew that room would hold a concentrated form of his presence and essence, even more so after that night. She wasn’t sure if she felt strong enough to enter his sanctum again, but while Thomas was away on business and her boys were having their afternoon nap, the curiosity overcame her hesitation as she entered his space.

It was incredibly… him with deep mahogany furnishings and sumptuous emerald accents. During that night, she had paid no attention to the surroundings in the office - only to him and her inner emotions. Slowly she went deeper into his study, turning on a lamp at his desk. She could picture him here with those round glasses on, absorbed in matters of business both legitimate and less so. To the side of his desk was a small curio cabinet filled with antiquities and presumably family mementos. It hardly garnered a second thought from her until she noticed a figurine on the top shelf next to an old photograph of Thomas and his siblings. It was the figurine.

Before the war, before everything changed, she and Thomas would wander around Birmingham together - young and full of optimism. Both their families were poor and doing their best to survive in the cruel world, but they were the dreamers of their respective clans. He and Y/N often visited a certain shop that sold trinkets and collectables. Y/N yearned to be able to spend money on frivolous little objects like these one day. There was a specific figurine that she longed to own: a porcelain ballerina with graceful fingers and a white and pink lace ruffled skirt. She thought ballerinas were the most fairy-like women that walked the Earth. Of course neither of them could afford such a beautifully crafted figurine, but Y/N swore that one day they would walk in that shop and purchase her ballerina without a second thought to the cost.

That never happened, yet here it was, that same figurine she had seen so many years before sitting in Thomas’ curio cabinet in his most sacred space of his home. She didn’t know what it meant, but she felt tears prick her eyes at the reminder of those beautiful days from their youth. If only they could be like that again. If only the war and the turmoil after it hadn’t soured the tender young love they had known.

“I see you found your way back to my study” Thomas’ deep voice called from the doorway. Y/N was startled. She had been so lost in her memories and feelings that she hadn’t noticed his presence. She shifted awkwardly.

“Yeah, it seems like it.” She responded, glancing towards the curio cabinet. He slowly came up closer, a small grin on his face.

“What did you find?” Thomas asked, tilting his head to the side. Of course he knew what she saw, but wanted to hear it.

“I can’t believe you remembered my ballerina” Y/N said, not meeting his gaze.

“I went back to the shop to get it, but old Mr. Jones said he’d sold it years before. It took some hunting, but I eventually found her. I was hoping to someday show it to you, but… seems like you found her instead.”

“Why?” she questioned him in a small voice.

“Because this is how I remember you. You always said the ballerina was like a fairy or goddess come to Earth, but to me… when I saw that ballerina figure, I saw you.” Y/N’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as she glanced back towards the cabinet and then back at the man in front of her. Letting out a deep sigh, she wiped her eyes.

“Why now? Why did it take you so long to… to do this? Anything. I waited so long and… and now it's too late, Thomas.” She said, looking at him with an expression that crushed him. Feeling his breath hitch painfully, he felt his throat tightening. He had grieved over losing her and now that Y/N was physically here, she had never felt more far away from him.

After looking into her eyes for a longer moment, Tommy grabbed her hand, slowly straightening it against his palm while the other one reached to his holster, pulling out his gun. Y/N’s eyes widened, but his gaze remained locked on hers, not faltering.

Finally, he didn't feel the fear. Holding the loaded gun, he slowly shoved it into her smaller hand, aiming it forward before he closed his eyes. Pushing his forehead against the muzzle tightly, keeping her wrist upright.

“Then kill me.” He said out loud, the words hanging in the air for a moment. “Because otherwise I will never let you go, no matter how hard you try.”

Thanks for reading lol bye

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TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part one Part two

Summary: You can't escape, and the line between his manipulation and your own thoughts begins to disappear.

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: COMMENT AND REBLOG PLEASE!

After the events of that one particularly dark evening, Y/N shut off. She didn't come out to see Ada when the young woman would visit, not for a while. Spending most days in her room, sometimes even not reacting when one of the maids would come to remind her of Mr. Shelby's wish to see her at five PM.

Sometimes she didn't show up, and he let her.

”She's a teenager, Ada. What am I supposed to tell you, eh?” He spoke one day, finally answering the questions she had for him ever since Y/N's behaviour changed. His eyes remaining at the contract in his hands, agreement from Churchill himself. A small grin danced on his lips, tugging on one of the corners of his mouth. ”Don't you remember how it is as a young girl, eh? Always a bloody handful,” He snorted, lightly, letting go of the piece of paper as his eyes finally met his sister's. Cold and calculating, playing chess with every word, just the way he always did since their lives changed.

Ever since he unapologetically took the whole of Birmingham, and greedily reached out for the rest of Britain.

Unapologetic, that's the word she'd use to describe him.

Letting out a sigh, Ada shook her head lightly, crossing her arms across her chest as she stared through the big window.

”You didn't hurt her, did you?” Her voice came out almost tired, knowing the person Thomas Shelby became, Ada was... Almost expecting it. Dealing with the effects of his violence and decisions day to day.

Thomas' blue eyes slowly raised to her own, but she didn't look at him, still peacefully looking out the window.

With parted lips, he breathed out a quiet snarl.

”Am I a monster, Ada?” The voice so full of mockery, she should have felt disrespected, but worry for the girl was stronger.

”You want to be, Tommy”

~~

Jabbing at dinner with a fork, Y/N wrestled with her thoughts back and forth. She knew she couldn't escape, her absence would bring an inevitable danger onto her family, and despite the hatred she felt towards them ever since... Her father sold her, she couldn't bring herself to not care.

After all, where would she go? Y/N had nowhere to go. Nowhere to run.

His horrible, mocking chuckle rang in her ears loudly, making her wince as she heard steps behind. His expensive leather shoes clicked against the floor, and Y/N recognized his heavy steps.

The silence in the room was suddenly heavy, suffocating. She didn't dare to move, almost freezing under his gaze.

Her fear was palpable, and Thomas could easily sense it in the air. Her flowery scent came to his nostrils immediately when he stood behind the counter. Making coffee, as a cigarette hung from his lips. His blue eyes glanced towards her frame, a quiet chuckle leaving his mouth at her posture. Admittedly, he didn't know why her fear was so... Joyful to him. So attractive and addicting, like a sweet treat. His presence alone was enough to make her shiver, and he'd always take on every occasion to torment her.

Y/N expected it, almost like she got used to it. Holding her breath when he moved, steps growing closer before the cold air hit the skin on her neck. She waited, for something, anything. Pain, shame or whatever he would give her. That's what he always did.

So when he wordlessly passed by, all Y/N felt was a confusion.

The expected relief didn't come, and the cold temperature of the room suddenly seemed to swallow her whole as she let out a breath.

He ignored her, simply, walking through the doorway and disappearing into the corridor.

Leaving her breathing slowly, as a little smile appeared on her lips.

Maybe that was it.

The rest of the day passed calmly, without any events and Y/N spent some time entertaining little Charlie, doodling away in her notebook and drawing all the animals she could think of to make the little boy happy. Only when he fell asleep, drained from being awake that long, she sighed, letting one of the maids take him to bed as she walked back to her own room.

Glancing up, she noticed the beautiful view from her window. Something so obvious, yet not important enough to ever catch her gaze before. Now she felt a little peaceful, while he wasn't home.

Pulling out her drawing supplies, she set her notebook on the windowsill, taking her time to draw the sight, the beautiful trees bending under heavy wind. Rays of the sun penetrate between branches and hitting the window, accompanying the silence in her room well enough that the environment seemed peaceful. Calm. Safe.

Unknowingly, Y/N began softly humming under her breath, feeling a glimmer of hope for a better future still smoldering somewhere between her ribs.

He came back late, later than usual. Tommy's steps echo throughout the almost empty house, getting the attention of staff but nobody else.

”Good evening, Mr. Shelby,” One of the maids said, quietly, getting a quick nod out of him as he climbed the stairs, stopping midway.

”Where is she?” His voice held the usual complete seriousness, not holding the amount of mockery he seemed to have only for her. The middle-aged maid, shifted her weight from one leg to the other before answering.

”Miss Y/L/N informed Frances she'd go visit her horse in the stables.” Her voice was quiet, unsure.

Nodding again, Thomas moved forward before clearing his throat and stopping, just for a second.

”It's my horse. Everything here is mine.” His sharp tone cut through the air while maintaining the huskiness and not disturbing the silence of the house for too long. ”When she comes back, she is going to come to my office.” He liked it. The intimidation in the air, present wherever he goes.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

That day felt more special than most, much longer as if it held more than twenty four hours in it. After leaving the house and making her way to the stables, Y/N stopped checking her watch, letting the activity engulf her completely once she saw the precious creature she missed so dearly. Normally, Y/N would be too scared to come here without asking for permission first, and she didn't seek any reasons to come to Mr. Shelby. Not really.

Walking through the wooden building, she carefully eyed each of the horses there, eyes widening as she saw the biggest one. A massive, black horse with eyes that had the look to them, which made her back off. The madness in this horse's eyes reminded her of the blue ones she feared so badly.

Yet all the worries seemed to disappear as her gaze met the calm, brown eyes of her horse...

Before she knew it, Y/N walked back through the field, rushing towards Arrow house, sun barely up in the sky still. Time passed between her fingers so fast when she was having fun, but it's been so long she almost forgot how it feels. The beautiful black mane on a completely white Stallion took at least an hour to braid, but Y/N loved the process. She was taking care of him ever since he was a foal.

Taking him out on the free field and getting to ride him again, despite having to do it bareback felt wonderful. Felt like the freedom Y/N so desperately yearned for.

As the canter turned into a full on gallop, a bright smile appeared on her face, as her hair blew on the wind. The scent of nature, wilderness and sharp wind which turned her cheeks bright red made the experience almost magical, so she lost track of time. There was no reason to rush home either, since Mr. Shelby was away.

Letting out a tired sigh, Y/N's smile remained plastered onto her face until she noticed the long, black coat on the rack.

Which was a sign that he was home

Swallowing the lump which suddenly appeared in her throat, Y/N calmed herself down mentally before slowly turning towards the stairs and step by step climbing them, extending the whole process just to make as little noise as possible.

Her feet felt a little numb from horse riding, so when she reached the top of the stairs, one wooden plank bent under her weight, creaking slightly.

When no sound followed, Y/N let out a sigh, walking through the corridor and heading to her room when suddenly Frances opened her bedroom door on the other end of the hall.

”Miss Y/L/N” She spoke up, wearing her modest bathrobe and nightgown, ”Mr. Shelby asked me to tell you to come to his office when you get back.” She instructed quietly, as not to disturb the rest of the staff which was probably sleeping. The night came around, and the sky was almost completely pitch black. An old, wooden clock on the wall struck eleven PM.

Y/N's breath hitched, realizing she didn't manage to get out of coming eye to eye with him. Not today. Seeing the questions in her eyes, Frances, let out a quiet breath as well.

”He came back around three hours ago” The older woman added, replying to the silent question which never got asked. Not out loud.

”Thank you, Frances” She smiled lightly, before disappearing behind her bedroom door again, leaving Y/N standing on the corridor completely on her own.

She stood there, frozen for a hot minute. Contemplating what to do, whether she should go and change her dirty clothes first, or maybe go see him as soon as possible. After all Mr. Shelby's anger was the last thing Y/N wanted upon herself, knowing how cruel he could be if he felt like it.

Weighing her options shivers ran down her spine at the risk, and so her shoulders slumped slightly when she made up her mind. Turning around and slowly making her way further through the corridor, the dark, wooden door growing closer with each small step.

Moving closer, Y/N narrowed her eyes noticing a small beam of light on the floor coming from his office. Small enough to not be noticeable if she didn't pay enough attention. Another step, and Y/N's breath hitched in her throat as barely audible sounds came to her ears. High pitched, muffled almost.

Another couple feet, and she stood right there, by the door with her eyes widening at the realisation of what was happening. The door to Mr. Shelby's office was unusually creaked open, through the crack she could see the interior of the room. Dim light making it all more difficult, as she heard feminine moans and whimpers coming from the inside, accompanied by shuffling of the heavy desk.

Her hand rested on the door knob as she moved closer, covering her mouth with one hand as she noticed the dark haired woman splayed on the mahogany desk, face down. One of Tommy's hands was gripping tightly onto her shoulder, pulling back with each move as the other covered the woman's mouth, keeping her as quiet as possible. Muffled sounds kept coming out of her mouth as he kept thrusting inside her from behind, not caring about whether someone heard. Her breasts were almost spilling from her blouse, and Mr. Shelby didn't even care to get her undressed first, cigarette hanging from his lips as he fucked into her hard and fast, chasing his own high. Y/N's face twisted in disgust as the other woman began moaning crude words, calling out his name like it was the only thing she knew.

Still covering her mouth, Y/N took a step back, letting go of the door knob as she let out a shaky breath.

She shouldn't have come home so late, Y/N thought. Better go before he finds out.

Turning around, she moved swiftly through the corridor, before quietly closing the door behind her back.

She panted like someone was chasing her, and only after several moments she moved away from the entrance, sitting on her bed and taking off the jacket she wore.

Taking deep breaths, Y/N tried to calm herself down.

Half an hour later, Y/N was still laying awake, her lamp turned on as she read a book, not knowing what else to do this late at night. She wouldn't dare go out, and risk stumbling upon him or his mistress.

The last thing she expected was to hear a knock on the door, this late at night. Furrowing her brows, Y/N put the book down on the covers, and before she could answer, the door opened.

Thomas walked into the room, slowly shutting it behind him. An unlit cigarette in his hand, and she took in his appearance. The four undone buttons on his shirt, messy hair and dark, unreadable gaze in his eyes.

Shivers appeared on the back of her neck, and she froze seeing him.

”Not sleeping, eh?” He asked, glancing quickly around her room as he lit his cigarette, before letting his gaze fall back on her. He noticed the way she pulled the covers higher, covering every inch of herself besides her face and shoulders.

”N–Not yet” She stuttered out, feeling even more intimidated after what she saw just an hour earlier.

Thomas nodded his head, looking out the window as he inhaled the smoke, taking his time before letting it out again.

After a minute of silence, Y/N licked her lips nervously as she saw him move forward, lazily stepping closer to the bed before sitting on the edge of it.

”You were out late” He pointed out without looking at her, his posture firm and strong despite his clearly relaxed state. Y/N glanced nervously, looking at his side profile.

”I was in the stables” She explained, hoping that she wouldn't get in trouble for that. Y/N didn't bother explaining on why she went only when he wasn't supposedly around. ”Time passed so quickly I didn't realise–” She continued until he cut her off while blowing out a cloud of smoke, causing her to wrinkle her nose at the intense scent.

”Tomorrow is a special day” He spoke up, raising his eyebrows as he shifted to the side, leaning on his hand by her leg over the covers. His eyes scanned her emotionlessly, taking in the soft lines of her face, her lively blushed cheeks. ”I was wrong at the beginning.” He admitted, tilting his head to the side. ”I thought there would be troubles with you. That you'd try to run away, be a handful, yeah? All that teenage nonsense.” He gestured with the hand in which he held the lit cigarette, drawing a little circle in the air. His voice held a bit of humour, despite his completely numb facial expression.

Y/N looked at him nervously, looking everywhere but in his eyes.

”One of the maids overheard your conversation with Ada.” Her heart sank for a second, which he saw clearly, making him chuckle. ”Told me how much you respect the dear, old Mr. Shelby, yeah?” He chuckled again, reaching out and suddenly grasping her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. The approval in his gaze made her a little more relaxed, just like the warmth of her touch. So much softer than the usual, bruising grip. ”Good girl” Tommy added, the corner of his mouth lightly turning up.

Y/N didn't know what to say, so she just nodded along to make him happy.

He tilted his chin up, eyes narrowing as he watched her expression while his hand moved to the side of her face, slowly pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

”Don't go alone when you're planning to be gone for that long. Next time you're going to tell me, eh?” He offered, almost gently with a hardened expression, earning another nod from her.

Thomas sighed, deeply, letting his hand drop to his side before raising from the bed. He came up, close, too close for comfort as he looked down.

”Tomorrow at eight in the morning Ada and Polly will take you shopping. You'll get new clothes and horse riding gear.” Tommy informed, finishing his cigarette before putting it out it is in a glass of water which stood on her nightstand. Y/N's expression turned into disgust as she saw that, and Thomas made her look at him again. ”Understood?”

”Yes, Mr. Shelby” She said, blinking quickly as she held his heavy gaze. His blue eyes remained motionlessly locked into her own before she corrected herself. ”Thank you, Mr. Shelby”

...and only then, he smiled lightly, nodding in approval before taking a step back.

”You're welcome”

He said, before turning around and heading to the door. When his hand made contact with the doorknob and the door opened slightly, he stopped, glancing down on his hands with a grin she couldn't possibly see.

”And next time, close the door once you're done watching me.”

Hearing his words, Y/N's mouth opened as she realized what he implied, eyes widening at the sense of seemingly innocent sentence. Her cheeks turned crimson red, as she blushed fiercely. Tommy stood in the doorway for a moment longer, knowing the upper hand he had on her. Knowing that the younger girl was too naïve and shy to speak up against him, to dare to correct him on a topic so sensitive. When he was sure she wouldn't respond, Thomas walked out of her room, closing the door behind him.

Once again, he won, and in that moment, Y/N realized he purposely asked the maid to get her, and left the door open. He wanted her to see.

~~

@iilovedonnatartt @randomcreator-09 @hagarsays @novashelby @wonderlanddreamer @calmingmelody96

This fandom loves you girl. There's no Peaky blinders on Tumblr without Nova anymore. Sending hugs🫂

I'm Sorry....

I'm really sorry these last few days I have been kind of cunty posting. Life is emotionally hard for me right now. I don't want to go really deep cause I don't think anyone really wants to or needs to hear about all the shit in Nova's head. In short, as many of you know, my dad passed away in July. It was unexpected and my grieving process has been extremely hard and difficult. Mostly because of my awful narcissistic mother. Aside from that, I live across the ocean from my home. 1. That makes it extremely difficult going through the holiday season. Not only being away from family, but essentially having no more family other than my aunt. I've been away from my best friends. So, I have no one. Yes, of course, I have friends here and a social life, but it isn't the same. 2. My mother is still making my life difficult; over calling, harassing me, and all that. I can't block her because she isn't only vindictive, but cruel and mean. She has almost no limits and blocking her may poke a bear.

In saying this, I have been highly sensitive about a lot lately. Typically about things that shouldn't bother me. It is why I cling so hard to Evie because, as pathetic as it sounds, I quite literally have no family. I have one aunt and then a group of cousins, aunts, and uncles who don't really think of me unless they have to. So, they don't exactly count.

Part of me was feeling highly sensitive about the lack of engagement on my recent work or like lack of inclusion in the community. Seeing everyone, because we are all moots, talk and interact with another kind of hurts. (Though, it shouldn't cause I haven't been really active and engaging with others the last few months-I'm trying my best in catching up and doing my part in that). But I know it isn't because of that, but because the issues in my real life that somehow and someway mirror that exact same situation are taking place; feeling like an outsider in my new community, having no family, not being included, etc. I don't exactly know how to explain it, really. So, I hope what I wrote makes sense. TL;DR: because my personal life is sort of shit and it's over bubbling, things that I don't normally think about are bothering me. I don't expect engagement or inclusion, and I'm happy being moots just to be moots. So, know that it isn't me complaining or angry at anyone other than my own emotionally torn brain at the moment.

I am sorry that I kind of use this as a method of release because there really is nowhere else. So, I am so sorry to be kind of a trauma dumping idiot. I'm sorry for not always being the best person and friend on here. And I'm sorry that I have been kind of....out in left field?

I will get back to normal Nova or whatever that is sooner or later.

Thank you to all my wonderful friends on her that have listened and messaged me. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to appreciate my work. I suck at replying to comments sometimes, but I read them all and I hold them close to my heart.

Peace and Love.