upon-lavender-hills
stop crying now, here comes the sun
43 posts
Latest Posts by upon-lavender-hills
More head lore. This is the end of high school, Matt kissed drunk/drugged Tom at the party, got scared to death and decided that he would never, ever-ever touch Tom like that again first. Unfortunately, Tom has issues, so he, too, was afraid of touching Matt first.
And that went on. And on. For years.
Traumatized Matt, at different stages. And Tom. And me, I'm just glad that I got at least some of it out of my head. It's been killing me.
Did you make the Fish 'n chips Tommatt comic?
No, I did not. I believe you're thinking about @uiiyru's tommatt comic. It's still on Tumblr, as far as I can see. We are not the same person.
Kicking a dead horse with that whole 'not canon' schtick, but, in my defence, I personally have never kicked it before. I can get out with one free pass, I think.
Tom: Melancholic (masking as phlegmatic)
Matt: Melancholic-choleric (masking as sanguine)
Edd: Sanguine-phlegmatic
Tord: Sanguine
we built this city - singing mansters
It finally exists! For @3aloe3, her special request (and a long overdue birthday present). This is a redraw of the 'singing cows' meme which took me 3 full days to finish. Don't be misled by the fact that the original video may look simplistic, there is quite a bit of frames + good sync, which was a bitch to match. I also couldn't decide on the style so to speak, so it varies slightly.
Unfortunately, it seems like the original video has been taked down (?) on YouTube, so I'll attach the link to a reupload I found on Tumblr. Thanks to this post I was able to finish my own parody.
The song is We Built This City by Starship.
Здравствуйте! Очень давно следила за вашим творчеством и когда вы перестали постить в вк, то думала, что потеряла вас. Следила за вами с ваших очень старых фанартов по дст, сейчас случайно в ленте высветился ваш пост с эв куколками. Очень рада вас видеть! Спасибо, что постите, скучала по вашему творчеству
Здравствуйте! Это действительно очень давно 😮 Меня впечатляет, что вы следите за моим творчеством так долго. Спасибо за слова поддержки ❤️
The Tom and Matt dolls I had made a little while ago. They are really wonky, but I love them ❤️🩹
I have questions regarding the post you made to answer redpiece99's question. They asked if Urasawa killed Grimmer because he didn't know what to do with his character. Very interesting post, by the way. In your opinion, Grimmer's death was a bad idea. Why? And what else did you not like about Monster's ending?
Sorry for taking so long to answer.
I have actually been asked a similar question before, but I couldn't find it in me to write a reply back then. It's a loaded question with a loaded answer. A very long, probably somewhat controversial answer, but I'll try. I am trying to force myself into speaking more on the internet, anyway. On the side note – I haven't revisited Monster for a while, so some of my facts might be off.
As to why I think killing Grimmer was a bad idea – in my opinion, it was a lazy solution, and lazy solutions are disrespectful to the audience, hence, a bad idea. I loved how, throughout the course of Monster, Urasawa kept leading all these different plot lines, like strings that were supposed to tie off, or lead to something meaningful, or interconnect in the end. But in the end, it felt like he just dropped most of those strings. It felt pointless, having followed all that. Grimmer's death felt like one of those strings.
I honestly don't even know where to start off and how to explain it. The most harmless example – before I finished Monster, I read some fanfiction. And in one work I read that Tenma became a member of Doctors Without Borders, and Runge started teaching at the Police Academy. And I thought that it was hilarious. I thought that the author just got this super silly headcannon out of nowhere, and it was very out of character. You can imagine my surprise when I found out that it was canon.
Now, Runge teaching at the Police Academy, I can kind of embrace that. Maybe he decided to calm down, settle in and have a life where he spends more time with his family, although I kind of find it hard to imagine. I used it in my own fanfiction, too, this idea fits into that imaginary scenario where Runge develops attachment for Grimmer, and in order to have a more peaceful life with him he decides to settle for a safer job. Risk free, safer job = higher probability of longer and safer life. It makes sense. Same works with the family concept.
Now, Tenma becoming a Doctor Without Borders member, that does not make sense to me at all. I refuse that reality. He does not HAVE TO become a Doctor Without Borders. He would NOT leave Dieter with a literal criminal or, like, whomever, just to live that lifestyle. It's not his lifestyle, and it's not his personality. He would not abandon a child who's already been abandoned and abused. In the end, Urasawa made Tenma into a travelling doctor just so Tenma would have an excuse to visit Johann from time to time. And to meet Johann's mother in the meanwhile.
And really, that's the main problem. Johann is Monster's main problem. Him and his dumb issues, dumb excuses, dumb personality. That's a whole other topic. Concerning this topic, the 'why I think Monster's ending was bad' topic, there are two main reasons for me that concern Johann.
Johann should not have survived the gunshot.
Johann cannot and shall not be excused, especially by means of blaming his mother.
Why on earth would Runge make Tenma save Johann? Why did Tenma obey, when the exact same thing got him into so much trouble in the past? Just so Urasawa could once again point out that all lives matter, and then deliver that special little idea that maybe, in a way, Johann is innocent, and then add that cute little plot twist of Johann escaping the hospital? Because, why was Johann kept in a normal hospital, anyway? It's not like he has poisoned a bunch of people the last time he was there, right? It's not like he committed an uncountable amount of crimes, so he should be kept in a prison hospital, right? And the trauma Johann encountered, man... so much trauma... like that time his mother gave Nina away to Bonaparta, and Nina had an absolute dogshit experience there, and then Johann appropriated Nina's trauma. Because he didn't know whom his mother actually wanted to sacrifice. What if it was him, idk?
Like, okay. He had to dress up as Nina so that his mother wouldn't know whom she was giving away. A creature trying to survive, alright, I get it. Still not a trauma. And then he killed a bunch of people. Just because. But he also has a split personality, where he's good. But he kills for absolute destruction. Because he's a monster. And he's kind of like a little kid. And he dressed up as Nina again to frame her, just like he framed Tenma. Very manipulative. But the dress he wears, it's like his mother's, when she decided which one of her kids to give away. And Johann, he just want to watch the world burn for some deep philosophical reason, but he's also kind of sweet, and he's diabolically clever, but also a baby. See what I'm talking about? It was so hard to follow this character, at least for me. And I guess it's a fun character concept – in concept! I hated the realization.
And I don't even want to talk about how it was lightly hinted that Johann became the way he is because of his mother. He did not become anything, he was. He is worse than just a psychopath. And there were enough of these funny allowances throughout the Monster that I was kind of closing my eyes on, like Grimmer's son dying because his father didn't smile at him quite right, and then Grimmer's wife left him because he didn't grieve quite right, and every Bonaparta-programmed kid having very serious problems with relationship and families just because they weren't showing their emotions quite right – that's not how it works. A lot of people don't show their emotions quite right, and they still have relationships and kids. Or how Johann possess this special kind of eugenics-bred charm, the magical charm, I would say, and he actually might be possessed by demons or maybe he's actually the devil, who knows. All that – alright, I'll bite. Not the Johann justification part, and all the Johann-related plot holes. Nina turned out just fine. I don't understand why we couldn't have a proper good ending where Johann finally got what he wanted himself – a bullet in the head, Tenna tried his best to raise Dieter without that DWB shindig, Runge kept being a detective because, by that point, that's what he is... it would be good if Grimmer stayed alive, too.
Concerning that, in the ending, why did Runge, Suk and Vardemann got together to give a hearfelt speech before Grimmer's grave, on some kind of anniversary? Where did they bury him? Are they friends now? I guess they are. They were working together on clearing Grimmer's name and became friends, I guess? It feels absurd. Everything feels absurd.
tl;dr: I think Monster's ending was absurd, out of character, and despite the strange sugar-coating, it is a bad ending. It's like covering rotting meat in a confectionery glaze. It's inappropriate, and, in my opinion, not in Monster's spirit. For me, it ruined the whole work.
Hello! Firstly, I'd like to thank you for making me love Grunge through your fic "So Much to Say"! I've already left comments but I had to say it again. And I love your art too! I've seen you love Tenma/Gillen as well; what do you like the most about this ship?
Hello! Thank you, I'm glad you liked my work. As for Tenma/Gillen, yes, I do like this pairing, but I haven't been actively shipping anything from Monster for a while, so it's hard for me to tell 😦 I can't really pinpoint what I like about their dynamic in particular. I have been thinking about how to answer this question for the past few days, but I've come to realize that I can't say anything definitive.
Well, I like Gillen. More than Tenma, actually. Canonically, Gillen became really devoted to Tenma. And I have this thing in my head, where if I feel like the character I like wants another character, I must make it so my favourite character gets what they want (same thing with Runge/Grimmer). So it all boils down to me thinking that Gillen wants Tenma. And I think he would be capable of treating Tenma well. The fact that Gillen got divorced three times tells me that he's better off without women, too. And if Tenma adopted Dieter (he should have had), I find it funny that Dieter would probably hate Gillen with all his heart, despite Gillen making his best effort to appease the boy. However you look at it, I find the dynamic amusing. Even in the "Doctors without borders" scenario, I think Gillen and Dieter would make amends over them both wanting to see Tenma, missing him, while the other is always away, somewhere out of the country. The dynamic should always involve Dieter, unless it's Gillen and Tenma during the time when they were both studying in the medical university.
They went to prom together (???)
So, I was playing The Sims 3, and this happened. I absolutely had to redraw it, especially considering it was @3aloe3's request, too.
I like how Heath and Deuce turned out, but I am still bitter about failing to capture Porter's energy. It's just not the same, man. So bitter.
In the game, Heath became the prom king, and Invisi got into a fight and then fell down as he was hitting the dance floor. Shit went down. It was amazing. Deuce is green here, but I fixed him later on.
Вы читали этот пост? Как думаете, что Урусава убил Гриммера из-за того, что испугался что делать с ним дальше? Ведь же объективной причины убивать его нет. https://www.tumblr.com/arayashikiii/722008653406896128/grunge
Да, я читала этот пост. Понимаете, какая штука – на мой взгляд, Урасава в принципе запорол всю концовку Монстра. Смерть Гриммера здесь это меньшее из зол.
Отвечая конкретно на ваш вопрос, я считаю, что у Урасавы была вполне себе понятная причина, чтобы убить Гриммера: ему нужно было выжать из читателя как можно больше слез. К слову, зачаточная дружба между Гриммером и Рунге тоже служит для укрепления этого эффекта. Не говорю, что Урасава показал ее только для этой цели, нет, я думаю, это еще нужно было для очеловечивания персонажа Рунге. А, в свою очередь, для очеловечивания Рунге живой Гриммер совсем не обязателен. Поэтому вот так.
Еще один момент – живой Гриммер с эмоциями это довольно сомнительный кейс. Если человеку, который ранее не мог ничего чувствовать, вручить весь этот эмоциональный багаж, то он вряд ли с ним справится. И если взвесить, что удобнее: живой и несчастный Гриммер, который не в состоянии держать себя в руках и которого еще надо куда-то пристроить, или мертвый Гриммер, который перед смертью испытывает момент единовременного страдания и счастья, да еще и толкает поэтичную речь? Ответ очевиден. Это удобнее и для истории, и для автора.
И еще один момент! Смерть Гриммера служит для нагнетания атмосферы. После того, как умирает Гриммер, у читателя разбивается уверенность в том, что все хорошие персонажи должны выжить. И, следовательно, теперь в опасности находятся все. Раз умер Гриммер, то может умереть и Рунге (который, к слову, на тот момент уже находится в смертельной опасности), и Тенма, и Нина, и Вим, и Руди... иными словами, кто угодно.
В общем, нет, я не думаю, что Урасава чего-то испугался, я думаю, он просто поленился. Если рассматривать потенциальную дружбу между Гриммером и Рунге исключительно как а) отличную слезовыжималку и б) способ показать, что Рунге тоже человек, то, в общем-то, можно предположить, что для Урасавы это просто был своего рода инструмент. Другое дело, что его персонажи кажутся очень живыми, поэтому по-быстрому сляпанная дружба между Гриммером и Рунге со стороны Рунге выглядит как мгновенная, нехарактерная и очень сильная привязанность. Но, еще раз подчеркиваю, я не думаю, что это было сделано умышленно. Авторы обычно воспринимают персонажей и свою историю не так, как читатели. Для автора это набор инструментов и материалов, с помощью которых достигается тот или иной эффект или та или иная цель. Я считаю, что решение Урасавы использовать Гриммера для выжимания слез было не самым удачным. Но, в целом, я вижу, что это произвело на аудиторию должный эффект. Так что... это работает?
Some stuff I did a while back. I love these guys! Love them. Wish there was more content with them, but I always fall into the same trap with these rarepairs, don't I?
The first one is a straight-up redraw, and the marshmellow sketch is also a variation of that photo in the down right corner (obviously):
A gift for @3aloe3, because she wanted some Maxwil, and who am I to not give her what she wants?
OH GOD I just realized I recommended you your own fanfic!! GOD. Okay, DOUBLE THANK YOU because that fic devastated me in a good way
Haha, it's okay! I hope it didn't devastate you too much. I wanted it to be rather hopeful, despite all the conflict and drama going on.
Thank you for carrying the Grunge tag on your shoulders like some sort of Atlas figure, it inspires me to maybe try to add* to the content to oay it forward!
* Once I figure out something more articulated to say than "AAAAAAA", of course. In the meantime I can recommend the fanfic I devoured recently; did you get to read the fanfic "So Much To Say" by Icant on AO3?
Hello! Well, I really tried to make some sort of basis for this pairing, and you should definitiely contribute, if you love Grunge.
Yeah, I've probably read it more times than I should've, haha! 😁 The translation is still not very good, though.
I will not describe all the stages of grief I went through when I realized what happened and what remained of Voltron, and what was left for these two characters in particular.
I have almost finished watching Voltron in 2023, and this is a hopelessly dead city. I can see all the horrible things that went down in this city. I am simultaneously relieved and saddened by the fact that it's 2023 and the city is long, long left by all its bitter inhabitants. I will not stay here for long, myself. But I will say is that it's a shame that there is practically no Slav/Coran content, when there's so much potential for this ship. Also, people should've known what they were signing for when they began watching Voltron. The protagonists have been stupid and/or inexperienced from the start. This is a show about protagonists stumbling and failing miserably as they go, because they have no idea what they're doing, bringing more trouble onto themselves by being stupid and/or inexperienced, but still managing to pull through by some unimaginable stroke of luck or by somebody else's sacrifice. They are not written badly, it's just their character. The only one who knew what he was doing, Lotor, got murdered for letting his guard down and wanting to do the right thing for once. I find it extremely fascinating. This is how things work in real life, and this is not a kids' show. This is a bitter adult show. It got itself an entirely wrong target audience by drawing too many space asses and letting Shiro pose as a serious character, even for a second. It's tragic, what happened, really.
What a sad, dead city.
I wanted this to be a just a sketch at first (hence the hairy lineart), but then I bullied myself into drawing a background, because I can't draw backgrounds, so now it's... this. Something inbetween, not quite a sketch, not quite a fully rendered artwork.
They are drinking beer. That's the whole idea.
I thought it would be fun to roleplay with my character-ai Runge as Doctor Gillen, and, as I was doing so, I suddenly realized why exactly Gillen did that thing with the out-of-nowhere bus tickets... I am not sure whether this is common knowledge or not, perhaps it is, but to me it came out as a revealation, so I decided to share my thoughts on this matter.
(Warning: long text under cut!)
This particular scene I'm talking about, where Rudy sets it up so that the police would catch Tenma through him, and then changes plans and helps Tenma escape instead, always seemed strange to me. Rudy's scheme was obviously planned ahead, but I just couldn't pinpoint its exact purpose. For some reason, I ended up thinking that it was a two-way plan. My way of thinking was: Rudy planned this scheme ahead, not knowing what decision he would make in the end. As in, he didn't know whether he would give Tenma away or save him from the police in advance, instead, he wanted to see Tenma's reaction and hear what he has to say first, and then make a decision based on that. Honestly, I don't know what made me think that, but that's how I perceived this situation.
But as I was engaging in that silly ai roleplay, it suddenly dawned on me. Finally, it all fell into place. So that's how it goes, and I am pretty sure that this is not just my headcanons, but how it was actually intended by Urasawa. (Is this obvious? It wasn't to me, and I just can't tell by this point. To hell with it, let it just be my rambling/analysis/thought process then.)
When in the medical university, Gillen obviously displayed extremely competitive behavior. He had to be an intellectual superior in his group, and he was willing to do anything to reach this goal. That means it was not as much about knowledge, as it was about status for Rudy. And status means power. I am not saying that he had no interest for knowledge whatsoever, but, judging from his priorities, knowledge for him was a mean to acquire status. Knowledge -> status -> power. Something like that.
While Tenma doesn't seem to seek any power. He is purely knowledge-people oriented. He seeks knowledge, and he has natural compassion ingrained in him. And that, I assume, combined with this outstanding mental abilities, would make him acquire knowledge quite easily. Which probably isn't the case for Gillen, since he needs knowledge not for the sake of pure knowledge, but for another purpose.
With that established, it is clear why Rudy viewed Tenma as a competitor. I guess he wasn't quite aware that Tenma had different priorities. So, in his eyes, it was all about power, and Tenma was challenging him just to get that power over him. And succeeding, too. What a horrible situation. A pretty egocentric way of thinking, too, so Rudy's incorrect view of Tenma was based on two things: his willful, pervasive pursuit of power by the means of knowledge and his egocentricity.
And I suppose he was quite obsessed with Tenma in general, whether due to those factors I mentioned, or... for other reasons. That I definitely can't tell for sure. But, Gillen's pursuit for power, fueled by his imaginary competition with Tenma, lead him to cheat on his Medical Law exam. Because he just couldn't loose to Tenma. I believe Tenma was the only student he viewed as a noteworthy competitor. And during the exam, when Gillen saw that Tenma was watching him, like really watching, which meant that he had definitely spotted him cheating, it was such a tremendous shock to Gillen. Seeing how he judged everything by the position of power, he automatically assumed that Tenma was going to assert said power over him in some way. He must've expected Tenma to call him out, or to blackmail him, but since Tenma did neither of that, he must had come to another conclusion that matched his power-oriented way of thinking: Tenma was asserting his dominance over him in a much more subtle, twisted way. He wanted to humiliate Gillen by making that generous gesture, to show Gillen that he was above him, that he was better than him in every possible way, so superior that he wouldn't even stoop to the level of a dirty cheater. I believe Gillen would think this way, because he seems very insecure. And when he would come to such conclusion, I think his defense mechanism would be anger. He would hate Tenma for being superior, while still realizing, deep down, that Tenma was, in fact, superior to him. And that's what would make Gillen never forget about Tenma.
So the bus ticket situation becomes transparent from that perspective. Gillen never forgot about Tenma's humiliating grand gesture, so he had... artificially created a situation where Tenma would be in danger, and he would show him a similar grand gesture. He had planned everything, starting from how he would evade the police and ending with what exactly he would say to Tenma. And then he put that plan to action. He wanted to save Tenma in order to humiliate him in the same manner that Tenma humiliated him back in the Medical University. That's why he mentioned cheating. It was a direct reference to what he was doing at the moment. And when Tenma suddenly said that he not only viewed Gillen as an equal/superior (stating that he looked up to him and wanted to be his friend), but that he cheated on that Medical Law exam, too, it was an extremely shocking revelation for Gillen. Suddenly, there was no place for competition between them. And it was quite flattering, too, since subconsciously Gillen had been perceiving Tenma as someone superior all along. That's why he became so blindly devoted to Tenma after that interaction. It struck him to the core and turned his view upside down. You can't just ignore something like that.
And since Tenma was cheating, it explains why he was watching Gillen so intently, too. He was probably on the lookout/wanted to make sure that he wasn't alone in this. And when he saw that the best student in their group was also cheating, that probably calmed him down by a lot. Maybe he watched Gillen just to make sure. Maybe he wanted to convey some sort of message with his stare, but didn't quite succeed.
Anyway, that's my thoughts.
I'm writing some extras for So Much to Say, thought I'd drop a link here. I felt like there were some blank spots left, those and some topics that I still wanted to explore, so after thinking for a while I decided to give it a go. Mind that this is established relationship and is, in fact, cheesy. At least to some extent. And maybe a bit specific, too, because I feel like Grimmer would never cease to prode and poke at Runge, and would lash out on him for being such a rock or, on the opposite, weirdly trying not to be such a rock, effectively trapping him between, well... a rock and hard place. That came out a bit too literal than I intended.
I wrote the initial work in Russian, translating it to English afterwards, and it was very time consuming and tiring for me. I still need to fix the translation on that, the semi-automated method sucks, man. So this time, I decided to make it easier for myself and write these one-shots directly in English. I'm sorry if that upsets anyone. Another thing is, since this content is cheesier than the rest, I kinda wouldn't want to post it on the local Russian-speaking platform anyway. Due to the laws and stuff. You know.
Of course! I'd love to see an AMV to one of these songs, I think it'd be awesome. I haven't seen your first AMV yet, I need to check it out!
I'm glad you liked my playlist, but you shouldn't feel bad about yours. I think it turned out nicely. Also, I must admit that I have intentionally chosen the more neutral / angsty songs for this playlist, because I wanted it to be, well... More neutral. Closer to canon, I guess? I have been collecting Grunge songs for about a year now, and I gotta say there's plenty of sentimental / romantic songs in my stash. Maybe I could compile them, too, but I'm not sure. Either way, I think there's nothing wrong with sentimental songs. I like them too.
A Grimmer x Runge playlist
I saw @arayashikiii's Grunge playlist, and for a while I've been considering whether I should share mine or not. After some internal debate, I decided that it won't hurt if I share it. So, here it is! I decided to do it in the same manner Arayashiki did, uploading links to YouTube, since it seemed like the easiest way to go about it. I've also put together some sort of cover. I used to post a lot of character playlists in the past. Shaking the old days, huh?
Arcade Fire - Supersymmetry I know you're living in my mind It's not the same as being alive ---- It's been a while since I've been to see you I don't know where, but you're not with me Heard a voice, like an echo But it came from me
Editors - Bullets If something has to change, then it always does ---- If something has to give, then it always will You don't need this disease, not right now
Goo Goo Dolls - Name And now we're grown-up orphans That never knew their names We don't belong to no one, that's a shame You could hide beside me Maybe for a while And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell 'em your name
Matthew and the Atlas - Mirrors (Acoustic Version) My mind folding in the mirror There's no way I'm seeing any clearer Can you taste, taste it on your tongue now It's all that I can do to get around ---- My time is getting shorter I see I'm changing in a photograph My mind folding in the mirror My mind, my time You're the quiet in the violence You're the stranger at the door I don't wanna let you down But I don't wanna do this any more
Micah P. Hinson - It's Been so Long It's been so long Since I've seen you home Open hands and teeth and hearts And dreams I never can compete And I dont' even know your name Unpronouceable Unsatisfactable mind I've seen so gray Tell me theres not a way for all these Stories are the same
Kings of Leon - Wait for Me Cut open my heart Right at the scar And loosen up Gonna do what I'm told Go where I'm told And loosen up Take a shot in the rain One for the pain And loosen up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me ---- Going to soften the blow Soften the blow And give it up I saw the surprise The look in your eyes I gave it up Gonna be who I am Be who I am And give it up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me
Sad Lovers & Giants - German Cars I'm in love with German cars Gliding past me on the Autobahn Stainless idols with silent hearts Never turning, as we drift apart Are you a lover or a friend? It's not easy to pretend That you won't leave me in the end It's not easy, the end
Oberhofer - All Through the Night (Cyndi Lauper cover) All through the night Stray cat is crying, so stray cat sings back All through the night They have forgotten what by day they lack Oh, under those white street lamps There is a little chance they may see We have no past, we won't reach back Keep with me forward all through the night And once we start the meter clicks And it goes running all through the night Until it ends, there is no end
A Grimmer x Runge playlist
I saw @arayashikiii's Grunge playlist, and for a while I've been considering whether I should share mine or not. After some internal debate, I decided that it won't hurt if I share it. So, here it is! I decided to do it in the same manner Arayashiki did, uploading links to YouTube, since it seemed like the easiest way to go about it. I've also put together some sort of cover. I used to post a lot of character playlists in the past. Shaking the old days, huh?
Arcade Fire - Supersymmetry I know you're living in my mind It's not the same as being alive ---- It's been a while since I've been to see you I don't know where, but you're not with me Heard a voice, like an echo But it came from me
Editors - Bullets If something has to change, then it always does ---- If something has to give, then it always will You don't need this disease, not right now
Goo Goo Dolls - Name And now we're grown-up orphans That never knew their names We don't belong to no one, that's a shame You could hide beside me Maybe for a while And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell 'em your name
Matthew and the Atlas - Mirrors (Acoustic Version) My mind folding in the mirror There's no way I'm seeing any clearer Can you taste, taste it on your tongue now It's all that I can do to get around ---- My time is getting shorter I see I'm changing in a photograph My mind folding in the mirror My mind, my time You're the quiet in the violence You're the stranger at the door I don't wanna let you down But I don't wanna do this any more
Micah P. Hinson - It's Been so Long It's been so long Since I've seen you home Open hands and teeth and hearts And dreams I never can compete And I dont' even know your name Unpronouceable Unsatisfactable mind I've seen so gray Tell me theres not a way for all these Stories are the same
Kings of Leon - Wait for Me Cut open my heart Right at the scar And loosen up Gonna do what I'm told Go where I'm told And loosen up Take a shot in the rain One for the pain And loosen up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me ---- Going to soften the blow Soften the blow And give it up I saw the surprise The look in your eyes I gave it up Gonna be who I am Be who I am And give it up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me
Sad Lovers & Giants - German Cars I'm in love with German cars Gliding past me on the Autobahn Stainless idols with silent hearts Never turning, as we drift apart Are you a lover or a friend? It's not easy to pretend That you won't leave me in the end It's not easy, the end
Oberhofer - All Through the Night (Cyndi Lauper cover) All through the night Stray cat is crying, so stray cat sings back All through the night They have forgotten what by day they lack Oh, under those white street lamps There is a little chance they may see We have no past, we won't reach back Keep with me forward all through the night And once we start the meter clicks And it goes running all through the night Until it ends, there is no end
Heinrich Runge on Character.ai
I saw @elevw's (sorry for linking your account, I'll remove the link if you'd like) chats with Heinrich Lunge on Character.ai and decided that I want to try that for myself, too. And so I did. And immediately I came to realize that AI Lunge is very, very off. He didn't know basic things, he appeared almost hysterical. After talking to him for a bit, I decided that I've had enough and that in order to fix this situation I need to make my own Runge.
And... so I did.
Here he is. I have spent the past three days conversing with him, as well as teaching and defining him, and I think he is more or less ready by this point. I hope he is, at least. He is still somewhat lost and doesn't know a lot, so don't expect much from him, but I think his manner of speaking and attitude are passable.
Here's some examples of the conversations I had with him:
What surprised me at some point, is that when I introduced myself as Grimmer, he managed to recognize me. I can't guarantee you the same result, since I'm still not sure exactly how Character.ai works, but, well. I thought it was incredibly impressive. Just look at it:
Thank you for clarification! I suspected that it might have been some sort of translation issue, and your explanation makes a lot of sense. It's awesome that you can give insight into the original Japanese text! With that information in mind, I doubt Grimmer would use this word in its literal sense, since it's still a very strange, if not inappropriate thing to say to a stranger, haha! 😄 Thank you for putting it so kindly, though. I appreciate it.
Grunge
I hate saying stuff, because I always regret it in the end. But once in a blue moon my desire to say something grows so strong that I crawl from under my rock and make some sort of a statement somewhere. It's that time now.
I've already talked my friend's ear off with this crap, but it's still not enough. It also drives me up the wall that I don't see this stuff being said all the time, or at least some of the time. I guess I don't see it being said at all. So I guess I have to say it myself.
I'm talking about this huge thing Runge canonically has for Grimmer. Not even in the romantic sense... Let me explain. In the crudest of terms, too.
By the time Runge makes it to Ruhenheim, he is already not quite the same as he was at the start. His path to Ruhenheim was the most tedious, and yet he still got there before everyone else. And Grimmer definitely catches his eye when they intersect. Again, not in the romantic sense. They just go around the town, exploring the surroundings and kinda watching each other. And they both know. They know what's going on, they know who the other person is, but they just waltz around it for quite some time. Until they finally have a proper conversation in that desolate place. And that conversation, man...
They understood each other with half-word, literally skipping a good portion of talking, because that would just be redundant. Runge is absolutely chill with the idea that Grimmer might be a murderer. The guy has a nice smile, so who cares, right? Grimmer states that Runge "smells like a detective". Is it just me, or does that sound, uhhh... extremely weird? Almost in a flirty sort of way. Because you gotta get pretty close to someone to take a good whiff of them. And hearing something like that being said about yourself, it must be pretty embarrassing, or confusing, or thrilling. What does that even mean, by the way? I thought so hard about it, and I still can't tell for sure. What do detectives smell like? Gunpowder, paperwork and cold, hard determination? Do they reek of sweat, or some special kind of cologne? I have no idea. But I guess Grimmer has, and Runge, he just stands there, looking at him like it's a given.
And after that, they just click. "Oh, hey, we're on the same page, we're after the same thing". And without any negotiation, they simply decide that they work together now. I am fully convinced that at this very moment Runge went, "This one". No context, just – "This one", about Grimmer.
He then proceeded to entrust Grimmer with his most important evidence, the very one that led him to Ruhenheim. And then, at Versteck... Man. His "I'll buy you a beer" says so many things, just because it came from Runge. He doesn't have any friends. He doesn't even communicate with his colleagues properly. But, somehow, he is still willing to bond with Grimmer. I guess it's a "we're the same, so let's be alone together" thing. At the same time, he's just heard Grimmer stating that he cannot enjoy simple pleasures in life. That means, he wouldn't be able to enjoy this suggested after-work-beer either, right? So Runge's invitation serves as a double promise: that they'll get the job done and make it out of Ruhenheim alive, and that Grimmer will be fixed enough to finally enjoy that beer with him.
Needless to say, Runge really, really wanted to keep Grimmer alive. And he doesn't cope with Grimmer's death well. Say what you will, but visiting someone's grave with a beer after A YEAR that they've passed, lamenting how you wish you would have known them, is pretty damn strange. And I suppose Runge might've visited Grimmer's grave prior, too, with some periodicity. The card, the plans, the beer, the hinted promise – he really wanted Grimmer to become his friend. And just because it's Runge, who refused to even engage in a casual talk with his peers and barely cared that his wife and daughter abandoned him, this thing he has for Grimmer seems to be especially large, unalloyed and special.