Maybe In Another Universe, I Can Ask For Help When I Need It.

I want love but I don't want to have to beg for it. Please love me too. Please acknowledge me. It's like you don't want me here anymore...are you better off without me? Is everyone better off without me?...

I should've never lived to see 2025.

little story

wow I love living in a townhouse and when I go to let my sister into the house ( after losing her keys) only to look behind her an see 7+ police cars at the neighbor across from us. This is a every few month experience for our neighborhood.

when we first moved into this house my mom got woken up to a banging on the door and strobe lights, only to open the door and in her words “a very good looking police officer” greeted her to ask about our next door neighbors, he was very understanding about how we don’t know them as we LITERALLY JUST MOVED IN.

my sister got woken up shortly after because they were calling out to the neighbors to get them to all walk outside and do the normal SWAT team shit, because yes my neighbors got SWATTED.

Now you might by asking, ‘but Daphie where were you when this happened?’ Dead asleep that’s where 😂

I slept through a fucking swatting, I have no memory of this happening until I was told about it in the morning.

moral of the story I can sleep through anything if I slept through a SWAT team- I have a few more stories like that in college lol

I got my new class schedule!

Registering absolutely sucked because freshman get to pick last so everything filled up, and to go and top it off it didn’t open until 12 am!!

I wanna smoke a cigarette. I wanna cut. I wanna kill myself. I wanna starve. Everything I want rn is self destruction.

the devil couldn’t reach me so he made me feel like i dont belong anywhere.

Ana Story

about halfway through my first semester of college I had a friend of mine that I spoke to about my ed, he never judged me and while I knew that he was worried he never tried to force me into recovery- at least at that time- sometimes he forgot that there were some things that triggered me. The time that I talking about was when I started bingeing quite a bit due to stress, anyway to see the scene I had a lot of food on my plate and as I sit down he looks over to me and says” are you gonna eat all that? Can you really handle it? If not I’ll finish it for you” I think he saw the look on my face of pure guilt and regret, because as I tried to take another bite I stopped and pushed the plate away and said “nvm I not hungry anymore”. It wasn’t until later that I got a text from him saying that he didn’t realize that what he said caused me to stop eating and that some of the other people at our table told him that what he said probably made me feel like shit- which it did and I ended up going on a 4 day fast that ended with me fainting in class-

I haven’t spoken to him in a while, mostly because of winter break. He’s a good friend but really wants me to recover eventually, he’s got a bit of a hero complex- which I don’t really mind- he’s super easy to talk to and is a safe space for me. There’s been times when we both couldn’t sleep so we go on hour long walks around campus just talking, then we sit somewhere on campus talking more long into the night. There was this one time that we laid on the concrete infront of the chapel just staring at the night sky, it was so peaceful. id like to experience that at least one more time in my life, just to hear him call me is angel again

This is us laying on the floor in one of the dorm halls kitchen while our friends make cookies, it’s sometime around 1 am at this point. We’re all tired but there’s too much on our minds to sleep, it was strangely peaceful and calming even though we all had so much going on.