Please Signal Boost This For Anyone That Owns A Dog, Works With Dogs Or Knows Someone With A Dog, This

9 Things Only Ellen Could Get Away With

1. Delivering pizza at an awards show like it’s totally normal.

2. Getting a million celebrities together to take a selfie and break the Internet.

3. Getting The President to dance on national television.

4. She can get T-Swift to wear sweaters with her and watch cat videos.

5. She can dispense advice like no one else.

6. She is never afraid, even when Jennifer Aniston tries her hardest to scare her.

7. She can convince Britney to shimmy in front of random strangers’ houses.

8. She’s always going to be herself regardless of what people say. 

9. Her haters are her motivators.

Dude, I know it’s Friday, but I’m at work! …I’ll add some Baileys to my morning coffee, just to let him know I’m thinking about him. #ItsFridayBitches

How to be an Awesome Wife: Millennial Edition

Take care of the children. Staying home to raise your children is not for the faint of heart. It is a daily challenge, but very rewarding in the end. Your Husband is probably an amazing Father, but he will never have the same emotional connection that you do with your children. Mothers have a maternal instinct and a bond with their babies cannot be broken. Utilize parenting techniques that work for both of you. Your Husband should act as lead disciplinarian, with you acting at the lead nurturer. This instills structure and a hierarchy in your home; teaching your children to respect authority. This starts by submitting to your husband, in turn your children will have a model to emulate.

Cook and bake well. Being in charge of your family’s nutrition is of the upmost importance. Making mac and cheese from a box every night dosent count. Cooking shows, online tutorials/ courses and cookbooks are all great references. Prepping meals earlier in the day or the night before is also a big help when it comes to managing family time in the evenings.

Keep your home clean. The home should be a relaxing environment. A disorderly home causes stress and anxiety. Your Husband wants to come home to an orderly home. If you have very small children, your Husband should allow you some leeway here, as young children are professional lil’ mess-makers.

Put effort into your appearance. Look attractive for him, never “let yourself go.” Take time to do your hair and make-up. Online make-up tutorials are helpful. Wear tight fitting clothes; low cut shirts and yoga pants when in the house. If your Husband prefers that you dress more modestly while outside, then do so accordingly.

Never deny any type of sexual advances from your Husband. Additionally, your acceptance should be paired with enthusiasm. Your Husband should feel comfortable to act out any sexual ideas/fantasies that he may have. Once married, ANY kind of sexual act between a Husband and wife is deemed as an “act of love.” Dick sucking/oral sex should be offered daily and is also an act of submission in and of itself.

When you are out alone, never partake in anything that your Husband wouldn’t approve of. If you have to hide something, then you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

Dont spend too much time on your phone or tablet when your Husband is home. Additionally, when your Husband speaks to you, look up at him and not down at your phone when replying.

Do not argue aggressively with him. Communicate openly and calmly about any issues that arise. Both partners deserve to be heard respectfully. Your opinion is important to your Husband as he doesn’t want a doormat. But as Man of the house, he should make the final decision.

Save money. Housewives are often seen as “kept women” who shop and spend frivolously. Alternatively, many housewives will tell you what a complete fallacy that is. Learning how to budget money properly, couponing and keeping a stockpile are all important aspects of running your home efficiently.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

me: *has an opinion*

me: *realizes that my opinion is a result of my limited world view*

me: *stays in my lane*