Arthurian Hot Takes From Before I Joined The Fandom

The Superpowers of Queen Guinevere

(a compliment for my Superhuman Knights post)

Giantess/Superhuman Strength (and Size) - British Folk Myths/Welsh Lore

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Sorcery/Prophecy - De Ortuu Waluuanii/Enfances Gauvain

Preternatural Hair - Knight of the Cart

Ageless Beauty - Vulgate Cycle

...so, writers, where is my Muscle Witch Rapunzel-type Queen?

Amusingly, these funfacts give a solid reason why Morgan needs something like the Green Knight to assassinate Guinevere, particularly the giantess thing from Welsh Myth: Morgan doesn't stand a chance against Guinevere face-to-face.

Bonus Attributes:

Wisdom and Graciousness

Conte du Graal/Perceval - Gawain's description

Vulgate Cycle - Merlin's description

Vulgate Cycle - Guinevere being compared to the God-blessed Grail Maiden

The Queen's Knights

(Give Gwen back her warriors!)

Arthurian headcanon no. 1: Sir Galahad the Weird and his dubious fashion choices

The canon: 

Percival’s sister, known as the Grail Heroine, makes Galahad a sword belt out of her hair, which was cut off when she became a nun and which she had previously been carrying around in a box because of a prophecy. To the best of my recollection, there is never any mention of him taking it off. 

The headcanon: 

Galahad never stops wearing the hair belt. People notice it but are too weirded out or intimidated to enquire about it, with the possible exception of random old ladies like Dame Clarys. Her reaction to his explanation (something along the lines of, “This was given to me by a most noble lady…no, we are both aroace; she is a nun…was a nun; she’s dead now… I really needed a belt, and she had this box of hair… Why? There was a prophecy…) would be, “That’s nice, dear”, because she too is an icon.

It was a musical, but...I am not beating the allegations.

I shall take this as an opportunity to ramble about Rómeó és Júlia, the subject of said allegations by @unstark, who may have created a monster (/j; thank you for doing so).

The first thing to know is that I haven't read Romeo and Juliet since middle school and liked it well enough then but wasn't really enthused because I liked the poetic elements but found the romance somewhat grating. However, I am a theater kid/opera nerd at heart, and looking at different versions of things and analyzing the connections, sometimes to an obsessive degree, is one of the things I live for (that's part of the lure of Arthuriana).

The second is that Rómeó és Júlia (ResJ) is fantastic, in large part because the cast is incredibly talented. I've seen all or a good portion of several different language versions of the musical, which originated in France as Roméo et Juliette (RetJ), and they all have good or decent but reasonably similar Juliets and mostly fine to mediocre Romeos. In addition to having a good Juliet, this Romeo, played by Dolhai Attila, was quite charming as an actor as well as a great singer so the rest have been mostly downhill. I am afraid, though, that like most of the people on ResJ/RetJ Tumblr, the characters I found most interesting were Mercutio and Tybalt, who both vary wildly from production to production. In ResJ, Mercutio (who fans call Zolicutio because he's played by Zoltán Bereczki) is a force of nature, and I did not properly appreciate that the first time I watched it. He sings, dances almost constantly, acts well, and raps in Magyar, and he never seems to stop or slack in energy until he dies. Tybalt, on the other hand, is a deeply tortured soul who's occasionally comedic in his melodrama (he does the Mr. Bean walk once) but has genuine pathos. I originally watched the first half without subtitles and did not realize the...ahem...concerning nature of his thoughts about Juliet, but that's in almost every version of the musical, and it is not as big a trigger warning as the obvious one, which is that Romeo and Juliet includes onstage suicide and murder, as well as references to sexual content. This is probably the first thing anyone learns about Romeo and Juliet, but I thought I should put that out there to be safe. Anyway, Szilveszter Szabó was vastly different than how I pictured Tybalt while reading the play, but he was excellent and brought a new perspective to the character. You love to see it. Also, ResJ Benvolio is a punk with the heart of a golden retriever, another far-from-the-play take which works in its context.

Now, the 2010 French version. I followed ResJ with the RetJ revival because John Eyzen's Mercutio is the second most popular Mercutio on Tumblr, after the inimitable Zolicutio, and I wanted to see what the hype was about. He is vastly, vastly different, both from how I imagined Mercutio and how Mercutio is in any other production. Eycutio alternates between stillness and over-the-top energy. He may or may not be bad mental illness rep. He may or may not be beholden to the madness-inducing entities of Chaos. Eyzen fully embraced the vibes of "La Follie" and the Queen Mab speech Mercutio has in Shakespeare to create a very unstable dude who revels in unpredictability and danger to a greater degree than Zolicutio and has probably won Best-Haired Veronese Man three years in a row. He has a love/hate relationship with Tybalt and flirts with him while fighting. (Zolicutio also flirts with Tybalt, but less in a I've-secretly-liked-you-since-we-were-twelve-but-also-hate-you-and-we-kissed-at-a-party-once-but-you-pretend-you-don't-remember-and-I'm-going-to-make-that-hard-for-you way than an I-bet-you're-into-me-and-also-that-you'll-hate-this-and-I-could-be-into-you-but-it's-not-clear-and-I-canonically-kissed-Romeo-but-didn't-seem-serious-about-it-and-I-rap-about-not-liking-romance-and-it-might-be-to-hide/drown/prevent-the-pain-or-I-might-be-aroallo-and-thriving way). Tim Ross's 2nd Tybalt looks and acts like the unlikely and maltreated test-tube child of George Michael and Cruella de Vil, and I'm going to leave it about that, because I have rambled too long without mentioning that Romeo's costume is exceptionally terrible in this one, that I really did not like Escalus, and that the Nurse was fantastic. All in all, what this one has to recommend it is the excellent Nurse, plus Tybalt and Mercutio's unevenly acted but ultimately interesting dynamic, which is the stuff of Fanlore pages.

I have not watched all of the 2001 French original, even though many people say Cécilia Cara is the best Juliet, because the other Juliets are also good and apparently a bald Mercutio is one thing I cannot take. (I could under certain conditions. If he were a young cancer patient, then that would add an urgency to his fervor for living life to the fullest, and a suspicion that he's going to die painfully soon whatever he does could influence his recklessness, but him being considerably older and more sophisticated than Romeo is weird). I might watch more of it, but it's low priority.

Apart from those, I've watched large parts of the Italian and Israeli ones, which I prefer to the French ones in acting but not in singing. The Italian one is a lot more dramatic than the Israeli one, which is maybe the least dramatic RetJ variant ever but pulls it off really well. The characters seem like normal people you would meet who try their best but get caught up in a tragedy bigger than they can understand. Of special note, as usual, is that ever-shifting scene, the duel between Mercutio and Tybalt, and this is the most original take on it I've seen. What sets it apart is that THEY DON'T EVEN DISLIKE EACH OTHER. You get the sense that they've had a lighthearted rivalry since they were kids but they're sort of friends and it's all a game to them. It's also the only version I've seen where those two actually have fencing swords, so the fight looks more realistic, emphasizing that they're playing with fire. When he realizes Mercutio is dying, Tybalt is visibly devastated and seems to lose the will to live. I don't usually cry at movies or shows, but that is the version which brought me the closest to crying.

I would like to watch the 2019 Toho version, since it comes highly recommended, but am not sure where to and might have to wait a while on that one. After I'm done with the Italian one, I intend to watch the Russian one, the German one, and the alternate cast recording of the Hungarian one. As for the English one...well, I've listened to a bit of it, and it was awful.

If you want to watch multiple versions at once or see which ones you might like, there is a great playlist on YouTube where someone edited together parts of the videos of different versions. If you want an incoherent-without-watching-the-full-thing but possibly still entertaining look into it, watch this compilation someone made, which is extremely funny if you've actually seen the full musical.

If you've read this entire semi-coherent ramble, you're a trooper. I hope it was vaguely interesting. Have a wonderful day!

it’s really easy to become obsessed with a shakespeare play you just have to watch one version of it and then read the play and then go mad trying to watch every possible version of it you can find and then study several centuries worth of performance history and controversy

Hi :) Could I have the source for "wherever Arthur walks, plants die"? That's very "Holly King" coded of him

Sure thing! It's from Triad 23 in the Red Book of Hergest. Here's a translation by John Rhŷs and John Gwenogvryn Evans:

Three Red Ravagers of the Island of Britain: Rhun son of Beli, and Lleu Skilful Hand, and Morgant the Wealthy. But there was one who was a Red Ravager greater than all three: Arthur was his name. For a year neither grass nor plants used to spring up where one of the three would walk; but where Arthur went, not for seven years.

Peniarth MS 54 lists "{t}hree red-spotted ones of the Island of Prydain. Arthur; and Run son of Beli; and Morgant Mwynfawr" (W.F. Skene's translation), which probably means the same thing, since both include Arthur, Rhun son of Beli, and someone named Morgant. In Welsh, "Morgant the Wealthy" is Morgant Hael, and I haven't been able to determine whether he and Morgant Myfanwyr are the same person.

Thanks for the ask!

And now, for the most niche poll I’ve ever posted or even encountered on this website:

Victor Frankenstein used corpses. Merlin used blood and fingernails.

Merlin is Frankenstein on a budget and Frankenstein is budget Merlin.

Gargantua, artificial grandson of Lancelot and Guinevere.

The Poet's Corner Window at Westminster Abbey, designed by Graham Jones, with diamonds for Alexander Pope, Oscar Wilde, Christopher Marlowe, Elizabeth Gaskell, Robert Herrick, A.E. Housman, and Frances Burney (descending, left then right)

@thescreechowl has translated the "König Anteloy", a German Arthuriana from the 13th century, into English. With her permission, I have made a PDF file of her translation for sharing, reading and preservation purposes. Happy New Year's to all!

Read the "König Anteloy" in PDF format here.

New headcanon that Gareth's hair color changed dramatically as he grew up and by the time he sees his older brothers again he resembles a different relative than whoever he used to look most like, so they don't recognize him but he seems eerily familiar to them

Gawain: You know, you remind me of my younger brother... Gareth [mentally]: He recognizes me! Gawain:...Gaheris. Gareth [mentally]: Facepalms

Griflet also gets a flower crown, but his is ambiguous.

happy lancelot and his crown of roses day to all who celebrate :)