Hi Deer :3

i want to spoil ranpo with sweets and little plushies like the baby he is hes 26 but the 2 is silent. hes my child i adopted him

BUT THE 2 IS SILENT LMFAOOOO

Everyone is gathered in a circle in the middle of the Agency's office, on edge as they surround... something. Behind them is a whiteboard on wheels with a few tallies covering it, a line down the middle separating them. Four tallies lined up on one side, four tallies lined up on the other.

The president enters the room, confused at the ruckus that has ceased operations. He quietly makes his way to the center, using his tall stature to peer over everyone and see into the circle.

Before he can react, Ranpo shouts,

"NOW!"

and you both let your beyblades rip. Cheers start coming from either side, various members hoping for either you or Ranpo to succeed. The toys bash into each other over and over, waiting to see who'll knock out the other first.

"RANPO, DON'T KICK THEM!" You yelp, hands moving out to hold him back from manipulating the results — results he assuredly already deduced. So, if he was trying to mess with them, then...

Dazai shouts your name, proclaiming you as the winner of the beyblade tournament. Kunikida promptly moves to the whiteboard, cracking open the marker in his hand to add another tally to the left side.

Standing in shock, Fukuzawa isn't sure of what to think. "Who brought this in?"

Ranpo points to you, grinning before slinging an arm around your shoulder. "Aren't they great? It's a gift for me! For being so awesome, obviously."

Fukuzawa only sighs, heading back into his office without a word.

"Best out of seven?"

"Ranpo, we already moved from best of three to five. Just admit you lost!"

sorry for asking but are u cool with nsfw stuffs?

idk! ive never written for it so probably not :( feel free to send smth and worst case i just delete the ask lol

just thought of the most rom-com scenario ever. reader is the new hire for the ADA and immediately off the bat, dazai is dazai. reader just takes it as the typical sense of humor and just laughs it off, thinking he’s not actually interested considering his many various ventures. eventually the two of them are assigned to missions quite often (with atsushi as a third wheel) and the two get along great in terms of humor, personality, work in the field… it boggles atsushi’s mind that the two of them aren’t at least going on ONE date. one night dazai tells him in a drunken stupor over the phone he has feelings for y/n but doesn’t want to ruin what they have. y/n ends up telling atsushi they don’t know what to do if they keep getting missions with dazai because one of these days they may slip up due to him just BEING there. he ends up confiding in both yosano and kunikida about it when the two are out of the office and they both just go “y/n and HIM??? anyone deserves better than THAT” but yosano means it in a more teasing way and kunikida means it in a serious way because. kunikida. thus begins a quest for atsushi; to bring the two together, and it drives him NUTS because the two both don’t think the other likes them. dazai assumes y/n would rather have interest in any other guy and y/n assumes dazai would rather have interest in any other person. this ends up with many funny scenarios such as:

1. atsushi leaving a note on dazai’s desk that reads “i want to talk to you in the hallway at __ time today.” and leaving an identical one on y/n’s desk so they can cross paths outside of working together and possibly start a convo and go somewhere. it backfired and the two just say “weird coincidence. everyone must’ve got this!” and wave bye

2. atsushi trying to subtly tell dazai y/ns favorite flower and he just says “oh, that’s great! are you getting them a birthday present early or something”

3. even kunikida being forced into trying to help by asking dazai if he is interested in hanging out with him and y/n (so he can pretend to end up being sick and it would just be dazai and y/n) and dazai saying “oh, is this some sort of elaborate scheme you’re planning on order to have a date with y/n and so it won’t be awkward with just the two of you? i’ll pretend to be sick when it happens for you!” LIKE GOD DAMM DAZAI STOP BEING INSECURE ITS YOU BOY?!

basically stuff like that goes on so much to the point where when the ADA is out celebrating a successful year of missions at a karaoke bar atsushi just yells out over the mic: “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH THIRD WHEELING HERE!!!!! Y/N AND DAZAI YOU BOTH likeeachother-“ and they’re just. WHAT

(SORRY FOR ALL THE TEXT LMFAO)

anon you literally wrote this for me idek what to say you’re so cool

Atsushi’s eyes widened. “What?! I can’t go on this mission, I have, um… an appointment.” Nailed it. “Dazai can take my place! He’s not doing anything right now.” Normally, Kunikida would have pointed out this obvious lie, but he remained quiet - pretty much everyone in the agency knew what he was up to.

Dazai actually was doing something for the first time in a while, but surely this mission was much more important. The brunet took off with you, headed out on an actually very unimportant mission you definitely could’ve taken care of on your own while Atsushi planned.

The tiger boy was quick to tell you and Dazai upon your return about tonight’s important karaoke celebration! And when you tried to weasel your way out of it, Yosano had practically dragged you down to the place. You were ushered next to Dazai as Atsushi and Yosano chose songs for everyone to sing. They said it was to make sure Dazai didn't pick something depressing or you would try to bail out again - this way, everyone had to go. But also... this way, you and Dazai would be stuck singing a romantic duet.

Of course, the two of you took it horribly wrong (in Atsushi's opinion), you both fully committing to the "joke song" Atsushi selected, wholly pretending in the moment. He'd wanted some romantic moment where you two realized you were destined to be together, but you both are just so stupid—

Atsushi had been up next, and was gripping the microphone tightly. He wasn't one to let his anger take over, but this was just getting ridiculous. As the opening notes played to the song he chose, he shouted out your deepest secret, and Dazai's as well.

You both like each other.

With slack jaws and wide eyes, every agency member stared at Atsushi in shock. He'd turned pink as he realized his mistake, muttering apologies as he placed the mic back down. Tense silence filled the air, the only sound being the scraping of Ranpo's spoon along the ceramic ice cream dish he'd ordered.

After a moment, Yosano started clapping. "Someone had to say it, and we all knew they wouldn't."

The rest of karaoke was horribly awkward for you and Dazai. You'd moved ever so slightly away from each other, completely embarrassed. What if Atsushi had just made up that Dazai likes you back? What if Atsushi had just made up that you like Dazai back? All either of you knew is that he had yelled out your biggest secret, and neither of you were too excited to sing anymore.

The lights had been turned on and everyone was gathering their things. It had been a fun night out, all things considered. Yosano got completely hammered and Ranpo couldn't direct his way home if his life were at stake, so Kunikida and Atsushi led the both of them back to their homes (with Kyouka right on Atsushi's tail). The Tanizaki siblings had left a bit before everyone for whatever their reasons were, so just you and Dazai were left standing outside the karaoke bar, awkwardly gazing out at the quiet city.

"So... tonight was different, huh?" You spoke anxiously, picking at a loose thread on your top.

"I didn't expect Ranpo to be that good a singer," Dazai replies with a polite smile.

You sighed. The last thing you wanted was for things to turn awkward between the two of you. "Listen, Dazai— "

"Do you want to walk home with me?" He cut you off.

You smiled softly, letting out a small chuckle. "Of course."

does "yandere themes" need a tag? or can yall just fw a little bit of obsession tacked on to the end of my fics . poll

dishwashing fic has my heart (like all your works), kiss💗

AHEYGADGH THANK YOU 💗💗💗💗

If you had read Beast, do you have any thoughts on Beast!Dazai? Beastzai is basically Pm!Dazai but he’s actually the boss and his depression is 10 times more severe. Yeah. But he’s cool and well, complex. (as if the original Dazai himself isn’t already complex.)

hfhejuksnc i love beast dazai omg!! i think if main story dazai dated you and was actually happy, beast dazai would be a total dick to try and drive you away. his final plan was to off himself, so he definitely wouldn't want you sad when he goes :( or attached at the hip and left alone like chuuya LMAO

or a yandere version who forces you to stay by him 100 times more because you are HIS!!!!!! even when he throws himself off of a building you need to be thinking of him ! he can't go if he thinks you'll just move on to the next sad guy who gives you attention

or or or a Normal beast dazai who does neither ! he just respects you and slowly builds a relationship (still head over heels for you bc of main story dazai's memories). he'd definitely not want a romantic relationship w you (well. he wants one) but just enjoy being friends :) he'd confide in you, come to hold you when he's sad, flirt with you endlessly because he SUCKS because he's just like that... I definitely think he'd want you around him all the time but wouldn't want to push for more bc he knows whats coming for him :(((

Dazai's playful grin falters as you chastise him once more, the words punctuated with his name. His last name, once again.

"Why don't you ever call me by my first name?"

Your playful attitude freezes at his question, your fake pout dropping as you turn slack jawed. "W-what?" A stutter passes through your lips as you just continue to stare.

"We've been dating for a few months now, and you never call me by my name." He plays off his words as a joke, something to fluster you, but with the way his fingers slightly pinch and pull at the edges of his bandages, you can tell he's being vulnerable.

An embarrassed blush decorates your face as you just continue to stare at him.

"I'd like it if you'd call me by my name, love." His flirting isn't helpful. From vulnerable fidgets to a cocky grin, Dazai (for once) inaccurately pegs your blush as a flustered reaction, likely feeling shy at the notion he'd now mentioned.

Inaccurate, because it wasn't a matter of not feeling ready, or close enough, but rather because-

"...What's your first name..?"

-you'd forgotten.

Dazai's eyes widen in a rare expression of genuine shock, his movements pausing at your timid question. The embarrassed blush decorating your face that had briefly fooled Dazai only began to grow.

You bury your face in the palms of your hands and let out a groan as Dazai begins laughing: a genuine, gut laugh that you rarely got to hear.

"It's Osamu," he says politely, not wanting to make you any more embarrassed. As you look up from the palms of your hands, you notice Osamu's soft expression and let out a sigh of relief.

You grin. "Nice to meet you, Osamu."

i got smth cooking but it's a bit different from my usual shenanigans. stay tuned mayb :) <3 !!!

Bungo Stray Dogs masterlist main masterlist

Dazai Osamu

Nikolai Gogol

Ranpo Edogawa

Atsushi Nakajima

Chuuya Nakahara

Boredom - 10/30/22 older bsd fic ft. dazai and kunikida that focuses more on the reader character . was just a fun exercise for me tbh! haven't gone back i hope it is in any way legible

hai deer how was ur day ?!

hi anon!!!! i enrolled for classes for my final semester today wooo !!!!!!! but i have a big essay due tmr tho that i gotta start LMAO but it's been really good !

thank you for asking anon :) please tell me about your day!!!