While I Was Kayaking A While Back I Saw A Snake Swimming Across The River With A Fishie He’d Caught.

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes

text your landlord

remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response

briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada

remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 

look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”

remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you

enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday

order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.

exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.

return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open

back up

ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead

release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it

you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways

the door swings open

run up the stairs

open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat

cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home

write tumblr post

Dragon I drew for a friend!

Since it's Independence Day here (12 June), let me tell you about the closest our country's gotten to a real-life Sherlock Holmes. Who also wrote our fave classic lit gay ship. Who also might be Hitler's secret dad (?!?!?!?!)

Dr. Jose Rizal

Mainly, he was a genius, reformist, and author of two revolutionary novels: Noli Me Tangere (Touch Me Not) and its sequel, El Filibusterismo (The Filibuster). His novels inspired the Filipinos to fight against our Spanish colonizers.

Similiarities:

He was a fucking genius in all fields. If he wanted to be a detective instead of a freedom fighter he could have.

HE KNEW 13 FUCKING LANGUAGES. THIRTEEN.

A doctor that specialized in ophthalmology. He finished his licensure exam before 18, but he couldn't get his license until he was an adult

Also a boxer! Also good at martial arts! Also a swordsman!

Also a scientist! This dude got exiled because of his treasonous writings, and guess what he did in exile? He fucked off and discovered three new species of animals

He lived in the same year range as Holmes, around 1860s to 1890s! Only he was executed at 35 y/o.

We have tons of theories about him. There's a conspiracy theory that he's Hitler's father because he was in Germany at the time of his birth.

Another is he's queer or bi because he wrote very intimate letters to his friend, Blumentritt, who he only met irl once (!) We also have a street named after his pen pal bf

Another argument is he wrote our first bury your gays trope with Elias x Ibarra (Elibarra), who have fanfic on AO3 as well.

In book 1, the MC, Ibarra, gets his ass saved again and again by a stranger, Elias, who wants to persuade him to help reform the country. To do so they meet up secretly, a lot. Mostly intimate boat rides. However Elias finds out that his tragic backstory (entire family died due to oppression) was caused by Ibarra's family! He nearly kills Ibarra. But he still forgives him. He breaks him out of prison, but Ibarra makes a stopover to say goodbye to his gf. So they get caught and Elias sacrifices his life for him.

Other fun facts:

We have a cult that worships him as their deity

He's really fucking tiny at 4' 11" or 1.5 m

By law everyone has to learn about him in school and read his two books. We spend two years of high school for his life and books, and then in college we study about him again

Wanna learn history and ship tragic gays? Both books in English translation can be found at gutenberg.org under the titles: The Social Cancer and The Reign of Greed.

Beyblade heavyweight division

Hey, amidst the chaos of... everything on the internet, pay attention to Hawaii/Hawai'i!

There have been plans from a non Hawaiian organisation to build a 5 acre parking lot, 13 lot subdivision and a comfort station for tourists on the ridge of the sacred Pololū Valley!

This project doesn't acknowledge Pololū Valley as a wahi pāna (a celebrated and storied place in the cultural traditions of Hawaii/Hawai'i) and instead treats it as just plain land that can be sold to a highest bidder.

Pololū Valley is anything but that.

So please sign the petition to stop this project! As of writing this, 883,470 people have, but we need more!

Petition to protect Pololū Valley

Reblog to reach more people, please! Don't just like and move on, sign the petition and make sure more people see this!

if you're genderfluid is it salt, freshwater, or brackish?

it's acid. dissolves ur gender /silly

Reblog for larger sample size whatever

guards! read me my bedtime yaoi

I need to post some of the art I forgot to post ngl...