Gold Rush ; Benedict Bridgerton X Reader (part One)

gold rush ; benedict bridgerton x reader (part one)

pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader

summary: you have loved benedict bridgerton since you first met him, but after anthony married, he became the ton's favorite bridgerton, and now that everybody wants him, you realized you don't like a gold rush.

warnings/tags: unrequited love (at first), benedict bridgerton being a clueless disaster, benedict is a curious little shit, married kate and anthony, platonic anthony bridgerton & reader, song: gold rush (taylor swift), inspired by taylor swift lyrics

word count: 2.5K

❁ part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

❁ mila's anthology (main masterlist)

You have loved Benedict Bridgerton since you first met him, that you wouldn't deny. However, it was complicated to say the least because he was the talk of the town.

Especially after his brother, the Viscount, had married. Right then, he was the Ton's favorite Bridgerton.

Every mama wanted him to marry her daughter… The artist was always getting the attention of every lady around. Including you.

You have loved Benedict Bridgerton since you first met him, when your family returned to London after having lived in New York for longer than you have lived. Your father was Edmund Bridgerton's childhood best friend, and as soon as he had heard of your family's return, your invitation to their home arrived.

Aubrey Hall was the lovely home of the Bridgertons, where Lord and Lady Bridgerton lived alongside their seven children: Anthony, Benedict, Colin, Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, and Gregory. Unfortunately, you were older than the oldest daughter, and the one who was closer to you in age was the second born. Still, he was three years older than you and, as a man, there was no way he would play with you. There was your older brother who is Anthony's age to play with, so you were left alone mostly.

When your eyes met Benedict's, you were instantly in love. He, as expected, barely looked at you. In spite of his indifference, your heart used to beat faster than the fastest horse every time he was around, which, after a few years, was more often than not. The Bridgertons returned to London after their Father's death, and your Father took as his newest life purpose to help Anthony become the lord of the house. Therefore, there were frequent dinner parties, balls held together, and many events in which both your families were seen as one.

You have loved Benedict Bridgerton since you first met him, even when everyone expected you to marry Anthony. Even he saw himself married to you once the moment came, an idea that you managed to erase as you confessed to him you were hopelessly in love with his younger brother.

Then, once Anthony got married to Kate, all the attention was set on the next Bridgerton: Benedict, and you knew it would be for the best if you decided to throw away your feelings for him.

The one thing on Earth you were certain was that he would never lay his eyes on you, and that was fine. He did not owe you his affections, regardless of how hot yours for him burnt.

Benedict turned into a gold rush right then, and you knew you did not stand a chance against any of those ladies when you were nothing new.

Your love for him grew and ruined you like poison ivy that tied your hands, and you would be lying if you said you weren't tired of being at his oblivious mercy.

Always romanticizing the tiniest of attentions, being like a flush around him, imagining a future together. All for nothing, because you despised feeling like that. Feeling the way Benedict made you feel.

It was scary, the way your world spinned around his. Terrifying, the amount of diaries filled with poems you have written about him. Horrific, how fond you were of the idea of spending every second you have left to live by his side.

"Are you, by chance, feeling heroic tonight? Even the smallest bit?"

You scoffed. "Colin, my feet are killing me, so I will not be dancing anymore tonight. Other than that, you may use me as an excuse however you please."

"But if Miss Cowper sees me available, she will come to me."

"Then get out of my hair, I don't want to have her near me after what she did the last time!"

"If you dance with me, I will stop talking about my travels when you're around."

You quickly changed your mind at this tempting offer. "Deal, but let's wait until the next song."

Colin rolled his eyes, reluctantly speaking. "I will be right back, I shall bring you some champagne."

You nodded, watching him leave. Your eyes crossed paths with Penelope's for a brief second, and then you turned to none other than Benedict Bridgerton in the flesh. He was, however, dancing with some girl from the Ton.

Jealousy creeped inside you, threatening to show on your face.

"There is only one moment in which I take pity on being married," Anthony said, standing beside you with his wife next to him. "I cannot dance with you to make Benedict jealous anymore."

You looked around, and as soon as you noticed no one was looking, smacked his arm. "Lord Bridgerton, that was low to say the least."

He and Kate laughed.

"My apologies," he muttered sarcastically. "What a charming young lady you are, I cannot fathom why you are not married yet."

"Anthony…" Kate threatened him.

"No need, Kate. He is so right, even Papa dearest agrees with him," you commented dryly. "He is still upset because I rejected him, please, cut him some slack."

She laughed. "What?"

"Her Father advised me to marry her," Anthony replied. "I courted her for weeks and she didn't even realize until I proposed to her. Right there, she confessed her undying love for my brother and we didn't marry."

"You would be the Viscountess now, do you regret it?" Kate joked.

"Well, at least I never was engaged to be married to the wrong sibling like a friend of mine."

Anthony rolled his eyes in annoyance as Kate snorted.

"You must admit that was quite funny, my love."

"Nothing to admit here. It was not funny at all."

"What did I miss?" Colin asked, appearing suddenly and offering you a glass of champagne.

"I was just informed that Anthony was planning to marry Y/N."

Colin nodded. "Yes, and she rejected him because he is the boring Bridgerton. Unlike me, let's dance."

"If you mention the word 'Greece' ever again, I will personally tell Lord Cowper that you dishonored his daughter, then you will be inevitably forced to marry her."

"It will be as if I never left London in the first place, Miss Y/L/N." he said with a cynical smile.

You laughed, and started dancing with Colin.

"I did not know that Colin and Y/N were so close," Benedict mentioned to Anthony, approaching him after some time. "They have danced three times now."

Anthony eyed his brother. "Why are you asking me that, Brother? Does it bother you?"

The younger brother scoffed. "Not at all, why would you think that?"

"No, no reason at all. I was just asking."

"So? Is Colin courting her?"

"One of us should be the one to marry her," Anthony said, a glint of mischief shining in his eyes. "I am already married, you seem uninterested, so that leaves Colin."

He nodded. "I see."

"Or are you interested?"

"She is our friend and I only wish the best for her," Benedict replied. "I just doubt Colin's intentions, that is it."

"Is it that you have better intentions, Brother?"

"That is not what I am saying."

Anthony smirked, seeing how you returned to where they were next to Colin. "Dance with her."

"I have the most wonderful news for you, my dearest friends," You grinned. "As long as you are near me, you will not hear anything regarding Colin's travels. You are very welcome."

"We have been blessed."

"We have indeed," Benedict agreed, seeing how Colin rolled his eyes. Anthony jostled him, but you noticed. "Would you dance with me?"

You pursed your lips, a serious expression. "I am quite tired, Benedict. Perhaps the next time."

Anthony's amused face softened at your response, and so did Colin's. You always wanted Benedict. You loved dancing with him and spending time with him.

They knew you could be dead tired, but if he offered, you would dance to death.

"Oh," Benedict gave you a forced smile. "It is fine, next time it is."

But the Cowper Ball came and you rejected Benedict once again. Then, the Schmidt Ball, the Bridgerton Ball, the Reynolds Ball, and you still said no to all of his dance invitations.

It reached the point he was just tired of your indifference toward him, since not only have you declined dancing with him every time, but you also refused to be near him for longer than strictly necessary or be alone with him anymore. Thus, Benedict had no other choice but to finally ask you himself.

One day, he just arrived at your family's home, looking for you most urgently.

He was let in. With him, there was no need to announce his arrival. Benedict just went to your studio.

Looking around, he spotted many differences since the last time he visited you: the paintings he had painted for you weren't hung anymore, just piled in the corner of the room; your pianoforte he had drawn himself the sunset on was replaced for a new one; the books he gave you long forgotten inside a decaying box.

Benedict's heart hurt at the sight of you erasing him from your life just like that, no warning or reasons he was aware of.

He approached the box, taking out all the novels and astronomy books he had picked just for you. Then, he stumbled upon loose sheets thrown around. He recognized easily your handwriting on them.

It is wrong to. Those are her intimate thoughts and should be none of my concern, Benedict thought, but again, the reason why she is pushing me away could be there.

So he took the first ones he found, seeing how the very first page had the title About Benedict Bridgerton.

Benedict bit his lip hesitantly, making sure no one was around and he could take a good look at what you wrote about him.

However, surprise clouded his features as he read the well worded feelings turned to ink.

I remember when I first met him. Benedict did not even determine me and I was devastated! However, I was still enchanted to meet him. He has always been so handsome and enchanting, and perhaps I have loved him since we first met.

A small piece of another sheet caught his attention.

Please, do not be in love with someone else.

Please, do not have somebody waiting on you

Another sheet followed.

Today, I saw Benedict dancing with that girl. I wish I could make her disappear with only one glance so he would like me without her around to stop it.

I constantly dream of the day he wakes up and finds that what he is looking for has been here the whole time. Why can he not see he belongs with me?

All this time how could he not know that he belongs with me? You belong with me. I have been here all along.

I am certain she cannot make him laugh like I do and that he does not tell her about his dreams like he does to me. She should just go away.

He chuckled slightly.

Then he spotted another one.

I hate Benedict Bridgerton. Despise him. Loathe him.

At the Bridgerton Ball, he danced with someone else and did not even look at me. He neither said hello nor goodbye!

Perhaps I should listen to my Papa and let him tell Anthony to propose to me (because Benedict will never like me). He will never realize I am the one he should be with. He will never return my affections.

And, guess what? At the Featherington Ball, she did not dance with Benedict and just then he remembered I existed and came to me. I hate him because I love him so much.

Everyone just assumes I know nothing, but I knew I would curse him for the longest time, I knew I wish he would have changed his mind.

Chasing shadows in the ballroom, I knew he would miss me once the moment died. I knew to love would be to lose my mind! I knew he would come back to me.

Because I know everything!

Benedict sighed, cursing himself for having been so blind all this time, for not being able to notice your affections or return your feelings before.

I am tired. This love will make me fall sick. I am tired of Anthony shaming me for loving his brother and having rejected him that time. I wish I had never met Benedict Bridgerton, I wish I had never come to London… I give up.

I do not like a gold rush. I hate that anyone would die to feel his touch. Everybody wonders what it would be like to love him, everybody wants him now.

I do not like that falling feels like flying until the bone crush. I hate a gold rush.

And I always wonder what must it be like to grow that beautiful? With his hair falling into place so effortlessly and a smile that could light up this whole town. I could be romanticizing everything, but my mind turns Benedict's life into something mystical. I cannot dare to dream about him anymore.

We will never be husband and wife, we will never have children together, he will never be mine. I must stop living under this naïve hope!

The town we never found will never bear witness of a love as pure as it, because it fades to grey. It will never be.

Benedict found another loose piece of paper.

Losing him feels as if I were bleeding. But again, he was never mine to lose.

He searched and searched for more pages, but could not find any.

"You knew all this time and had the audacity to not tell me?!"

Anthony frowned. "I knew what exactly?"

"You knew she loved me."

"Oh, that…" he pursed his lips, looking at Kate beside him. "I could not tell you, it was her secret."

"You let me let her hate me in the name of a secret?"

"If I had known you returned her feelings, I would have done something!"

Benedict kept quiet.

"You do not love her?"

"I- I do not know…" he replied to Anthony.

Kate sighed. "If you don't know, let her go."

"I cannot let her hate me."

"She does not hate you." Anthony said calmly.

"She explicitly said so." Benedict replied.

"She could never hate you, Benedict." Kate retorted. "No matter what she said."

"She wrote it, Kate, she wrote that she hated me."

"What did you read, Benedict?" she questioned, threat lingering in her voice.

He exhaled. "I went to the Y/L/N Manor and saw that she replaced the piano we painted. She had the paintings I gave her gathering dust in a corner, and all the books I got her inside a box. I just… looked at the box and saw some pages with things she wrote about me."

"How dare you read that?!" Kate scolded him.

"I wanted to know why she hated me!"

"She doesn't hate you!"

"Yes, she does! That is what she said!"

"She did not mean that!"

"How do you know?!"

"Okay, enough!" Kate yelled. "Y/N does not hate you because she loves you, alright? You love her, too? Go talk to her. You do not? Give her space. She does not deserve to have her heart broken by your hand, Benedict."

Benedict rolled his eyes. "Fine. Fine."