Thanks For Tagging Me @ros3chu

Even his bloody hand writing is so British 😂

matty’s handwriting

https://href.li/?https://x.com/balladofmonica/status/1715597227454861632?s=46&t=v1791RkgLUh7Mscc9miDfg

I MEAN I UNDERSTAND THE PREMISE AND IT MAKES SOOOO MUCH SENSE BUT I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD THAT DIAGNOSED TOO THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ADHD

Again tho I understand the Premise

Chapter three

Word count :1941

I think we all hate/hated school as much as matty in this fanfiction , I swear if I had the courage to walk out and act up I’d be exactly like this 🙄😂

I trudge through the halls pulling my rucksack straps around me before sliding into my English class all ther way to my seat in the back next to my friend Jamie I place my rucksack on the table infront of me and pull my phone out of my pocket again and put my earphones in to listen to music after picking a playlist I go back to Pub-G and open my messages sending George a quick message with my number and Snapchat attached explaining that it's easier to talk there I then rest my head on the table as I wait for the teacher to come , sleep once again overcoming me slowly

Again just before I have time to fully succumb to sleep my phone vibrates on the table I pick it up to see a Snapchat alert from the same user as Pub-G , I smile as I open it and swiftly accept it and quickly send him a quick snap of my hair with a simple "fancy seeing you here ". A reply doesn't come straight away so I gather he is in class now and actually working .

Just at that my teacher decided to make an arrival. I roll my eyes immediately as he starts talking and slowly sink into my chair avoiding his gaze at all costs because I just know he will be all over me for answers because I'm so far getting an A* for this class but I really don't want to be talking to anyone right now. The buzz of the classroom keeps me awake only slightly as everyone conversates over something or other and I have my phone glued to my hand again in wait of George's snap , which doesn't take to much longer to come through. I receive a snap from him , it's full face and damn is that a good looking man , not that I'm gay but I can very much appreciate a good looking chap , his eyes do how ever seem to be just as blown as mine and red rimmed , his face is broken out in a wild smile and his hair is trapped under his hood , with a simple caption of "Yooo dude "

I smile to myself at the obvious stoner I have befriended , I then take another picture but this time making sure I get my whole face in , leaning on my hand as I take it "Bro you look wrecked...are you okay?honestly ?"

His reply comes through momentarily another of his face but looks like he's rolling his eyes dramatically "nah man ...shit sucks right now but I'll be fine "

I look around to make sure no one is looking at me as I can't really hear anything then quickly snap another pick of me making a stupid face hopefully cheering him up a little "you sure don't wanna talk about it ay?". Helping someone through there struggles might help me forget for a little while why I'm so tense and stressed.

The replies are getting faster so it get another almost instantaneously his face still in the shot still looking done with life...I can relate "just girls man...broke up with my girl the other day ...well she broke up with me ". I feel bad for the dude , break ups are tough especially at his age , I know I'm not that much older than him but geez I was even more on edge then than I am now and that's saying something so if he's anything like me he's got to be struggling like mad right now

I send another snap of a stupid face back but this time with a video and I flip my teacher off from behind my screen , again hoping to maybe cheer him up "that's tough man ...any reason why ?".

I don't get a picture snap this time just a message "she thinks I don't care about anything ...I'm too laid back ...don't care about my future ...I don't have any "real" ambition and she also hated that I got so into weed " I scoff as I read the message as Ive heard that too much in my life from girls. They're pretty but they suuuuuck.

I must have scoffed louder than I thought I had , after being pulled out of my own little world by Mr Lezdon

"Mr Healy , is there something you'd like to share ....also please remove your bag from the table it should be long gone by now "

"No sir sorry I just hiccuped ...I'm so sorry " I move my rucksack into my lap so I can slouch  on it with my arms wrapped softly around it. I try to pay attention but my hands were itching to take my phone back out so I opt for drumming hands on my lap and resting my head back onto my desk while listening to Mr lezdon talk about symbolism and juxtapositions between two poems that we had been reading. Man I should have slept last night I'm really struggling right now. I have an apiffany and raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom. I'm allowed out this one time I take my phone out and reply back to George "I'm so sorry that must really suck girls really take a lot out of a guy ". I take this as an opportunity to sneak out for another zoot , If I'm going to stay here all day I really need this. It's not going to help with my tiredness really but anything to ease the dull throbbing vibrating through me, to still the buzzing in my brain. It's go to be quick though. My phone vibrates in my pocket once again I see another text reply from George "yeh I'm just done right now I know it's lame cuz she's just a girl but we were going strong and I guess I'm young but I thought we had a good thing ...but what can you do ,"

I smile again as I manage to get outside without being spotted and take another  zoot and the lighter out of my trousers pocket. It's slightly flat due to the pressure between my thighs and trousers but it will do. After taking a video of me with the zoot lit and between my lips captioned by "just have a zoot bro  " I get a quick reply of laughing emojis straight back with a "smoking is bad for you Matthew " not so long after

I take about five minute to myself to finish my joint and just bask in the quiet and the fresh air before I go back inside. It's so hard to find time for myself at the moment there sooo much to be getting on with. The joint calmed me down quite a bit more than the last one had so after making my way back to class I get back to my seat after a few glares from people who I know 100% knew what I was doing. I reply to George quickly with a cheeky emoji and said "I know but I'm bad for me " meant to be as a joke but maybe not sounding so. For the rest of the class I just lay with my head resting on my arm on the desk as the world moves on by around me .

The rest of the morning up until break time flies by not paying attention in most classes and sitting with Jamie half asleep brings him to speak to me at break time

"Hey mate are you okay ? " I pressed a supportive hand on the small of my back as we make our way through the crowd of teenagers as we go outside to meet Ross

"M' fine " I keep my head down as I'm in the mist of a banging headache and I just want out of the noise for a bit "honestly just tired ay "

"I know Ross has probably said and your mum ...but your not giving yourself time to be at peace right now Matty....you do so much in a day ...have barley anything to eat ...and your not sleeping right ...can you promise you'll tell us if anything gets to much " . He pauses us in the hallway and lifts my head up with my chin so I'm looking directly into my eyes . I nod nonchalantly "I'm fine Jay honestly...everyone needs to stop worrying "

"Promise me ?"

"Alright ...fine I promise " I roll my eyes at him this time and continue walking . I love my mates so much but my god to they worry too much.

"Good " . We reach the back gate as I pull out a cigarette out of my also crushed packet and light it quickly relishing in the rush of nicotine floating through my body i slouch against the back wall and close my eyes and let the cigarette consume me while Jamie is talking away when Ross comes over. I  cant decipher every part of the conversation but it takes me a minute to realise they're talking to me. Ross nudges me slightly shaking me off balance "Matty mate ??"

"Huh ... I wasn't paying attention...what did you say ?" I look at them properly now giving them my full attention while taking another long drag

"Jay and I were wandering if you'd like to come back to his after school, some drinks , just to relax for a bit " . They look at me with hopeful grins "you've been on edge for weeks now you need it ?"

It's true I have been quite skittish and on edge for a while now. "I'm sorry guys , I've got work tonight then I've got to look after Loiue for a little while, you can see me at work though and help me look after Lou if you'd like ?"

"I can come see you at work" Jay isn't much round at mine so that makes sense

"Yeh I ain't seen the little dude in a while so I could come over bring some drinks and we can just chill while we look after him ? , Would you mum mind ? . Ross loves my house he was there most days before work and GCSEs got the better of us

"No I'm sure she won't mind so long as lou is in bed by 8 and we don't make to much noise " I smile and get slightly more excited at the prospects of seeing my best friend after school like we used too "thank you Ross "

"You don't have to thank me mate... we're just really worried about you and your mental health right now...and we want you to be okay " . Our conversation is interrupted by the noise of the bell ringing through everywhere alerting us it's time to go back in

"Guys seriously I'm fine stop worrying " I nod to them both before making my way back inside. I've got maths next. Let's so how this goes down it never goes well. I take out my phone again putting my headphones back in and realising I have at least 2 messages from my mum reminding me about looking after Lou later and asking if I've eaten . Shit I forgot , I message back a little white lie saying that I had as to not upset her. Then I see George has sent a snap

It's just his face again looking a little more awake this time "what do you mean by not being good for yourself "

Snapping back with what I mean expressing that im usually my own worst enemy and that it's not always the best thing for me to be me or in my head . Im sure he'd understand

OMG IM SO EXCITED TO THIS INSTALMENT ARGHHHH I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I DO

Word count : 4k

Warnings : mention of food and dieting , Weed

IM SO EXCITED

Mattys POV

(A week or so has gone by since last instalment)

Oh my god things have been wild lately, George is finally visiting today he's going to be here for at least ten days I believe and I can't bloody wait for it. I couldn't sleep last night we were up all night on FaceTime, he fell asleep eventually because he "didn't wanna look like complete shit when we first met", which is stupid because he can't look bad in anyway , to me. His train was due at 4 this afternoon but since I hadn't slept I had started getting ready at 7am , showered, dressed in skinny jeans and a floral shirt that I'm sure I stole from my mum once upon a time and my Docs because what else would I wear, I had spent at least half an hour just trying to make sure my hair didn't look like a damn bird nest or that I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, brushed my teeth and even had some breakfast. It was now 8:30 and I'm pacing, like actually pacing because I hate waiting. He'd texted me this morning but he doesn't want to show me his outfit because he wants it to be a surprise so in turn I said I wouldn't show him mine which is hell because I love this shirt so much and love showing it off. On what feels like my fifth lap of the house my dad had tried to convince me to sit down for a bit but even if I did it would be roughly five minutes before I was up and moving again. So in turn he'd asked if I wanted to go for a drive which I accepted gratefully. I think he was taking me to Tesco to pick up some stuff for dinner later.

We were just walking around the shop my dad pushing the trolley and me just shoving literally anything in it. "So this lad then, George is it?" , I nod with a smile on my face. "What are we to call him, like is he your boyfriend or just a friend who you like, or just a normal friend". My dads just amazing always trying to understand things

"For now he's just a friend that I like but Um we're somewhat both interested in one another but haven't asked the question yet, so please don't call him my boyfriend yet because I haven't asked and don't want to scare him away yet", I throw at least five packets of noodles into the trolley. "He likes noodles , is that enough or should I get more?"

"Son , your gunna work yourself into a headache just breath okay, I'm sure everything is going to be just fine" , I take a few deep breaths and we continue on through the shop. Stopping to drop a few more things in.

"Uh Dad, Would it be okay if we got some alcohol?, I promise I won't over do it" , I know he probably can't trust a word I say because I can't prove that I won't but I really want him to trust me.

"I'll be honest lad , I think we'll have to ask your mum first and we can come back later if she says it's okay" , we just ponder around a few more isles and drop random things into the trolley "you haven't smoked today have you!"

"Not yet no , why?"

"Would you like to drive the car home ?" , we loading stuff onto the check outs , I do have my lisence I got it last year and I do have a car but my mum and dad took my keys after the crash with Janey because they didn't trust me in the car unless I was with one

of them.

"Are you sure dad!"

"If you'd like son , just be careful yeh?"

"Oki thank you dad , honestly thank you", I threw my arms around him and he held me just for a second and we made our way to the checkouts putting all the items through and packing them up, I'm a little meticulous about the packing and how to do it so dad just lets me do it my way "Also da , we need to go to the pharmacy my medication is ready to pick up"

"Which ones is it where picking up today lad ?" , we'd picked up like 2 other ones this week but I think they were for anxiety and anti-sickness but these ones are just supplements for food.

"Just food equivalent to help me get my appetite back like the ones I had years ago" , my dad payed for the food swiping his card across the card reader and waved goodbye too the cashier as we leave and as he's packing up the car I jump in the front seat and get myself accustom with the steering and gears again.

"You all ready then Son", he jumps into the passenger side and buckled up eager to see how well I do

"As I'll ever be ,I guess"

The drive to the pharmacy wasn't to bad to be fair, I'm still a pretty good driver and my dad said I did well so I'm happy about that. I didn't want to go in again for like the 3rd day running so Dad went in for me giving me a second to just breath and reply to George. Last message I got he was still getting ready he doesn't have to leave for the station till around about 1 and it's only 9:30, I think we both just got a little to eager.

MATTY: my dad let me drive !!!!

GEORGE: yeh ?, how did you do?

MATTY: haven't driven in a while so thought I'd mess up a little but it actually went okay, we've been to Tesco to get food for the next few days , we're at the pharmacy now and then where going home and I think I'm going to tidy my room cuz it's an actual pigsty might ask mum to help

GEORGE : don't have to tidy for me love, my rooms a shit tip

MATTY: I will anyway

As my dad came back I slid my phone back into my pocket he handed me my medicine to make sure it was the right thing because he really had no idea what is was called , neither did I to be honest but it looked right so I just flung it on the dashboard and we made our way back home

We unpacked the bags in the kitchen as Loius ran around looking literally as excited as I felt as he'd grown to really like George too they interacted a lot over the past week , and when I told him George was coming to visit he got so darn happy he climbed up onto the middle island in the kitchen and watched us unpack

"How long till Georgie is here Maffu ?"

"He's coming today little dude but it's still a long time yet" , after unpacking the last bag I pick loius up and manoeuvre him so he's on my back, and I carry him back up stairs and flip him onto my bed " you gunna help Maffu clean up ?"

"I don't wanna tidy Maffu but I'll watch", he's always just soooo me and it makes me laugh and ruffle his hair again as he looks up at my with the big smile and those big blue eyes.

"That's okay, can you get Mummy for me then"

"Oki", he jumps back off the bed and runs through the house , leaving me stood in the middle of the room looking around trying to figure out where to start, it really is such a mess in here, mugs and plates everywhere, piles of clothes, shoes just milking around , stacks and stack of books , dvds and cds and my bed isn't even made. I get lost in my thoughts when I here a knock on my door that makes me jump.

"Sorry love didn't mean to startle you, what was it you needed me for?"

"Can you possibly help me tidy up in here , I don't know where to start and it's so bad" , she looks around just as baffled as me, then strides over and pulls me into a hug.

"Love ,what happened in here?"

"I just haven't had the effort or will power to clean up Mum, sorry" , I hug her close and then as we separate herself we both look around and make a mental note on where to start

"Right first of all love , take all the dishes downstairs and ask you dad if he can clean them up , then come back up and we can sort your clothes out okay", I nod and then get to picking up the cups and plates grimacing when I realise how bad it actually is. I run downstairs with the dirty plates and mugs dropping them carefully into the sink, then run back up the stairs two at a time to help mum. "What clothes are clean and what aren't love ?"

"Most of its clean it just needs to be folded and put away really", it takes me a few more seconds to actually sit down and start folding a pile that was next to where I stood, Im so bad at keeping up with cleaning it bores me. I noticed mum stand up and start putting clothes into drawers and stops to look at something already in the drawer

"Matty , love what are these?”

I drop the shirt I was folding onto the floor as I know exactly what she was talking about as I know what I’d been hiding in that drawer, I scratch the back of my neck as I breath in ALL the air that was in the room and try to piece a reply together. My mouth opens and closes a few times but no words leave my mouth.

“Matty love?”

“It’s nothing important Mum, just put it back please” , I take three big stride across to her and place my hands around the books “Mum seriously it’s nothing”

She did let me take them and shove them back the drawer as she takes a tentative seat on my bed and pats the space next to her. “Sit down for a minute please my love” , once I’ve got the books properly back into the drawer and place myself down next to her. “Can you please tell me why you feel the need to have books about dieting love”.

“It’s not important Mumma , it doesn’t mean anything, I just have them”

“First off Matty , I’ve been keeping an eye on everything to do with your eating habits for a while and I know there not very good , your skin and bone love , and you only ever call me Mumma when your anxious , so please you know I’m not going to be mad , can you please explain to me why?”

I know she won’t be mad and I know it’s not something that’s that big of a deal but its still scary to talk about , so as I think of the right words to say I just ponder in my mind what I need and look around my room as I try to explain. “It’s just about the element of control , I was losing control of everything in my life and I was freaking out so bad you know , like I had zero semblance of control, but then I found a book at school about diets like I know people diet duh , but um when I read it, a lot of it was about how people diet to gain control over something, so I tried and I read a lot of them but then I even lost control of that and I’m scared again so I hid them so I wasn’t as embarrassed about losing control of even that and people wouldn’t ask if they saw and I wouldn’t ave to talk about it”

“Matty , I know things are hard right now love , and I’m proud that your talking to me , but why couldn’t you tell me earlier”

“I don’t know Mum really, I guess I just didn’t know how to” , I got back up from my bed and went back over to the drawer taking the books back out and contemplated them for a while. “Can you take them Mum”

“What would you like me to do with them?”

“Just don’t let me have them I guess , I’m going to try to get better , Dr Adrian gave me the medication for it and I’m gunna work harder at everything I promise”. I get back to the cleaning of my room “Mum?”

“Yes love”

“I’m sorry for how I’ve been lately and I’m sorry for worrying everyone, I also appreciate you for letting George come because he really helps me be a better version of myself and I really hope you can see that when he’s here , I know I haven’t known him that long but he really does help me”

“I’m so glad that you’ve found someone that you can talk to Matty , you don’t have to apologise everyone goes through hard times , you’ve just got to pick yourself up and if you need help keep talking , be it to me or George or your dad even Louis , I know he’s just a kid but even if you talk you’ll feel better”

“Thank you”

It takes us a few more hours to tidy up my room it really was a state , and I talked to my Mum the whole time about how I felt about everything and anything. When we had finished the tidying and cleaning up it looked like a completely different room I hadn’t seen it like this in at least a month.

It’s now 12:30 and although I’m more than excited to see George the restlessness was starting to get to me again, George had informed me he was on his way to the train station now his train was at 2 and it took him an hour to get to the station. It was getting harder to not be nervous because I was really just watching the time tick by. I’d rolled a joint after I’d finished cleaning my room but hadn’t got round to smoke it yet because dads trying to keep me busy until we have to go because he knows if I’m just sitting waiting then I’m going to get irritable. With this being the first time I’d had a break today I decided to just let them know I’m going for a smoke. So now I’m just sat outside on the front porch relaxing as I smoke the joint.

Matty: I’m so nervous darling x

George: I’m actually shutting a brick 😂 , would your dad mind if I went for smoke when I got off the train or would he wanna get going straight away ?x

Matty: He won’t mind , I’m sure he’d understand

George : I’ll be grand then , will you be waiting for me on the platform or will I meet you outside.

Matty : I’ll wait on the platform you dick😂

George : thanks love x

I slide my phone back into my pocket and finish my joint before making my way inside, I know it’s lunchtime and I should eat but I’m not the hungry yet but Louis came running through to the kitchen and attached himself to my leg “How long now Maffu” , I picked him up and put him on the counter while messing up his hair, he’s got a lollipop hanging out his mouth so I didn’t really catch what he said, I took the sweat out of his mouth for a second.

“What was that kid ?”

He smiled a lopsided grin at me and rolled his eyes dramatically , so much like me. “How long till Georgie is here silly?”, I gave him back his sweet and he shoved it back into his mouth even though I was just holding it my hand was sticky so I turned the tap on and started washing my hands

“He’s getting on the train really soon , then daddy and I will go get him , do you want to come too?”, he again smiled at me his eyes growing to the size of bowling balls and he take his sweet out of his mouth again.

“Can I ?”

“If you want too kiddo , just finish up with your sweet and wash your hands and then we can talk cuz that’s going to take you ages to eat”

“I don’t want it anymore, you have it” , he went to hand it to me but I told him that’s it’s okay and just to put it in the bin , he runs back over to me, I lift him up and help him wash his hands. “Will George play with me when he comes ??”

“I’m sure he will Kiddo”

I spent the next few hours just playing about with Louis , on the play station, watching tv with him , helped him with some homework that he had left around about 2:30 he fell asleep on my lap while we were watching the TV , George had texted me saying that he was now on the train half an hour ago, and we should be leaving in an hour because it doesn’t all to long from ours to get to the station here, so I took Louis idea into consideration and tried to take a nap myself which in theory maybe wasn’t the best idea but I was starting to get tired so that I did , I set an alarm on my phone for 45 minutes so I could get my head down for a little while. I layed myself down trying not to disturb Louis and sleep consumed me

My alarm woke us both up at 3:15 , Louis was not too happy with it, he was still tired and he was throwing a little hissy fit “hey kiddo , I know your tired and I know you wanted to come to pick Georgie up but you need to calm down for me so we can get ready to go can you find your shoes for me ay ?” , he just clung to me his tiny frame shaking as he cried “hey hey hey it’s okay , you can have another nap you know , come on kiddo no need for tears”

“But I’m still sleepy , I wanna go bed” , as I got myself he was still clinging to me so I decided to take him upstairs to bed his head was resting on my shoulder the whole time. “Maffu , is it okay if I just stay here”

“It’s okay kiddo , just get a big nap for me and when you wake up George will be here and you can play all day yeh” , he nodded against me as I lay him down on his bed and tucked him up and kissed his head

“I’ll see you later okay”

“Okay Maffu”

I got myself completely got my leather jacket from my room , checked to see if my dad was ready, he let me know that he was just going to finish his tea and then we’d get going. So I just waited by the door, annoying I know but I just wanted to get going. Once he was ready I raced out to the car like I was 7 again jumping into the passenger side as my dad made his way to driver seat and we got going. I couldn’t help my leg bouncing up and down anxiously the whole way there, I’d bitten my nails raw Mum would have killed me for it but dad doesn’t mind. I’d chain smoked the whole ride there out the window of course and really it wasn’t that bad the train station was just half an hour away so it was really not to bad. We got to the station with 15 minutes to spare so I checked my hair in the middle mirror of the car and started fussing with my outfit until my dad told me again that I looked absolutely fine and to stop worrying , I sat and waited for literally only two minutes before I decided I just wanted to go in and wait so I just told my Dad that I’d let him know when I’ve got George and we’re going to have a smoke before we come back, he gave me a quick nod and smile before I got out and made my way inside

Inside the station was so busy, people milling about the place, so much sounds and smells, it was so hot in there as well but I tried to gather myself and push through I saw that the train from London was going to be arriving on platform 3, I started making my way there but there was quite a lot of people waiting there aswell and I could feel myself getting anxious and my nerves were getting the best of me so I hung back and just sent George a quick message letting him know that I am inside but I’m not on the platform because it looked busy, he replied not to long free to let me know that it was okay and he’d call me once he departed the train and I could let him know where I was which helped me alot. I decided to wait outside WHSmith a small convenience store that was off to the side of the platforms , True to his word after a small five minutes more of waiting my phone started to buzz in my hand and George’s contact appeared on my screen

“Hey there”

“Hiya love , that’s me just coming off , where is it your at ?, you doing okay it’s not to busy for you is it ?”

“I’m stood outside smiths , I’m okay for now it’s not to busy round here I’ll be okay, I just really can’t wait to see you now”

“I’ll can see it , from where Im at so I should be there in no time at all handsome”

I couldn’t help but smile , my heart was racing , basically jumping out of my chest in anticipation, I could hardly wait, there wasn’t much conversation going on between us we were both just keeping an eyes out for each other, He soon caught my eye “I can see you , you lanky fuck”, despite feeling nervous and anxious about everyone around us the fact that I could see him sent a jolt of pure joy through me and I felt my legs starting to race to him. As I began running to me I could see the moment he clocked me and he just dropped his suitcase open his arms to me and I ran into his arms and burried my face in his chest pushing my phone into my pocket without even hanging up. We stayed there in each other arms for what felt like an age not saying anything just holding each other and it felt so right

“Hiya handsome” , I pulled away first but not all the way just enough so I could look up and his and the smile on his face was everything I needed to feel relaxed. I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks already. “Jesus , you really ARE a lanky twat aren’t ya” his smile grew bigger if that was even possible and we giggled to each other and he pulled me closer to him

Once we’d sorted ourselves out taking at least another five minutes just holding one another we were just stood line idiots smiling at each other and he eventually picked his suitcase back up and I’d sorted my phone in my pocket I took his hand and lead him outside to the smoking area.

“Babe , you looks so cool, by the way” , I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard the word babe leave his mouth and it had my blushing even more than I thought humanly possible and I took his hand that was in mine and kissed it as we both giggled again.

“You look so fit”

that’s baby girl right there

I just wanted to say a massive thank you to these guys and everyone I’ve met/made friends with over the last couple years because of them, I got to see them three times in the last 13 months and from not being allowed to see them and then getting three times is insane

I’m just going to do a little run down as to why these boys mean so much to me through albums and eras

self-titled as an era as well as notes - help me relive my teen years , help me relive as the teenage boy that I didn’t get to live (being trans I was raised as a female and my teen years where very weird obviously) , but since coming out I’ve made the connection that these albums really help me feel like the teenage boy I was meant to be and I couldn’t thank the guys more for that and I know there probably never going to here it but it’s wild that even though I’m never actually going to be able to go back and fully relive my teenage years these albums do help me.

I like it when you sleep- I don’t know what it is about iliwys but it helps me feel so confident in my sexuality and gender around others , it helps me care less what others may think of it. I can just be me and not be bothered about others thoughts. Be the openly little gay boy that I am and not care that others may veiw it as icky or be homophobic toward me it just keeps me safe and grounded and I don’t feel like I have to hide because of this.

a brief Inquiry(can’t spell sorry)- ABIIOR - has helped me care more for the environment and schooling and helped me care more about my knowledge for other things like art and writing , creativity in all forms (I cared before but like now with this album) , I’ll stay up and learn about art and history and feel like I’m expanding my brain learning about the world around me and how things used to be - I just feel smarter

but the best of all really is

Being Funny - to me this one brings the best out because it really makes me feel like I’ve grown as a person and that everything around me has grown with me , as have the people around me , I’ve gained so much confidence and done things I never thought id do , I’ve grown up with the guys because of this era , I feel like I’m growing into the gentleman that I want to be and it just makes me feel so grown. I can do everything I dream of and do it to the best of my abilities

so I wanna thank the guys SO MUCH for helping me through everything in life

Chapter 8

Word count : 3793

This is also from George’s POV , this chapter took so long to put together and it was really hard to find the right things to say at points but I think this might be one of my favourites

George's POV

I woke up multiple time that night and into the early morning maybe it was a subconscious effort I was making to be there for Matty if he woke because I know he really needed someone to rely on. I can do that right, others have done it for me. It can't be that hard. What time is it, I looked over to my Alarm clock that was blinking violently at me letting me know that it was only 3:15, Damn that's far to early to be thinking so deeply about anything yet. Do I have a joint to calm me down?, Yes I think maybe I might. After rolling the joint I saunter over to my window to watch the quiet London suburb come to life. The street lights were dimming and the sunrise was a coccofany of oranges and pinks bleeding together looking like a real life Claude Monet painting spilling from the early morning sky. The amount of sunrise pictures I actually ave collected on my phone over the last few years is wild. I'd send them to Laura my exgirlfriend in the mornings when she's had a rough day, Maybe Matty would like that . I pick up my phone from the bedside table and quickly snap a pick and send it to him with a little note of.

"I hope this makes you smile."

I don't know if he would even enjoy it but I'd like to hope it would help.Once I've exhausted all the fumes from the joint my brain feels more clear so I think I'll try to get a little more sleep.

4 hours would be just grand.

The next time I am woken by my alarm going off right next to and quite frankly scaring me half to death. Blinking awake I realise Matty's call is no longer connected. That a little disappointing but I really hope I made his night somewhat better.

Anyway it's time to get up now I guess. On my way to the bathroom I knock on my sisters door to make sure there awake and to make them aware I have first dips on the shower. "By Christ it's cold in here". The bathroom is even colder than my bedroom, I swear this house is actually a fucking igloo sometimes. I turn the shower on and wait for the steam to envelope the room before stepping in the heat of the shower really relaxing my stiff muscles.

I had time to think in the shower about how to understand Matty's issues and how to help him. I think people always have there best thoughts and ideas in showers it's the calmness of it all. The calm before the storm of the day if you please.

Once I'm out it's now warm in the room the steam sticking to me so I quickly get dressed so I don't suffocate in the heat and then open the window to defuse the room. Leaving the room back into my bedroom I set my bag up again for the day and finally pick up my phone to see any message I had a few from Adam and a Snapchat from Matty I sit down on my bed and open it, it's just him layed in bed smiling "damn the colours in the sunrise." Ay he liked it, I reply back "Good morning love". I know I probably shouldn't be getting to attached to someone I barley even know but I want to help the most I can and showing you care helps right?. I don't have to leave for at least another half hour so I take out my laptop and start muddeling through some mixes I have to see if I can make a good track just to occupy my mind. Then at that Matty replies he's now in his uniform he's looking pale still but at least a little more put together than yesterday "g'morning G" along with a song attached "The Rock Show" by Blink-182 that's not a bad song not the best but maybe there's a reason he picked that or maybe it's just a song he likes. I reply back showing him I'm all ready for school "oh look at you school ready , also that's a classic tune bro" . This track just won't flow it doesn't even have a name but maybe I'll get there soon I've got two weeks before I have to turn it in I'm sure I'll get there it's a lot of sounds and noises really nothing mixed properly yet music production is what I want to do one day so hopefully I can pull this off. After another ten minutes the track begins to annoy me so I stick my laptop in my rucksack and just decide to leave a little early to see Adam and Joe. Matty messages back while on my walk he's also outside he's got a joint in his hand and he's actually smiling "yeh man it's a get up and go song you know, but anyway yeh I look ready for school but can't say I'm mentally prepared in all honesty". Here we go I can be a knight in sighting armour for him. "How you feeling today?."

His reply comes almost immediately "I'm not gunna sit here and lie and say I feel on top of the world or even good yet but having someone watch over me last night felt good, thank you man"

"Anymore sickness this morning, Are you sure you should be going in today." I'm waiting at the bus stop now with a bunch of other kids one of them knows Laura so sits there sending me evils the whole time like it was my fault we split but really it wasn't I stick in my headphones and drown out the world while I wait for the bus. Matty's reply come through just as the bus turns round the corner

"I haven't been sick yet but I've got maths first, I'm just doing it with my head of year this morning rather than in the actual class but my stomach and head are still swimming , I should be okay though."

"Can you promise you'll keep me updated on how your feeling today and if you do get sick let me know , I know there's not really anything I can do but I just feel the need to look after you"

"That's great but I can look after myself I don't want to stress you, but I will tell you if I get worse"

I board the bus after showing the driver my bus card and make my way to the back shoving my large frame into the very corner, hiding myself away from other people who may board. I watch the world fly by around me, the school is a twenty minute ride away it gives me time to message Adam realising I'd never actually replied.

"Where we're you last night man"

"Are you coming to school"

I totally forgot I had said I was going to Adams last night

"Yo dude I am so sorry I got caught up with something last night I really am sorry I'll come over tonight if that's okay, and yeh I'm on the bus now, I'm sorry again"

"Bro you weren't seriously up all night trying to get Laura back we're you we've been over this"

"No I wasn't , I haven't spoke to her in like 2 days bro"

Adam is always so quick with replies I don't know how he does it.

"Then what we're you doing"

"I was just helping a friend, they were having a tough night so I was hanging with them to calm them down ."

Mid way through the conversation with Adam another snap from Matty come through so I click through my home screen and select Snapchat opening Matty's message it's just him in his head of years office I'd assume and he already looks done with it. I snap back with a laugh "you already finished with it bro ? How longs it been 5 minutes"

He replies immediately but I miss it as I start to get my stuff together to get back off the bus and meet Adam at the front gates where I always meet him.

He's stood there with his new girlfriend and Joel, Adam is the most mature of us guys he knew how to treat people right , he was the smartest and he just understood people , maybe he could help me understand Matty emotionally.I wave once I get off the bus so I can grab his attention we nod at one other and Joel comes running over grappling me into his arms "Adam was just telling us you were up all night chatting up some new fling" . Joel was the gossip.

"I never said that, I was helping a friend, how is that chatting up a new fling?" I put quote marks up when I said "new fling" because I don't thing I even had an old fling I've only ever been with two people Laura and Joel himself yeh im bisexual. We were young though so we didn't really know anything we kissed a few times and we held hands and did cute stuff together but we didn't know anything but hey he was cute but things were different with Laura I knew what to do and how to do it and I always went through with stuff and played the motions but I can't really say I enjoyed it that much like yeh I loved her and we dated for quite some time but if I really think about it I didn't like her sexual. I loved her but as a friend I suppose I just thought it was different because she was the only girl who's ever shown me any attention.

We make our way to the building we all had music first thing so we made our way there all messing about and shoving each other around as we spoke Adam and Joel sat next to each other and I sat next to Carly Adams new girl, he'd been pinning over her for months, maybe even years I'm so happy he finally got the balls to ask her.

When we sit down Adam and Joel get caught up in a conversation about the new guitar Adam just bought and Carly turns to me "So the new imagery friend are they cute?"

"Um ....he really is only a friend he's having a really hard time and I've only known I'm like 42 hours maybe not even that there's no way I'd be looking at him in that way". I feel myself blush anyway because although we haven't known each other long I can still appreciate when someone is attractive "but uh yeh if your asking he's actually so attractive but I don't even know if he's gay". I scratch the back of my head and fidget in my chair a little as she's still looking at me "but I'm really just helping him get over whatever is bothering him"

"But would you like to get to know him and maybe like be in his life as more than just someone who helps him?"

"Maybe once he's better I'd love to see where the friendship take us". While talking about him I realise I hadn't noticed a reply for a while so I pick up my phone to check and yes there it is a message sent ten minutes ago I open it to see his face his eyes are bright and he's pulling on a single curl pulling it though his hand "I'm just bored is all , Miss Conner's isn't here yet, but I was just thinking about taking up that offer of you made me about helping with my maths GCSE". I start smiling at the fact that he was thinking about me, then set myself straight that he was only remembering a conversation we had but just as I'm about to reply Carly taps me "hey let me see" . I turn my phone toward her so she can see him and I'm smiling at her "wow he really is pretty"

"Yeh" I turn my phone back to myself and reply with just a message saying that I'd very much be down to help him whenever he needed it and put a small kiss after it just to test my luck and shove my phone back in my pocket because if he's going to be with his head of year all day he won't be allowed much time to reply and just with the my teacher walks in Mr Gardner the coolest teacher one could ever have. He's always helped me a little more than others I guess and he's always said he sees me going places. I've brung him a few demos over the last few years. He starts talking about todays lesson. He's really just giving us extra time to prepare our new mixes. I roll my eyes and sigh because this new demo has just had me defeated for a few days now and I just can't get it right. But he only speak for about ten minutes and let's us get on with our respective challenges this is when I turn back to Carly "Hey do you think you or Adam would be able to give me some advice, maybe you because you might be more sensitive about it with you being a girl and all"

"Sure what's up " she's still tapping away on her laptop while she's talking to me , very much engrossed in the work she's doing.

"We'll uh Matty that's the name of the guy I'm talking to is having a really tough time from what I can gather and he's been ill , I haven't witnessed them but he's cried a lot so he's possibly having panic attacks don't quote me on that , he's thrown up like 3 times in the space I've known him , he's so lost in his own head and I don't know how to help him"

"We'll do you know what's bothering him, he might just be sick and not coping very well because some people get like that when there sick they get tired easy"

I take out my laptop to try and get something done while talking to her if I have something to keep my mind at rest I might not get too nervous talking about it "He hasn't really told me anything other than he's stressing about exams and that he's really in his head right now"

"We'll really all you can do is be there for him , like how did you help Laura when she needed it" she looked at me then with a somewhat questionable look on her face.

"I could always just be there whenever she needed me and i just stuck around and talked her through stuff, but this is different I barley know him but I feel overprotective of him" the blush starts to creep up my neck and onto my face I try not to look at Carly and stay focused on the screen in front of me.

"Someone's smitten already are we." She's smiling at me knowingly , knowing that I can get attached to people really quick. It's actually amazing to think how quickly I can get attached to people but yet never having fully been in love. I'm just a hopeless romantic who feels the need to protect people. K night always there to save the damsel in distress so the saying goes.

"No I'm not smitten, he's just different he intrigues me is all?". He does interest me, he's like a lost soul trying to find a distraction in a future dystopian hell. Trying to fill a void. Trying to find himself. That could be the name of the track Lostmyhead. I know it's not my head that's lost but it just feels right. Now that I've got a name I can get the understanding for the track and I can maybe get Matty's input. I don't know if he's that into music but his in put might really be good. It's all coming together I plug in my headphones so I can really try it out. The synths and guitars really coming together pulling me into a feeling of uncertainty. Maybe this is what Matty feels like right now. It just needs lyrics to pull it together but I can do that another time but for now these notes and instruments coming together in my ears helps me understand how it much feel in his head.

With that I take my phone out and I message Matty "I have something I'd like to show you when you have time". I know he's probably not going to get it until break but it's there for him when he's ready I then put my phone away and hear the bell ring right through me and shudder at the sudden ringing

My next lesson of the day is computer science, this class is really uneventful all the time. I don't have much people to talk to in this class it's very quiet an all these kids are mad smart so I just keep to myself but the demo is constantly on my mind, keeping me distracted from any work really. I find myself constantly looking at my phone waiting for a reply which got me into trouble a few times . my hands were itching to call him to let him hear it but I know that's not going to do anyone any good and by the last time I check my phone the teacher then comes over to me "Mr Daniel this is the last time unfortunately, if I see that phone out again I will have to confiscate it". I shove it back into my pocket and get back to m work that was barley even started "sorry sir"

Break time rolls around soon though and I see I do have a few messages from Matty only five minutes after I'd put my phone away for good. They read as follows

"Thank you man honestly x"

"Miss Conner's is literally driving me insane right now x "

"What do you wanna show me" the last one was of his face he looks quite alright so it gives me a second to breath he looks like he's outside and there's a couple of lads behind him looking like there talking to him.

I sit down with my break apple juice and a ham sandwich boring I know but it's school what do you expect and answer him while the others are occupied "I've been producing a demo track for my Music portfolio and I'd really love it if you'd be listen to it"

He's messages back almost instantly the biggest smile on his face like the last day didn't even happen "bro I'd love that, music is literally everything, is it just instrumental or does it have lyrics?"

"Just instrumental right not but it could really use lyrics." I perk up at how excited he sounded, sitting up straight on these ridiculous plastic seats that I barley fit on.

Another immediate message "I write , would it be cool if I give it a listen and see if I can add the lyrics to it or is that weird"

"Nah bro go ahead I'll send it over, have you got something for break!?". I know he's excited right now but I still feel the need to look after him.

"My mum gave me a few breakfast bars and I was pretty much ordered to ave em 😂"

"Why's that ?" . Concern starts to drip back into my brain, Jesus this guy is going to be the end of me I swear to god, am I too attached already ?, maybe but it's done now

"I didn't eat yesterday and she doesn't want me to be sick again but we'll just have to see if I can keep down ay" he sent that with a picture of himself with his fingers crossed. There's still uncertainty laced behind his eyes but I don't want to freak him out so I just send him a picture in basically a replica of his "we'll let me know yeh , you've got to be starving bro , but hopefully it helps you stomach settle , how's your head ?"

"Still buzzing like mad but I'm dealing with it Ross gave me pain killers before break and there helping a bit?"

"How was your lessons with Miss Conner's is it ? , you said she was driving you insane is that a bad thing". I smile as he seems to be doing alot better than yesterday although I know this conversation is really nothing to go by but he's got people there to help too.

"Man she just won't shut up , it's the concerned teacher act that does my head in she's been on my back since I got in and my maths lesson with her went on for hours Jesus"

"Oh man nah I couldn't be doing that , what do you have next , are you going to that or will you still be with her ?"

"I'm going to try just go to my next lesson, it's German I don't mind that class to much, but I think I'll go back to miss for my class after lunch cuz im still a bit arghh you know and physics won't be good"

"Im glad your giving it a try but you know where she is if you do need her before last class yeh "

"Yeh she says I can go back at any point , thanks for being there darlin x" . I can feel myself blush all over again and I know I'm smiling like an idiot. Joel and Adam are looking at me. Adam chimes in.

"You were defiantly chatting someone up last night george my guy" he shoves me lightly as the bell goes signalling the end of break and we make our way to our next classes I feel alot lighter after that conversation.

I want to be with you everywhere - Matty Healy x f!reader

A/N: I'm not sure if I'm happy with this...let me know what you think!! <3 (takes place before part 1 and 2)

Warnings: fluff, the three words, car sex, hard language, 18+ MINORS DNI!!!!!!

Word count: 3.2 k

Blog Masterlist

Supermarket 

“Matty?” Y/n startled him out of his daydreaming. “My eyes are up here…” she teased him, smiling when his eyes opened a millimetre more due to embarrassment. 

They were trying to empty the shopping trolley with all the food and drinks they brought minutes ago for the barbecue Adam and Carly were going to host in their house. Y/n tried not to think about it because her anxiety would rise to a level she might not be able to keep under control. She already meet Matty’s friends, family, and a lot of people involved in his life during the past few months, even though Y/n still couldn’t get used to be around his friends. She was very aware of how much their opinions weighted on Matty. 

Y/n shook her head, returning to the present moment. Matty was holding a piece of cheese and his mouth was hanging open a bit. His lips and mouth calling for her. He always looked handsome, although that day he was breathtaking. 

“I-” he tried speaking, but his voice got stucked on his throat. “I’m sorry, I just-” the singer left the item inside the booth, rubbing his hands nervously. 

“Matty, it’s alright. I was messing with you.”

“No, I know. I- I wasn't ogling you like a moron, okay?” he tried to justify himself.

Y/n rounded the cart between their bodies, “Baby, I wouldn’t mind if you looked at my cleavage.” she brushed the curls falling on his pretty face, staring at his eyes with care.

“I was looking at your…your body.” he cleared his throat, making her chuckled. She hadn't seen him this nervous in all the months they have dated. Worried popped into her mind. 

“What’s wrong, Matty?” Y/n frowned a little, Matty hated it. 

“I’m trying to say something, but I don’t want to scare you…” Matty let his hands rest on her hips, looking down at his hands create circles on the fabric of Y/n’s dress. 

Y/n kept her silence, waiting for him to be able to express his thoughts. She touched his features, trying to transmit him some calmness. The only thing it would scare her would be him breaking up with her. Her heart skipped a bit thinking about that possibility.

“I was looking, admiring you…maybe a bit like a twat, but I didn’t have my head in the gutter. Well, not fully.” Matty laughed apprehensive. He took a big breath, trying to gather his thoughts. “Y/n…” Matty said. “I can’t believe I’m such a lucky bastard, you…you being this incredible person, so smart, so caring, so damn beautiful.” he shook her body slightly. “You being incredible and wanting to date me…me?” Matty touched his chest with his point finger. 

“I do…so much.” she interrupted his monologue.

“Can’t believe I’m going to say this in the middle of a supermarket car park…” Matty closed his eyes for a second, talking more to himself. “I love you, Y/n. So, so much…everything about you.” Matty spoke, staring into her soul.

Y/n felt a tingling sensation travel all around her body. “You do?” she asked, low.

Matty nodded. “Yes.” he replied. “You don’t have to say it back! I felt the need to say it, because I can’t hi-” 

The frontman couldn’t finish his sentence because Y/n let her lips fell on his. They paused for a little, just taking in the points of contact between their bodies. Matty grew anxious quickly, so he let his hands travel to her back, rubbing his hands up and down. Y/n’s reaction was to smile, which broke the kiss a little.

“I love you so much, Matthew.”

“Why ‘Matthew’?” he complained. “Sounds like I’m in trouble…” he pouted, not letting her go far from him.

Y/n lift her hands to rest around his shoulders. “You’re in serious trouble, mister. I’m not letting you go so…”

“Won’t complain, really.” 

“I love you, Matty.” the words tasting different when she direct them to the man in front of her, the man of her dreams. 

“Agh, I’ll never get used to this…ever.” Matty let his head hid on the crock of her neck, mumbling incoherences. His stubble and breath tickling her, adding to her giddiness after all the confessions.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At Hann and Carly’s house

“Matty!” George screamed in his right ear.

He detached his sight from Y/n profile, who was deep into conversation with Polly about hair products –saying words Matty never heard of. Matty let his eyes fell on his best mate’s smugly face. 

“What?” he spat, bringing his left hand to rest on Y/n’s thigh. 

“Was talking to you.” G crossed his arms on his chest. Matty rolled his eyes at him. “She won’t disappear if you stop looking at her. Y’know that, right?”

“Fuck off.”

“What are you two bickering about now?” Y/n let her hand rest on top of Matty’s. 

“‘bout this one smitten with you.” G said before taking a sip of his drink. “Simp.” he mumbled.

Matty returned to look at Y/n, “Ignore him.” 

“Why? I like what he was saying…” she smiled at him, pushing her body closer to Matty’s.

The frontman let his left arm round her, bringing his girlfriend even closer than before. He left a chaste kiss on her lips, trying not to indulge too much making the rest uncomfortable although at the same time being incapable of not touching and kissing his girl.

Y/n pushed her chest on his, trapping her hands between their bodies. She was wishing to bring him back to her flat or hear his offer to go to his, even though that would be rude. 

The singer backed a little, “We’re leaving.”

“What? Why?” she searched inside his eyes.

“Y/n.” he warned her.

“Baby, we can’t leave.” Y/n whispered.

“Oh, yes, we can.”

“Matty.”

“Please, Y/n. I need you.” his hand creeped to touch her knee, pleading her. 

“Hey! You two!” Ross broke the tension growing between them. “Find a room.” he joked around, letting Matty use it for his own advantage. 

“Actually, we’re leaving.” he stood up from his chair.

Matty took Y/n’s hands, pushing her slightly to copy his own actions. 

The boys whistled and Charli screamed, “Yes, girl!” 

Matty didn’t stop to say goodbye to the people around the table, he couldn’t care less. The singer was sure they wouldn’t mind and even found it funny. He would put up with the jokes later. 

Y/n let him lead her towards the car, feeling deeply embarrassed by his actions and a bit turned on. 

She turned to her right side, staring at him, “You’re insane, y’know that? I’ve bearly know them…what would they-”

Matty quickly interrupted her rambling, “They’re happy for me…for you. That’s all, baby.” Y/n seated back, trying to calm herself. “C’mon, my love.” The sweet name warmed her inside, but she tried to ignore the feeling. Matty let his hand touch the hem of her dress, then his feathery touch trailed towards the inside of her tight thighs. “I love you.” Matty approached his lips to press kisses on her neck. He disarmed her and Y/n couldn’t help to open her legs wider. “Say it.” 

“What?” she stared back into his brown eyes, full of lust.

“Y/n.” he wasn’t having it.  “Say it.”

The singer didn’t wait for her reply, to move his hand closer to her core. She was hyperaware of his hands touching her skin.

“I love…” Y/n stopped talking when his fingers pushed the fabric on her clit without moving far. The pressure turning her into putty.  

Matty backed his fingers centimetres away,  “You love who?”

“Matty!” she protested, sensing the lack of his digits and her clit pulse. 

“Who, Y/n?”

“I love you. Please, don’t stop.”

“Good girl.” 

Even though he didn’t continue. Matty backed all the way, going to turn the car on, and started driving away from his bandmate’s house. 

Y/n stared at him without believing his actions. One minute he was all over her, and the second later appeared composed like nothing happened. Y/n whined loud. 

“What?” she protested.

“What?” Matty mimicked her voice, staring at the road. 

“I hate you.”

“You don’t.” Matty gripped the steering wheel with both of him hands. 

“Drive me home.” she tried to command, knowing deeply inside he wouldn’t let her go that easily. 

She wasn’t wrong. 

“Baby.”

Y/n bit her lower lip, trying to stay in silence.

“Okay, we’re going to your house then.” Maty sentenced, implying he was part of the plan.

“No, I am going…alone.”

“Absolutely no.” he shook his head, still not looking at her. “Don’t a brat. You just need to wait a few more minutes, and you’ll have everything you want, my love.” Matty said in a rather softly tone. 

“I want you.” she whined, touching the middle of his leg.  

Matty's side glanced at her. “Do as I tell you.” the singer took her hand, lifting it up until it was secured on her own lap.

Y/n pretend to obey the order. For a few minutes, the song blasting on the radio occupied the silence between them. Matty relaxed while driving, oblivious to his girlfriend’s thoughts.

Without hesitation, she felt brave enough to shuffle in her seat, taking her underwear down her legs and finally off. The sudden movement, beside him, made Matty looked between the road and her. 

“What are you doin’?” he asked, feeling a rush of heat taking over his neck and cheeks. 

Y/n ignored him, leaving the piece of cloth between them around the gear lever. She didn’t spare him a glance, driving Matty insane. 

She lifted her dress until it rested on her stomach, showing all of her lower half in all its glory. Y/n touched her chest slightly, teasing herself a little. The expectation growing meanwhile, her hands roamed lower. Matty saw her touched the lower part of her stomach and her body shake due to the cool air hitting her perfectly.  

His girlfriend moaned, throwing her head back, looking for support that finally the seat gave her. Y/n ignored her dripping core, choosing to touch her knees, widening the space between them.

“Y/n..” Matty tried to stop her, but his tone wasn’t exactly harsh or believable. 

“Mhm?” she asked, her eyelids heavy.

She chuckled when he didn’t answer, stopping the car under the traffic light, waiting for the greenlight. Y/n traced the interior of her legs, feeling she was more than ready to welcome him. Her digits found the knob of nerves, circling slowly even when her fingers were eager to go faster. The sensations taking over her, controlling her hips. Y/n griped the side of the car sit with her free hand, helping with the friction. 

Matty pressed the gas pedal when he could. Since her flat wasn’t really far from Hann’s house, they reached their destination rapidly. Matty stopped the car in a dark part of her block. Turning to look at Y/n, who wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings. All of her attention were in the knot on her stomach.

“Matty” she moaned, asking for him to touch her. 

“Oh, no…you get yourself into this. Now you’re going to finish it.” Matty palmed himself through his trousers, staring at the sweet scene in front of his eyes.

“Please.”

Even though Matty couldn’t help to direct her from afar, “Stop teasing yourself.” he command. “Test if you’re ready for one finger, baby.” His left hand coming to rest on top of her seat car. 

“I’m so wet, baby.” Matty groaned when the information reached his ears, his eyes travelling down to the part of her body dripping on his car seat. He didn’t care if she ruined it. 

He nodded, unbuttoning his trousers, making a lot of noise with his belt, “You look so good like this, my love.” Matty encourage her. Y/n opened her eyes, looking at him push his trousers down, but keep his boxers. 

“Matty-”

“Keep going.” he said. “Ready for another?” Matty let his hand touch hers, taking her finger out of her pussy and bringing it to his mouth. He moaned around her fingers. Y/n didn’t dare to look at other part than his face, in a deep trance with his beauty and him hollowing his cheeks while tasting her.

“Yes, yes.”

Matty selected her middle and ring finger, pushing the others down, and without breaking eye contact he brought them closer to her core. Her sight tried to follow their intertwined hands, but her boyfriend wasn’t happy,  “Look at me, Y/n.” he ordered and she obeyed. His eyes tingled, knowing how receptive she was, how she let him have all the power over her. Y/n trusted him, Matty’s dominant side loved that.

Matty and Y/n stared at each others, while she felt the pressure of her fingers on her entrance. She gasped when he impulsed her fingers to get inside slowly. Y/n closed her eyes a bit because everything was getting too much, too intense. “Look at me, I said.” his other hand travel to the back of her head, holding her nape. “That’s it, baby girl.” Matty tilted his chin up, proud of himself.

Y/n’s boyfriend knew her body like the back of his hand. Matty made her fingers brushed the rough patch, making her lips lift, and an explosive sensation crawled from her small back all the way down to explode all around her. Matty kept guiding her hand, helping Y/n ride her high until she collapsed on her seat once more. 

“Open.” the frontman presented her own hand in front of her mouth. The skin of her fingers wrinkled by all the wetness created a rare sensation against her tongue. Y/n licked his fingers, although she pushed her hand out of her hand, gasping for some air. “Are you okay?” he checked, afraid it could be too much for her. Matty stroked her hair, soothing Y/n.

“More than that.” she gifted him a drunken smile. 

“Okay, let’s go upstairs.” Matty went to push his trousers back up, even though she stopped him.

Y/n quickly launched herself closer, placing her hand on top of his. “No.”

“No?” he crooked his eyebrow.

“I can’t wait any more.”

Before Matty could even ask about it, Y/n moved to straddle him. 

“Y/n, someone might see.” Matty looked around the empty street, knowing probably most of the neighbours were sleeping or out at the same time, he feared for their privacy. 

“I know.”

Matty laughed, “Naughty girl.” his hands squeezing her hips. 

Y/n’s boyfriend admired how she opened her dress, showing she wasn’t wearing a bra, hence why Matty could scan her naked body fully in front of his eyes. He was a lucky bastard indeed.

“Fuck.”

They didn’t wait a single more second, Matty pushed her still wet core to connect with his under the thin material of his boxers. Y/n was still dripping and staining his boxers, making Matty moaned with the sensation. So close and so far.

Her hips started moving back and forward rhythmically, trying to find the perfect one for both of them. Matty didn’t move his hands, slightly guiding his girlfriend.

His mouth swiftly found the expanse of her breast, biting on the under side of her left one. Y/n replied, whining uncontrollably, moving faster and throwing her head back. Once more, she was getting closer and closer to the edge, although this time she wanted him buried inside her. 

“Matty.” 

He spoke back, with his eyes admiring her nipples move and his hands holding her tits together, “Yes, baby?”

“I need you, now.”

Matty smirked, changing the direction of his eyes. Without adding more words, he detached his hands from her body, leaning to reach the car glove box behind Y/n. He groped a hand inside, searching for a condom. 

Y/n took advantage of his distraction, pushing his boxers under his balls. His cock was dripping with pre-cum and her mouth craved to taste him. She swiped it with her finger, gathering enough to taste it. Matty shook his head, while ripping the plastic. 

“Be glad we’re not inside because I’d be punishing you for that.” he said, pushing the rubber down his shaft. 

“I hope you do.” Y/n knew she was playing with fire.

“Y/n.” her name on his lips was the perfect anthem for her ears. “Ready?” he brought her body closer again, stopping when she was just above his tip.

“So ready.” she moaned out. 

Matty brushed the tip of his cock, teasing between her entrance and clit. Y/n let him without protesting, knowing she was close to get what she wanted for so long. Finally, he trusted inside her, looking directly into her eyes. Y/n allowed her body to fell forward, their foreheads connecting, meanwhile her hands took his neck between her hands.

“How come you’re always so tight, baby?” Matty’s voice came strangled, putting all his force to not come just yet. “Can I move?”

“Yes, move- please, move.” 

Matty nodded silently, grabbing her hips, pushing Y/n’s body up and continuity down. His mouth travelled from her lips, after leaving a sweet kiss, towards her beck and collarbones. He licked and bite every part of her skin, wanting to mark her as his. Although the best for him was meeting her nipples again. Nothing compared to her beautiful tits jumping by trusts. Nothing compared to Y/n’s beautiful soul and body. 

“Matty-”

“‘doing so well, baby.” he praised her. “Always so good for me.”

“Faster, please.”

“Already coming, baby?” he leaned backwards, replacing his mouth with his palms.

“Mhm.”

Y/n pulsed around him, so his voice sounded low and raspy,“Who makes you come this fast?” the question going directly to her centre. 

“You, Matty…is always you.”

Matty noticed she was indeed very close to her release. He brought his right thumb to circle on top of her clit, while his hands clenched to her hips like if his life depended on it. Y/n let herself go, making her movements quicker than before, pushing Matty to the edge. 

The singer pushed his pelvis up to meet her warmth, meanwhile Y/n’s body arching in pleasure offered him his tits again. Matty didn’t wait a second. He reached his peak bruising the soft skin of her chest. Y/n collapsed on top of Matty, feeling how his arms held her.

Accelerated breaths filled the void inside the car.

“Are you okay?” Matty brushed her back, sneaking his hands under the fabric of her dress, which shielded them from the outside world. He didn’t want to pull out just yet.

“Yes.”

“Can you walk?” he inquired. 

Y/n giggled on his neck, filling his stomach with something closer to complete happiness. “Don’t be so full of yourself, Healy.” 

He joined her, laughing of his own question. Matty left a few kisses on the side of her head.

“Let’s go…I’m not done with you.” 

Y/n pushed her body back, feeling ready to continue the night with him inside her bed. 

cap!matty, you are so special to me.

Chapter 17

Word Count :2296

There’s not much warning needed for this chapter it’s all just talking and understanding unless honestly needs a tag then it’s fine

Matty's POV

I spent a lot of time that afternoon in my room, I'd received a few texts from Ross asking if I'm okay and if I'd told my mum what was up, I told him that everything was good and that my mum knows but that I never told her about the coke use yet because I can't do it yet, As well as that my dad phoned me just telling me that he's proud of me , and that he's always going to be there for me , I'm his son and that he loves me and that he'll speak to me once he's home because I hopes I'll talk to him a bit more I you know all that stuff , and I thank him and chat to him for a bit about what he's up to at work. Later on that day George messaged back

"Good afternoon love , I'm sorry to hear that everything's been all over the place for you today, I know that your struggling but once I'm home we can call again and talk about what happened , I miss your voice and your face", This is when we start Snapchating again because honestly I miss his face too. After seconds of seeing his face appear on my screen and face splitting grin appears on my own face, I sent him back a picture of myself so he can see me, I might not look or feel the best right now but I understand that and he's not going to see me as any different. We snap chatted all afternoon about nothing and everything all at the same time . Right now we're talking about a game that we'd like to play

"Yeh oh my god did you hear that street fighter 6 is going to be out soon, apparently it's got new game modes coming out aswell", Video games is always something I can talk about from dawn till dusk , losing yourself in another world , and if you mess up you can try again another day nothing to be anxious about. Very different from real life.

He snaps right back that smile of his makes everything in my life just feel like it's a million miles away and I don't have to worry about it "didn't it say that it's got like a new mode where your like touring the world and you can play against others online right ?". If he's anything like me this game is going to melt our brains when it comes out , I know it's literally just an online game but I've played every single one, and I love them all, Any new realise melts my brain, I get lost in them for days , there were times when I was younger the guys would come over and we'd cabin ourselves up in my room and we'd play every walk through of the game and make sure we'd find every single hidden gem and watch people play them online. Those were the days, where my mum would come in to make sure we were all okay but we'd be too engrossed in the game to even notice she was there or we'd all be passed out on the floor because we'd been awake for two days straight, my room would be an absolute midden. When there parents came to pick them up I'd sulk for hours, cry to my mum because I'd want them to come back, always been the sensitive kid I guess. Then I'd be so tired that night I'd sleep for hours and wake up at like lunchtime the next day and my dad would spend all day trying to cheer me up. Come to think of it I'd always been sensitive , I know I'd cry about stupid things as a really young kid, I'd built a fort with my dad when I was maybe 4 but when we had to take it down I'd thrown the biggest conniption fit, screamed the place down which in turn caused my mum to have to buy one of those silly little TP tents for my room which I still have now.

A few moments later I get another Snapchat through from George "are you still there love" , I blush at the use of the pet name , I feel like that will always make me blush I then snap a picture of myself and reply

"Sorry darlin , I was just thinking about stuff and got lost in a day dream , but yes I did read that somewhere" I send it off and decide to get dressed , I just noticed the time , Louis will be home soon and probably will want to play for a while. I slide on a yellow T-shirt and some black shorts. Just like I'd said Louis knocks on my door and slides his little head round the door "Mummy said you were sad so I was wondering if you wanted to play angry birds that always makes me happy". He comes in now and climbs onto my bed waiting for me to sit with him.

I skulk over to him and sit next him "come on then show me how to play" , I hand him my iPad and slide onto the bed properly , leaning against the headboard and pull him onto my knee, He easily navigated his way through my iPad finding the game he needs , watching his little hands working there way through the screen.He pauses for a moment to look at me "Why are you sad ?".

I tap his head and play with his hair "it's okay little man we don't need to talk about it , I'm just being silly , how about you show me how to play". The games page loads up. He turns back to it and starts showing me how to play. I know how to play but he loves this game and I love watching him play. George replies midway through this game . I open it he must be on his way home now because he's outside and the sun is shining , brightly into his eyes making them shine "what where you thinking about love". That brings a smile to my face, I snap a picture back of me and Lou he's sat on my knee and he's too engrossed in his little game to notice that I'd taken his picture. It's actually a sweet one, I save it. "Just reminiscing about how I've always been a kind of sensitive guy really, we can talk about it when you call later if you like" . I put my phone down on my bed and pull Lou close to me hugging him "I love you little man"

"I love you too Maffu" , he hands me the iPad means he's struggling with this level , so I take it and I show him how to do it talking him through it "Fanks, you're really good at this , you can do the next one too" , we go through a few more levels together taking turns , George has replied but I'm lost in my time with my little man.

I pause the game after a while "Hey kiddo, do you have homework", I know he's only young but he might have class reading to do and I love hearing him read he's such a good little reader. "Go get your bag and I can help you with it yeh ?"

"Okay", he jumps off the bed , scrambling to go get his bag , while he's gone I reply to George, he's still stood outside but has a joint in his hand "If it's something you'd like to talk about then we can , how's the little man ?" , he's so darn pretty , how can some that looks like a literal angel just be allowed to walk the earth and not have a partner like it doesn't make any sense. The fact that he cares about me and even ask about Lou is also something that I can get down with

I snap back , I'm probably blushing because the picture he sent was really pretty , "I would really like it if we could talk about it , also he's doing grand , we were just playing angry birds , im about to help him with his homework , you look really pretty today by the way George x" , I hope that makes him smile even just a little bit.

He replies instantly he looks to be home now, he's sat on his couch has his headphones in and there's a tinge of red adorning his cheeks and he's smiling "says the pretty boy on the other end of the phone , would you like to call when you've finished with the little man then !?x"

I send him just a quick text this time because I can hear Louis running back up the stairs shouting to my mum that I'm going to help him do his homework "I'd like that alot x" , he send back just a quick alright then I plug my phone in to charge and then loius comes running back into my room "I got it", we end up setting his little books on my desk and he climbs up onto my knee so we can read his book, I remember reading this one when I was his age. He's reading away, he gets stuck on a few words but he honestly does so well , it's only a small book , ten pages at most but I'm so damn proud of him. This grown up little man is going places. The next part of the homework is where the issues began , neither of us a very good and maths it may seems, I'm trying to help him with his times tables as he has to learn them before he moves up to year three , I'm doing my best to try and help him where going through the 8 times table because that's the one he struggles with , and although I'm 17 going on 18 years old , I really should know my 8s but I don't not by heart anyway. I start panicking when I'm trying to explain how to do it, because I can tell he's getting upset about it , again another similarity we have is we both get upset quite quickly over small things , it's stupid how fast I get panicked over this and it's even more stupid how quickly we both get frustrated at it. I do try to keep my cool but eventually after about half an hour where both just frustrated messes and I don't want to see him upset anymore so we pack his things away and I let him go play for a while. I go to talk to my mum. I make my way down the stairs to see that my mum is working in her office but my dads home and sat on the couch flicking through the channels

"Hiya dad", I stand at the doorway slightly flustered, I lean against the door frame. I can feel myself getting a little twitchy but I force it down

"Alright yungun, what's up?", he's looking at me , I can see he's a little bit on edge trying to work out what's going on and trying to figure out if I'm okay.

"I just um came to tell mum something but she's busy so could I tell you ?", after I few silent moments I stride over to the sofa and sit next to my dad. "I think , I may need a little bit more help than mum thinks"

"Why's that yungun", he puts the remote down and sticks it on the arm of the chair. Paying close attention to me now .

"It's just everything stresses me out , small things that mean nothing to anyone, and when I get like that I can't do anything. It's like I try to speak but when I try it's nothing but a squeak in my own head , like I'm living in a house with just three walls and everyone can see me falling apart" . I don't want to cry right now, I can do this , I can have one conversation about how I feel without crying Jesus I need to do it "like everything is changing , there's this pressure in my head that's telling me I need to keep everything the same and not let it change and obviously I can't do that and when it starts getting to much my whole system just shuts down and I feel like I'm gunna explode" , I take a breath that I'd been holding , letting out a sigh at the same time rubbing my hand over the back of my head violently.

"Hey yungun come ere", he pulls me into a tough hug, his strong arms holding me still as I am still trembling "we'll get your sorted won't we, you just need to keep doing this , talking about what's going on"

"I'm trying dad I promise I'm trying", once I've pulled away I give him a soft smile and thank him for listening, on my way back to my room my mum calls through to make sure I have my cheeseburger so I do I pick up the paper bag and bring it up with me and slowly make my way through it, I know it's literally just a cheeseburger and kids eat them but it takes forever to get through, it takes an age actually. I don't feel that great after it, bloated to all hell actually but I guess that's my own fault. I ponder for a while why it's so hard for me to just do things that I'm supposed to do to live bit I think about it for long because if I spiral I won't bounce back for a while

"I'm ready to call whenever you are Georgie x"