MOVING ON ; LEE HEESEUNG
MOVING ON ; LEE HEESEUNG
lee heeseung x reader, angst no comfort, ooc heeseung?? maybe
notes: first fic heyy hope you guys liked it :3
The first time you and Heeseung got together, you already knew something was wrong. It’s not like you didn’t love him, and vice versa, but the timing of you both getting together was... suspicious.
Heeseung had broken up with his ex, Minjun, around two weeks before you and him got together, and you obviously knew that the timing was weird.
It wasn’t until the third week of dating that you knew your suspicions were correct.
Heeseung wasn’t over his ex yet.
Every date he has taken you out on was similar to the dates he would take his ex-girlfriend out on. It was true that you had some similarities in interests with Heeseung’s ex, but not all of them were the same!
“Hey, Hee?” you called out to him softly. Heeseung stops typing and turns to look at you, giving you a soft smile that hurts your heart.
“Hm? What is it, love?” he replies.
You opened your mouth, wanting to say, “Do you still love me?” yet you couldn’t bring yourself to actually say it. “Um, do you want to order something for dinner later? I don’t feel like cooking today.” That was a lie. You loved cooking. It was almost like an escape from reality when you were cooking.
“Oh, that’s okay. Are you okay? You usually love to cook.” Heeseung asks, and you can’t help the feeling of happiness flowing through your body knowing that Heeseung at least remembers your hobby.
“Mm, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired from work today.” You gave him a small smile, and Heeseung turned his head back to his laptop to continue working.
The next day, you woke up earlier than usual. You turned around to see Heeseung still fast asleep, and you couldn’t help but stare at his features. This was honestly the only time you were able to look at Heeseung without your heart hurting because you knew that he was going to wake up next to you and only you.
You scanned his face, letting a small smile show on your face. You quickly snapped back into reality, going out of bed slowly to get breakfast ready.
As you were making some pancakes, you hummed along to a slow song, eventually doing a little dance. Turning around to place the pancakes on the plate, you let out a small yelp, seeing Heeseung leaning against the doorway and staring at you.
“H-Hee! How long have you been there?” You asked nervously, placing the pancakes on a plate.
“Long enough to see you dancing,” he replies so casually, making your face burn. “Hey, don’t turn around! You never get embarrassed when I see you dancing. In fact, you always ask me to dance with you! Also, why are you making pancakes? I thought you preferred waffles over them.”
Your smile dropped.
You loved pancakes. They were probably one of your top three favorite foods.
He’s still thinking about Minjun, isn’t he? You thought to yourself with a frown on your face.
“I just... felt like eating pancakes today,” you replied, giving him a small smile. “Now, sit! Let’s eat before it gets cold.” Pushing Heeseung into his seat, you grabbed two cups of water, taking a deep breath to not cry in front of him.
A few weeks had passed since that incident, and to be very honest, you were slowly giving up on your relationship with Heeseung.
Not only was he giving you stuff Minjun likes, but he also ended up forgetting to turn up to an important presentation of yours when he had already promised you.
His reason? The boys' basketball game was on the same day, and who was there watching the game? Minjun. Of course, he reasoned that he promised the rest of the boys that he would come to the game to watch them, but you knew better.
“Y/N, do you want to watch a movie? I have your favorite~” You turned around, surprised to see your favorite movie on the TV.
“Heeseung, I don’t feel like watching that today.” You say to him, returning to the laundry you were folding on the table. You didn’t hear Heeseung say anything else, so you thought that he was back on his phone, but instead, when you turned around, Heeseung was already standing behind you.
“Did I do something?” He asks you, fiddling with his fingers — a sign you recognize his nervousness. “You... just feel so distant these days, and you rarely call me by nicknames or pet names anymore.”
“Yeah, I'm fine,” you avoided making eye contact with him because you knew you'd cry when you met his gaze. “Why? I thought you didn’t like it when I gave you nicknames.”
Minjun rarely uses nicknames on Heeseung, so maybe he would love it when you stopped using them.
He places both of his hands on your shoulder, shaking you lightly, obviously making you look at him. “See?! This is what I’m talking about. You’re so… distant from me! I can’t even persuade you to eat your favorite food! Can you tell me what I did wrong already? I hate seeing you this quiet!”
Something snapped inside you. “You want to know so badly, do you? Fine, I’ll tell you!” you exclaimed, placing the basket of clothes back on the table. “You went to see Minjun during the basketball game, didn’t you? You only went there because you knew Minjun was going to be there,” Heeseung looks shocked. “I remember overhearing you tell Jungwon over the phone that you were too lazy to go to the basketball game, but when Jungwon mentioned Minjun coming, I just knew that you weren’t going to go to my presentation.”
“That’s-”
“I'm not done,” you said, interrupting him. “For the past few weeks, all you have been giving me is stuff that Minjun loves, not me. You even forgot what my favorite ice cream flavor was and only remembered what Minjun's was. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that I remember you calling me Minjun as I was leaving for work last week.”
His eyes widened.
Heeseung grabbed his bag from the dining table and quickly walked up to you to kiss you. “Bye, Junnie! I’ll call you when I’m going back home.”
“I’m tired, Heeseung. I hate that I don’t live up to your expectations. I hate that I will never be as good as Minjun. I hate that you’re always thinking about her when you’re dating me. Why did you date me when you actually still love Minjun?” You asked, your eyes welling up with tears.
Heeseung was quiet, as you had expected. One thing you learned from dating Heeseung was the fact that he was never one to admit to something, and yet he would never lie either. He would just stay quiet. That was one of his weaknesses.
You quickly wiped away your tears. “I’ll go pack my bags…”
“Huh—?” Heeseung quickly held onto your wrist tightly. “Wh-Where are you going?”
“Home, Hee…” you replied almost too weakly. The face Heeseung was making almost made you stay, but you stood your ground. “I love you, Hee, I really do, but this relationship... it just won’t work unless you actually do love me for me and not Minju.”
“B-But I do love you!” Heeseung exclaimed, and you watched him wrack his brain to make an excuse for you to stay. “I just- I just can’t let go of the habit from when I was with Minju, that’s all! I love you, Y/N… Please stay…”
He looked pitiful, really.
“I’m sorry, Heeseung.” That was the last thing you said before pulling your wrist back and grabbing a bag to pack your clothes. Heeseung could only watch silently as you slowly emptied out your side of the closet.
As soon as you were finished, you walked towards him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for the past month, Heeseung. I had tons of fun dating you!” You smiled at him, unable to stop a tear from slipping out. “I hope that in our next life, we will be able to meet and date each other once again.”
And then you left, leaving Heeseung and the place you once called home.
More Posts from Silcry and Others
@rinbowaman pls he makes me go crazy
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GOOD LUCK, BABE!
pairings: charles leclerc x reader (romantic/platonic).
summary: friendships don’t always survive, you and charles would know.
warnings: cheating towards the end. no smut but a makeout session. sorry alex 💔
author’s note: the brocedes au that me and anon wanted. i’m trying something new btw. let me know how u feel about it.
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you never imagined yourself in the same room as charles. not willingly anyways. yet, when you received the invitation with his handwritten note asking you to come. you knew you couldn’t say no. you had spent so much of your childhood discussing the future. he wanted a family. three kids, a dog and a gorgeous wife that loved him. you wanted a career. the glory, the accolades and the fans that loved you.
he made you promise one day that you’d be at his wedding. you were fifteen at the ice cream shop that he’d always drag you too. you had snuck out without arthur in order to have an extra scoop after charles’ dad had paid for the ice cream you’d had earlier. he looked over at you, eyes serious and asked you to be his best man — (“best woman, best girl. it doesn’t matter. i just want you next to me. i’m serious yn.” he took a lick of his ice cream and the seriousness melted away when he left a smudge on his nose.)
you didn’t break promises easily.
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however, when arthur came running up to you, asking you to follow him. when your relationship with charles disintegrated, you never lost touch with arthur. he was like a little brother to you. you would very rarely meet him for brunch in whatever city you happened to both be in. so when he asked you to follow him, you did willingly.
“where are we going?” you ask, as he pulls you along by your right hand. “usually, whenever you don’t give me context it means you’re doing something bad. is this something bad leclerc?”
“when am i ever doing something bad?” he looks over his shoulder and gives you a wink. you roll your eyes. he plants you in front of a room and nods at it. you stare at him blankly.
“okay? i’m not a mind reader arthur.”
“i need you to help me look for something.” he nods at the room. “in there.”
“you can do it yourself.” you turn to leave before he runs in front of you and stops you.
“listen. i don’t care if you had that weird breakup with my brother,” you start to protest that it wasn’t a breakup but he stops you. “but you didn’t need to cut me off too. you were a part of my life too. you abandoned me too.”
“i don’t ask you for anything yn but i need your help. i’m looking for my silver cufflinks. i need them.” he raised his cuffs to show you the distinct lack of cufflinks. “please. i’m begging you. i wouldn’t ask otherwise.”
you didn’t expect to come here to be blackmailed and guilt tripped but it was working. you avoided everything leclerc. even his family, especially his family if you were being honest. they went from being your second family to nothing at all.
“okay.” you nod. “i’ll get your cufflinks.”
arthur smiles and opens the door for you to walk in. it’s someone’s hotel room. either arthur’s or a friend’s. it’s messy and you sigh. it’ll be hard finding them in this mess but you start carding through clothes.
“yn?”
you know that voice anywhere. you turn around and it’s charles. he’s half dressed in his wedding suit, his crisp white shirt half unbuttoned. his hair is still messy as if he’s ran his hand through nervously multiple times. you smile with no teeth and move to open the door. it’s locked.
“arthur leclerc! open this fucking door!” you seethe. you bang against the door and hear his voice through the material.
“not until you fucking talk! i’ll be back in half an hour.” you hear his footsteps walk away. you turn to charles who smiles sheepishly at you.
“tea?”
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liked by messyass1, messyass2 and 1,737,883 others.
ham1ltonshaderoom: it seems all the rumours are true. sworn enemies f1 drivers charles leclerc and yn yln have seemed to call a truce to celebrate his wedding to art historian alexandra saint mleux. she was seen wearing a dark green vivienne westwood gown as she celebrated the couple’s nuptials.
what do we think about the rekindling of this flame, ham1ltons?
view all 679,498 comments
user1: CHARLESYN IN THE SAME ROOM NO ARGUING NO FIGHTS WE CHEERED!!
user2: i wish we had pictures of her. she always eats her outfits.
-> user3: wtf how does she digest them?
-> user2: figure of speech babe <3
user4: did she have a date??
-> user5: her longtime boyfriend!!
user6: they worked it out on the remix
-> user7: so FERRARI ❤️
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charles makes you the tea. he doesn’t finish buttoning his shirt as he pours it into a mug for you. he remembered how you liked it - two sugars and a splash of milk. you stay silent but nod gratefully.
it’s been so long since you’ve been alone with him. you’re not the same wide eyed kid but neither is he. he’s getting married and you’re giving him the silent treatment. he sits on the edge of his bed awkwardly. tapping his thigh with a single finger.
“thank you for coming,” he says. “i didn’t think you would.”
“the handwritten invitation was a nice choice,” you sip your tea. “personal. did everyone else like it?”
“only yours was,” he coughs into his elbow. “handwritten, i mean. only yours.”
that’s news to you but you don’t have time to ponder what that means before he speaks again.
“i’ve thought for the longest time on what i’d say to you if i got the chance. everything. how sorry i was, how sorry i am, how much i hated you and how much you meant to me. you were my best friend yn. my best friend. no one has even come close to what you were for me.” he chuckles as he presses his palms into his eyes. “who else could i talk to besides you?”
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(insert a tiktok edit of the two of you throughout your careers. the song playing over it is the song ‘chemtrails over the country club’ by lana del ray specifically the lyrics ‘nobody’s son/nobody’s daughter’. it gets 167k likes.)
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“do you still hate me?” charles looks at you under his lashes.
“of course i do. you hurt me.”
“you hurt me. but i don’t hate you.” charles fidgets in his seat. he stretches his hands to place them on his knees. you sip your tea. “do you remember when i asked you to be my best woman?”
you nod.
“i didn’t mean that. i wanted you to be my wife.”
you would choke on your tea if you didn’t know that information but charles wasn’t subtle. yet it was a case of missed opportunities. you didn’t like him then and he didn’t like you now.
“i couldn’t hate you yn. god knows i tried. it hurts me knowing that you hate me as i could never hate you. i said all that shit because i was hurt and angry. you said i was a shitty driver. that i wouldn’t have won without ferrari’s strategies which we both know are shit-“
“i’m sorry, i didn’t know you still cared about my opinion.” you interrupt. your voice still has a defensive edge to it. he just shrugs.
“i’ll always care about your opinion.”
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CHARLESYNNIES TWITTER GC (est.2017)
user1: editing yn to l’amour de ma vie by billie eilish (extended version) rn 😋
user2: what part?
user1: listen from 2:15 till 2:56!!
user3: THATS GONNA EATT OMGGGG
user4: wish we could edit the wedding appearance of the two of them omggg.
user5: when i get off my lazy ass and finish my edit of them to ‘the girl so confusing’ remix
user6: do y’all think they’re talking at the wedding?
user7: babe do you know yn? she’s probably at the very corner of the reception right now. she’ll take a pic with every other leclerc besides charles and probably leave before dinner is served.
user8: you’re so real. yn would NEVER talk to charles let alone be alone with him. i hate it but it’s the truth.
user9: plus charles is probably busy with the wedding.
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you never considered yourself to be a bad person but making out with your ex best friend/teammate literally a few hours before he’s about to get married? that’s a bitch move.
you try to think about his fiancée. she’s probably getting ready excitedly with her family and friends. thinking about being the future mrs leclerc while you’re two minutes away from committing adultery on both of your partners.
you pull apart from charles. he looks at you with wide eyes.
“we can’t fucking do this. we’re awful people,” you sit up. “my fucking lipgloss is all over your mouth.”
“i look good in pink. it’ll be fine.” he wipes it off.
“you have a fiancée. you’re getting married.”
“tell me the word and i’ll call it off. just for you.” he looks at you. “i’m quitting f1 after this year anyways. i’m not attempting to go for the second championship. i don’t want it.”
“how do you not want it?”
“we have different priorities but i won’t be a f1 driver anymore. you always said you couldn’t date a driver. i’ve grown now. i’m fine being in your shadow. i love it. i want it.”
he looks at you as serious as he did when he asked you to be his best woman all those years ago.
“what do you want yn?”
you bite your lip, and think.
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CHARLESYNNIES TWITTER GC (est.2017)
user7: i’m hoping we get at least a picture. just one.
user4: i would DIE!!! imagine!!!
user3: charlesynnies suffer every day and everyone else wins.
user2: i think yn is right there with charles. maybe dancing.
user1: he always said she’d be at his wedding. he was right. i think there is still love there.
user5: FINISHED MY FUCK ASS EDIT PLEASE LIKE AND COMMENT ON TIKTOK BESTIES
user6: okay i wrote a little fic for ao3. it’s called ‘wait until you like me again’!! it’s domestic charlesyn as they are forced to work everything out. kinda angsty but really smutty.
user1: spamming u both charlesynnies are the best idc <3
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liked by ham1ltonshaderoom, landonorris and 1,827,983 others.
charles_leclerc: say hello to mr and mrs leclerc 💍
tagged: alexandrasaintmleux
view all 287,929 comments
yourusername: happy for you 💕
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INTERVIEW WITH CHARLES LECLERC
interviewer — so is it true? you’re renewing your ferrari contract?
charles (laughing) — it is true. racing is my life. this is it for me. it’d take something big to take me away from it.
interviewer: you all heard it here first!
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— all works taglist: @luvsforme @yelenasloverrrrr @donttouchthegnote @chelle1306 @bloodyymaryy @aliciaablueprint @lennnooshh @km-23mr @stinkyjax @f1kenzzz @ctrlyomomma @theblueblub @marshmummy @23victoria @ourlifeforchaos @namgification @tallrock35 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @ariellovelynn @shhhchriss @lifeless-firefly @xylinasdiary @evie-119 @itseightbeats @tsireyasgf @landososcar @yongi-lee @maxlarens @velentine @m1892 @blushmimi @evans-dejong @nixisracing @lethalvenus @santanasaintmendes @idontknowlmaoo @sainzluvrr (charles specific tags will be added to the comments!)
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I will slap sunghoon omg
bros before hoes ✰ p.sh smau
synopsis > with the help of fukutomi tsuki, park y/n finally gains the courage to face their long time crush, the one and only, park sunghoon. park sunghoon thinks it's love at first sight when he sees her. paired up as the new mcs of music bank, shenanigans ensue when y/n learns about sunghoon's crush...
or in which... park y/n is an idiot with a big heart and park sunghoon is an oblivious fool [affectionate]
genre > smau + written, idol au, idiots to lovers, mutual pining, slight slow burn but not really, minimal angst, LOTS of fluff
warnings > constant and consistent cursing, probably terribly written 'angst', crack
featuring > idol!p.sh x idol!gn!reader, most of enha, bang chan of stray kids, tsuki of billlie, jooyeon of xdinary heroes, haewon of nmixx, chaeryeong of itzy, sunwoo of the boyz, wonbin & anton of riize (cameo) + wonyoung face claim in *some* places (there's only so much i can do, sorry-)
status > ongoing (150424-?)
taglist > OPEN! send an ask to be added. dms and comments will be ignored !
note > ITS FINALLY HERE 😭😭😭 i've been working on this for a while now and im SO happy to finally be able to share this with you guys!! shout out to my darling abby who beta read this and kept me motivated while planning, you're the BEST 🤕🫶
DO NOT SPAM LIKE !! | SPAM REBLOGGING IS LOVED :]
profiles > EN- | NEXUS | PRIVZ
chapters:-
prologue: bye bye akkong 01: the 'meet' cute (0.7k) 02: the announcement 03: you think i knew ??? 04: Big Reveal(s) (0.6k) 05: he likes WHO?! 06: new MCs in town 07: jungwon major L 08: let me help 09: dance dance 10: great chemistry
more tba !
©️ yangkitties 2024 do not copy, plagiarise, or repost
BREAK THE SKIN ౨ৎ
⤷ brought to you by @rkvriki & @pshaven !
SYNOPSIS ! between a roommate, a class partner, an ex, and a best friend, you accidentally find yourself tangled up in their sheets. (MDNI !!! NSFW WARNING)
FEATURING ! heeseung x fem!reader, jake x fem!reader, sunghoon x fem!reader, jay x fem!reader
୨୧
APPLE CIDER ౨ৎ lee heeseung – by @pshaven coming dec. 10-15
synopsis! your new roommate, heeseung, seems to underestimate just how naive you really are when you catch him in a compromising situation.
wc! x
cw! x
GOT ME THINKING NONSENSE ౨ৎ sim jaeyun – by @rkvriki
synopsis! you get paired up with jake, your sweet classmate who’s always willing to help you, but while you’re both working, he seems to be the one needing help.
wc! x
cw! x
NUDES I CAN'T SEND ౨ৎ park sunghoon – by @pshaven
synopsis! after a drunken night of events you can’t remember, you find a park sunghoon at your front door with apologies you thought you’d never hear.
wc! x
cw! x
SCENT OF YOUR COLOGNE ౨ৎ park jongseong – by @rkvriki
synopsis! jay has been your best friend since you could remember, he’s used to seeing boys come in and out of your life but never once he thought he could be one of them.
wc! x
cw! x
Strangers chapter two
pairing: husband!suguru x f!reader
synopsis: the love between you two died long ago. no, neither of you acknowledge it, you hardly acknowledge each other. in between the busy schedules and blinding lights of upscale events is an unspoken rule— to pretend.
genre/warnings: dying love, angst, smut, marriage, suguru and reader are in their 30s, emotional distance, mutual hurt, miscarriages/infertility, happy ending, ceo!suguru
previous chapter | m.list | next chapter
The ride home is even quieter than the one to the event. No jazz this time, just the sound of rain pattering against the car's exterior and occasional honks in the distance, it was the city after all.
You didn’t need to say anything to your driver, Ringo, for him to know you and Suguru had gotten into a fight. And while it’s been a decent amount since you two have fought, he’s not surprised, not anymore at least. He was one of the very few in your life that witnessed the spark between you two fizzle out.
Suguru’s words weighed heavy in your heart as you pulled up to the estate.
“Let’s just go home.”
It wasn’t home, it was a shell. A six bedroom, seven bathroom, cold and empty shell that echoes if you so much as drop a penny in the hallway.
The house had been custom designed when you were two years into marriage, a home built with the love and dreams you and Suguru shared together as husband and wife. It should’ve been filled by now. Every detail had been chosen with babies in mind— wide hallways a toddler could run through, rounded corners so that they didn't trip when they turned the corner too fast when chasing each other.
You remember the excitement on Suguru’s face when you showed him the layout of the house after working with the architect for a bit.
“You don’t think six rooms is too much, right?” you asked, second guessing yourself despite all the hours spent with the architect.
“No, never,” he chuckled. “We’ll be lucky if we even stay, I’m thinking it’s not enough.”
“Five kids?” you acted like you were shocked, but you always knew he wanted a big family. So did you.
“Mhm,” he smirked, snaking his arm around your waist. “Don’t make that face honey, it’ll be easy with how much you beg me to fill y—”
“Oh my god— okay, okay I get it!” You laugh in the man's arms as he continues to tease you, reminding you of how bad you wanted it too.
He ended up kissing you right after, deeply, as if it were the first time all over again— you miss him like that, happy. You were only a few weeks pregnant during that time. The test on the counter was barely positive, yet the daydreams of raising children with the man you love had already started.
And for Suguru, the man who was always so calm and composed, had tears brimming in his eyes when you surprised him with a sonogram over a home cooked dinner. You made his favorite that night, kake soba.
“I’m going to be a dad,” he whispered to himself, as if he couldn’t believe it. He carded a hand through his hair, continuing to stare at the photo. He chuckles, “Holy shit. I’m gonna be a dad.” “The most amazing one,” you said in response, reaching out to hold his hand.
You’ll never forget how tightly he held your hand that day.
Neither of you got sleep that night. He stayed up, adding one too many parenting books to his Barnes and Noble cart— turning to kiss your cheek ever so often, checking up to see if you were feeling okay. Meanwhile you stayed up looking up baby names, the only thing you agreed on that night was that it’d be a girl. You both wanted a baby girl.
The next time he held your hand as tight as that day was 6 weeks later when you both slowly walked out of the hospital, after spending the entire night there.
You were hysterical, crying uncontrollably when you had called him the day before. He didn’t need to understand what you were saying to know what was going on.
It was the first time he couldn’t protect you, the first out of the many times you’d go through the only pain he couldn’t take away from you. All he could do was sit in the cold waiting room, hoping and wishing that you were okay. That the nurses and doctors were treating you right, treating you with compassion. That you might be one of the hundreds of cases they’ve seen, but please remember you're someone’s wife— you’re someone that’s loved.
It was a selfish thought process, but he didn’t care. Seventeen grueling hours. He was somewhere in between worrying for you and mourning over the future with the child that never came.
The heavy front door clicks shut behind you, locking you in what you now consider a prison. Alone, again— words that constantly repeat in your head, even when he’s around. You carefully peel off your diamonds, your heels, and lastly, the dress that Suguru never bothered to compliment tonight.
And on to the bottle of wine that you’ve been saving for the last couple of months.
Suguru’s body is filled with more alcohol than water when he comes home two hours later. He stumbles through the large empty halls, hitting some of those rounded corners as he makes his way to the kitchen first to grab a bottle of water, then up the stairs to get the goddamn suit off.
“Where the fuck…” he mumbles to himself, looking at the bed that shouldn’t be empty right now. “Where’d she go?”
He checks the bathroom, the study, then the kitchen again. You were nowhere to be found and he can’t be bothered to hide his panic. He pulls his phone out and calls yours.
Straight to fucking voicemail.
And then he panics even more. Guess you could say that unexplained feeling he gets from seeing you in that bed was comfort this entire time. An odd sense of it at least. Now he’s stripped of it. Bare. All that’s left is the fear that maybe tonight was the final straw.
That’s when he sees it.
The crack of light under one of the hallway doors, the one that’s been closed for nearly two years.
He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or if he should just let the ache in his chest continue to grow, allowing himself to feel that pain for once after spending all this time trying to push it down.
His footsteps are light as he walks towards it and slowly pushes the door open, taking a look at the half-done nursery. You two were so sure this one would make it.
There’s a small layer of dust on the wooden crib. A few stuffed animals sat in the corner of it. A handful of books still sit on the shelf— untouched, never even flipped through once.
Neither of you brought yourselves to get rid of any of it.
And then there’s you, curled up in the reclining chair meant for feedings and long nights that never came. You’re passed out, the culprit of what brought you here in the first place was the bottle of red wine sitting on the little table next to you.
It was a reminder that you never stopped grieving.
He never stopped either, but he grieved over you the most, and the person you used to be before life decided to step in and rip you to shreds. It told you there was something wrong with you and proved it each and every time.
He also grieves over the parts of himself that’ve been chipped away through the years too— the person that he used to be before he learned that there will always be something you’d fail at, no matter how hard you worked for it.
Suguru stands in the doorway for what feels like hours, watching the last eight years go by before his eyes, leading up to this moment and what's become of you two. You used to be obsessed with each other, he couldn’t stay away from you the moment he first set his eyes on you.
He wonders if being together is what ruined your lives.
Even if it were true, he doesn’t want to leave. Yes, he’s suffering, but he’d rather suffer with you than be happy with someone else. He owes you that much.
He walks over to you carefully and crouches down, gently running the backs of his fingers down your cheek. Your eyes are closed but he could still tell they were puffy, he’s knows your eyes well enough to know you cried yourself to sleep.
He wants to apologize. He wants to go back in time and tell you his main goal in life was to be happy with you, not that he wanted to be a father and have a big family with you. Maybe things would’ve been easier right now, maybe you’d be mourning together instead of separately. Maybe you would’ve stopped trying the third time— or fourth, or fifth.
The sixth is what really did you in.
He lifts you up in his arms and carries you back to bed like he used to, back when you still fell asleep on his shoulder on movie nights. Back to when you still wanted to spend time with him.
He lays you down on your side of the bed and goes back to his side, leaving a reasonable amount of space between you two. A couple inches closer and he would’ve felt uncomfortable, imposing on your space and all.
Though he stays up for a bit longer, staring at the ceiling. It’s not until the mouldings start to blur when he realizes it’s not just you who will end their night in tears.
Confused doesn’t even begin to describe how you felt when waking up the next morning. The last thing you remember was sitting on the balcony, drinking wine out of the bottle. The confusion was paired with a pounding headache, safe to say you finished that entire thing. You eventually gave up on recalling your night after realizing it just made the headache worse. All you wanted at this point was a freshly brewed cup of coffee and Advil, then back to bed once Suguru was gone and off to work.
Lucky for you, the smell of coffee hits you once you open the door and make your way to the kitchen. Maybe not, you can just tell Suguru made it by how the entire house smells like a cafe. He has this whole elaborate routine to making it— down to grinding the beans himself. The man’s consistently made the best coffee you’ve ever had, and as much as you’d like some, the last thing you want is to see him after last night's fiasco.
But… hangover, so you suck it up and walk into the large, open kitchen.
Just like you guessed, he’s here, back turned towards you and carefully pouring hot water over the coffee grinds. He’s not in his usual suit, opting for a more laid back look in a pair of black slacks and a brown long sleeve, hair thrown up in his usual bun. He’s not even done making it, leaving you to wonder if you should even stay to wait or if you should come back later when he’s gone.
Yet, before you’re able to make that decision, he turns around and your eyes lock. Suguru was always able to tell when you walked into a room, no matter how quiet you were. His gaze is a softer than usual this morning and yours— well, it grows sharper. You look like you’re going into defense mode without even realizing it.
“Thought you had meetings,” you mutter, making your way to the fridge to grab a carton of half-and-half.
“Canceled them,” he mutters back in response, before turning his attention back to the coffee. “Thought it’d be nice to take the day off for once.”
How convenient.
Any response to that would’ve come out more snarky than he’d like, so you just shut it and sit on the other side of the island, waiting for him to finish. Neither of you try filling that silence while he does so, or even after handing you your cup. It’s not until ⅔ of your cup is empty when one of you finally speaks up.
“I was thinking,” he starts, while topping your drink off, “it’s been a while since we’ve gone on vacation. I think it'd be nice if you and I went away for a week or two this summer.”
The first thing that comes to mind is no. If anything, you’d rather him go on his own so you could have a vacation away from him. But still, you hesitate to answer.
“I’m not sure, I have a lot of events to attend this summer, it’ll be busier than last year,” you lie, trying to sound as convincing as possible.
He doesn’t believe it one bit, but tries to stay optimistic.
“How about take a look at your calendar when you have a chance and send me some dates you’d be free,” he suggests. “I don’t mind moving some meetings around to make it work, it’s still a couple months away.”
“I’ll think about it,” you say in response, voice filled with indifference. You sound like you want him to shut up already and it cuts deeper than most days.
“Jesus fucking christ,” he lets out a low laugh. “I’m trying here— you don’t want to be around me that bad?”
You set the cup down a little harder than expected, looking him dead in the eye. “Why is that you finally decide to try after I catch you flirting with one of your fucking interns?”
“I wasn’t flirting with her and you’d know that if you actually gave me the chance to explain, instead of leaving me all alone at the event,” he bites back.
“Oh, okay,” you laugh. “So I’m the bad guy now for leaving, not you, who entertained another woman who was clearly interested in you.”
He sighs, “my fucking god—”
“And I bet you enjoyed it too,” you continue, “you probably missed getting that kind of attention since you don’t get it at home.”
“And what if I do?!” he snaps, “what if I fucking do? Is it a crime now that I miss receiving that kind of affection from you? You can’t even look at me anymore without looking disgusted!”
“So you did enjoy last night.”
“NO!” his yells echo throughout the kitchen and into the halls, “I didn’t enjoy any fucking part about her, the whole time I kept trying to find a way out of that conversation so I could find you. I miss YOU!”
The silence that followed the outburst and the hollow look you gave him for it was deafening. You didn’t move or flinch, not even once, showing just how little you thought of him. At least that’s what he felt in this moment as he tried to recollect himself, steadying his breathing.
“I fucking miss you,” his voice slightly cracks as he repeats himself, then quickly clears away the lump that formed in his throat from admitting it. “Just let me spend some time with you, please.”
“I’ll look at my calendar when I get a chance,” you respond, there’s a glimmer of remorse in your voice as you say it. But your expression remains the same as you finish what’s left of your coffee— cold and distant. “I have a pilates class in an hour and lunch right after. Enjoy your day off.”
notes: yes, reader lied in the last sentence lol. ***also, the tag list is limited to 100 tags and is now closed! thanks for understanding ❤️
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౨ৎ ROUGH PATCH
──── 𝗂𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝗆𝗂𝗅𝖺’𝗌 𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗄.
2024 pairing. poly!ot7엔하 x fem!member oc cw. illness & injury, fan mobbing, claustrophobia, brief mention of suspected violence, not proofread req. mila hiding bruises from the boys. ❨ back to LIBRARY ?! ❩
IT WAS LIKE DEJA VU. Mila had foolishly that maybe she would be able to go one day without the feeling of being suffocated — without feeling like her head was held underwater and her hands were tied behind her back. She hadn’t learned her lesson: to never underestimate the power of her fans.
“Out of the way!” Mila’s manager held an arm around her shoulder, keeping her as close as possible to avoid the hands that reached out to her. And yet, it was fruitless — she could feel them on her clothes, on her hair, any part of her that they could touch. She jolted when one of them landed dangerously low on her back, and she resisted the urge to cry as another managed to grab her arm with a death grip, before her manager was able to pull her away.
There was no room to breathe. The parking lot felt no bigger than an elevator, with people crowding her and her staff in from all sides. A flash of a camera caused her to flinch, and the sounds of people screaming her name overlapped each other and became loud ringing in her ears. The heat of her body was not cooled by the perspiration that slid down the skin of her neck and face, but instead served to suffocate her more as it dampened her clothes. Her limbs felt like lead weighing her down and even breathing became difficult to do.
Mila could feel her eyelids start to drop. Her manager’s arm tightened around her as her legs became weak, threatening to buckle under her weight.
How ironic, she thought. She came to the doctor’s to get better, but it looked like doing so was only going to make her health worse.
“Move out of the way! Get away!”
Mila stumbled as fans pushed into each other, before tripping over each other’s limbs and falling to the asphalt. There was more screaming and flashing cameras, but at least this time Mila was able to see the company van through the mob, just a few feet away. She could make it. She just had to hold on a little bit longer.
But she could feel herself slipping away, black spots covering her vision, her breaths short and shallow. She could vaguely hear the sound of her manager was opening the door, covering her back as she stepped into the vehicle and telling her something. But she couldn’t quite make out the words, his voice muffled like she was underwater and water was filling her ears. It took everything in her just to make the step into the backseat, before she was collapsing onto the leather seat.
The last thing Mila saw before she let her eyes fall shut was the sight of flashing cameras, against the tinted windows, and the screams of her name.
By the time Mila woke up, it was to the sound of muffled voices and the feeling of someone softly caressing her hair.
“What did the doctor say?” came Kiara’s voice.
A sigh that Mila recognised as her manager’s followed his question. “She’s feeling weak from over exertion. She has a Vitamin C deficiency, which is why she’s alway getting tired recently…”
Heeseung exhaled deeply through his nose. “And what about those people who crowded her at the doctor’s building? What happened to them?”
There was a pause. “You know we can’t do anything about them.”
“What sort of bullsh—”
Mila chose that moment to let her eyes flutter open to see Jongseong’s gentle eyes as they regarded her awakened state. “Hi, Angel.”
Mila groaned, unable to form words. Before she could say anything, Jongseong was being nudged aside by Heeseung, who took his place by her bedside, eyes full of worry as his hand gently cradled her face. In another situation. “How are you feeling? Are you hurt anywhere?”
Mila furrowed her eyebrows. Ah, Mila thought. Right. She had been mobbed by a group of fans at her doctor’s appointment, which the public should have even been aware of. She took a second to gather her surroundings: she was in her room and lying in bed, meaning she must have been carried inside. She still felt heavy, but at least the migraine from when she was being surrounded by manic fans had subsided. She could acutely feel pain in her limbs, but she brushed it off as being a side effect of overexerting herself.
She shook her head, smiling gently at the older male. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
Heeseung sighed in relief, before bidding his head. “Okay. Then gets me sleep, okay? I’ll be here with Jongseong if you need anything.”
Mila hummed. But she couldn’t muster the strength to reply. It didn’t even take a second after she closed her eyes before she fell into darkness again. But even then, she could still recognise the voices of her boyfriends and her eonnie as they spoke to each other.
“I should have gone with her…”
“You couldn’t have known what was going to happen, Heeseung-ah. Don’t blame yourself.”
Mila wanted to agree, to reassure him and let him know that he wasn’t to blame — that Mila was simply having a bad day. But she couldn’t. She was already fading into deep slumber before she could utter a word.
Mila was alone when she opened her eyes again. But she couldn’t feel upset about it — not when pain shot up her limbs when she tried to sit up, an ache spreading through her body. She winced, clutching her side, only to flinch back when the pressure caused another age of pain to shoot up her body.
“What even?” Mila cursed as she lifted her top, only to spot a large purple bruise blooming across her ribs. Figures. Her Vitamin C deficiency would have made her vulnerable to bruising, and the fan mobbing from earlier was more than enough stimulus to cause injury — what, with all the limbs falling everywhere as she tried to make her way through the crowd, barely conscious.
She pulled up her pyjama sleeve. More bruises. She pulled up the leg of her pants — and of course, there were even more. And when she looked at the spots, she could still feel the phantom touches lingering on her — especially the ones that had gotten too close for comfort. It was like there wasn’t a single part of her body that remained unaffected by the wondering hands of total strangers that were doing everything in their power to get as close as physically possible.
And for what? What could they have possibly gained from it? (She shuddered to think about what would happen if there was someone there with evil intentions.)
Mila sighed. She thought she would have been more frustrated… But she couldn’t even find the strength to do so. All she could do was lie back down on her pillows, staring up at the ceiling as she pondered her situation.
It seemed like nothing was going her way these past few days. She had back to back promotions to attend to, including filming for a variety show and a radio talk show, followed immediately by an opening event, and then another photoshoot for her brand endorsements. She barely managed to make it through the past week, but now the exhaustion she felt from constantly working, day in and day out, caught up to her, and she found herself unable to even lift a spoon without faltering.
It was frustrating. Not being able to do what she usually did, feeling helpless as she watched her boyfriends run around and attempt to assist her with duties that she should have been able to do on her own. But it was even more annoying after today, hearing Heeseung blame himself for something that was never his fault.
She wished that she hadn’t gotten sick in the first place. She wished that she’d have been more resilient. But now she was causing everyone to worry about her, and she didn’t even want to think about what would happen if they found out about the bruises that were littered across her skin.
“Who is it?” Mila squinted her eyes. She woke up in the middle of the night when she felt another figure slip into her bed, before arms wrapped around her. She smiled when she realised who it was. “It’s just me.”
“It’s just me,” Riki whispered. “The hyungs said not to disturb you but I missed you.”
Mila hummed as she reached up and caressed the top of the younger male’s head, doing her best to make sure his arms didn’t come into contact with her bruises. It had been a while since she was able to cuddle, and she admitted that she missed the warmth that the tall boy provided.
“Are you doing okay?”
Mila nodded, biting back a wince when Riki hugged her closer to him. “I’m fine.”
But it wasn’t. Not really. And there was only so long before it became obvious.
“Yah, what’s this?” Mila was jolted out of her thoughts when a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling up the sleeve of her jumper to reveal spots of blue littered across the length of her pale skin. Sunghoon’s eyebrows furrowed, his eyes snapping to Mila’s for an explanation. “Where did this come from?”
Mila had been careful not to let anyone see the injuries that she discovered on herself, and she had thought she would at least be able to keep up the act until they faded. But as it happened, it hadn’t even been a day. And really, she should have expected as much — nothing escaped her boyfriend’s notice when it came to her. It only took her flinching slightly when Sunghoon gently squeezed her bicep before his eyes had narrowed in suspicion.
Mila opened her mouth to explain, not wanting him to worry, but instead, she ended up getting cut off by someone else.
“What’s wrong?” Jungwon peered over Sunghoon’s shoulder, before gasping, his eyes widening in shock. They scanned over her skin before landing on Mila’s face. Voice shaking, he asked, “Noona, what are these?”
“I just got them from bumping into people,” Mila said hurriedly, recognising the tone in his voice. “It’s nothing serious.”
“‘Nothing serious?’” Sunghoon repeated incredulously as he joined the others. By now, the others had crowded around Mila to get a look at what was happening, and all had been in shock to see the bruises on Mila’s arm, before it then shifted into worry… and perhaps, maybe even fear.
Heeseung had a stern expression. He lifted her arm slightly, though still careful not to pull too hard or for his fingers to accidentally apply pressure to the purple spots. “This doesn’t seem ‘serious’ to you?” His eyes bore into Mila with a desperation evident in his gaze, serving as a thin veil to his anger. (Not towards her, though — and that was honestly more worrisome.) “Answer me properly: who did this?”
Mila opened her mouth and closed it again. She didn’t sense any anger in his voice or his tone, instead all she could find was panic — and the look made something in her gut drop with guilt. She could briefly see Riki’s conflicted expression from where he stood behind Heeseung, and Sunoo looked as if he had seen a ghost.
She felt hands on her face, bringing her attention back to Jongseong. “Please,” he said, “don’t hide this from us.”
Mila sighed. “I don’t know… There were just too many people there, and I didn’t know who was who…” The boys were silent as the words sunk in. “But it wouldn’t have been this bad if it weren’t for my Vitamin C deficit. It wasn’t that anyone intentionally hurt me or anything… I just happen to bruise easily these days.”
There was a pause. For a second, Mila thought she was going to be scolded, but instead, she was pulled into a firm chest, as a large palm cradled the back of her head. Jaeyun was careful not to hold her too tightly, but still firmly enough that Mila was engulfed in his warmth. “Damn it, don’t scare us like that.”
Heeseung sighed, reaching up to hold a hand against his forehead. Jungwon glanced at him before looking back at Mila. “Next time, please don’t hide this from us,” he said with a frown. “I honestly thought my heart stopped for a second.”
Sunoo furrowed his eyebrows, his worried eyes skimming over Mila’s revealed skin. There weren’t any words to describe how much his heart hurt seeing Mila’s sickened state these past few days, but seeing those bruises had caused his heart to drop in his stomach in fear — a fear he recognised on the day they got the news of the mob who crowded her on her way back from her doctor’s appointment.
He wasn’t the only one, either. They had all reached a similar conclusion: What if someone really got their hands her that day? What if they hurt her? What if — goodness forbid — she had been alone that day and didn’t have anyone by her side? No bodyguards, no manager, no members… Just her against a mob of crazed “fans” who would do anything to be close to her, no matter the lengths they had to take?
For a second, Jongseong really thought he was going to lose all control of his sanity. He couldn’t even imagine Heeseung or Sunghoon’s feelings; just the news alone of the fan mob was enough to make them clench his fists in anger, as if ready to strike — but if something were to actually happen? If things turned out worse than they did?
Jongseong didn’t want to think about it.
“Still, how could it be this bad?” Sunoo asked. “You look like someone…”
It looked like someone had hit her. And that thought alone made him sick to the stomach, and his eyes sting with tear.
“I promise that wasn’t the case. Really. The worse that happened was someone grabbing onto my arm, but manager pulled me away before anything happened.” Mila raised her arms, and he fell into them immediately. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”
“Don’t apologise.” Riki placed a hand on Mila’s head like he was too scared that she might break with the slightest touch. “We just want you to be okay.”
Mila nodded. She looked around at her boyfriends, a sense of heaviness in her chest. It hurt more seeing them this heartbroken, than it did to be bruised, and she really wished they never had to experience sadness in their lives. But it was only natural that these things happened. At the very least, they were together.
“Group hug?” Mila asked, opened her arms to the rest of them. They looked sceptical at first, clearly wondering over the severity of her injuries, but Mila reassured them with a smile. “I promise I’ll tell you if it hurts.”
That seems to ease their worries, because next thing Mila knew, she was being held in the centre of seven boys. She only wished Kiara was with them, to complete the Enhypen group huddle, but the older female was filling in for a schedule that Mila had to miss because of her illness. (She would have to inform the older girl later of what happened, if only to prevent her for panicking if she got the report from anyone else.)
“It won’t happen again,” Heeseung whispered into her ears. “I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you, okay?”
Mila smiled. “I know.”
“None of us will,” Sunghoon said. “That’s a promise.”
It was impossible for her to live as an idol, and to be safe. This was the first or last time she would find herself in a situation like this. But somehow, she felt like she could believe them when they said it with so much conviction. And if she could, she would do her best to protect them as well.
“We’ll look after each other,” she said. Just as they always did.
By the time they pulled away from the hug, she was already being ‘treated’, watching with a small smile as their young leader blew on her bruises, placing gentle kisses along them. “So they get better,” Jungwon said with a cute smile, and Mila felt her heart melt.
“Let me, too!” Riki said, before repeating the same actions. His hyungs simply chuckled, watching with fond smiles as their maknaes took turns playing nurse.
Mila couldn’t say that the past few days were good ones. But at times like this, things didn’t seem so bad after all.
✉️ NOTE. just a little mini chapter that came to mind… it was more of practice to get back into writing longer works, bc i’ve only done drabbles so far since recovering my account and i cooks had the training lol 😆 so please do excuse if the quality isn’t as good as usual 🥸
Heaven & Back (p. sh, l. hs) 2/2
pairing. step-brother sunghoon x female reader x step-brother heeseung
genre. I Would Give Up Heaven If I Had To.. AU, pwp, dubcon, M/F, fluff smut humor angst….mostly angst
warnings. morally grey characterizations(mostly Sunghoon- is he batshit? maybe.), profanity, toxicity, sibling rivalry, mentions of alcohol and death, time skips, full smut warnings under cut. minors DNI.
wc. 21k+
now playing. Heaven//Beyoncé
smut warnings. emotional sex, rough sex, unprotected sex, a moment with chocolate covered strawberries, lots of kissing, oral, breeding, etc
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“Talk?”
“What happened last night?”
Shit.
You know exactly what happened last night, and that is a problem. Instead of jumping to admit the truth, you gulp, shrugging to appear confused. You didn’t drink really, but he did.. “I don’t remember much..”
“Yeah. Me either.” He sighs, sitting up frustrated.
Thank God.
“You—we drank again.” Correcting yourself, you move inside of his room, making sure to shut the door behind you. “We should.. lay off the alcohol for a while. I don’t think we can enjoy this vacation if we continue hammering our skulls in like this.”
Heeseung rubs his hands together for a minute, appearing to deeply contemplate his next choice of words. “Yeah, that’s the thing.. I need you to be honest with me..” he sits up, picking up the TV remote control once you’ve fully shut the door.
This is it. Fuck. He knows. He definitely heard you..
Panic races up your chest as he turns on the room's TV, moving in slow-motion where he sits before you. He looks up at you, nodding toward the screen. “I couldn’t remember the check out time, so I tried to look it up and ended up here.”
Bright text lists out the room charges that have been made so far, showing a larger amount than you’d expect after a few days. “Wait, they charged us for those drinks at the pool? I thought that was complimentary?”
He stands up to take a hold of your hand, clutching the remote with his other. “Tell me the truth, please. Did you order those drinks? The bottle of champagne? The shots?”
“Huh? No!” You answer abruptly, confusion wrinkling between your eyebrows. “The waiter said—“
“I didn’t think you did.” He interrupts, peering at the door behind you. “But someone did.”
“No—“ following his gaze, your head shakes in disbelief. “He wouldn’t, that would be—“
“He would.” Heeseung cuts you off again, gripping your hand tightly. “Because he’s fucking evil.”
“But, are you sure?” You sigh, not wanting to believe that Sunghoon would stoop this low.. wouldn’t he? “That would be too much, don’t you think?”
“Far too much, which unfortunately my brother has always been. If it wasn’t him, then who was it?” He bites out, lip pulled back over his teeth. “Wasn’t me, wasn’t you.”
“Maybe the hotel made a mistake..”
“Come on, by now you know how my brother moves.” Clicking his tongue, he lets go of your hand. “I can’t do this with him anymore, he’s gone too far now. Playing with my mental well being and issues I’ve worked so hard on.”
“You really think he’d do something like this?”
Of course Sunghoon would.. as much as it pulls at your heartstrings to consider, you can’t deny that he absolutely would do something this vile. Only worsening the guilt swarming through your stomach the longer you ponder it.
Heeseung pauses, packing away his things, jaw clenched tight. “He’s really got you convinced hasn’t he.”
“What?”
“Be honest with me, do you have feelings for him?”
The silence that falls between your hard and overly emotional stares could slice through a frozen over pool of ice, sinking you down to the bottom to drown as it collapses beneath your feet, suffocating your lungs down to nothing the longer you take to answer.
Do you have feelings for Sunghoon?
In spite of everything he’s done that’s pissed you off and angered you, he still manages to awaken a new thrilling sensation within you each and every time you catch his eyes on you; all of the small gestures and smiles he displays only for you.
“You do, right? You have feelings for my brother.”
“It’s—I can explain.”
Heeseung scoffs under his breath, taking a step back. “He always wins.”
“He hasn’t won anything!” You shriek, mindful to keep your tone low and not draw attention from the opposite side of the suite. “There’s nothing to win here! This isn’t a competition.”
“It is though.” Heeseung groans, rubbing at his temples. Doing his best to subside his anger toward his brother and not involuntarily lash out at you. “At least to him it is, and you’re the prize he’ll do anything to win.” Shaking his head, he pauses to look at you, a longing behind his gaze, as if he’s taking you in one last time. “And he’s doing anything, even threatening my sobriety at this point..”
Turning away, he continues to stuff his belongings inside of his luggage, head drooped between his shoulders. “I really—I don’t know. I’m so angry, I’m so fucking angry, I can’t even think.”
“Hee, please, come on. Let’s calm down for a bit.” You plead, wrapping around his waist from behind to dig your face against his back. “We can figure this out.”
“Can we?” He whispers, grabbing on your hands. “When you can’t even figure out how you feel about him?”
“That’s not—“
“It’s the truth,” he turns in your hold, cupping your face. “It’s not your fault, I know how he is. I just wish it hadn’t been you.” Letting out a deep breath, he loosens your arms from his torso. “Stupid of me to think he’d ever allow me to find happiness. As long as my brother’s around, we will never be able to build a healthy relationship.”
“Hee, that’s not true!” You say brokenly, refusing to let him go. “It’s—I can’t get away from him! He’s everywhere! School, home, here!” You say between tears breaking, flowing rapidly down your cheeks, clutching Heeseung’s shirt between your fingers out of fear that he’ll try to leave. Desperation shattering through your voice, distraught pulling your features down. “It’s not fair, everything he’s done to fuck with my head, I—“
He sighs, taking in all the things you’ve said with a pitiful expression. Nodding and pulling you in to cradle your head and press reassuring calming kisses along your forehead. “Sounds like my brother.”
“Maybe I need to get away from him. I just need space so I can figure this out Hee. He’s messing me up, I know it’s wrong, I know I wouldn’t be so confused in the right head space. This isn’t me.” You sniffle, continuing to sob and wipe your cheeks on his shirt.
Heeseung continues to rock side to side, softly rubbing up and down your spine until the shaking beneath his palms subsides; running fingers along your scalp calmly until your breathing returns to a normal pace. “Listen to me, I need to ask you something.”
“Anything.”
Taking in your tear stained cheeks, the red wet brims of your eyes and the fear running behind your gaze, he wonders just how bad Sunghoon’s fucked you up. “Do you trust me?”
Trust is a heavy word.
Trust given the situation you’ve found yourself in does not come easy, nor should it. Biting your tongue from abruptly spitting out a ‘no’, you hesitantly nod.
“If you trust me, you need to help me out.”
“Wh-what do you need?” You ask quietly, continuing to wrap your fingers around the cotton material of his shirt.
“I might have an idea..”
“You’re not going to leave me, are you?” Shutting your eyes, you can’t help the sense of cringe after asking, slowly releasing him as he grabs onto your shoulders.
“I’m not going anywhere without you.” He reassures. “As long as you can follow along.”
“What do you want me to do?” You frown, feeling more torn up now over what happened last night. The guilt of what you did with Sunghoon screaming at you like a banshee from hell in this room. Tuning it out, you keep your gaze trained to the ground, falling into a submissive state.
“Listen,” he begins to pace back and forth, chin gripped tightly, fingers rubbing across his mouth. “I need you to distract him today.”
“Sunghoon? After what he did to you?” You stress, shaking your head. “I don’t want to be around him!”
Heeseung shushes you, grabbing a hold of your shoulders again. “Please? I really need to talk to my dad without interruption or any possible interference from him.” He explains, stroking your upper arms. “He can’t find out. You have to keep him busy, I’ll try to get this done as fast as I can but my father can be a bit difficult to communicate with at times..”
“But..” you sigh, begging with shining eyes for him to say ‘nevermind’, to agree with you that this isn’t a good decision. “How am I supposed to distract him?! I don’t want to go out alone with him again!” No. Because going out alone with Sunghoon once had been damaging enough to your psyche. God knows what one more lovely experience could do to your heart..
“I promise you this is really important..” pulling you in, he wraps you in a tight hug. Lips pressed on your forehead before he continues. “I want us to have a chance.. without Sunghoon’s involvement.”
“I don’t get it..”
“Just trust me?” Heeseung cups your cheeks, softly caressing your skin and pecking your mouth between speaking. “I’ll text you when I’m almost done, but until then you have to make him think I got too drunk, hungover again. Tell him I’ve been sick in bed all day, don’t let him know I’m anywhere near our dad, please?”
Should you trust him this easily? Only confused the more he asks and proceeds to squeeze you against his body, littering kisses along your jaw. “I’m not good at lying Hee..”
“Then don’t lie.” Looking into your eyes, he nods stiffly, taking in your face full of despair. “I don’t care what you have to do.. whatever you have to do. Make him think you want to hang out with him today, because you had a real good time at the Vatican..”
As much as it pains him to suggest it, knowing there’s truth behind the remark, he forces a smile, reaching for your hands. “It’s okay, say or do anything you have to do.”
Anything?
As if he can read your mind, he squeezes your hands and makes a sound of approval. “Anything.”
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Distract Sunghoon.
Do anything you have to do.
Do anything it takes to keep him distracted, unaware of whatever Heeseung could be up to. Anything.
Pacing back and forth in the living room, you glance at Heeseung’s shut bedroom door repeatedly. Running your fingers between each other over and over again, fussing with your hair, gnawing on your lip.
The sound of Sunghoon’s room door opening echoes past you, halting your feet to come to a hard stop. It’s still early, early enough for bright rays of sunshine to flood the suite from the large balcony opening. He exits half-asleep, puffy face dragging up slowly to find your gaze already trained on him.
Confusion wrinkles his forehead together, head tilted to one side as he takes in your appearance. The tiniest black bikini you could have packed clings to your body, exposing more than enough skin to snap him completely out of his slumber. He coughs and stands up straight, ruffling the mess on top of his head.
“Hey.” You say, clearing your throat to not stutter.
“Hey?” He replies raspily, voice not fully awake yet. Still thick and heavy, stirring something hot in your chest. “Morning..”
“It’s a really nice day outside.” You motion toward the balcony with a view of the pool. “Wanna go swimming?”
“Swimming?” Finally breaking his trance, he looks around the room, searching for a trace of his brother. “Where’s Hee?”
Letting out a long tired sigh, you point a thumb over your shoulder in the direction of the olders room. “Came out to all the bottles he ordered last night completely emptied.” Nodding toward the kitchen, you prove it with the empty glass containers lined up on the counter. “He’s out of it, don’t think he’s even sobered up enough for a hangover to even hit yet.”
That seems to please Sunghoon. A grin grows on his face as he follows your hand and counts the three large empty alcohol bottles. Easier than luring a rat into a box with a dangling piece of cheese..
“Hmm,” standing up straight, he takes in your bikini clad figure once more. “You want to go swimming, with me?”
“I want to go swimming.” You correct, hip popped, arms folded over your chest. “And I’m extending an offer for you to join me.”
Right. Because you shouldn’t be too eager, you wouldn’t be normally..
Mimicking your posture, he leans against the door frame, sharp teeth exposed with a small smile. “I’m not really into drinking.” He states for no reason, purposefully staring at your chest. “So when you say you want to swim, I expect your pretty ass to be in the pool with me.”
God. He couldn’t be more insufferable.
“You know what,” huffing a laugh, you pull on a cover-up draped by a towel on the couch. Waving him off. “Forget I even asked.”
Rushing over, he takes a hold of your hand to stop you, stealing the towel out of your other. “Give me five minutes, I’ll be right out.”
“I’m keeping time.”
His smile widens, running back to his bedroom to quickly change and grab a few things while you call out the time and hide a smile.
He went for it, of course he went for it. All it took was a skimpy bikini and the promise of seeing you drenched under the beating sun.
Especially after last night.. whatever that was..
“Ready.” He bounces back out wearing nothing but black swim trunks. Sunglasses on his head to match and push his messy hair out of his face.
Oh.
You shouldn’t still react this way to seeing him shirtless, having to catch yourself and shut your mouth fast. Averting your eyes away to find your bag. “Took you long enough.” You sneer, snapping your fingers and heading toward the door. “Let's go.”
—
“Let’s not stay out here too long.” Sunghoon suggests, tapping his phone to check the time. “Don’t wanna get burnt.”
“What is that?”
“What is what?” Following your gaze, he watches as his phone screen fades back to black. Continuing to lead you toward empty pool chairs.
“You don’t seriously have a photo of me as your lock screen..” you mumble, throwing your bag down. “Please don’t tell me you seriously have me on your phone like that.”
Sunghoon shrugs, rubbing his neck. “It’s a nice picture of you.” Tapping the screen again, he shows you, smiling as he looks too. “Besides, I took it.. and I think you came out really nice.”
“What if your dad sees that? Or my mom?” Shaking your head, you grab a couple of towels. Distracting yourself from watching him apply sunscreen over his chest and arms.
“What? I can’t have a picture of my adorable step-sister on my phone now?”
“I believe your father would agree that your girlfriend would be a more fitting option.” You bristle, tossing a towel onto his chair.
“Can you get my back?” He motions to the bottle of sun protection in his hand, turning around without acknowledging your comment. “Please?”
Taking a minute to watch the muscles lining his back flex, you hesitate to get closer. Snatching the SPF from him, making sure to aggressively slap the lotion onto his skin. “You could use some sun.” You snicker, rolling your eyes.
“And ruin my flawless even tone?” He scoffs, turning to look at you and winking. “Come on, let’s get in.”
“Just a minute.” You wave for him to get in the pool, grabbing your phone to text Heeseung.
You: I got Sunghoon to agree to go swimming, will try to stay out here for a while.
Heeseung: Might be a few hours.
You: A FEW?!
Heeseung: Please keep him busy.
Fuck. A few hours?! What the hell could he be up to taking this long.
“Come on,” Sunghoon grins at you over his shoulder, slowly stepping into the pool, reaching down to splash water on you. “I told you I want to swim.”
“Yeah yeah.” Following him in, you’re instantly soaked, gasping for breath. Thick biceps belt around your waist, hauling you into the deep end until you’re blinking at him under water. He puts up a fight for a minute until you threaten to kick his groin, cupping over the area as bubbles burst from his mouth and nose and you both struggle to resurface.
“You asshole!” Gathering your breath, you paddle over to the ledge to grab onto. Hair a wet mess, clinging to your face and neck.
“Thought you wanted to swim.” Sunghoon floats behind you, mouth peaking over the water halfway. Trickles of water pass from his wet locks, a few latching onto his defined eyebrows.
“Fine. Let’s swim.” You glare, shoving past him. “I know you can’t swim faster than me.”
“Ohhh, is that a bet?” He smirks, standing to his full size. Wet chest raised over the water to show off his strong build. “You’re on.”
You should have expected it by now, of course Sunghoon swims akin to some Olympian athlete. Winding you by the 5th lap back and forth, unable to catch your breath without noticing the irritated looks from others enjoying their summer vacation by the pool.
“So, what do I win?” He cheers, hands shoved into his hair pushing each soaked strand all the way back. Smooth forehead and strong jaw completely visible.
“What do you want?” You grit, leaned over on the pool's edge still gasping. “And don’t say it.”
“Oh I don’t want that.” He laughs, quickly rolling his eyes and settling by your side.
“…you don’t?”
A sleek gaze scans your confusion, slowly nodding as his arms fold over the ledge and he leans down, chin perched on his forearms. “Ask me why.”
Because of the other night? When you moaned and screamed under his brother’s body? When you shouted how good he is, how much you love it.. that he’s the best.
“Don’t care.” You shrug, looking away.
“Yeah yeah..” trailing off, he swipes your hair aside, softly tracing your shoulder. “You know, it’s been nice hanging out with you like this, just the two of us.”
Shrugging him off, you frown, eyes slitting. “You must have a lot of fun hanging out alone with Miyeon too. You know, your girlfriend, in case you’ve forgotten. The girl you should probably have as your lock screen.”
Sunghoon smiles to one side, nodding along to everything you’re saying. “Not that it’s any of your business but..” he holds up his hands, turning the one that typically sports a ring from side to side. “We ended things.”
“What?!”
Amused by your reaction, he stands up straight, turning to lean his back along the pool wall, elbows propped on the ground. “Well, I ended it.”
“Oh, you’re soooo fucking full of it.” You fume, poking at his chest. “Can’t you ever just be normal?!”
“Go ask my father if you don’t believe me.” He says casually, seeming unperturbed. “He’s the one threatening to not pay for my tuition next year because of this.”
“Why would your dad care—“
“Because, he’s the one that set me up with Miyeon in the first place.” He interrupts, gaze finding yours. “Not that you’ve ever asked- but my dad’s been trying to merge with her family’s company since before I was even born.”
What.
There’s a throb running up the sides of your forehead that can only be described as Sunghoon. Irritating, infuriating, down right rage inducing. Causing you to apply pressure to your temples before you can begin to register anything he’s saying. “You’re telling me—“
“Let me guess, my brothers told you a different story, right?” He glares at you, getting closer to your face. “Told you how I cheat on Miyeon all of the time, that I don’t treat her right? Yeah well,” he takes a deep breath, biting on his tongue. “Think I’ve been more than nice by never telling anyone about her secret long-term boyfriend in New York..”
No. This cannot be happening right now.
“You’re lying—all you ever do is lie to me.”
He gulps dryly, continuing on. “We are friends, well, we became friends, Miyeon and I. That’s it, she knows I sleep around and I know about her relationship. There’s never been anything between us beyond that, and you know what? It was enough to get my dad off my ass for a while. Enough to take the heat off of Heeseung whenever he’d fuck up too.”
“What the hell does Heeseung have to do with this!” You hiss, getting right back in his face.
“You try dealing with his bullshit, always crying when he had to come live with us. He ruined everything, we were fine before she died.” He says quietly, voice cracking toward the end. “Before he showed up and started pissing dad off all the time. I had to be the good one. I didn’t have a choice. You wouldn’t fuck get that.”
“You can’t compare yourself to him. He can’t compare you either! You need to figure shit out, both of you.”
“I have nothing to figure out anymore.” His jaw clenches, leaning back, blinking up at the sun. “I’m tired of saving face for that fuck-up. It’s not my fault he can’t fucking man up and deal with his shit.”
“And you?” You goad, lips curled in. “Because you deal with this weird jealousy you have toward your brother so healthily?”
“Oh please,” Sunghoon gripes, breathing harshly through his nose. “Jealous of him? If it wasn’t for you, he wouldn’t even exist to me.”
“You really..” an overload of information fills your head. Pressing down on your temples harder.
If Sunghoon’s not with Miyeon then.. what the hell does he want with you? Why is he so determined to ruin your damn life?!
“I don’t get it.” You sigh, floating bonelessly, defeated.
“Well I’m not sorry that I’m not the asshole you want me to be.” He sneers. “I can be, if you want, but I’m getting tired of you throwing this relationship I stayed in to satisfy my father in my face.”
“Why would you break up with her?” You ask wearily, afraid to hear the answer.
His gaze slowly drags over your face, licking his lips. “I’ve waited long enough, and given up enough to be the golden child. The all star athlete, straight A student, volunteer hero, a respectful young man my father can brag about.” He pauses, inching forward. “He makes sure that I always get what I want because of that, but there is one thing I don’t think he’ll be able to help me with.”
“And why is that?”
Nodding slowly, he lifts his eyebrows and returns to leaning against the pool ledge. You know why.”
“You expect me to believe you? That you just.. broke it off with this girl you’ve been with for years..”
“Well yes.” He rebuttals, shoulders bouncing. “Why would I lie about this.”
“Why would you lie about breaking up with the girlfriend you never told me about in the first place?” You spit, furiously blinking at him. “Gee, I wonder why.”
“Omitting the truth isn’t a lie.” He corrects,
Continuing to rub at your temples, your head shakes, lips pursed to hold back an angered groan. “This seems pointless..”
Sunghoon’s contemplative expression makes your lips tighten more, ready to run from the pool and check your phone before he can get another word in.
“Our pointless conversations mean a lot to me..” he mumbles quietly, head shaking. “Doesn’t matter, right?”
His hand lifts before your face, inspecting the tips of his fingers while your mouth parts. Tongue turning heavier the longer you think of a proper response.
“Getting pruney..” he nods toward the stairs. “Let’s get out.”
Perfect. Hopeful that Heeseung’s texted, you follow him back to your chairs. Wrapping a towel around your hips before reaching for your bag to check your phone.
Zero notifications. God damnit.
“Kind of hungry.” He mutters, looking over the pool’s bar menu. “Wanna share anything?”
“No thanks,” you pretend to yawn, laying back with your arms behind your head. The way your stomach grumbles hardly goes unnoticed, rolling his eyes again before turning his body to look at you.
“It’s funny.” Calling a waiter over, he taps an item on the menu, entering your room number on a device to pay.
“What's funny.” You say flatly, eyes shut.
“How much you pretend to hate me when we’re not even all that different..” he notes, laid on his side with one arm keeping his head held up to watch you.
“Hah!” You guffaw sarcastically, sneering. “You and I? We’re nothing alike.”
“Sure.” He chuckles, sitting up to grab a plate full of chocolate covered strawberries from the waiter. “Thanks.”
The decadent fruits grab your attention, watching from the corner of your eye as he bites into one, releasing a pleased hum. “I know you’re hungry.” He mutters between bites. “You haven’t ate today.”
“I’m not.”
It’s not entirely a lie.. even if your stomach disagrees. Even if your mouth salivates when he picks up a white chocolate covered berry, swallowing the saliva swarming around your tongue at the bite he takes. “Won’t snitch on you to mommy, you know. You can eat good food around me, can be added to the pile of secrets we share now.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You glower, sitting up. Gaze flitting between the plate and Sunghoon’s pink lips wrapping around another piece.
“You think I’ve already forgotten about your horrible squat form?” He huffs, laughing. “I know your mom scolded you to get your ass in the gym.”
“Yeah, so what? What’s your point.” Wrapping your arms around your stomach, you can’t ignore the next rumble that passes. How the hell did he know that you love chocolate covered strawberries?
He shrugs, holding one of the treats in front of your face, slowly turning it. “You think we’re different because I do whatever I need to do to keep my father happy. Meanwhile, you play the part of a doll for your mom to relive her youth through. Restricting what you eat, trying to work up a sweat when she makes comments on your figure. Taking it personal when she dislikes your hair, makeup, clothes.. even going as far as pawning off your body for better grades.” He emphasizes that last part with a bite, red dribbles of liquid squirting from the berry. The tone bright against his chin, pink tongue slowly dragging out to lick himself clean. “We’re not all too different, you just never had anyone around to make it harder for you. Only child syndrome shit..”
“Not my fault you have some major mommy issues.” You whisper, face turning away before he can finish off the strawberry.
“You would think that,” he hums. “Have to have them to recognize them.”
Ready to curse him out, you look again only to find his eyes focused on you, lightly tipping his chin. “Eat.”
“No.”
“You’re hungry.” Sitting up on his knees, he crawls onto your chair, lifting a berry before your lips. “I want you to eat.”
I don’t care what you want. That’s what you should say. That’s what you would say if he wasn’t so close, looming in front of you, broad bare chest close enough to smell the chlorine radiating off of his skin. The small space between your lips invaded by the hard shell of chocolate, sweet and cool against your lips. “Take a bite.”
Sunghoon’s gaze slowly drifts from yours, skimming down the bridge of your nose to your lips, tipping the berry in until your teeth clink and you open wider. “That’s it.”
Sugary sweet milk chocolate melts onto your tongue, sucking around the strawberry as he slowly dips it past your lips. “Tastes good, doesn’t it.”
It’s dizzying really, how easily his gaze alone can make you feel lightheaded. Nodding slowly as you succumb and allow him to feed the rest of the strawberry inside of your mouth.
“I knew you wanted it.” He says, hinting a cocky confidence. “I know you want a lot of things you refuse to ask for..”
Sunghoon uses your seconds of falter to grab your chin, thumb pressed against the center. “Want more?”
No.
Why can’t you just say no? Why must your tongue slip out, allowing for him to run another chocolate coated fruit along the tip. Sinking in closer, he starts with a light kiss placed on the corner of your lips, lapping at the side of the strawberry sitting between your lips. “Let me taste.” He whispers extra quietly, pushing the fruit between your conjoined lips. Less focused on the bits of chocolate breaking up against your tongues than he is with licking across each crevice inside.
“Hoon..” whimpering, you clutch at his wrist, tugging his hold away to deepen the kiss for a minute. Struggling to catch your breath the more he strokes and sucks around your tongue.
“You’re making a mess..” he speaks softly, thumb brushing along your chin. Tongue flicking out to lick up a crumb of chocolate. “Do I have to clean up all of your messes?”
“Why are you doing this to me?” You’re not really asking, no. Unsure if you even managed to speak, you sigh, pressing closer to him.
“A lot of things will have to stay unspoken between us,” pinching your chin, he tilts your face up. “Until you’re ready to accept who I am, and what you want.”
“I don’t want what you are.” You whine, grabbing his chest. “You’re drama, bad.. very bad.”
“I may not be what you want me to be..” he licks your lips clean, pressing featherlight kisses. “But I’m what you’re afraid of having, too risky, unpredictable. I know that you feel it as much as I do..”
Silence falls between you as you can’t fathom doing anything other than stare. His unblinking eyes absorb every emotion you can’t bring yourself to say, down to the misery wrapped around you each time you end up like this.
“I’m going back to the room to shower.” He says after a few minutes, finishing with a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll check on Heeseung if you plan to stay out here much longer.”
Check on Heeseung?
Shit.
Snapping out of the Sunghoon induced trance you’d fallen into, you jump to sit up, scrambling to grab your bag. “Wait wait! No no, don’t go.” You rush toward him, wrapping around his arm. “One more swim?”
“Tired of chasing after you.” He says flatly, teeth baring, implicating more. “It’s getting a little too crowded out here anyway.”
“But.. we were having so much fun.”
Glaring at you once more, he scoffs and turns away to head back inside. Only slowed down by your limbs wrapping around his arm to keep him close. “Are you not having fun?”
Sunghoon rolls his eyes, slamming the elevator keys to promptly get inside as the doors are quick to open. Forcing you to follow, he shrugs a few times, failing to get you off. “Maybe I’m getting bored of just having fun.”
“What else do you want to do? Want to go out?” You ask desperately, tugging your bag you were rushed to grab quickly onto your shoulder.
Instead of replying, he gives you another irritated look, ripping free from your hold once reaching the floor you’re staying on. “Can’t tell if you’re playing dumb right now, or you’re actually just dumb.”
“Hoon..” stepping inside behind him, you grab onto his shoulders. Nervously peering at Heeseung’s shut door. “That’s it? That’s all you want?”
“Hmmph..” sliding your hands off, he turns half-body. A small smirk playing at his lips, eyes thinned. “What do you want?”
“What?” You blink confused, grabbing onto his elbow.
“What do you want? Because it’s getting old, this little act.” He states snarkily, moving toward his bedroom. The change in direction releases a sigh of relief, shoulders loosening as you follow him.
“What act?”
Coming to a halt at his door, he steps inside, turning around to look at you, arms raised up to grab the door frame. “Think I’m just going to fuck you and have you pretend you don’t want it over and over again? That I’m going to let you fuck my brother right in front of me and crawl back to me whenever he doesn’t do it how you like? How I do it for you?”
“That’s not true..” you mutter, looking away. “That’s not why—“
“Then what is it?” He crowds in closer, nose nudged against your forehead. “Because you like me? And you want me to fuck you. You want to be with me?”
Sunghoon huffs after a minute of silence, nodding against the top of your head. “If you’re not going to be honest with me, then leave. Go find your boyfriend, or whatever, to comfort and take care of your needs.”
Stepping backwards, he rolls his eyes, sitting down on the edge of the hotel bed. “Well? You gonna stand there all day?”
“No..” wishing you could steal a look at your phone, you shut the door behind you. Setting down your bag on the nightstand. “I don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“You expect me to believe you about Miyeon as if you haven’t lied to me before.”
Standing up, he moves toward you, eyebrows stressed together. “You know what I don’t get?”
Getting closer to make you uneasy, he bites down on his lip, jaw clenched tight. “Why are you the only one allowed to fuck whoever you want? Why should I still want you?”
“Sunghoon, I—“
“No.” He cuts you off, standing straight to loom over you. “You still want me? Then show me. Prove it.”
Glancing at your bag one last time, you nod. Submitting to his wishes and reaching for his swim trunks.
“No.” He sneers, grabbing your hand to hold before you can gather the drawstring. “Kiss me, you kiss me.”
A kiss. A kiss initiated byyou. That’s what he wants..
Closing the small space between your bodies, you wrap around his shoulders to arch your neck back. Failing to ignore the shivers rushing through your fingers, you lick at your lips repeatedly. A kiss shouldn’t be this hard, not after everything you’ve let him do to your body..
“I’m waiting.” He says between gritted teeth, not moving a muscle closer for you.
You know Sunghoon doesn’t simply want a kiss. No. He wants you to admit something that isn’t true, wants the reassurance that he still has some type of power over your relationship with his brother. Needs to believe that you’d still choose him given the chance..
Fine. Give Sunghoon what he wants. Do anything you have to do.
Pressing your lips to his, you hesitate to deepen the kiss at first. Smoothing down to grip onto his biceps as you begin to lean in more, pouting to meld your mouths together. Staying stiff between your hold, he doesn’t move an inch, allowing for you to take command. It only takes a few seconds for your greedy tongue to knock at the seam of his lips, desperate to taste the residual sweetness left behind. Working with your pleading tongue, he parts open, lazily licking along the muscle entering his mouth.
It’s the most mandated basic kiss you’ve shared with him, lacking passion, lacking heat. Hardly sparing you more than a few flicks of his tongue before pulling away with a look of annoyance mixed with anger.
“What’s wrong?” You breathe, grasping his biceps. “Isn’t this what you want?”
“Hah..” without looking at you, he nods, biting on his lip. “Fine. Let’s do this your way.”
Removing your hands, he sits down on the bed, easing the drawstring on his trunks open.
Licking the taste of him off your mouth, you silently agree. Shifting down onto your knees to settle in the space between his spread open thighs. “Wait.” Sunghoon’s palm presses to your chest, chin directed toward your body. “Take that off, you know how I like it.”
Right. Take off your bikini top, unknot the tied strings behind your neck, slowly ease the triangle shaped material off your breast. That seems to appease him, sliding his hand down between your chest, he nods in approval. “Bottoms too, and show me.”
Heat rushes up as you follow his orders and get off your knees to stand, untying one side of your bottoms at a time to really stretch out the reveal of your bare cunt. “Wait.”
Grabbing onto your hands, he glides the damp fabric off your core for you, humming quietly. “Do I even have to do anything to turn you on?”
No. But you won’t give him the free ego boost, stepping away from your bottoms that fall to the ground without meeting his eyes. He cups between your thighs, thumb finding your clit to circle.
“You get wet like this for me because you like me, whether you’re willing to admit that or not.” He says monotonously, palm patting against your center. “Not only for my body either, even if you look at me with those cock hungry eyes.” With a grin he draws free, admiring the slick on his hand. “Get back on your knees.”
This is the problem with Sunghoon, so full of himself. So self-concerned, assuming he means more to you than he really does..
“Good girl.” He acknowledges, humming under his breath when your knees return to the floor. “You may piss me off, but at least you know when to listen.” He leans back, stomach muscle tight, flexing above his swim shorts. “You know what to do.”
You know what to do thanks to him, he was the first guy to force you to swallow every inch.
Running your parted lips over the tip of his size, you lightly lick down the slit. Avoiding the intense gaze he has focused on your actions. You know he wants your eyes on him, but you can’t give him that. Not this time. His length chubs up to full mass on top of your palm, dragging from side to side suckling the mushroom capped tip. The muscles lining his stomach in your line of sight flex, convulsing each time you run along the slit collecting pre-cum that continuously drips out.
You owe him from last night, that’s all. Nothing more, suck his cock and get this over with. “Take in more, you’re better than this weak shit.”
The comment elicits shivers down your spine, further parting your lips as you push forward and drag your tongue against the thick vein lined underneath. He holds in a groan when you vacuum seal and suck around him halfway, tickling your fingers toward the filled heavy sack between his thighs. “You’re being annoying on purpose, aren’t you?” He tuts, dragging his hands through to the back of your head to cup you and hold you in place where he wants. “All the way.”
Coughing around the sped up intrusion, you relax against the heavy weight of his length continuing to stretch past your lips. Gurgling when the tip breeches your throat, bulging against your neck muscles. “Fuck.” He hisses, keeping his moans at a whisper level, because two can play this game.
You want to keep this act up? As if he had to do anything more than nod to get you here, as if you don’t want it just as bad.
He doesn’t waste more time to go easy, enjoying the gurgled sounds escaping from around his cock. Lifting his hips from the bed to fuck your throat faster, he grunts deeply, choking on the rasped whine that finds a way out. “Can you breathe?” He questions, hips ramming into your face mercilessly.
Scratching at his thighs, you try to shake your head, only to receive a slap on the cheek. Not too rough or painful, but hard enough to alert you and snap your eyes open in time to see his pam lay flat over your nose. Fully blocking your ability to breathe, leaving you no other option but to lurch around the thick meat pumping in and out of your throat.
“Fuck!” Holding you in place, he pinches your nose until your throat chokes around his cock. The tight squeeze nearly making him bust, having to let go and rip your mouth off to stave off his orgasm.
He pants heavily, clutched over reeling from the denial of release he just gave himself. Heavy wet cock throbbing against his stomach. “Fuckfuck..”
Swallowing down harsh breaths, the room fills with both of you attempting to recompose yourselves. Landing hard on your knees when he abruptly removed you.
Sunghoon rubs at his face, licking his lips, craving more of your taste.
“C’mere.” He says lazily, index finger directing you to climb onto his lap. “Who taught you how to suck cock like that?” He smirks, cleaning the drool off your chin. “Did a good job of teaching you.”
He mumbles distracted by your swollen cock sucking lips, devouring them in one swoop with his. Licking and sucking between your upper and lower. The taste carrying hints of salt and sunscreen, the chapstick you applied hours ago. All of it drives him up a wall, licking between for more of a taste, tongue sucked around yours.
“I wanna be inside of you.” He mumbles between your lips, kneading your hips firmly between his digits. “Get on the bed.”
Nodding too eagerly, you try to jump off his lap onto the space behind him. Firmly held in place by his biceps circling around your waist. The muscles bulging and stretching his pale skin tight around them.
“You’ve really turned into a little slut haven’t you?” He mocks, licking up the center of your throat to land at your jaw. Mouthing and sucking up to your ear as you keen and whine in dismay. “Or is that reserved for me? Cause I fuck you like a whore..”
Big palms flatten on your waist, groping his way lower to slap and squeeze your bottom. Coercing your hips to grind against him with rougher hits, he grasps onto your buttcheeks. The blunt tips of his nails digging into your soft fleshy skin. “My slut, only for me, right?”
Yesyesyes whatever you fucking say. Between your half-lidded eyes and clouded aroused mind, you somehow manage to keep yourself mute.
Sunghoon nibbles on your earlobe, licking back down your jaw to kiss along your chin. “Say it, want me to fuck you? Then say it.”
“N-not a slut,” you stammer, gasping at the round of slaps he delivers. Arching your back forward, chest shoved to his face. “Only f-for—for you.”
“Such a pain in the ass for such a pretty slut.” Another succession of whip-like slaps has you wailing. Unable to catch your breath before he shoves you onto the bed and stands up to fully remove his clothes. “So fucking difficult.” He grunts, pulling your hips up to get a close look between your spread thighs. “With the prettiest pussy, all for me.”
It’s humiliating how loud the squelch is that escapes as his fingers dip in last your blood filled velvety folds. The wetness emitting from your cunt enough to plop out onto the bed if he pulls out too fast. Tapping along your twitching hole, he hums, pleased by the tremors running up your thighs. Shocking you to arch in deep with another hit that ripples through your buttcheeks.
“I-inside..” you whimper, setting yourself on all four in a more sturdy position. “Please?”
“What do you want? My fingers?” He prods, at your entrance, swiping down to your clit to teasingly tap at. “My mouth? My cock? So fucking wet for me, you’d take anything I give you.” Rubbing his fingers up and down to create a mess, he coats the outside of your cunt with wetness. It’s everywhere, all juicy and ready to be wrecked.
“God please—touch me, inside, anything.” You shiver, teeth chattering already. Maybe if you.. shove your ass out more, shoulders flat against the bed to show off the deepest arch.
Sunghoon hisses, pressing kisses down the seam of your slit before pulling away with a curse. “And why should I give you anything? Because you’re dripping fucking wet? Acting like a desperate whore for cock?”
“Please—“ you sob, sinking into the bed deeper as he climbs on behind you and mounts your backside. “Wan—want it!”
“This?” He teases, so fucking meanly, jamming the tip of his cock against your fluttering hole. Pushing in just past his pre-cum soaked slit, he wraps around his length tightly, easing the tip half in and out. “Pussies fucking screaming for my cock baby girl.. want me to fuck you? Keep saying that shit.” He groans, pushing in further to feel your cunt snap around his cockhead. “And say my fucking name.”
“Hoon—ahh!” You shout, the side of your face fully pressed to the bed, chest caved against the sheets. The demanding slap he smacks your ass with makes your spine throb, resounding around the room like a crack. “Sunghoon! Fuck me! Fuck me please!”
Licking at the sweat gathered on his upper lip, he slinks lower to grip onto your hair. Knee sinking into the mattress, his other leg propped up for a balance. He could fuck you like this, he normally would..
“Want you to look at me when you cum.” He whispers, pulling until your mouth can full breath without the bed obstructing your oxygen. “Want you to say my name, look me in my eyes, tell me who fucks you this good.”
Fuck.
That’s not what you want, not something you can handle in this submissive state. Popping free the tip, he sets you on your back without much effort. The dazed look written across your face telling him everything he needs to know.
“Nu—“ you scramble to move back onto your front. Held down by big hands slamming onto your hips, chaining you to the bed with their powerful hold.
“Don’t fucking move.” He appears offended that you even tried to disobey him. Caressing his palms down to spread your thighs open, he slams them to the bed. Angry red cock bouncing against his stomach as he makes space for himself and situating to find the perfect position.
It feels helpless to try to move and fight against him, weak in comparison to his built up strength and hard muscles earned from countless hours in the gym. It wouldn’t hurt to try, of course, but the second his length swipes between your folds, you can’t help but to forget. Folding your hands over your chest as you watch his stomach tighten and release, grinding his hips forward to fuck against your sloppy wet aroused cunt.
“Hoon—Sunghoon,” you breathe, losing more air by the second. Burning up from the body heat building from his flesh to yours.
“Feel good baby?” He asks under his breath, continuing to torture you with the sensation of his heavy cock rubbing through your folds. Thick girth gleaming with your juices all over. “Like how I play with your pussy, don’t you.” He says proudly, loosening his grip on your thighs to press against your stomach. Slowly trailing upward to massage your breasts, lifting his head to watch your face fall apart.
“Can-can’t, please, hurts.” Hurts so good, to be so close without getting what you want. What he must expect you to beg for, hardly able to form a sentence anymore. You arch into his warm palms squeezing and bouncing your chest, pinching your nipples before he shifts to your neck.
“Look at me.” He commands, deep and raspy. “Look at me with those pretty eyes.”
“Ah, Sunghoon, please.” Blinking upward, you gasp, taking in his sculpted jawline, long neck, broad shoulders and defined chest. He’s a dream, a nightmare really, too good to be real. Dark eyes boring back into yours from where he looks down at you, grabbing your chin to hold you in place.
“Just like that, don’t fucking look away.”
Everything around you feels light as air, as if you’ve been lifted from the bed, floating on a cloud as he leans down and locks his lips to yours.
It’s the loudest kiss he’s ever given you, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. He works slowly with your parted mouth, taking time to really hold your top and bottom lip before teasing his tongue between. Throbbing racks between your pressed bodies, eyes falling shut as his tongue slips inside and laps at yours, at the roof of your mouth. It’s too much and not enough at the same time.
Too much the way his body crowds you with no space of your own. Cock pulsating against your core, chest beating violently pressed to yours. Mouth moving as if he mapped and memorized the inside of yours. Weak shaky hands find his shoulders, wanting to push him away, wanting to shove him off and spit in his face for doing this.
Because how could he do this to you?! Soar your sense to their precipice of carnal arousal, wipe your mind of all sensible thought. Only to bring you here, trapped beneath him, sucking his breath into your lungs until tears burst from your eyes.
“I know.” He mutters, tugging your bottom lip between his. Savoring the hot tears rolling down your cheeks to his hands. “I feel it too.”
No. You feel nothing. There is nothing to feel.
“What we have, what you do to me.” He confesses, nose pressed to yours. “I don’t want this with anyone else. I don’t ever want you to have this with anyone besides me.”
So wrong, all wrong. So wrong that it feels right. Blinking your tears away with no other choice but to squeeze your eyes shut. You can’t do this, can’t accept what he’s trying to convince you of.
“Look at me.” Sunghoon’s tone sounds more desperate than viscous, pinching your chest from within. “That’s all I ask of you, see me. See me for who you know I am.”
He ruts between your thighs, reminding you to listen as the tip catches on your hole. The cry for help behind his command, almost pitiful.. burning a hole through your heart as you fight between your blanked out mind and a whirlwind of emotions.
“Can’t..” you barely whisper, eyes clenched shut, turning to dig your face deeper into the bed.
“Because I’m not him?” He whimpers brokenly, forehead landing against yours. Wet trickles of sweat cling to his dark eyelashes, mouth turned down at the corners. “Because I’m not my fucking brother?”
Between the arousal burning up to your chest and confusion causing a frenzy in your head, you can only whine, scratching down his shoulders. “Please don’t.”
“Why?” Slowing down his pace, he grips onto your jaw, twisting your face to look at him. “Why are you denying what we both feel?”
“We shouldn’t, we shouldn’t feel—“
“Who says.” Reaching between your bodies, he wraps around his shaft. Slapping against your center as a warning. “Who says you’re not meant to be mine?”
The intrusion of his entire size cuts off any response, neck arched up as a silent scream flies from your lips. He circles between your hips to mold your cunt to his girth, grabbing onto your shoulders for leverage. “Who the fuck said you don’t belong to me.”
This is too intimate, not even breaking into an immediate ruthless rhythm as soon as he penetrates you. He’s slow, stretching your walls around his size to accommodate him and make you comfortable. Fingers travel to your clit, leaving you no choice but to cover your mouth to suppress your moans. He pinches, flicking side to side, not even needing to judging by the puddle of wet slick arousal pooled beneath your ass.
“Sunghoon, that’s—“
“Gripping around me so good, you’re always so so good for me.”
Regardless of your crazed out of whack emotions, your chest tightens when he praises you. Looking at you as if you hung the moon up for him on the starriest of nights. He returns to layer your mouth with kisses, wrapping your thighs over his hips. “Please, keep your eyes on me.” The whisper dances across your mouth, gasping as he begins to thrust and make you really feel each inch.
There’s too much heat and moisture between your faces, wrapped around him akin to a clinging vine as he builds up speed and pulls out to the tip. Burying back in to release a gushing wet sound, a splatter of arousal all over his groin and thighs.
“No one,” he murmurs, huffing staggered breaths over your mouth. “No one does this to me.”
No no no. You scratch at his biceps, shoulders, anything you can catch within your reach. He can’t, he can’t fucking do this.
It’s hard to tell what’s shaking anymore. Sunghoon’s heartbeat, your limbs, the bed beneath you. Everything hurts and feels good, as if your spines been ripped out and shaken around. Releasing stored up pain and anger, bringing to life new fears and worries.
“The way we feel together.” He ruts in harder, hips snapping fiercely. Splitting you apart from your chest to the hot space between your thighs. “I want this forever.”
“Fuck!” You curss, head tossed back unable to keep your eyes open any longer. The combination of his terrifyingly honest words and cock ramming into you hits untouched nerves. Each sparking fires to life inside of you, burning your ligaments and muscles as an insane pressure forms in your stomach.
“Exactly like this.” He speaks in a low vibrato. Vocal chords shakey as he cups your jaw and presses your foreheads together. Blinking the glossy moisture attached to his clumped together eyelashes to meet yours.
More than fucking you, he loves this. The way you try to maintain judgment toward him and fail. The look that can only be described as love winning every time. With your foreheads stuck together he drags your legs up, hoisting the backs of your knees onto his shoulders to really make you take it.
That drives you over the edge, struggling to breathe in the tight position. Panic rises with your wide blown out eyes focused on his, chilling heat surrounding that pressure in your stomach. “Hoon!—Sungho—!!”
The pressure explodes around his cock nearly slipping his free from the amount of wetness that bursts around his length, continuing to jackhammer into you through your orgasm squirting down to his balls. They slap loudly against your ass with each pointed thrust, burying in deep. Savoring your tight heat sleeved around his length through the release that exposes the whites of your eyes.
The little breathy ah-ah-ah’s echoing out of your parted mouth urge on his erratic thrusts. Mounting you like a bitch in heat to get his cock sucked dry. He growls, slamming in once, twice more.
“I’m cumming!” He groans deeply, throat cracking as hot release spills inside of you painting your cervix with thick white strings of cream. Slow to pull out despite the sounds of your whimpered cries, he circles and empties inside of you where he belongs.
“It’s okay..” he mumbles, sighing and throwing his head back with one last thrust to really push his seed deep inside of you. “I’m here, everything’s okay now.” He draws free with a lewd pop, splaying his fingers over your hole to keep everything inside as he adjusts to press against your back. “Was too much?”
His drawled tone vibrates against your damp hot skin, turning to drag your nose down his chest and burrow in the safety of his fresh scent. It was too much, and it’s his fault. Failing to regather yourself once your orgasm passed from the intense emotion taking over.
Without having to explain, he wraps around you and presses kisses to your head. This is what you needed, even if you don’t understand that yet.
He needed to break down your false wall of hatred for him, to get you to see that this is where you belong. Right here in his arms, swallowed by his love, filled with it, cheek rested on his chest that thrums for you and only you.
Tomorrow. You’ll wake up and have a real honest discussion. No more games, no more lies. He started it, and now it’s your turn to face yourself.
“Get some sleep angel.” He whispers, already keeping track of your shallow restless breathing pattern. “I’ll never stop taking care of you.”
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Beep
Beep
Beep
The sound of Sunghoon’s phone alarm going off jolts him from his sleep. Disoriented as he jerks and rubs at his eyes. Instinctively his hand reaches out for your warmth, rubbing over the area your body had last laid by his side only hours ago.
Of course you’d already left, probably had to finish packing away your toiletries and belongings..
Which is exactly what he should be doing right now, yawning as he taps his phone and notes the time. “Shit.”
Sunghoon groans, toppling out of the hotel bed to grab the last few things he needs to put away, deciding to skip the shower for now and just hop in once you reach Paris. The plane ride wouldn’t be a short one afterall.
Besides, the light aroma of your scent still clings to his skin. Dry tear stains appear on his hand, brushing his teeth as he admires them and contemplates not washing his hands off.
This is different.
This was.. exactly what he’s been craving, chasing after ever since the first time he had you. It’s different with you, natural and easy. Nothing feels like an act when he’s with you. He tried to make it work with Miyeon in the beginning when his father had set them up but there was never any real connection, no chemistry. She clocked him for exactly what he is right from the start.
Maybe you did too, but that’s the difference, you make him feel safe. Safe to be himself without judgment, because for some God forsaken reason, you still like him.
Thinking about it all makes his chest hurt, makes his heart race speed up. The way you say his name, touch his body, resist him and give in every time.
It shouldn’t have been this way, his brother shouldn’t have ever been an obstacle here. He didn’t want to do this, not after the last time they argued over a girl and he completely ignored Heeseung for a year. It was petty and immature, but he was young and she was his first love, first obsession really.
Heeseung’s never put in as much effort as Sunghoon. Everything’s just so fucking easy for him. Who knows why.. maybe because he doesn’t care as much, doesn’t worry about things that are beyond his control.
That’s never been an option for Sunghoon. He can only care, that’s the only option he’s ever been given, and he does care. He keeps up a strong facade to hide how much he cares but he feels everything. There’s a part of him that hopes you see that- you get it. You relate and understand why he’s built up walls around his heart, because growing up with nothing but constant pain can only make you so hard.
Sunghoon wanted to work through it, he didn’t want to be cold and closed off, but nothing ever seemed worth melting the protective shield of ice for.
Until he met you.
Heeseung would have to be understanding, besides, how could you want him after this? He’s so beneath you, choosing booze over your love.
Sunghoon smiles to himself, lips dragging across his knuckles. It’s his time to win.
Today is a new day, everything about today feels different. The air smells fresher, his stride lighter, the pressure he’s used to feeling on his chest gone.
Assuming you and Heeseung have already made your way downstairs, he preps himself for how awkward this flight could be. What if you all get stuck seated together again? It’d be for the best to wait until you’re settled into your new hotel in France. You can all sit down and discuss this as mature adults.
Every part of him shouts against that- why the hell should he maintain maturity after putting up with his brother's unruly behavior for years now? He should rub everything in his face, that damn loser..
No. You wouldn’t like that.. your hearts too good. You still see the good in Heeseung, destined to believe his fraudulent facade of this nice emotional guy that just had a tough life.
Who can take him seriously? Their dad is a freaking millionaire. So what if their mom died, suck it up and grow some balls.
Ah, but your feminine compassion would never see where Sunghoon’s coming from. He can be rational, great at negotiating, well trained by his father to set his bar high and demand all expectations to be met. You can’t come in guns ablaze, jumping off hot from the start. He has to play cool, get you to let his brother down easily, let you have your mourning period.
Yes, everything will pan out wonderfully once you scrub Heeseung out of your life. Out of both of your lives.
“Ah great, look who decided to show up!” Mr. Park greets loudly greets. Interrupting his inner dialogue as he roughly pats his shoulder. “Slept in did you? Well, just in time son, I was just about to order the taxi.”
“Shouldn’t we wait?” Sunghoon looks at the elevator area again, expecting for you to appear any minute now.
“Wait for what?” Your mom asks, fixing the new luxury brand scarf tied around her purse.
“Uhh, for Heeseung and—“
“Oh they left hours ago son.” His dad informs nonchalantly, motioning for them to move outside to wait for their car. “Probably didn’t want to wake you from your beauty sleep.”
“What?? Why would they leave before us?” Sunghoon’s eyebrows furrow, throwing his bag onto the cart with the other luggages- not missing that yours is nowhere to be seen.
“They found a really early train ride to Germany last night. I told Heeseung to take a later one and enjoy the rest of the day here but he was really eager to explore Frankfurt.” Continuing to speak complete nonsense that Sunghoon can’t comprehend only worries him further. Annoyed by how evasive and casual his father speaks.
“What do you mean Germany? I thought we were flying to France.”
“We are sweetie.” Your mom laughs, confused as well. “Heeseung and your sister are the ones going to Germany to visit different universities.”
Universities?! In Germany?!
Sunghoon’s jaw drops, blinking repeatedly, his father whistling to get in the cab before he can continue to ask more questions.
None of this makes sense. Why the hell would you and Heeseung be in Germany of all places, looking at schools?! He has to be dreaming, that’s it. Stuffed into the backseat alone, he pats around his phone, immediately finding your last text messages.
Sunghoon: ‘Good Morning, where are you?’
Text Message Failed To Send
Watching the green bubble instantly pop up confuses him all the more, tongue pinched between his teeth annoyed. Must be the international service messing up.. or maybe you really are on a train, somewhere between mountains where messages can’t reach you right now..
Sunghoon: ‘I thought we were going to France next, what’s this deal about Germany? Are you with Heeseung?’
Text Message Failed To Send
Fuck. This really a dream, a bad dream.
None of this makes sense, not after yesterday, not after you fell asleep with him, curled up together in his arms..
“Hoon! What the hell is wrong with you this morning, hurry up.” His dad hollers from outside of the parked car, already standing with their belongings. “We have a flight to catch, wake your ass up.”
Shit, they’re already at the airport. The entire security checkpoint feels like a mirage, desperately racking his brain for an answer to what the hell could possibly be going on right now. Why in the hell would you be looking at universities? You’re both already enrolled for next year?
He has to text Heeseung, there’s no other choice.
Sunghoon: ‘Where are you?’
There’s no way he can get on this plane now. What’s the point if you’re not here, why wouldn’t you be here?! This is your dream trip, especially France.
Heeseung: ‘Hey bro :) Expected to hear from you sooner.’
Motherfucker.
Sunghoon: ‘What the fucknis going on, why are you in Germany???’
Heeseung: :)
Gripping his phone hard enough to form a crack on the screen if he went on any longer, he growls, teeth grinding together. What the fuck is his brother up to.
Moving to a quieter area, he watches your parents sit down at the gate, biting on his thumb nail before pounding the key to call his brother.
“Sunghoon.” He answers flatly, not even bothering to allow more than one ring.
“Heeseung, where the fuck are you right now?! What did you do to her—“
“Nothing, nothing at all.” Heeseung interrupts, having stepped away from the fancy train cart his father purchased for the both of you to travel to Germany in. “She’s doing just fine, happier than ever.”
Pinching between his eyebrows, he paces back and forth listening to his older brother, palm swiping down his face. “What’s going on Heeseung.”
“You haven’t figured it out yet?” The older clicks his tongue, scoffing under his breath. “It’s over Hoon, this stupid game of yours. It’s done.”
“What the hell are you talking about man?!” Sunghoon hisses, slamming his fist against a nearby wall. “Where is she?!?”
“Away from you.” Heeseung says calmly, the smile behind his voice disappearing. “For good.”
“Heeseung.. you’re pissing me off.”
“Good.” He replies promptly, taking a deep breath. “You’ve pissed me off long enough, both of us. Can’t just let me have one thing can you?”
“She’s not yours to have.”
“She doesn’t want you.” Heeseung corrects snidely, glaring at the view passing by from the train. “What we have can really be something special. I care for her, unlike you. I can’t have you interfering anymore.”
“Oh yeah? I don’t care about her?” Sunghoon asks, throat drying, chewing on his lip. “You can’t fucking do this.”
“Watch me.” Heeseung whistles, checking the time. “You have a flight to catch in a few minutes I believe.”
“If you do this I’ll never forgive you.” Sunghoon grits, fist balled up by his hip.
A pause falls between the line, silently sharing a few intakes of air. “Goodbye brother.”
“Heeseung!”
“And don’t bother trying to contact her anymore. This is over. I win.”
The line falls flat, dead tone ringing through Sunghoon’s head. There’s no way his brother managed to pull this off, and you? You knew all along.. even yesterday.
Slumping against the wall, he takes a long deep breath, checking his text messages that won’t reach you.
Sunghoon: ‘This isn’t over.’
Text Message Failed To Send
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
~one year later~
“Do you know what day it is?”
“Mmmhm..” you groan, rolling onto your side and rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “S’too early babe.”
“Too early?!” He gasps dramatically, setting down a tray of your favorite food in front of your face. The aroma enough to fully open your gaze up and land on the plate adorned with your favorite croissant, sprinkled with powdered sugar and almond slices.
“You didn’t..”
“Of course I did,” Heeseung’s smile widens, on his knees by the bed you share. His chin propped on top of his folded arms as he leans in and watches you yawn away your last bits of sleep. “Happy anniversary baby.”
“You must have woke up over an hour ago to get this fresh..” you note bashfully, sitting up with a lazy grin. “Thank you. Happy anniversary. Can’t believe it’s already been one year.”
“Times gone by so fast, too fast.” He perks up, shoving the tray closer to you. “Drink before your coffee gets cold.”
“You shouldn’t have done all this.. you’re gonna be so tired at work.” You say between munching on a piece of the best almond croissant you’ve ever had. Moaning as it slides down your throat with a sip of coffee. “Here I am sleeping in while you run around Paris to get my favorite breakfast..”
“It’s nothing.” He affirms, moving onto the bed to stroke your hair away from your face. “Besides, I’m really sorry I couldn’t get today off. Really wanted to spend today with you laying in bed all day..”
“Just in bed?” You ask flirtatiously, lifting an eyebrow.
Heeseung bites down on his lip, moving closer to kiss your bare shoulder. “We do have the best time here..”
“We have tomorrow baby, don’t feel bad. Hate that I couldn’t get tonight off either, but at least tomorrow is all ours.” You frown, pecking his cheek. “One day doesn’t make that big of a difference.”
“Tomorrow, you’re not ready for what I have in store for you tomorrow..” Heeseung grins mischievously, getting up already dressed for work. Bending in to plant a kiss on your lips, he lets out a sad sigh, standing up and nodding to the tray of food. “Eat.”
“See you later, baby love.” As much as you try to smile, you can’t stop the corners of your lips from dragging down as you get up to hug him and wave him off from the front door of your shared loft.
It’s been a year now of taking the train to school together. Venturing around the city of your dreams, of holding hands and stealing kisses in dark corners. A year of peace, dreams you couldn’t have foreseen coming to fruition without Heeseung by your side.
A year of a healthy, calming, nice relationship.
365 days of photos in frames, nights falling asleep on the couch, lying to your parents via email, text messages, international phone calls..
Well, it’s not completely lying if you never claimed to not share a bed with your step-brother. Your parents know that you live together, they don’t need to know the details.
A year of introducing Heeseung as your boyfriend and not your step-brother.
A year of smiles, laughs, hours and hours of love making..
A year without his presence. Without mentioning him again, erasing his existence, pretending that what led you here in the first place had nothing to do with him..
A year to figure yourself out, all thanks to Heeseung’s help. Without him you’d really be lost still, tugged between two different paths that could have altered your current present.
It hasn’t been easy, but this relationship has really taught you to learn how to compromise now that you’ve been serious, going on ten months of calling it official. Heeseung respected your wishes to take it slow despite how you started off, really proved himself and got help. Fully committed to you, and hasn't touched alcohol since your time in Italy.
This is what you deserve to have, the most loving gorgeous boyfriend who adores you and worships at your feet.
Not some obsessed lunatic that blackmails you, threatens and manipulates every decision you make..
Things are good now.
Even as you sit on the couch in your dream loft watching old episodes of Sex & The City alone, you have to feel grateful. Carrie got her girlhood dream of Paris and romance, and you have too..
She had the Russian, and you have your step-brother.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“I have a gift for you.”
“Babeee come on! We said no gifts!”
“Pfft,” Heeseung brushes your whining off. He’s done enough from running you both a bath last night after eating the dinner you cooked, to the amazing croissants he woke you up with. “What kind of boyfriend would I be to not have something prepared for our first anniversary?”
“But I didn’t get you much.” You pout, following his movements as he unveils a neatly wrapped box from beneath your bed. “And we agreed to not splurge!”
“You deserve to be splurged on. Besides, I know there’s something you’ve been wanting to do ever since we moved here and well..”
“You didn’t.” Reaching for your chest, you curl into yourself to sedate your excitement. He sets the gift onto your lap, shifting closer to be directly by your side.
“Come on, open it.”
“Ahh, okay..” Heeseung’s smile only grows as you gently untie the gift, biting down on his lip when you begin to open up the box. “Oh my God.”
“It’s for tonight.”
“You got me tickets to Phantom at the Paris Opera house?” You knew it had to be coming. Never failing to mention that you couldn’t wait for the Phantom of The Opera to be on the calendar.
“Happy anniversary baby.”
“This is way better than what I got you..” you sniffle, clutching the box to your chest. “Can’t believe we’re finally going.”
“But first! We have to grab a drink.” He exclaims, catching you off guard.
“A drink?”
Heeseung staggers for a moment, blinking at you slowly. “Coffee, to wake us up.”
“Oh of course, I’n going to need it after this week’s work load.”
“Alright, go finish getting ready my love, I’m going to clean up a little around here before we head out.”
“Thank you Hee, I won’t take too long.”
“Take your time.”
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
These are great seats, a spectacular balcony view of the stage. They must have cost a fortune. You wouldn’t dare to ask. Of course your parents still provide some type of allowance, enough to cover rent and tuition, a few bills, but with the jobs you’ve both acquired they’ve really been hard asses about making you work for your ‘fun money’ these days.
“This was always my favorite scene.” Heeseung whispers, squeezing around your hand.
Little Lotte?
To avoid being shushed by the elderly couple neighboring your side, you furrow your eyebrows at him in confusion. Who the hell loves Little Lotte? Interesting.
Angel of music? The music of the night? All I ask of you? The phantom of the opera? The point of no return?
You’d have to remember to ask about that at dinner later. Odd choice out of an immaculate score, but Heeseung has always had a more unique taste. Perhaps you leaned toward the more predictable, having gone through your various favorites over the years of attending performances.
It was when you were thirteen attending your 20th or some performance of Phantom, you landed on a final favored choice.
Maybe it was the surge of hormones, or maybe you were just crazy. But the point of no return struck a chord that evening that had never been hit before.
The hidden lust, the fear, the desire and crave.
Christine was the real actress during that performance, she put on an act, leading the Phantom to believe her feelings resonated with his. Switching the manipulation he trained her with against him, exposing his vulnerability before unveiling a monstrous face for the last time.
The pain. The suffering. The tortured love that could have been a bountiful happy ending without Raoul’s existence. It’s so tragically beautiful.
There had been a time when Christine had annoyed you, why would she purposely seduce the Phantom only to lead him to his hell, his demise. He loved her, he wanted to be with her, he needed her.
Even now as you watch her twirl around on stage, toying with the Phantom’s weak mind, you feel annoyed. She did it because of Raoul, she did it to escape him.
Past all thought of if or when, no use resisting
Abandon thought and let the dream descend
What raging fire shall flood the soul?
What rich desire unlocks its door?
What sweet seduction lies before us?
Heat springs to the backs of your eyes as they move in fluid motion, unlocking his hold to allow her to prance around flirtatiously. Each touch between them is barely there, begging to be more. The tremble through his fingers, shaking you to the core. It’s all so raw, too real, zoning your vision in on the blaring loud chemistry between them. The way he frames around her pleading to know the secrets they can learn of each other.
The first tear to break free and trickle down to your chin parts a gasp through your lips, back stiffened as you sit straight.
Past the point of no return, no going back now
Our passion play has now at last begun
Past all thought of right or wrong, one final question
How long should we two wait before we're one?
When will the blood begin to race?
The sleeping bud bursts into bloom?
When will the flames at last consume us?
Christine’s temptress vocals swarm around you, repeating the quiet ‘I love you’s never said out loud, only screaming in your mind. The Phantom sways to her tune, lost in the act she puts on for him. Because she is his weakness, only she can destroy him.
Tears spill out faster when their hands finally touch, and she runs, she tries to run away. Because he’s a monster, he’ll ruin her.
The half concealed face comes to light, sharing a moment of silence between them now that she knows, now that he knows. This game of lies and manipulation is over, it’s done. And Raoul stands with a gun pointed, prepared to save Christine from this monster, from this angel trapped in hell..
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Lead me, save me from my solitude
Say you want me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I ask of—-
The most bone shattering cry of ‘no!’ racks a sob up your chest, jumping in your seat as the sound of a gun shoots off, and you know what’s coming. He has no choice but to steal her away, they’ve reached the end.
“Babe?” Heeseung whispers faintly at your side, gripping your hand firmly, thumb soothing over your knuckles. It’s impossible to hold in your tears any longer, knowing the doom destined to meet their would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.
It never gets easier to watch, the utter despair, lack of humanity. Christine turning her back away only to return with a kiss, a real kiss. The Phantom’s first real kiss from the only one that showed him love that his mother couldn’t.
Oh fuck.
Hounded out by everyone. Met with hatred everywhere. No kind words from anyone. No compassion anywhere..
Why, he cries, why?!?
It never hurt this much before, never made sense. Never once before could you see yourself in Christine’s place.
Because you would have never chosen Raoul.
It’s in your soul that the true distortion lies.
“Here.” A sleeve lifts to your face, your near perfect boyfriend offering you a makeshift handkerchief. Because he knows what to do, he knows the right thing to do to bring a smile to your face.
He once begged for forgiveness for his wrong doings created by his own Phantom. Never deserved any of what was brought upon him.
He deserves better.
You deceived me, I gave my mind blindly
If there is one thing you’ve learned through your matured eyes, it’s that you and Christine Daaé have more in common than you would have predicted at thirteen. You’re both terrible liars.
This is the point of no return.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“You’re so cute.” Heeseung’s eyes wrinkle at the corners, dabbing off a tear clinging on your chin.
“Stopppp.” You whine, huffing from embarrassment as you make it to your seats and thank the hostess for escorting you.
“I didn’t think you’d be this emotional.”
“I’m sensitive.” You mutter cheekily, glaring at him.
“Can’t believe you’re still crying.”
Heeseung’s smile couldn’t be more endeared, leaning over to dab your cheeks before another tear can trail down. He laughs quietly, kissing your cheek.
“It’s a big deal!” You gush, fanning yourself to calm down. “Feel like I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.”
“You told me you’ve seen Phantom of The Opera hundreds of times?” He says, nose scrunching up with a confused look. “Weren’t you even a part of the theater club, monthly subscription and all?”
“Yes!” Continuing to sniffle, you playfully smack his arm for mumbling about what a dork you are, letting out a long sigh. “But at the Paris opera house?! I’ll never forget this. It’s been at the top of my bucket list for years.”
“It was really beautiful,” he shrugs, appearing deep in thought. “Music was great.”
“The music, the passion.” Sighing dreamily, you clutch your chest, reaching to hold his hand. “I could see hundreds of more renditions and none would ever come close to this one.”
The way you squeeze his hand in yours draws a smile on his lips, laying his other hand on top to sandwich you between. “I’d only ever seen the black and white film before. I guess that’s my one complaint, kind of expected more of a horror or thriller because of that.” He hums, lifting his hands to kiss your knuckles. “The way they romanticized it was a little weird.”
Romanticized?
Squinting at him, you lean in closer. “What do you mean?”
“Well, Erik, the Phantom.” He nods, looking you in the eye. “He’s a monster.”
He’s a what?
You can feel your face morph to one of surprise instantaneously, jaw loose as you try to register what he means. “It’s not a horror story Hee.. Erik loves Christine.”
“Loves?!” He laughs boisterously, dropping your hand to grab onto the dinner table. “No way you’ve seen that play as much as you have and think he loves her. He’s a murderer.”
“Wait wait wait, no,” shaking your head, you poke at his chest. “You don’t get it. He’s been mistreated his entire life by everyone. He doesn’t know how to love until he meets Christine.”
Heeseung blinks at you slowly with one eyebrow raised. “He doesn’t meet her, he stalks her!” He scoffs, laughing under his breath. “Wow, so you—you wanted her to end up with the Phantom instead of Raoul?”
“What? Of course I did!” You stress, attempting to keep your voice down to not draw attention from the others around enjoying their meals. “Everyone does, like oh my God? He loves her—he’s her fucking angel!”
Heeseung continues to laugh, scratching at his nape wide eyed. “Oh you’re serious. You really watched her get chased around by this psychopath who threatens and stalks her and got love from that?”
Well. When you put it that way.
“You don’t get it.” You slump defeated, forcing yourself to not frown.
He watches you for a minute, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. “I think I do actually.”
Tension weighs thick between the two of you, ignoring how serious his gaze has turned, you fake a smile and glance around waiting for your order to arrive. “It’s just a play.”
“Right. It’s just a play.”
“It’s not just a play to you though.” He hums, picking at the basket of bread you’ve both been eating from. “You have books, listen to the soundtrack often, watch the movies.. you’re a big phan, as you’ve told me.”
“I mean, it’s all fictional.” You shrug, ignoring the large blaring elephant that’s entered the restaurant.
“That one you read, that was like your little Phantom porn.” He snorts, remembering how you’d curl up in bed and proceed to feel him up after finishing a chapter. “Wasn’t Raoul his brother in that one? He was Erik’s older brother, right?”
Now, why would he remember that, and why right now.
“Uhm yeah, there’s a few renditions where the authors canoned them as siblings.” You admit, doing your best to sound casual.
“I wonder why they do that?”
“Oh well, you know, brothers.. that’s like a thing. A common trope often used in fictional stories.”
“Only fictional stories?” He says playfully, keeping his demeanor calm. “So, who would you choose for Christine?”
There’s no more playfulness behind his tone, finishing the question with a tight lip, he slightly arches an eyebrow.
“I mean, I know you don’t get it but she should have picked Phantom.” You say confidently, shaking your head. “He brought out her voice.”
“From this play I’ve really learned more about her relationship with Raoul though, how they knew each other as kids.” He recounts, leaning in close with his chin resting on his palm. “I think she really liked him, she knew him. Their connection went deeper than the forced bond Erik manipulated her into believing they have.”
It’s pointless to argue about it, even if you have to ignore the heat rising to your cheeks and the beat in your chest speeding up. “You wouldn’t get it..”
Heeseung’s lips part for a minute ready to drag this out, slamming them shut and opting to lean back in his seat when he sees the corners of your lips sink down. “Sorry, I know you really love the story. Guess I was curious to understand what you love about it.”
“I love their love.” You sigh, nervously fiddling with your dress between your fingers. “That they connected through her voice, his music. It could have gone differently if she had seen him as a man and not a monster.”
“But he is a monster.” He reiterates, rubbing at his nape in disbelief. “He stalks her, hides behind mirrors to watch her practice from, he even kidnaps her!”
Heeseung tries to hold back his thoughts, but even he can’t deny the same eerie feeling that ignited in him when you broke down in tears. You feel bad, you feel bad for not choosing the unloved monster that took advantage of you, that somehow infiltrated your heart.
He knows it and you know it. The name neither of you ever mentioned lingers around your relationship. Unfinished sentences of ‘this reminds me of—‘ solidify tension between you whenever Heeseung pauses and nods as if to affirm your non-negotiated agreement.
One day you were in Italy, the next in Germany, holed up together in a hotel room too afraid to speak. Everything became too real when he pleaded with you to explain everything once you got onto the train.
‘Dad always wanted me to do more with my life.’ Heeseung had explained once you settled in your cart, hollowed lines heavy beneath his eyes from lack of sleep. ‘Hoon’s obviously going to be his predecessor, the next to run the company. I never wanted to follow my father’s footsteps. I wanted to enjoy my life, a normal life that my mom would have wanted for me. I promised her I wouldn’t let dad run my future the way he has with Sunghoon, down to even who he should marry.’
It slipped out before he realized, shifting his gaze away hoping you wouldn’t question what he meant by that. Their dad had tried to set him up with Miyeon first, laying out the plan that he would wed her someday and merge their companies. Sunghoon running the Park’s business while Heeseung married his place into the Cho’s. It was his perfect plan to ensure wealth and success, to prepare both of his sons for the future that they’d have to exist in without him.
Heeseung had refused, already invested in his relationship with Jina, Sunghoon’s childhood crush. Mr. Park yelled, screamed, deemed him useless and misguided. Ruined by the years spent with his mother, he turned soft in comparison to his younger brother who has only hardened up and built a powerful shell around himself under their father’s care. Or lack thereof.
Sunghoon sat in silence as their father threatened Heeseung, told him to pack his shit up and find someone else to house him, to feed him, to pay for his bullshit. The denial of his wishes never led to anything good.
The younger cursed to himself, sitting up straight. ‘I will court Miyeon.’
Despite their differences, they had attempted to rebuild their sibling relationship. They started to play basketball at night, occasionally laughing when the other would miss a shot. They’d work out together, even went out to a couple of concerts and parties together. Heeseung never wanted to cut his brother off, only respected what he believed to be his wishes after Jian had chosen him and Sunghoon spit in his face.
Jian was a year older than Heeseung, she introduced herself to him the first day at his new school. It was scary to enter a high school he was completely unfamiliar with, but smitten Jian made it as easy as possible, sticking by his side before confessing at the end of the day that she like likes him.
The memory was so innocent and childish, the leap into each other's hearts in less than 24 hours of meeting. It’s something you can really only experience once in your life when you’re young and haven’t experienced how cruel the world can be.
Heeseung’s first love was Sunghoon’s first heartbreak.
The stood outside of his younger brother’s middle school hand-in-hand, giggling to each other happily about the titles of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’.
Sunghoon dropped his book bag upon seeing them, screaming out angrily, he jab between your conjoined hands and flew into a tantrum.
Over the next year he got over it- he tried to get over it. All while ignoring Heeseung’s existence. Nothing he did could change the younger’s attitude toward him. Every remark held bitterness, every question carried hatred, every interaction left them both uneasy and anxious.
Heeseung tried to explain, he really liked Jian, and she really liked him. But Sunghoon refused to listen, scolding him for stealing the crush he wasn’t even aware of. It wasn’t the ideal way to rekindle their brotherly love, after being selected during quintessential years of frontal lobe development.
But the older never gave up, hoping that one day his brother would come around, and he did. They never really felt as close as they did as kids, but they had something—and that was enough.
Hugs turned into nudges and pats on the backs. Sunghoon never came to him when he was upset the way he used to as children. He kept interaction at school minimal, and treated him more as a roommate at home than a brother. But it was something, and that’s better than nothing.
‘My father never saw eye to eye with me. I hated the whispers that flew around when I came back to live with them. That I was just this spoiled rich kid, son of the mogul Park. Sunghoon’s older brother who undoubtedly wiped his ass with hundred dollar bills. I wasn’t accustomed to this life anymore.’
‘Because you had been living with your mom..’
‘Yes, and she took us away from all of this. My grandparents mostly raised me, mom.. had a drinking problem too. She sort of unlocked the door to mine. I’ve been told addiction can be passed on, genetics you know. I wanted to save her but she abused her body day in and day out and I thought I could be better than that. That I could save myself since I failed to save her.’
‘You were a kid..’
And Sunghoon, both too naive and childish to carry the burden of selfish adult problems. Both damaged and scarred by the choices of the ones that were meant to protect them, keep them safe from these harmful coping habits.
‘I was.’ Heeseung had agreed, pulling pieces of his hair between his fingers. ‘I thought I could find the strength to let shit go, grow up without these demons following me. I couldn’t , and just like my brother loves to remind me, I’m a fucking failure.’
‘But you got help Hee.’
‘I did, after coming home one night after Jian had broken up with me before heading to college, I got wasted.’ He shamefully admits. ‘I fucked up bad, but the break up was so sudden, she didn’t want a boyfriend back home preventing her from having fun in another state. Not during her first year of college..’
‘I’m sorry..’
It’s hard to hear about your first loves first love, comforting your ego and trying to hide your jealousy. You urged him to continue. Hands held in both of yours, squeezing each time he found himself at a loss for words
‘We had a huge fight that night, Hoonie and I.’ Pain etched through his soft features, blinking back tears. ‘He’s hated me ever since, maybe he always hated me.’
‘Why would he..’
‘What he said to me that night, about our mom.. blamed me for not taking proper care of her. Screamed at me that she should have kept him, that he would have done what I’m not man enough to do. Just like Jina would have still been with him. He really beat me to a pulp with a few words.. after this I don’t have any faith in repairing this relationship with my brother. He doesn’t care if I live or die, blames me for everything that’s never gone his way in life..’
Unfair, that’s really the only way to put it. Unfair the same way Raoul banished Erik for his monstrous appearance to live in hiding, a dark family secret.
Both born into wealth, granted a life of ease, both torn apart by their obsession with love. Heeseung needed his father, he needed Sunghoon, after everything he went through with their mother. He needed someone to treat him like their son that had been to hell and back, still alive to retell the tale. He needed the love his father denied him, the love his mother wasted away in favor of her own vices.
Sunghoon in-denial, needed love more than he can even begin to understand. He takes and takes and takes, never sees harm in his actions. The obsession to be loved, needed, wanted, cherished, it tears him from inside out. He covers it up with the most perfect facade. No one would question someone with their shit so together that not even a hair is out of place.
Sunghoon.. banished his own true self, the snotty nose child that would cry in his mother’s arms. That clung to her leg screaming bloody murder when she headed in a different direction with Heeseung. Begging and crying for her to take him, for her to love him too.
They both are so so fucked up, and your presence has only put the spotlight directly on them.
‘I made a deal with my father, we’d go to Germany to visit a couple of universities, then Poland, Spain, France, anywhere. I researched a few of the schools with the best architectural programs. He was really happy to hear that- said I’m finally taking my future serious. And I mentioned how you always talk about studying hospitality and fashion, the luxury high-end brands that cater to the elite. From clothing to home decor and lifestyle. Your mom overheard, and thankfully jumped in. We started looking up the train schedule soon after and booking places we can stay.’
‘School? In Europe? But that would mean—‘
‘That we get away from him.’ Heeseung said coldly, forcing a smile. ‘That we can have a chance at a healthy real relationship. Me and you alone, no more unnecessary interference, no more worrying about what Sunghoon will try next to divide us.’
No more Sunghoon, his existence expunged from your reality. You had cried, uttered the words, and Heeseung absorbed each one, swallowed down your tears, let them incinerate his throat. He did this for you, for the ‘us’ you should be.
“He’s misunderstood.” You mumble softly, hoping to change the subject as your plates are set down.
“Ah, you’re right, I’m wrong.” He laughs sarcastically, brushing off the conversation. Well, this isn’t awkward at all now. At least you can talk about the meals you ordered, fawning over how good the seasoning is on the potatoes.
“Try this.” You say cheerfully, reaching your fork toward his lips. He loves it, of course, you have a lot in common. Agree on movies, music, food, have even found your missing shirts in Heeseung’s pile of clothes. Down to the fabrics you both prefer, everything makes sense. Maybe you’re soulmates.
That’s right. Soulmates bonded together by the unforeseen marriage your parents would have someday, failed to be torn apart by his own brother.
“It’s a nice night out.” Heeseung breathes out happily, slinging his arm around your shoulder.
“Really is, the weather's great.”
“Oooh, this must be new?” You stop to admire a quaint lit up building, many dressed formally and casual entering while chatting and laughing. “Wanna check it out?”
Nodding, you make it to the entrance only to stop, tugging his arm close to your chest. “Oh it’s a bar..”
“Oh.” Heeseung swallows uncomfortably, taking a step back.
“It’s fine babe, we both have work tomorrow anyway.”
He still hesitates, shifting from foot to foot before agreeing that you should continue on your way home. It never gets easier, not much of a loss to you, other than the occasional glass of wine you crave once in a while.
Heeseung’s worked too hard to stay clean, he does it for you. He does it for both of you. That’s how healthy relationships work, you can skip out on a drink for fun to help him stay sober. Even if it means missing out on Paris nightlife.
“Ah, I totally forgot!” He pipes up to break the tense atmosphere, stuffing his hands inside of his pockets. “Deftones announced a tour!”
“What!” You exclaim, wrapping around his waist to keep him pressed to your side, walking synchronized with long steps. “We have to go!”
“Ah, I wish.” He sighs, throwing his arms around your upper half. “You know every western artist forgets that Europe exists.”
“No tour dates here? Really?”
“Unfortunately. Another cool tour we’ll have to miss out on. Can’t wait until we finish our degrees and move back.” He says too calmly for your liking, stepping over your own feet. Nearly stumbling if not for him holding onto you.
“Oh.”
Move back? Since when has moving back ever been a part of the plan? Once you settled in France and enrolled into a new university, you never discussed the possibility of moving back..
“Can you picture it? I’ll design our first house, call us the Brady bunch the way I’ll be mapping out the blueprints once we find the perfect land.” He speaks dreamily, unaware of the meltdown happening in your head. “We’d have to move kind of far from our parents.”
And him. The one he won’t mention.
“What do you think? More of an oceanic view? Green scenery?”
“Uhh, ah fuck.” Clutching your head, you escape from his hold. “Sorry sorry.. migraine hit out of nowhere.”
“Ah, and I don’t have any medicine on me. Well we’re not too far from home, should I flag down a cab?”
“No no it’s fine, lets just walk. Think all of that crying just got to me.”
It’s only a few more minutes to your loft. Faking a headache wasn’t really the best choice, but one uncomfortable conversation had you at your limit.
“Wish we had time for..” Heeseung drags on, smoothing your hair away from your face. “I know it’s late, you’re tired, I’m tired.”
Ah, the reality of modern romance. The false idea of work life balance can kill the energy you once had for hours of love making.
Fucking really.
You hit missionary plenty of times, laid under his weight, accepting slow deep thrusts between your thighs. Easier than jerking him off for 30 minutes until he cums.
“You can keep it inside of me tonight.” You grin, not wanting to drag on the sour taste in your mouth that grows more with each thing he says.
You’re annoyed, that’s all. Rarely ever annoyed by him but you can’t stop replaying what he said.
Move back, Heeseung wants to move back. He doesn’t want to live your dream in Paris. He’s not in love with the city of love, he’s in love with you. His dream is that you give up yours for his..
Love means making sacrifices, right? And you had your time in Paris. He even took you to the opera house. Why wouldn’t he start the discussion of more serious matters like the future you can achieve together?
Maybe it’s because this is your first serious relationship, but isn’t it too soon to consider having a family? Can it even be considered too soon given the circumstances that led you to live together before ever committing to each other?
This isn’t a normal relationship, he still is your step-brother contrary to the description you’ve curated for him during your time here alone.
If you tell him you want to stay here, will he still leave? He’s mentioned missing his friends, the food back home, the convenience of driving everywhere. Things you don’t dwell on much because you assumed he was falling in love with not only you, but the city you discover together.
Heeseung leaving you to fulfill his happiness could very well happen. He’d move back without you, build a home for his future family, find a woman who really deserves his love.
Not with you.
Imagining all of that really does make your head throb now, pardoning yourself to use the restroom and clean off before bed. He follows you to brush his teeth before stepping out, patting your behind on his way out.
How naive of you to think this could be it. That you found love this easily, in what reality do people fall in love with the first person they ever hold a serious relationship with? Sure, it happens, but why would it happen to you.
Anxiety only builds as you wash your face and start to think about it more.
What if..
What if you made the wrong choice? What if you picked Raoul over Phantom?
That—that’s a ridiculous thought. You have to laugh, not even paying attention to your hand reaching for your drawer to slide it open all of the way. There’s a jewelry box shoved to the back, not hidden, not intentionally hidden..
He’d never know why you placed it so far back, never assume it’s because of the black pearls tucked away inside that make your chest ache whenever you allow yourself to glimpse at them.
You never wear them, not since that day. He had said they looked beautiful on you. Taken photos of you, admired them and even saved some to his phone..
They’re cold to the touch, much like the faded memory of his smooth cool skin gliding beneath your fingertips. That stupid God damn day at the Vatican should have never happened. It should have been Heeseung.
Because Sunghoon’s smile from behind his phone as he snapped photos of you, the side of his face and wide shimmering eyes taking in all of the artwork, and the warmth when your bodies would brush together. All of it replays behind your eyes at least once per week.
It feels like cheating at times, to still harbor feelings for your love's enemy..
You traveled past the point of no return the day you granted him access to your heart, and somehow that bastard figured it out. He fucking knew you were ready to fall from grace, allow him to lead you into temptation.
So unfair, it’s so unfair for you too. Because you should have never made it this far with either of them. Lust and love read all the same when you’re riding the highest of highs. When you are also desperate to be loved and wanted.
You gave them both everything you could muster, and now here you stand, close to nothing. Close to losing the basket you placed all of your eggs in, longing for the one that maybe got away..
You should donate the pearls, pawn them off and buy Heeseung a new gaming console. Something to lighten the load of guilt weighing heavy on your back.
Heeseung may leave one day, you may never see him again. It’d be fine because you’d never have to wonder ‘what if’. You had your magical romance, and you’d change nothing about it really..
Except one thing.
Because that one thing will always be a ‘what if’, even in your next relationship you will find yourself flashing back to those memories you can’t part ways with. The hole that grows larger in your chest, you’ll try to fill it and fail over and over again.
Sunghoon, he’ll always be that open ended question with endless possible answers..
Gripping onto the pearls, you suck down a sob itching at your throat. He stopped chasing you, and you can’t even blame him.
The guilt that encompassed your soul on that train to Germany kept your eyes wide awake as Heeseung slept against your shoulder. Leaving him behind in that hotel bed without so much as a goodbye, handing your phone over to Heeseung to erase his brother’s existence.
It was the right thing to do, that’s why you’re here one year later, finally living and loving.
“Come onnnn baby, come to bed.” Heeseung leans against the door, big doe eyes blinking away glossy moisture from needing to sleep. “Wanna cuddle with you before I knock out.”
“I’ll be right there.” You smile, swallowing the gasp lodged in your throat. Subtly shutting the jewelry box shut while hiding your surprise. He wouldn’t know who bought you that necklace anyway. You never said, never wore it, but the rush of guilt that hits at the thought of him knowing speaks volumes.
He snarls playfully, pretending to bite the door frame. “Hurryyyy before I end up drooling on you in your sleep.” He winks, heading back to your bedroom.
Wash your face, wash away the ugly thoughts invading your mind, wash away the worry.
Because you shouldn’t be worried, not about him. He doesn’t deserve your worry. As you clutch the necklace between your digits one more time, you have to ask yourself..
Is it guilt? Guilt because you left him, kissing him light as a feather before tiptoeing away, praying he won’t wake soon.
Is it resentment? Resenting yourself for feeling this way, resenting him for making you feel this wake. Enraged whenever you really think about it, the memories you should have never created together. This stupid necklace you never wear, that you can’t force yourself to get rid of.
Or is it really just pain? Because he never came after you, never showed up. Every glance over your shoulder filled you with disappointment. He stopped chasing you.. he really got tired of chasing you..
The reflection staring back at you trembles, blinking away the warmth collecting at your eyes. Guilt, pain, anger, and worst of all, love.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“I’m just getting in right now.”
Heeseung’s raspy tone radiates through your phone’s speaker wishing you a fast and relaxing shift. It’s not ideal to work the later hours but this opportunity to fill a position at one of the most prestigious luxury hotel chains in Europe has been a more than lucky honor to hold; knowing how the name would automatically push your resume to the top of future applicants gunning to snag the same job.
“Try not to stay up for me, okay?” You smile, pausing at the front entrance before heading inside.
“I’ll try, but you know how hard it is for me to fall asleep without you here.” He says in a tired drawl, surely wiped out after working. “Need to know that my baby made it home safe.”
“I will,” you assure, ending with your goodbyes and added ‘love you’s. Adjusting your top before pocketing your phone to head inside, you proudly strut in. Head held high, shoulders back, and designer purse tightly tucked under your arm as you make your way to the back room to clock-in.
“Ah good, you’re here.” Your manager appears, seemingly frazzled.
“Where do you need me today?” You’re fast to ask, immediately locking up your coat and belongings to get ready for your tasks.
“The empire suite.” He informs you, taking on a stern tone. “Have a very very important guest occupying the room, and just had a huge delivery brought in to be taken to their suite.” He nods to follow him, leading you to a trolley stacked from top to bottom with shoppings bags of all sizes.
Hermès, Chanel, Dior, Saint Laurent, Versace, Burberry, Prada. Any high-end designer brand you can think of sat there neatly organized into a pile before your eyes.
“A real high roller..”
“The highest.” Your manager adds, handing you a key. “Do be sure to set everything up in their room in a neat manner. I’m trusting you to do a great job, and don’t touch anything.”
“You can count on me.” You affirm, taking a deep breath before grabbing onto the cart full of what you can only begin to calculate as thousands upon thousands of dollars.
“Yes well,” he follows, helping you onto the employee only elevator. “Be sure to give it your American touch. Our guest is one of your kind.” He finishes snidely, hiding a look of disgust with a forced fake smile as the elevator doors come to close and you’re left alone. Trapped against the wall in the enclosed space with the cart taking up most of the area surrounding you, you’re happy to hear the ding announcing your arrival to the empire suite.
The suite takes up this entire floor, has the best view in all of Paris, and since working here you’d only gotten the chance to see it once when you first started and had the new staff tour to learn the ins and outs of the hotel.
The fee for a night in one of France's nicest suites was enough to have your palms dampen up, dragging them down your hips as you reach the double-wide doors. The guests wouldn’t be inside, right? Your manager hadn’t mentioned that they’d be occupying the space at this moment.
Quietly knocking a few times you wait, nervously pressing your ear to one of the doors. “Hel—“ covering your mouth, you clear your throat and stand straight.
No. Calling out a ‘hello?’ Would not sit well with some snobby elite, would it.
Choosing to assume the room is currently empty you swipe the key and slowly push the door open. Tiptoeing your way inside to what looks like an untouched suite. From where you stand by the entrance everything looks as pristine and crystal sparkling clean as you remember, as if no guest had ever been able to taint the space with their existence.
Waiting for another minute to go by, you begin to pull the cart in, making your way to the master room to begin setting up a display on a large empty table near the entrance. This would be most convenient for guests traveling, near their luggage to store their new purchases away.
Starting with the larger bags you can’t help but sigh to yourself in this giant empty suite. What a dream it would be to live this way. So spoiled and damn near gluttonous with your money, rich enough to wipe your ass with a Hermès scarf.
“Forever the Nomi Malone..” you say under your breath, setting down one of the Versace bags.
“It’s Versayce.” You snort, rolling your eyes. Being insanely wealthy is overrated anyway..
Who needs all of this really, it’s tacky in a sense. That’s why you’d rather focus on solid colors over brand names and prints. A minimal timeless type of fashion, where else to best study that other than Paris?
Even so, there’s no denying how exciting it is to have your own Chanel purse in your clutches, digging your fingertips against the leather just to listen to the sound when you retract. Everything about Paris has really been such a dream. The food, the scenery, the language, the fashion, the love..
How could Heeseung ever want to leave any of this? Isn’t it love and romance that makes home where the heart is? Of course these ugly thoughts hadn’t left your mind since the conversation you had the other night, itching to bring it up again but fearing to hear the truth.
He doesn’t actually think you’ll move back, right? He had to know that this is your life now, this is what makes you feel complete and happy..
And over something as minuscule as attending concerts. Pft, you can stream anything on the internet these days, and no concert could ever compare to the magic of the Paris opera house..
You’ll have to get real at some point, he could have just been talking nonsense.. nothing serious. Yeah. It’s nothing to worry about, he already uprooted his life to be with you. This is what he wants too, you. He wants you.
Nodding to yourself you place the last bag at the front, taking a few steps back to admire your set up. Ah, yes, quite the American touch.
Shaking your head you turn on your heel to get one more look around the room. It’s really as if no one’s slept in here once. Not a wrinkle on the king sized bed, not one single spot or stain on the floor, the furniture all in mint condition. It really all screams elitism, royalty even. Making you all the more curious as to who could be staying here right now, peaking around in hopes of finding some type of clue. It’d be too much to open the closet for a look. Don’t touch anything..
Resisting your curious fingers, you turn toward the ceiling to floor window to take in the view one more time. The view alone could really convince you to pay the large sum for a one night stay. Who could sleep with a sight like this? The entire vicinity of Paris illuminated before your eyes where you stand peacefully watching the hustle and bustle of night life. Bars and restaurants that stay open late into the night, bike riders rushing through the streets on their way somewhere that seems urgent to get to, street vendors and tourists haggling amidst the daily routines of Parisians just trying to get by.
It’s something really, the city life. Stress, fast-pace, and yet an attitude of relaxed nature surrounding the Eiffel Tower.
“Beautiful..” you whisper, lightly pressing your fingertips against the glass. Quality glass that keeps the heat and cold out enough to stand as close to it as possible without shivering, reminding you of how much detail went into creating this experience for only the most superior of guests.
“As beautiful as I remember.”
It’s the vibrato that races down your spine from the lips grazing your nape that has you jumping out of your skin. Palms flattened against the window as you let out a frightened shriek and your eyes go wide.
That voice. That voice that can only be heard in your darkest of dreams. The same one that keeps you up at night scrolling through your phone for hours attempting to distract yourself from your relentless thoughts.
It can’t be.
It can’t be him.
“More beautiful,” he whispers, grasping your waist tightly. “How can you not be after all this time. Thought that you could run away from me so easily, did you?”
The only way to describe your chest is hollow, empty, dried up. Gasping for air as your hands drag down the glass and he presses your back flush to his chest, chin hooked over your shoulder. “You really think I’d let you get away so easily? After everything you put me through.”
There’s no way that it’s him.
“You really painted me out to be the villain in this story, didn’t you?” He hums, mouth moving along the bare side of your throat. “He managed to get in that head of yours better than I could, and yet I am somehow the bad guy.”
Squeezing his hands around you tighter only traps your air flow even more, choking on your spit with your eyes lowered to the floor. Too afraid to look up and see the reflection you refuse to believe could be staring back at you through the window glass.
“You have nothing to say for yourself? Nothing after a year?”
Help? Would that be a proper response right now. Half expecting the tip of a gun or knife to meet your spine if you dare to speak, you can’t contain the choked out sob that emits as your lips part open.
“Ah, you must be thrilled to see me.” He mocks, pulling you away from the window. “Can’t even find the words to express yourself.”
Manhandling you onto the bed, he forces your weight down to sit, unable to not look at him as he grips your jaw and forces your eyes up.
Sunghoon.
It’s really him. A little aged, jawline sharper than ever, shoulders broader in size.. he looks as breathtaking as ever, even with a tight scowl wrinkling the skin between his eyebrows.
“As much as I love to watch you cry,” he snickers, gently turning your face side to side to inspect how much you’ve changed. “No time for sappy moments now. That’s not why I’m here.”
It’s only then that you notice the rings adorning his slim fingers, stepping back to stand tall above you, he folds his hands over his stomach, appearing more menacing than you remember. A cold stare blaring down on you hard enough to freeze you in place.
“Speak now darling.” He smirks, pacing backward toward the table you set up full of items. “You wish to deprive me of your voice still? You know how long the flight here is, especially without your warm cunt to entertain me.”
“But, how?” You stammer, wiping your cheeks clean of the few tears that managed to escape amidst your shock. “How did you—“
Turning sharply, he sits against the table, toying with a small bag. “Don’t ask me stupid questions.” He grits, unraveling a small box wrapped up in ribbons. “You know that I always knew where you were.”
Pushing off, he opens up the box, showing off fancy chocolates organized inside before popping one inside of his mouth. “The proper question is why now? Why after all of this time.” Beginning to pace before you, he nods, shoving another chocolate in his mouth.
“It was no easy task.” Sunghoon hums, waving a hand mid-air as he starts to explain. Intense glare unwavering from where you sit. “To stay away for so long, to allow my brother to live so peacefully. To resist the incessant desires pounding through my head each and every day to seek my revenge.”
Slowly scanning you from head to toe he nods, throwing the now empty box of sweets aside. Reaching inside of his pockets he slowly draws free gloves, black velvety gloves that he drags onto his finger ominously. The tightness in his jaw sends shivers up your spine, gulping as he snaps the second glove on.
“I hated you, despised your being, loathed your existence.” He spits, teeth gritted. “I cared so deeply for months and months, killed myself at the gym trying to erase you. I tried to sweat you out, scrub you off of my skin, delete your memory. But you’re everywhere, my shower, my bedroom, even at fucking school I had to ignore the ghost of you.”
The scowl wrinkling his smooth face deepens, nostrils flaring as he stops to glare down at you. “You.. you tried my patience.”
Make your choice.
A small gasp escapes, it’s as if you’ve reached the end. Your own Phantom whisking you away, threatening you one last time to choose wisely, to choose wrongly.
“It’s unbecoming for me to fall in love.” He scoffs, waving toward your face. “And I had to ask myself if that’s what I feel, because it’s so foreign to me. I had to wonder why you’d even indulge me only to end up running off with him. Perhaps you were the villain here all along.
“Sunghoon..” you whisper shakily, struggling to breathe.
“The hardest part, all of this time..” he smooths three gloved fingers across your jaw, cupping your chin. “Staying away from you.. no contact, not a word. I knew it’d be worth it. All of this would be worth it, the bargaining and negotiating with my father. Counting down the days, marking off my calendar, ignoring the sound of your voice whenever your mother would put you on speaker. I knew that one day soon we’d be together again.”
He sighs, thumb dipping against the middle of your chin. “What a shame that after everything you’ve put me through I still can’t stop myself from thinking of how beautiful you look. How he had a year of this, of you belonging to him. Of spreading your thighs open, of kissing your lips whenever he wants”
“What—what do you want?”
Sunghoon’s teeth grind, reaching for his pocket again, his hold on your face remaining light enough to break free if you wish. It doesn’t help calm your nerves, watchfully following his slow movements before searching for your nearest escape.
“Please, d-don’t hurt me.. please!” You blurt, lips trembling.
His eyes widen, sharp gaze forming to one of offense and shock. “Hurt you?” He says in a raised tone, causing you to cower into yourself. “Hurt you? You dare to ask me to not hurt you? Is that why you think I’m here?”
Yes? You peer up anxiously, arms wrapping around your waist. “I’ll do whatever you want, just please..”
Clicking his tongue, he takes a step back and sinks down to look up at you, lifting one hand up to cup your face and stroke fresh tears away. “I’m not here to hurt you.” He informs, frowning. “Besides, I could never hurt you the way that you’ve hurt me. No. I could never, unfortunately.”
Dropping his hand, he looks away, taking deep breaths as his tongue drags across the backs of his teeth. “The way you played me like a damn fool.. I was impressed, really.” Looking back at your surprised expression, he cocks a dark eyebrow. “I told you, we’re more alike than you may want to accept. What you did to me—I was furious. That flight back home, I really wanted to ruin your life. Even looked up flights to Germany, but I decided against it.”
He laughs breathily, head dropping back, blinking away hot moisture that hits the backs of his eyes. “I went home and I thought about it. I thought about everything, you and me. Why I was so fucking hung up. I thought about you and him…” he says quietly, neck cracking to one side. “Ate away at me for weeks, I couldn’t move on. I know you felt what I felt..”
Shifting onto one knee, his gaze finds yours, taking one of your hands in his. “And after a few months of hating you, I couldn’t pretend anymore. I know you felt what I felt, call me crazy, call me the worst person you’ve ever met. A fucking nightmare you can’t outrun.” He pulls your hand closer, lips grazing your knuckles. “But I’d never deny my heart that screams your name the way you tune out your own. Maybe I am crazy.”
He looks at you, stone cold, every emotion passing across his gaze. “Or maybe you made me crazy.”
Fear shifts to confusion the longer you maintain eye contact, tempted to pull your hand away as he reaches for his pocket once again. “I never hated you, even after what you did to me. Drove me insane really, how I couldn’t stop thinking about you.. couldn’t get over you.”
Clearing his throat, he straightens out, gingerly holding your hand. “I came here with one mission, and I have no intention to fail. I’m not leaving without you. Not again, no more.
“What? What do you—“
“I want you, I want us.” Sunghoon affirms, unfolding his fist to reveal a small leather box, snapping it open leaving you breathless. “And I won’t allow you to make this mistake again.”
The diamond ring shines all around, glittery light reflecting off against the glove covering his palm, using his thumb and index finger to take it out. “I’m here because you belong with me, we both know it.”
“I don’t—“
“You belong with me.” He cuts you off, throat bobbing to evaporate the itch rising. “In my arms, by my side, hand held in mine. I want to wake up by your side, want you to be the last smile I see before I shut my eyes for the night. I want to smell you all around me, to find your lost hairs stuck to my clothes, to be greeted by your shoes near the front door. I want to hear your complaints, I want to eradicate every sad pout that forms on your lips. I want and want and want, and I won’t stop. I won’t give up on what my heart believes is real.”
A moment of vulnerability flashes across his gaze, eyebrows furrowing together, lifting the ring to glide onto your finger. “Marry me.”
Biting back a smile, one single tear escapes, slowly sliding down his unblemished pale skin. The stain of residue elicits a tightness in your chest, finally pulling your hand away from his and clutching your wrist.
“Please,” he swallows, mouth gone dry. “Say yes.”
Standing back up, he grabs your waist to get up, rubbing up and down your sides before leaning in to whisper along your lips. “Marry me.”
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
NEXT—> Epilogue(coming soon)
taglist 1. @wvnkoi @yjwluvs @fictional-waste @heedeungieluvbot @moonmoongi @moonlighthoon @ddazed-lhs @en-gine @deobitifull @aeminju @eladandan @dneltrise @downbadreading @iweirdthingsblog @beomgyusonlywife @mevalemadrws @sunghoonsbaebae @iloafeyoo @axmdocs @seuomo @parkhonnie @hoonspot @aphrodijin @donghyckl @sxftiell @jinlarities @nshmrarki @idkcallmenevy @wonniestars @mimimovv @valiantcyclevoid @misodiary @hafuunkjw@unlikelysublimekryptonite @lmnhead
GUYS what if i did an enha oneshot series with each one inspired by a track off of pinkpantheress’ heaven knows album??? they wouldn't be necessarily connected but i have ideas in mind:
true romance : jungwon idol!won with non-idol!reader but also childhood bffs to strangers(ish?) to lovers “been a fan of you since 2004” reader falls first, he falls harder typa deal
the aisle : niki MESSY relationship i tell you MESSY he runs very hot and cold breakup in the middle but reader tries to get him back a lot of spite and pining :))
nice to meet you : jake a very dramatic meetcute i think “tell them how we met, because you tell it best” AHH just gonna ignore central cee's feature bc i do not want to write unfaithful jake 👍
ophelia : sunoo the saddest thing i will probably ever write ngl maybe it will invoke shakespeare, maybe it won't definitely a star-crossed lovers trope though
feel complete : jay another devastating one i'm so sorry 😭 i think it'll have to be alcoholic!jay,, the way this song is such a banger and the lyrics are just–
blue : sunghoon a bit reminiscent of niki's love hate relationship, slightly obsessive reader pair that with narcissist!sunghoon... ooh that's tough
capable of love : heeseung they're in the engagement stage but hee is scared of commitment :(( at a certain point he straight up ghosts you so many tears but it's fated love. impossible to let go i fear overall these will be very angsty (if you couldn't already tell lmao) but lmk if you'd want to read these! i'd gladly indulge in all seven.
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