One Of Them Will Have To Get Finished Eventually, Right???

hey uhhh but fr the concept of fallen angels existing but risen demons being an impossibility is kind of a great summary of sin in christianity

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

Oh my god I hate theme parks, I'm waiting in line for a ride and there's a family behind me that refuses to be further than 2 inches from me.

The mom literally ran into me, I didn't move at all, then she ran into me again. Wtf do you want me to do lady? I'm in the same line you are, I obviously can't go anywhere

AU where Bruce Wayne is a voice actor.

He always had an interest in acting and would've tried it but his anxiety always stopped him from getting into the game. Even trying out for the school play would get him stammering and unable to read his lines. To this day, he mourns the fact that he never got to play Benvolio.

He had given up on his dream years before he heard that there was going to be a reboot of his favourite childhood cartoon, The Gray Ghost (all of Gotham probably heard the scream he let out when he heard the news)

Sadly some of the original cast had passed away before the reboot so they couldn't reprise their roles, and this includes the original Gray Ghost. So you have Bruce hoping like any other fan that they get a good replacement. He talks about it so much that Alfred jokingly says "well Master Bruce if you're so worried about it, you should audition"

And Bruce laughs but he can't stop thinking about it. He twists and turns in bed because the idea of playing The Gray Ghost, of being to kids what the original voice actor was to him as a child, he can't say it's not appealing. He dwells on it for the next few days and while he doesn't know if his inability to perform will extend to voice acting, he wants to try.

On his way down to auditions, he is sweating. He has to have Alfred drop him cause his hands won't stop shaking. Seeing all the people in the waiting room almost makes him turn back around but Alfred talks him back into it.

(I'd like to think that everyone else there either didn't recognise him because he barely leaves the manor or they recognised him and realised that this man is chock full of anxiety so it's better to not bother him)

So he gets into the booth and once he's started reading his lines, he really gets into it. It's so much easier for him to get into character when there aren't dozens of eyes on him. He finishes, thanks them for the opportunity, goes back to the manor, grabs his stuffies and screams into his pillow.

It's weeks later when he gets a call saying that they want him as the new Gray Ghost. He absolutely does not cry into his biggest teddy bear, what are you talking about? He does hug the crap out of Alfred though. They have cookies to celebrate.

Before you know it, everyone is in love with the new voice of The Gray Ghost. Both new and old fans agree that Bruce was a great choice. I can see Bruce using a pseudonym though. Bruce Wayne is a name that has a lot of weight behind it, weight that he doesn't want to feel when he's voice acting. So he asks them to credit him as Bruce Pennyworth or smth. Alfred is sobbing.

He requests to record his lines at home because he isn't always up for leaving the manor and he doesn't want to slow down production. He'd totally have a professional ass set up cause when he's interested in something, he goes in.

Bruce Pennyworth gets offered more voice acting roles whether it's for cartoons, movies, anime dubs or ads. Harvey and Clark both wondering why the voice over in an ad for toothpaste is about to make them act up. Every single one of the batkids went through the "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE BRUCE PENNYWORTH?!?" phase.

( @bruciemilf come get your juice)

OK so I have today and tomorrow to finish this fic and I need all the motivation to SPEED WRITE the hell out of this so for every 500 words I am allowed to crawl back to this flaming hole of distractions and share ONE (1) of my dumb head canons. 

OK WORDCOUNT AT 79666 SEE YOU AT 801666

I had to use a calculator for that how embarrassing  

edit: I now see the extra 6, and I will leave it there just so that it’s very clear TO EVERYONE INVOLVED the exact degree of how EVEN WITH A CALCULATOR I do. not. feckin. math

Starving to death this morning because ive been to the new local cafe twice this week already and if i go a third time ill look desperate.

i love how you guys talk shit about cartoon style and animation but what the fuck is with this phineas and ferb obsession, The Ugliest Childrens Show Ever Animated.

My mother loves to imply things she knows nothing about: "of course it will be super easy to pick the flute back up for this song! It doesn't matter that it's been 14 years since you last played! This part is just so gorgeous the notes would come back to you!"

Nevermind that shes tried to learn the flute multiple times and still can't manage to get a sound out

this sounds really basic to say but i really love how cc!bad roleplays his character's flaws. a lot of qsmp characters have flaws that are born out of miscommunication or bad decisions, and qbad also has a good majority of those, but he also has so many flaws that are just very deliberate on the cc's end. and that's because these flaws firmly place him outside of cc!bad and into q!bad.

and it is SO important that cc!bad does this because he's made his character this powerful, ancient demon whos also strong/rich (i.e, his streamer plays minecraft well) and a heavy island investigator. it s so easy to make a character like that unfairly overpowered if all he does is choose the "correct" paths. aka what the chat wants him to do. what you or me would realistically choose to do.

so to compensate cc!bad makes his character messy! he doesnt choose the right path! he's terrible at communicating, he represses all his feelings, he lies all the time (mostly to his own detriment), he's horribly blunt, he cannot understand human morals, he's suspicious of everyone and acts suspicious himself, etc etc. there will be times where you're staring at your screen just wanting him to be open for once, and he won't be. and it'll hurt him. and that's good. even the little things, like how cc!bad will have q!bad overanalyze and overtheorize to figure out something that has definitely been spoiled for him on twitter...its all good roleplaying. cc!bad is only able to have a character strong enough to destroy cities if he has THIS many flaws as compensation.

It's always so funny when an irl tries to show me a Tumblr post that someone obviously took a screenshot of and put on Facebook.

Bestie.... I'm chronically online, I've seen that post so many times already, I've reblogged it on the og site, I promise you there is nothing you could possibly show me that I haven't seen already