Vigilance

Vigilance

This fic is set before the series “Sanders Sides” takes place!

Warnings: Deceit

Summary: Anxiety just wanted a name.

MasterPost

Anxiety was tense as he tiptoed through the Dark Sides’ house. If anyone saw him and found out what he was doing he would be in so much trouble. Deceit would be disappointed with him and Anxiety didn’t want to have to look into his eyes and swallow that bitter pill.

But, he really needed to do this.

He looked around the Commons’. Finding no one there, he raced across the room to the door leading to the dusty, old library. Carefully he opened the door. As the hinges creaked, Anxiety winced and looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was coming to investigate the noise. He was alone.

He closed the door behind him as he entered the library. It wasn’t very big. Nothing like the libraries Thomas got to go to. Those were huge. Even bigger than the Dark Sides’ Commons. In the Dark Side’s part of the mindscape, the library was about the size of a broom closet. There were a few stacks of books lining the walls. The books were mainly memories of Thomas’ or facts that he had learnt at one point or another. Anxiety asked why there were so few books once and Deceit had sighed sadly.

“Well, my young shadow,” he said. “these were all the books that we were able to save from the Light Sides. Logic hoards them you see. Refuses to let us Dark Sides even look at them. So, the ones we do have we keep in that room. It’s one of the last places Logic would look, a simple room!”

Anxiety wasn’t allowed in here. The others were afraid that he would mess something up or ruin the books. Anxiety tried to tell them that he would take good care of them but no one seemed to believe him. They said that he had no reason to read books, let alone those special books that held some of Thomas’ memories. But he was interested.

And one book interested Anxiety more than all the others.

He slid to the floor and nestled into a corner. He grabbed the biggest book there and placed it on his lap. A bookmark stuck out near the middle. Anxiety opened it to that page. He found the place he’d left off.

The book he was reading was a list of all the names Thomas had heard in the fifteen years he had been alive. Next to some of the names were a little blurb on what Thomas knew about the name. The book seemed to expand every time Anxiety opened it up, which just annoyed the hell out of him.

How would Anxiety ever be able to pick a name if he had to keep going back to reread the entire damn thing?

“Tabatha… no.” He wrinkled his nose in distaste. He kept his commentary down to a whisper. Anxiety couldn’t risk anyone hearing him. “Talia? No. Talon, nope.”

It took Anxiety close to an hour to get through the T section, though that had more to do with Anxiety pausing every few seconds to listen to every sound he picked up on. Not one name he had read felt right.

Anxiety glared at the book and closed it. He had been going through this book for years now and still haven’t been able to find a name that felt, right.

He had gone to Deceit once to ask for help with finding a name and Deceit had only laughed.

“And, why do you think you need a name, little shadow?” He had asked. “You’re Anxiety. Names are for things of importance. I’m sorry, Anxiety, but you are hardly important.”

Anxiety felt awful going against Deceit and picking a name. Deceit was right, Anxiety wasn’t important. But, maybe if he had a name, he could be important. He wouldn’t tell anyone, he didn’t want Deceit to know and be disappointed in him. But, Anxiety would know.

He just wished he could find it.

Tears burned in Anxiety’s eyes and he stood up and put the book back on its stack, shame and anger swirling in him. He just wanted to find a name, was that too much to ask!?

He turned on his heel but his bottom of his hoodie caught on the cover of the book of names and sent it falling to the ground. It landed with a crash and sent dust rising up. Anxiety froze.

Thoughts raced through his head. ‘What if someone heard, someone had to have heard. They’re gonna find out. I screwed up, fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to know!’ His breathing quickened. He desperately tried to block these feelings from Thomas. He was sleeping, Anxiety couldn’t bother him now!

He listened intently for anyone coming. Slowly, each second passed. Continued silence indicated his safety. He was able to resume his preparations to leave.

He knelt to pick up the book. It was opened to one of the last pages. The spine was cracked and Anxiety couldn’t see the bookmark he had placed in it. He hoped no one did an inspection of the books. No one ever had but, you never knew.

He picked up the book and blew off some dust off on the page. Curiously, he looked down. The V section? Never before had Anxiety been this far into the book. There were only a few names listed.

Valentin, Valerie, Victor, Virgil, Vivian-

Anxiety stopped.

Virgil?

He ran his finger across the name. The ink was black and shiny, obviously a new addition. Thomas had probably only heard the name in the past few months. There was a small blurb next to it.

Means Vigilance. There was a famous poet named Virgil.

Anxiety bit his lip. Virgil was a really dorky name. Nerdy and weird. Deceit and the other’s names weren’t like that. Theirs were cool names! Nothing like Virgil. Virgil was a stupid name.

Anxiety read the blurb again. Means Vigilance.

The blurb might not be true. Thomas may have gotten the wrong information. Maybe Virgil didn’t actually mean vigilance, maybe Thomas just believed it meant vigilance.

But, maybe the blurb was right and it did mean vigilance. And, didn’t Anxiety stand vigil over Thomas? His job was to keep him safe. To make sure nothing happened to him. That meant Anxiety had to be vigilant.

“Virgil.” Anxiety whispered. He coughed and looked over his shoulder. The door was still closed and the room outside was quiet. He spoke a little louder “Hello. My name is Virgil.” A warm feeling spread inside of him. He liked this name.

But, what if someone found out and made fun of him for it? Virgil was a really nerdy name. But who could be nerdy when their name meant vigilance? And vigilance was something important. You couldn’t be unimportant when you were protecting someone and trying to get them away from danger.

A smile graced Anxiety’s lips and stretched into a grin. Virgil. Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. Anxiety’s name was Virgil.

Virgil closed the book and laid it back on the stack. Making sure he wasn’t going to have a repeat of books on the floor he backed away to the door.  He opened it a crack and looked out.

Silence continued. Carefully, he stepped outside. Closing the door to the library, he turned and quickly made his escape.

Virgil wasn’t going to tell anyone his name. He would wait until he was important, like something with a name should be! No matter how long that took. But, damn, having a name felt good.

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