R U capable Of Staying Loyal To The Truth?

am i really capable?

physically it may seem like i am but mentally i’m exhausted

(Photograph by T. Bedrack)

r u capable of changing your mental DNA?

Today, 44 years ago, my grandfather died. He was killed in his car by explosives he had for construction project. I was born two month before. First granDchild to Motke Bargida, who lost all his family in the Hollocost and survived the worst in Auschowitz by the age of 15. He came to Israel and created a family and a business (earthworks construction). His sudden death change completely my family’s narrative. He never spoke about the Hollocost but i was curious about it and i love history so i returned again and again to this subject through my life and its part of my life since i was a child. I am 44 now and the memories still flashing, memories that are not mine but i have to feel them over and over again, they r part of my mental DNA.

I came to the studio today instead to my grandfather’s grave (due to corona restrictions) and i wanted to express my longings to him, whom I never met.

It came to be a bit dark, but i’m sure he will understand.

I called it: P.T.SS.D Generation 3.0

r u capable of accepting your past?

r u capable?

some times i have my doubts

r u capable of listening?

i know u can hear but can u bloody listen?!

r u capable of intimacy? True intimacy, that u don’t need shady wild rooms in your head, u dont need a parallel world with ur own desires, fantasies, fears, wishes u wish only for urself. True intimacy where u r safe and can lay all ur weaknesses out without being afraid of judgment or abuse. where u can love and be loved totaly.

can u expect the same from your beloved? 

r u capable of imagining the world without u?

  sometimes i feel like fireworks

high up, full of colors

loud yet not irritating

comes and goes and then

comes again

and then

quiet.

now more than ever

r u capable of moving your soul in time?

r u capable of finding out who u really are ?

(do u even want to?)

r u capable of surrendering to the fact that there is darkness and there is light and you are in between both, choosing, each day anew?