The Translated Text Of Rody In The Team Up Mission Comics Is Finally Here!!!!!!!!

"Bruce adopts Billy" this and "Clark adopts Billy" that, but let me tell you as someone who was an independently feral ten year old, Billy Batson would fucking bite them

Imperialism kills.

They stole the land and killed the children.

for the record, if you have never watched Farscape: it is a show about an American astronaut who gets stranded in space with a bunch of aliens. this description is technically accurate but tells you nothing about the actual experience of watching the show.

if it helps any, please consider that the main characters are, in no particular order:

a jock who’s very good at math and surprisingly good at feelings

an ex-space cop who combines the fighting-for-her-life aptitude of Ellen Ripley with the understanding-her-own-emotions aptitude of Seven of Nine

Space Javert

a big weird puppet friend with like 12 arms. you will want to hug him.

Fun Worf

“wow i wonder how she got so calm and centered, she seems very wise” “oh yeah i used to be an EXTREMELY violent anarchist and I’m holding onto my chill by my fingernails at all times”

like, what if Yoda had 0 wisdom to impart and was just a horrible little bastard man who only wanted to do crimes

alien girl on Space Rumspringa except she’s never going back because on her home planet feelings are illegal

So, there’s this idea that Captain Marvel is the idealized form of Billy Batson, right? Like, the version of himself he aspires to be. The hero he wants to become. The face he wants the world to see-- strong, bright, safe, inspiring.

And, well… Captain Marvel looks a lot like C.C. Batson. His father. That’s Billy’s hero. That’s the face that makes him believe in good. The smile that gives him hope and faith in his dreams. With a few traces of his mom, like her eyelashes, her ears, nose

But… that can change. Right?

Billy’s going to meet new people. He’s going to have new heroes in his life. New people to look up to. New versions of “who I want to be like.”

So one day, Marvel looks like a perfect blend of C.C. and Marilyn. And then, after a particularly emotional moment with John Constantine, he shows up at the Watchtower… with a different jawline.

His bone structure is slightly off. You wouldn’t notice unless you were really paying attention. But Bruce was. Bruce always is. He doesn’t say anything, just quietly writes it down with some suspicion of a possible shapeshifter.

And then, boom-- WHERE THE HELL ARE MARVEL’S DIMPLES?! They’re gone. Just gone. When he smiles, it’s a completely different smile. No dimples. There’s… are those canines? Slightly unhuman teeth and-- wait, Is that SUPERMAN’S smile? A perfect, radiant replica??

The next day, the dimples are back. Because Marvel caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he missed them. Not consciously. He didn’t even realize it. But they’re back anyway.

It all happens unconsciously. And it changes from time to time.

One day he’s got feline eyes and sharp little teeth, a goofy yet oddly charming (and a little predatory) grin. That’s Tawky Tawny’s influence.

Another day, his eyes aren’t blue anymore, they’re green. Sharp. Focused. But also warm. You feel seen, and still, oddly… safe. (Catwoman likes Cap. She’s been nice to him ever since he introduced her to Tawny.)

Then-- No freaking way he’s BLONDE. (Thanks, Constantine.)

One day, his eyes are still blue, but now they’re icy. Almost crystal. Batman nearly has a heart attack because it’s his father’s eyes. His father’s eyebrows too. (Billy was just really happy with Bruce Waynbe since he donated a massive bunch of money to Fawcett’s homeless shelters.)

And then.. pointy ears. A different nose. (Kon.)

J’onn shares his special cookies with him one afternoon and now Marvel’s got a little green tint in his cheeks instead of red.

He never hides it. If someone asks, he just shrugs and goes, “Oh yeah, my features kinda shift based on people I admire? I guess. I don’t really notice until you guys point it out. I can’t control it.”

A lot of people think his tall, muscular body comes from Superman. But nope. It’s from Diana.

Billy sees her: tall, powerful, graceful, hair always a little wild but somehow perfect. Elegant. Commanding. He thinks she’s incredible. So he becomes tall, powerful, elegant. Hair that never moves out of place (but still has a charmingly messy style). All that’s missing is a little more confidence and posture.

And Flash? Flash nearly dies of happiness when Marvel shows up one day— with his awkward little half-smile.

Jason and Tim: *literally the most traumatic experience known to man, one that changes how anyone would look at them (e.g. Jason digging himself out of his own grave or Tim blowing up the leagues bases)*

Dick *absolutely mortified*: and you didn't tell me earlier because...?

Jason/Tim: idk, it never came up.

Dick: that's something you bring up!

The first time Danny sees Dick Grayson he calls him Tata.

Danny, in his Ghost Zone travels, befriended the Flying Graysons. John and Mary like him so much, that it started as a joke, sort of.

"Ahhhhh, the son we never had! Welcome!"

"My little Robin's long lost little brother, come, come!"

And it morphed into him jokingly calling them Tata and Daj. Then it wasn't really a joke anymore.

Then the Observants inform him that as far as Ghost Law is concerned, they're his Ghost Guardians.

This means that Danny has two sets of parents; Jack and Maddie on the human side of things, and John and Mary on the ghost side of thing.

So when he sees Dick Grayson, who looks a lot like John, it just slips out.

This leads to a very awkward stare off in the middle of a coffee shop.

Danny has no idea how to explain himself.

Shazam, a supposedly magic immortal being of unknown origin: kinda pops off ngl

Batman, a father of 6: (narrows eyes in suspicion) yes…indeed it does..

I have spent the past 2-something-maybe-hours reading wikipedia pages about the x-men while whistling to myself and somehow I only just now noticed that the tune I have been repeating endlessly for 2 freaking hours is circus music.  ....I have been whistling circus music to myself while reading wikipedia pages for 2 hours.......... WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK BRAIN

A Butler's Duty

When Alfred does his desire to ensure those under his care are well? That desire, that need? Is more than enough, that plus the ectoplasm in Gotham. He forms into a ghost in the Infinite Realms. This happens a few years before Danny opens a portal. More than long enough for Alfred to have grown into his strange new existence.

So when he heard of a stable portal to the living realm? Well he was curious. Did it lead to his dimension? And then well, he went to have a look. And found a young teen. Who looked so like Bruce. Who felt such a need to look after that which was his. And he couldn't help but need to look after the boy. In only a few short weeks the boy was already so tired.

This just would not stand! Absolutely not! so he left the portal and checked on his new charges house. And it was barely fit for anyone! So, he did what he always had. He took charge of ensuring the place was clean and orderly. Ensured their was good, safe food available. And ensured his new charges would be as well as they could. And if that included beating the idea that ghosts were sentient into Master Danny's idiot parents head? Well. That would only help him tell them sooner!

Young Master Danny was a stubborn young man. But that was hardly a surprise! He gave in, in the end. Alfred's cookies always won in the end. The prospect of safe food and a safe house? Worked wonders. Now, if Alfred could just figure out if this was his home dimension or not... Alfred could only give so much support after all. Only give so much advice. An experienced hero would be a better mentor. At least Master Danny was allowing him to help tend his wounds now.

the fact that i’ve known i’m ace for years and this has confused me too but i didn’t realize the ‘you’re meant to be looking at the people’ part until just now 🙃🙃

why am i like thisssss

do y'all want a fun little story about me being ace cause you're getting one

okay so for the longest time I did not understand the idea of sexy clothes. like lingerie and short dresses and stuff. did not get it. when I saw photos of clothes that I objectively knew were "supposed" to be sexy I would literally just go like "why is this sexy. this dress has so many holes in it and that bra looks really itchy and I don't understand the draw of any of this. it's just a piece of clothing wdym it's 'sexy'"

and then. I figured out. that YOU'RE MEANT TO BE LOOKING AT THE PERSON WEARING IT 😭 the clothes are not supposed to be inherently sexy but the fact that they show off the person wearing them IS supposed to be and that is something that did not click for me for SO LONG. I spent real actual time and energy trying to figure this out.

so yeah that's like probably one of the most ace things about me 👍