So Athena Burst Out Fully Born From Zeus's Skull, Right?

Really obsessed with this idea of some villain taking over the JL because they figured out a way to mind control every single adult and CM is in the lineup, standing at attention when the villain just goes down the line and asks how best to incapacitate them and he makes it to CM and says “Now, what’ll it take to overpower the Big Red Cheese?” and Cap’s like “With all due respect, Mr. Mind Control, sir, you don’t want that.” And the guy’s super offended like “You can’t tell me what to do! How do I incapacitate you?” “You can’t.” “Then why are you acting all snarky?” “Only I can incapacitate myself, Mr. Scary Evil Guy.” “Then do it. Right now.”

And this is pre-reveal so guess what happens? CM shouts the word, and before the guards can even tell what’s going on, Billy’s zipping between their legs, grabs maybe a weapon of some kind while he’s at it, and BOLTS like the funky little street rat is being chased by a cashier with a broom out of the supermarket, and you know YJ is outside waiting so when they suddenly see this scrappy 14yo Billy Batson running from out of the villain’s lair where JL is being held captive, they’re like “wtf??” and Billy has to convince them that he’s actually the massive Champion of Gods dude but he can only do some magic when he’s in his kid form but he knows the whole layout of the place “and we have to hurry! He’s gonna ask what their secret identities are! God you’re all so slow”, and that’s how JL and YJ learn they accidentally inducted a homeless 9yo five years ago who only agreed cuz they have a kitchen in the watchtower.

when I was in high school my AP english teacher told us we weren’t allowed to eat in class so I took that as a personal challenge to see what the most ridiculous thing I could eat in class without getting caught was so I started bringing soup to class and as soon as I’d crack the lid of my thermos the tiniest bit this football player that sat like 3 rows in front of me would going “I SMELL MEAT SOMEONE HAS SOUP” and no one ever believed him

"DO BETTER!" Says Now Televised Fanboy

He, Dash Baxter is a Phan-Stan!! It's kinda his thing. See, he's a fancy ass talk show host now. Married Paulie, moved out of Amity, actually DID something with his life. His parents? Did not approve. Long n short of it? He got kicked out.

Paulie's parents were PISSED.

Retaliated by giving him all the help he needed getting EVERY scholarship he qualified for. He went to a really nice college. Missed his girlfriend like mad. But she was off in Metropolis, terrifying weaker men. Conquering the fashion scene.

And SOMEHOW? Thanks to that long talk he had with Phantom (*incoherent fanboy gibbering noises* SO COOL!) he's worked to be... more of a LEADER, you know? Less of an asshole. Cause he's popular. People copy him. He can't be an asshole.

So, somehow, when he's punching out some try-hard that thinks he's hot shit for bullying a Nerd? He and the nerd get talking, right? Cause the guy got his glasses completely fucked up. And it's what Phantom would do.

But GET THIS? Guy's never HEARD of Phantom! Is super curious, cause he runs a small time Hero's show on the web. And, Dude? Is it your LUCKY DAY! Cause you just met THE number 1 fan of Phantom, hands down!! He makes his VERY spirited case, about why Phantom is THE best Hero to ever have lived. And this guy?

Entranced.

In AWE.

Just straight up BEGS him to join his show. Cause apparently? He was BORN for it. Which? Yeah. He HAS been giving speechs to the team for YEARS now. And Talking at fan meet ups. Leading fan meet ups. Hosting parties... actually, now that he thinks about it? He DOES do a lot of public speaking? Huh.

But still, he's about to say "no", when?

Dude mentions? He'll get to talk about Phantom.

SOLD!

It. Blows. Up. Absolutely EVERYONE is in love with his pretty face, hot bod, and STRONG opinions. But they ALSO have no idea who Phantom is! Paulie! This is CRIMINAL! Horrifying! What is going ON!?

Some bullshit information black out, apparently. At least according to her... friendly Nemesis? The Goth Dweeb. Who's engaged, apparently? So good for her. Unsurprisingly, it's too the OTHER Dweebs, but still. Bout time she started planning to drag them to a court house. She's the only one with any spine in that group! If she waited for THEM to propose?

Not even as Ghosts, man.

They'd get distracted by shiny nerd shit and whimp out.

Still... a world where NO ONE knows how Awesome, Phantom is? Not on HIS watch!

So he works it in. To every segment. It becomes "his thing". Oh? Super man saved a kitten from a tree? Cute. Well PHANTOM saved a bus full of Ghost Puppies from a shady, rouge, Goverment agency. Do BETTER, Superman!

The Flash, who is a cheap knock-off and stole his name, took down an Ice Villian? Adorable! PHANTOM stopped a Rouge WINTER SPIRIT with the help of YETI WARRIORS then assisted in giving FREE medical care for anyone who needed it! Here's a picture of him making GHOST ICE SNOWMEN for small children! Do BETTER, Knock-off!

What's THAT you say? Wonder Woman fought a GOD in down town paris?

Excellent work Wonder Woman. Flawless as always. But YOU, god-boy, are a disappointment! All that power! And WHAT do you use it for? Are you even supposed to BE here?? PHANTOM uses his power to HELP people! Is awesome and knows TONS of better gods! You're just salty you didn't make the cut!

DO BETTER!

And obviously? No one believes him. There's no record of this "Phantom" guy. The pictures look fantastical and vaguely glitchy/glowy. Not quite right. They GOTTA be photo shopped. Manipulated somehow. But? As a shtick? A fake "perfect Superhero" is kinda funny and unique.

And it's one hell of Fake Hero!

A Dead Champion? Who fights gods and monsters? Rouge agencies? Sassy and tragic? With a mysterious past? Pretty cool! There's even an Offical Comic from some guy that went to the same high-school as Baxter!

Of course, as Baxter get more and more popular? The "meme" hero, Phantom, get more well known? People get more interested in where Dash grew up. You know, just a bored Google. Maybe see if the hero was based off a local legend or something. But... huh...

The Town website?

Weirdly? Sanitized.

Like... like aggressively sanitized. All smooth edges and no details. Very "move along, citizen". Ha ha... it's part of the joke right? They get it! They'll just look up local restaurants or som-....

Wait...

Hey, guuuuys?

Are you finding ANYTHING?

And! Nothing. And I do mean NOTHING! Triggers the "oh? Secrets???" Instincts of a Hacker, like finding a hard blank wall of "KEEP OUT". Especially when it's somewhere it rightfully shouldn't BE.

All it would take? Is ONE person, of decent skills and an account on Certain Forums, getting bored enough to Google the Dude On The TV(TM)? For the GIW's lil walls to come crashing down. Because yeah, you can stop ONE hacker. Even two. Probably five or six.

But how about thousands?

Hundreds of thousands?

From every time zone. Competing. Just to see what you HAVE and don't want them to see. Maybe they do something with it, maybe they don't. But fuck it, you're being RUDE and now they're CURIOUS. And THEN? Oh. Oh holy shit.

Not a meme.

Very real.

Not a joke.

The walls come crumbling down, down, down. Ripped apart by hundreds of hands. Emails sent to every sort of agency. The JLU line inundated with emergency tips. Not a joke. Not A Joke. Holy Shit, IT WASN'T A JOKE!

Phantom is REAL!

And there, on TV, stands the Man. The signal FINALLY breaching containment. Fighting off the invading God of the week. Built like statue, hair like an aurora borealis of white fire held almost delicately in place by a CROWN of ice, a suit made of void and starlight. Inhuman. Beyond human.

Here to help.

A laugh that crackles like ice and the snap of winter, rolls through the air like coming storms, rich and somehow warm. A smile that bares teeth, yet turns so KIND when he looks upon humanity, as though we are precious and worth fighting for. A living star.

A... a once living star.

And in the center of it all? Wearing his BESPOKE, custome made, Number 1 Phan full body outfit? That's right. Dash Baxter. Ha! You fuckers doubted him! Behold his blorbo and WEEP, ya fuckin casuals! The BESTEST of boys! The FINEST of Heros! Superman? Could NEVER.

And now? The weather!

@babbling-babull @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter @ailithnight @hypewinter @hdgnj @mutable-manifestation

Bruce finally caves (heh caves) and asks Danny about the cookies, only after scowling at Danny and his plate of cookies for an hour 5 minutes trying to figure out what this meant so he wouldn’t have to ask.

All Danny says is something about him having finally perfected the recipe and wanting to share the results, Bruce takes this to mean that Danny created the recipe not just followed it.

There is now a folder on the Batcomputer dedicated to collecting evidence that Danny might be a young alternate version of Alfred, it’s existence is of course hidden from Alfred.

Alfred knows about it anyway of course but lets the boys have their secrets

Bruce had just started to trust the new member of the Justice League, a 14 year old ghost king named Danny Phantom whom had helped save the planet on multiple occasions.

Just started to trust that he could leave the maybe ancient forever 14 year old with his kids in HQ when he was busy.

Just started to trust he had absolutely no intention of interacting with his family besides hero work.

So when danny came into HQ with a steaming pile of very familiar, very delicious cookies that tastes exactly like the ones he had 40 minutes before arriving, he knew it was inevitable.

Meanwhile, danny is wondering why batman was staring him down while sneaking a few cookies into the inside of his Cape.

Oh well, at least he finally perfected the very confusing recipe clocky gave him with a mischievous smile.

Soz it's a bit confusing, I'm very tired rn and my vocabulary is not vocabularing rn but u get the idea

When Billy Batson's identity gets exposed why doesn't he just... lie. Like, nothing else he comes up with is going to be more unbelievable than the homeless ten year old with a magical girl transformation that turns him into a giant himbo of an indestructible demigod. Just. Lie, Bill. No one is going to know the difference. If they didn't clock you then, they're not going to clock you now.

"I pissed off a witch and she cursed me. It gets overridden when I use my powers—you know, 'blessings of the gods' and all—but I haven't figured out how to get it totally off yet. Great for free ice cream tho."

"Billy Batson died five years ago and I'm the last figment of his imagination"

"C.C. and Marylin Batson stumbled across my tomb during a expedition and now I just look like this."

"I was created ten years ago from the ambient magic in the Rock of Eternity."

"I age really, really slowly."

"Zeus thought it would be funny."

"I made a bet with Klarion and lost."

"This is how I looked when I died."

"My species just ages like this. Are you telling me you don't? How was I supposed to know I should mention it!"

"You ever seen the movie Freaky Friday?"

"It's rude to ask a lady her age!"

("It's rude to what?!)

Sometimes I pause and wonder why I like childhood friends to lovers tropes so much especially when there’s mutual pining involved and both of them kinda just not saying anything but still not dating/sleeping with anybody else either even when they think they have no chance. and that’s when I remember I’m Demi-aro and ace no fucking wonder I like that trope, its almost as if it’s the exact situation in which I would ever be in a relationship but nope I have not a clue why I like it, none at all.

don’t mind me just plotting

Asterix fans, I had an idea...

discuss.

I am far too sleep deprived for this shit  it’s 2 in the morning and my brain randomly said to me “Zoolander just got a husbandry update” do I know what this means no, do I particularly care right now also no, is this phrase now gonna haunt me for the rest of my life wondering what the fuck it means absolutely of fucking course it is

And their arms can still move around after they’ve been cut off! :D

List of Sea Creatures Which Have Tried But Failed To Convince Me To Go Into The Ocean

1. Sea Dragons

Remarkable, unlikely, ethereal. A fairytale creature, but ultimately not trustworthy. a combination of kelpie and the fae, it will ask me a riddle and steal my soul. at least one of these is photoshopped. nice try sea dragon

2. Bubble Snails

these are portals to another realm. i may be unsatisfied with my dimension, but i am not fool enough to follow a colorful stranger to a secondary location. you’ll have to try harder, briny marine abductors 

3. Shells. Just shiny carved shells i found on instagram

makes a compelling argument but i remain unconvinced. never trust anything you find on instagram 

4. Salp Chains

not gonna lie, this one almost made me reconsider. idk what a planktic tunicate is, but i respect their lifestyle choices. if i ever do join a hivemind, this is top of the list

5. Frosted Nudibranch

a combination bt a sailor moon trinket & a pokemon evolution stone; has the power to force me into a magical girl transformation. unfortunately i am responsibility-avoidant and refuse to wear anything less comfortable than sweatpants. also magical transformations give me motion sickness. hard pass, but would use as a nightlight 

6. Lettuce Sea Slug. For similar reasons

6. Royal Starfish

honestly thought this was a claymation sculpture. starfish were actually a compelling reason to go in the ocean until i remembered they can move, and i want nothing to do with that nonsense 

7. Costasiella

this is genuinely the only one i have a hard time saying no to. this is the perfect being. if i was an animated protagonist, this would be my chosen cartoon sidekick, my vaguely animalish sidecharacter who speaks in a silent but expressive language only i can translate. incandescent perfection. pure and unsullied, truly sinless. look at those goddamn eyes. 

In conclusion, 

sea slugs are the only compelling group of creatures who could possibly tempt me into the soulless void of the salty depths. however, as i possess a great deal of caution & terror, i will continue to stick with aquariums. i have been tempted, but have overcome. the ocean may invade my nightmares but it will not claim my soul. i bite my thumb at thee, Poseidon! go stub your toe on coral