Piercetheseptum - Sasha

Whenever i cry out of nowhere i check my period tracker.

every time i go to sleep I wake up from a nightmare

there is always tomorrow

I took myself in a date to the museum last night in attempts to spend time with myself without needing to look normal. I’m working on living without being scared of someone seeing me and judging me for being alone or judging me for dressing weird. Yesterday I really needed to show up for myself after months and months of letting myself down and only finding inspiration in doing things for other people. So last night i took a couple hours for myself. I put on makeup, i put in my favorite clothes, took a train, and walked around for a couple of hours purely for myself.

Ive learned that when i react proportionate to your offenses instead of listening to my words and interpreting my volume for conviction all you listen to is what you’ve heard time and time again: that i am as dangerous as a bear. You see my small stature and tears streaming down my face and the first things you think about is YOUR SAFETY. You know what? Fuck you and the fucked people that said that im in the wrong for getting angry because i hope you know i have been angry since. I actually dont feel much anymore and its your fault.

And God said “Love Your Enemy,” and I obeyed and loved myself

- Kahlil Gibran, The Broken Wings

Listening to my mom tell me that i had a major personality change when i started going to a dance studio is unlocking a lot if memories of being as outspoken as she said i was how i would lip sync to songs, jumping was enough dancing to have fun, and i was whole lot less conditioned to make myself useful to others.

Also my family members gradually stopped going to therapy once i stopped because they thought they didnt need it anymore. THEY STILL NEED IT. I stopped going because i moved and honestly after visiting them for 3 days i need to go back to therapy.