Adhd Really Is Like... Bedroom Is Slightly Messy It Would Be Nice To Tidy It Some

The correlation between the development of a guilt complex and emotional trauma

One of the many symptoms of mental illness that I often see go completely unaddressed is the presence of a guilt complex. Disproportionate levels of guilt can be symptomatic of several disorders, but are most commonly associated with trauma related conditions. A guilt complex is most typically defined as an obsessive fixation on the idea of being in the wrong in any given scenario, and assigning oneself an excessive amount of remorse and shame. Many psychologists believe that guilt complexes arise in early childhood, an are caused by unfair attributions of blame in early stages of cognitive development. Due to this association, many survivors of childhood abuse suffer from guilt complexes, and often go for years completely unaware of their condition. Specifically, victims of emotional abuse are extremely likely to have undiagnosed and untreated guilt complexes due to the taciturn nature of the abuse they experienced. Abusers in such scenarios often use manipulation tactics to convince their victims that the abuse they’re enduring is somehow their fault in order to discourage them from seeking help and comfort. This form of Pavlovian conditioning can instill long lasting guilt complexes in teenage and adult abuse survivors, and the lack of available information on this condition make it difficult to seek treatment. Luckily, there are several easily identifiable symptoms of this affliction.

Common symptoms include:

- Pervasive feelings of anxiety and paranoia over a prolonged period of time. Irrational fear and can be prone to panic attacks. Consistent worries and delusions of inferiority to others.

- Extreme emotional sensitivity, and frequent overreaction to minor problems and issues.

- Use of self deprecating humor and dark jokes as a coping mechanism. Often puts oneself down and emphasizes negative traits casually in conversation.

- Fear of abandonment so intense that one may suffer from delusional paranoia about being abandoned or left.

- Taking responsibility for small, unimportant issues in order to suppress subconscious guilty feelings.

- Self-martyrdom and self-victimization. Habitually seeking out suffering and persecution in order to feel better about the guilt.

- An angry or defensive persona.

- Utilizing any kind of “self punishment” to combat feelings of guilt and remorse. This can include purposefully sabotaging healthy relationships, intentional sleep deprivation, deliberate starvation and food denial, and self harm/self mutilating behaviors. These are the most common, but any form of intentional self destruction can be considered self punishment.

- Uncontrolable negative thought patterns and depressive moods.

- A tendency towards becoming addicted to alcohol and drugs, as well as intense hyperfixations on usually non addictive stimuli. This can lead to substance abuse issues that are difficult to handle.

- Compulsive behaviors of many kinds.

- Poor modulation of impulses.

- Low self esteem and high feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Feeling “undeserving” of happiness, love, or sympathy and working towards an undefinable state of worthiness.

- Excessive compliance, or inversely, fear of authority figures.

- Having dysfunctional relationships with friends, family, and significant others. Difficulty maintaining close interpersonal relationships with peers and loved ones.

- Nihilistic worldview and loss of self sustaining beliefs.

- Experiencing “compassion fatigue,” or helping others at one’s own expense, and offering continued informal support towards as many people as possible despite any emotional distress this may cause. This form of burnout usually caused by prioritizing the wants of others over one’s own needs.

- Fluctuating/unstable sense of self and identity issues. Distorted body image and intense self-loathing.

- Hypervigilance of one’s own faults and issues. Interpretation of one’s own weaknesses as more of a hinderance than they actually are, and over exaggerating the intensity of any given flaw.

- Codependency and attachment-pattern based behaviors.

- Extreme difficulties in communicating one’s own wants and needs. Facing quandaries upon reaching out for help and setting boundaries.

- Shame associated with sexual intimacy and confusion in regards to sexual identity.

- Poor emotional regulation, unstable mood and regular outbursts or meltdowns. Maladaptive emotional management abilities and poor coping skills. Guilt is exponentially increased by any harm caused by these episodes.

- Blaming self for any adverse childhood experiences rather than the actual perpetrator.

- Pathological self-soothing behaviors, such as rocking, scratching or picking at skin, or hair pulling.

- Sense of brokenness or defilement due to negative stigma.

- Isolation and alienation, as well as a sense of complete and utter aloneness. Feeling inadequate due to lack of social interaction.

- Perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies. Difficulty distinguishing between others’ wants and needs, and overperforming in most areas to make up for perceived inadequacy.

- Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide. Seeking redemption or atonement through suicide.

If you suffer from six or more of these symptoms, please contact your local psychologist, psychiatrist, or general practitioner. There is help available, and seeking therapy and medication can help you overcome your guilt complex. I suffered from a severe complex around the time of my suicide attempt, but I have been able to alleviate the severity of my condition through working with my therapist and school guidance counselors. I still struggle with guilt and shame, but it’s lessened significantly since I began seeking help. I encourage anyone else struggling to do the same.

Hi everyone,

I thought I would share this interesting comparison chart between Autistic traits vs Autistic trauma. I found this pretty informal, so I hope some of you do too.

Autism Traits

Autism Trauma

if it’s ok to ask what exactly counts as experiencing tbmc? does it include manipulation and gaslighting.. childhood torture? what exactly is mind control how does someone know if they have been through that? is childhood torture in general considered ramcoa as well or must it meet specified requirements?

Okay so we ended up getting hit by a shit ton of stuff in our life so we've been a bit less active here- sorry it took a while to answer.

First we have another post we have made discussing some of the stuff surrounding TBMC. You can find that post here.

Second, this is a religious sight that is trying to make Christianity more healthy and safe and trauma informed, not fully our cup of tea but it has an interesting page on TBMC here. (Mention it's religious and which religion because it can be triggering)

Now onto us actually answering things ourself.

what exactly counts as experiencing tbmc? does it include manipulation and gaslighting.. childhood torture?

TBMC as we have previously mentioned is known as Trauma Based or Torture Based Mind Control. Childhood torture very often is done for the purpose of mind control, in which case it would fall under TBMC. Most childhood torture is RAMCOA but not all of it falls under TBMC as TBMC is more known as the result rather than the traumatic incidents that it takes to occur the way RAMCOA generally defines the experiences.

TBMC is also not something only children can experience. The experiences of children born into it or raised with it at a young age will be different than an adult introduced to it later in life, but it is still TBMC all the same. There is no cut off age for when torture magically can stop affecting the wiring of your brain. Humans are malleable, and bad people will always know that. Governments will know that too. TBMC is rampant among governmental agencies.

All TBMC is manipulation- but not all manipulation is TBMC. TBMC is done with the goal of rewiring your brain and making you behave in very specific ways. It's meant to make you do things you would not otherwise or believe in things you would not otherwise. It is intrinsically linked to programming. Programming can be done to individual alters (induced by programmers targeting a specific self-state or state of mind or associating certain traumas with specific orders/tasks/etc to make an alter be attached to a specific behavior or task or idea), and system-wide or on the whole of the person (think strong unwavering loyalty common in many cults that refuse all evidence of being in a cult).

Gaslighting might get used within TBMC but it is not inherited to TBMC and by itself would not produce the same effects as TBMC.

what exactly is mind control how does someone know if they have been through that?

Oh man this is where it gets very tricky. There is no exact answer to what mind control is as it happens in a variety of different ways. Mind control is basically manipulation of someone's thoughts and behavior that then become intrinsic to the person and last far after they were programmed. It's more than just being made to believe strange things- it's internalizing them to such a degree that they impact your day to day life and view of the world as a whole.

Us being a decade away from the cult and having no reason to go back but having an urge even stronger than our OCD compulsions at times to go back is one type of programming we experience. We also have what presents as agoraphobia- but do not have fear of open spaces and can get groceries fine and go to work and school without issue. This is actually our self-isolation program that tells us when there is no obligation we should never interact with anyone else- there is no reason to. Unless the reason is to proselytize- and since we do not have the faith we once did, that is no longer an option. It's a deeply internalized behavior and belief that sticks even when we logically know it's bad. We are aware it is stupid and unreasonable but we physically cannot break out of it (where we are in recovery currently that is).

It's hard to tell for sure if you have it or not. One thing we had that should have been incredibly fucking obvious to us but wasn't- was that we excused the abuse one of the people in our life put us through as "he was just trying to train us". Never occurred to us that the fact he was "training" us made it worse. It was basically self-defense but not for actual defense type stuff if you catch my drift.

There can also be signs within your behavior. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate OCD and programs as well because some programs can be pushed back on the same way you can with OCD compulsions. However in our case most of our programs are just innate and incredibly difficult to stop ourselves from doing if we can at all. Realizing you have behavior that you struggle to physically stop and have no wish to engage in and do while consciously being aware you do not want to do them and this happens often- was one of the big signs to us. (And again it's a very complex issue because of different mental health concerns that could be tricky.)

is childhood torture in general considered ramcoa as well or must it meet specified requirements?

We personally consider it to fall under that because more extreme forms of abuse tend to end up with the same issues but there is debate. The most common things people know of that fall under RAMCOA is trafficking and cults.

However if you are trying to determine if something you have already known to experience counts as this term there's a few things you can do.

Does it fall under RA/Ritual abuse? It can hard to tell but I suggest just looking up basic information on what RA is conceptually (if you are in a good mental state and/or have a professional to fall back on and if possible a safety net of friends or family). RA is a very vast concept.

Did you experience TBMC or another form of mind control? If yes then automatically the label applies to you. This also goes for hypnotic mind control and substances used for mind control- as they are also important but less talked about forms of this.

Did you experienced organized abuse? This is a group partaking in abuse towards you. Whether it be mandated or the norm by something like a cult, or a criminal ring, etc. It's a bit hard to get into right now for me.

The only requirements are that you experience RA, MC, or OA. You can experience multiple- RA AND MC for example. Or just one. OA or RA. We struggle mostly with MC as we grew up in a cult that kinda worshipped the leader almost (but nobody would ever admit it even though they quote shit he says online like bible quotes). Which is why we talk about it so much, but it's not necessary to be a RAMCOA survivor.

It's okay to take time to figure out the extent of trauma you might have gone through. It's okay if you fit or don't fit any particular label. All trauma is incredibly important. There just tends to be a lot of subgroups of people with specific experiences because of how it impacts their daily life.

im tired of ppl misusing these terms so:

codependent does not mean two people who have a strong attachment and are very clingy towards one another

codependent means a specific type of unhealthy relationship where one person engages in unhealthy/self-destructive behaviours and the other person becomes their caretaker whilst enabling them, out of a need to feel needed

trauma bonding does not mean two people find common ground because they've both been through similar traumatic events and grow close because they understand each other's experiences

trauma bonding means bonding to your abuser as a survival strategy or due to manipulation. (similar to the concept of stockholm syndrome)

Can you explain what a shell alter is and what their purpose is? /gen

Shell alters are a dissociated system member who is fronting all the time, or almost all the time. They often lack elaboration. Shells work as an interface between the rest of the system & the outside world by never leaving front, and having the rest of the system either blending with them temporariality or being forced into co-consciousness. This serves a few purposes; make the system more covert, mask inter-switch amnesia, blunt or filter out emotions/urges/etc. from the rest of the system, and more. It's uncommon, but there can be multiple shells one system, serving different subroles.

In some cases of OSDD-1a, the shell is the "unified" identity. Think like, if the system is made up of "angry Sarah", "scared Sarah", "work Sarah", etc., that shell would be the "Sarah" identity.

They're most commonly seen in OSDD-1a, but can come up in other forms of multiplicity, like DID, but typically when RAMCOA is in the picture. Although it can be daunting, healing with a shell is possible. You can reached out to them, they can be integrated, they gain more elaboration, etc etc. Whatever healing path works for you.

We don't have a shell, but I'm sure some pwDID/OSDD on this hellsite (affectionate) have talked about their experiences with them more in depth. There isn't a ton of research on them — many sites point to Alison Miller's books, but there's no actual like, raw data, just summations of what's she's found in her practice/case studies — so take that as you will.

Each shell is a different, and different systems may use slightly different definitions. Hopefully this was a good overview. -Aisling

Question, would maladaptive daydreaming about the torture also, counties as creative expression of the trauma? Also, please stop calling us out/j

On expression of trauma in childhood through creative means

(CW/TW: Abuse, Torture, Trafficking, etc.)

I've seen lots of survivors of various kinds of abuse, particularly RAMCOA, post recently about how either one of the first signs they were abused in that way, or something they rediscovered/recalled later on, was that during childhood they often re-enacted traumatic scenarios or scenarios similar through games, or playground role-playing. Expression of trauma and abuse through creative means is very common in childhood - scientifically, it's more difficult for anyone to express their trauma through verbal means than it is through art, or etc, and this is the basis for art & play therapies commonly used with children and younger patients. It's a recognised phenomenon in psychology that there are certain markers in children's art for trauma, as it alters one's self perception to go through these experiences, especially in youth. So, in reference to RAMCOA/OEA in particular - recreating these situations in childhood games is perfectly normal, and if you feel this is an experience that resonates with you, you're not at all alone.

RAMCOA changes one's perception of what is normal, and intentionally so, and so to see a child express this through games which would ordinarily be much more domestic - like playing house, whereas a survivor might reenact a scene of torture, or an imagined trafficking ring - is a child survivor expressing a scenario which is normal for them without having to acknowledge it verbally through any means. This extends again to art, and writings, etc - if you look back on the "ordinary" parts of your childhood, and feel the trauma bleeds into those regardless, this is perfectly normal. Even if you feel that at the time you shouldn't have known about those things, or that you didn't see them with nearly the weight that they should have carried - all of this is okay. Everyone works things out at their own pace. All of us survived.

— Muse

Here are some resources on childhood trauma expression through art:

Psychology Today

When Trauma Happens, Children Draw: Part I

When trauma happens, children draw.

Frontiers

Children’s drawings as a projective tool to explore and prevent experiences of mistreatment and/or sexual abuse

Reality shows us that situations of mistreatment and sexual abuse in childhood are still seldom visible, despite their high prevalence aroun

What are some common consequences of being neglected as a child? source: r/emotionalneglect

Pete Walker identifies neglect as the "core wound" in complex PTSD. He writes in Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving,

"Growing up emotionally neglected is like nearly dying of thirst outside the fenced off fountain of a parent's warmth and interest. Emotional neglect makes children feel worthless, unlovable and excruciatingly empty. It leaves them with a hunger that gnaws deeply at the center of their being. They starve for human warmth and comfort."

Self esteem that is low, fragile or nearly non-existent: all forms of abuse and neglect make a child feel worthless and despondent and lead to self-blame, because when we are totally dependent on our parents we need to believe they are good in order to feel secure. This belief is upheld at the expense of our own boundaries and internal sense of self.

Pervasive sense of shame: a deeply ingrained sense that "I am bad" due to years of parents and caregivers avoiding closeness with us.

Little or no self-compassion: When we are not treated with compassion, it becomes very difficult to learn to have compassion for ourselves, especially in the midst of our own struggles and shortcomings. A lack of self-compassion leads to punishment and harsh criticism of ourselves along with not taking into account the difficulties caused by circumstances outside of our control.

Anxiety: frequent or constant fear and stress with no obvious outside cause, especially in social situations. Without being adequately shown in our childhoods how we belong in the world or being taught how to soothe ourselves we are left with a persistent sense that we are in danger.

Difficulty setting boundaries: Personal boundaries allow us to not make other people's problems our own, to distance ourselves from unfair criticism, and to assert our own rights and interests. When a child's boundaries are regularly invalidated or violated, they can grow up with a heavy sense of guilt about defending or defining themselves as their own separate beings.

Isolation: this can take the form of social withdrawal, having only superficial relationships, or avoiding emotional closeness with others. A lack of emotional connection, empathy, or trust can reinforce isolation since others may perceive us as being distant, aloof, or unavailable. This can in turn worsen our sense of shame, anxiety or under-development of social skills.

Refusing or avoiding help (counter-dependency): difficulty expressing one's needs and asking others for help and support, a tendency to do things by oneself to a degree that is harmful or limits one's growth, and feeling uncomfortable or 'trapped' in close relationships.

Codependency (the 'fawn' response): excessively relying on other people for approval and a sense of identity. This often takes the form of damaging self-sacrifice for the sake of others, putting others' needs above our own, and ignoring or suppressing our own needs.

Cognitive distortions: irrational beliefs and thought patterns that distort our perception. Emotional neglect often leads to cognitive distortions when a child uses their interactions with the very small but highly influential sample of people—their parents—in order to understand how new situations in life will unfold. As a result they can think in ways that, for example, lead to counterdependency ("If I try to rely on other people, I will be a disappointment / be a burden / get rejected.") Other examples of cognitive distortions include personalization ("this went wrong so something must be wrong with me"), over-generalization ("I'll never manage to do it"), or black and white thinking ("I have to do all of it or the whole thing will be a failure [which makes me a failure]"). Cognitive distortions are reinforced by the confirmation bias, our tendency to disregard information that contradicts our beliefs and instead only consider information that confirms them.

Learned helplessness: the conviction that one is unable and powerless to change one's situation. It causes us to accept situations we are dissatisfied with or harmed by, even though there often could be ways to effect change.

Perfectionism: the unconscious belief that having or showing any flaws will make others reject us. Pete Walker describes how perfectionism develops as a defense against feelings of abandonment that threatened to overwhelm us in childhood: "The child projects his hope for being accepted onto inner demands of self-perfection. ... In this way, the child becomes hyperaware of imperfections and strives to become flawless. Eventually she roots out the ultimate flaw–the mortal sin of wanting or asking for her parents' time or energy."

Difficulty with self-discipline: Neglect can leave us with a lack of impulse control or a weak ability to develop and maintain healthy habits. This often causes problems with completing necessary work or ending addictions, which in turn fuels very cruel self-criticism and digs us deeper into the depressive sense that we are defective or worthless. This consequence of emotional neglect calls for an especially tender and caring approach.

Addictions: to mood-altering substances, foods, or activities like working, watching television, sex or gambling. Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician who writes and speaks about the roots of addiction in childhood trauma, describes all addictions as attempts to get an experience of something like intimate connection in a way that feels safe. Addictions also serve to help us escape the ingrained sense that we are unlovable and to suppress emotional pain.

Numbness or detachment: spending many of our most formative years having to constantly avoid intense feelings because we had little or no help processing them creates internal walls between our conscious awareness and those deeper feelings. This leads to depression, especially after childhood ends and we have to function as independent adults.

Inability to talk about feelings (alexithymia): difficulty in identifying, understanding and communicating one's own feelings and emotional aspects of social interactions. It is sometimes described as a sense of emotional numbness or pervasive feelings of emptiness. It is evidenced by intellectualized or avoidant responses to emotion-related questions, by overly externally oriented thinking and by reduced emotional expression, both verbal and nonverbal.

Emptiness: an impoverished relationship with our internal selves which goes along with a general sense that life is pointless or meaningless.

♡ DID/OSDD Positivity! ♡

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - alters been quiet for a while?  *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - nonhuman alters? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - trans alters? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - little alters? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - fictive heavy systems? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - alters acting similar to the host? *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - all persecutors are *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ -  all protectors/caregivers are *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ -  all trauma holders are *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - your trauma is *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

(´,,•ω•,,)♡ - your disorder is *✧･ﾟ:* * VALID! *:･ﾟ✧*

Are there any RAMCOA-exclusive terms the system community needs to be aware of?

I know system hopping, system resets, and shell alters have had their meanings butchered, but then I see some debate about if "sidesystem" is RAMCOA-exclusive (or at least only experienced by RAMCOA survivors), as well as how gatekeeper and polyfragmentation aren't RAMCOA-exclusive but often have their meanings that tie back to that erased.

I... Can't think of any.

Terms being exclusive to RAMCOA¹ is kind of tricky as 1) most people who have gone through RAMCOA have little awareness of it, both in their own memory & not being aware of the terminology and community 2) RAMCOA is a continuum, meaning it's hard to define what is or isn't "enough" to qualify as RAMCOA, and 3) there are few rules as to how a system copes with stress & trauma. Further, a lot of the language around RAMCOA is community-based, or from specific high-control abuser groups; it's just damn hard to track where things come from. I can say though that sidesystem has its roots in the larger community and I know multiple "regular" systems with sidesystems⁠—hell, we were using "sidesystem" before we gained more awareness of our OA⁠— and shells exist in other forms of multiplicity, specifically some OSDD-1a presentations.

System hopping & system resets are weird as well, as they describe phenomena that is related to RAMCOA, and I'd argue really a facet of the control and shutdowns with systems who have survived RAMCOA, but we did not come up with those names at all. System hopping is often used as a threat by abusers (like used in combination with something like twin programming), and resets can be programmed-in "rotations" of fronters, but... They are what the wider plural community called them, and what some survivors have adopted because they're now recognizable terms.

That being said, I do think the community should be more aware of how the history of OSDD & DID is based in the study of RAMCOA. I see so many younger systems now ignore or even mocking the concept of RA, lumping the entire phenomenon in with the Satanic Panic (even though many of us survivors were literally born after that ended), or buying into False Memory Syndrome rhetoric. I've literally seen folks saying "there's no evidence that repressed memories exist" as if we haven't proven that scientifically over and over again. I think it's an issue of folks trying to distance themselves so far from stuff like the Satanic Panic & more modern iterations like Qanon that they leave survivors like me behind. It reeks of respectability politics, and victims are exhausted with the decades of fakeclaiming.

I think we should be less worried about if certain terms are exclusive to RAMCOA survivors and more concerned with actually meaningful support, like looking into the research on it, knowing the history of our fight for recognition and The Memory Wars era (for example: do you know where the RAMCOA acronym comes from? Do you know what the Grey Faction is? Can you recognize how misogyny was weaponized, and how social services were targeted by politicians by using us as a pawn?), and recognizing harmful rhetoric.

(Sorry for the huge dump of text!!!)

¹ For the record, there are certain terms that are exclusive to RAMCOA by means of, well, that being in the definition; programming, for example, is... Obviously RAMCOA specific. However, almost all forms of abuse require some kind of conditioning so saying "conditioning" is RAMCOA exclusive is false. See? It's tricky.