I’ve Only Had Goose For Two Hours But If Anything Ever Happened To Her, I’d Kill Everyone In This

WHY WAS I BORN SO UGLY DUMB AND TALENTLESS AND UGLY AND FAT AND UGLYYY

"If it doesn't scan, it must be free!" (And all variations thereof) is not funny, has never been funny, and the retail worker you said it to not only hates you now, but is dying more inside.

well thank gd i'll have amazon and toyota at pride instead of gorgeous men in leather harnesses ! that was a close one!

You’re invited to three dinner parties, you must attend one. You cannot kill yourself.

this is all because I never experienced the triumphs and defeats the epic highs and lows of high school football

No, kids should not have unsupervised acess to the internet.   Yes, I got that and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.    Its a paradox.

i would kill to live in a small home with no financial worries

My guardian angels watching me put my heart and soul into dancing to Don’t Stop Me Now.

You know what’s so sad about when Elton’s mom told him that he’d never be loved properly? Right after that Reid hits him, which in Elton’s mind proved his mothers point