Illustrator Yaoyao Ma Van As

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents: RULES.

One of the most basic core elements of a relationship in this lifestyle comes in the form of having a rules list.... And it should seem pretty simple to put together, right?

One would be surprised at how many times recently that I have been approached with a question about this simple concept. I have spoken about it all in posts before regarding other subjects, but I have not have a dedicated post about it until now.

So, let’s dive right in and examine ways in which you can implement rules into your relationship… Why you need them… And why they are important.

Why are rules important?

One of the largest things that your little desires and craves in the relationship is structure. You are the pillar of strength and stability in their life, and as such they look to you for all things in keeping structure in place while providing them discipline and safety.

So when there is a lack of rules, it can end up causing the feeling of a lack of purpose. And with the lack of purpose... frustrations and other problems can end up manifesting within their lives and the relationship as a whole.

In society we have common rules that keep us all disciplined and in line. Don’t drive on the wrong side of the road, don’t punch random people on the street, don’t eat something if it’s been on the floor for more than five seconds… All of our societal rules are in place to provide us as human beings with structure, stability, and overall discipline to keep us safe and secure.

In the same way… Rules in your relationship provide the necessary elements to keep your little happy and healthy.

Pre-disposed issues

As a daddy or Dom, your submissive will ultimately end up coming to you with some kind of pre-disposed issues or problems in their life. There is a lot of psychological and mental things that I could get into but at the end of the day and skipping all of that, you just have to realize that as the authority figure in their life in whatever form or fashion you are, they need you to guide them and help them along the way.

So as you go to put together some of your rules, there are a few key elements that are general to almost every little, submissive, and relationship.

Littles often have trouble with the following;

- remembering to eat or drink enough water.

- Remembering to brush their teeth and their hair, proper hygiene

- Remembering to take their medication

- Remembering to clean up after themselves

- Keeping a proper bedtime

- Being on time for things like work and school and appointments

- Speaking politely to people along with proper grammar and dictation

- Dressing themselves well

These are some of the most common issues and problems that they face, so it’s very easy to fashion rules around those things if they feel that they need to do so.

Things like setting bedtimes, setting times to eat, deciding how many ounces of water to drink per day, how many times per day they should bathe or shower, what times they are allowed to do certain things… All of these can translate into things that will provide them with structure, while allowing you to be dominant over them while improving their lives and watching them evolve.

Some of these require your active involvement and some of them merely become passive routines. Either way they both can be done in such a way that creates an intimacy in your relationship and allows the two of you to become closer.

Whatever you end up deciding in terms of rules… They need to be mutually agreed-upon and discussed. You should always have a reason why, and it should always be something that creates a bigger benefit for your submissive than it does for you.

Now that’s not to say you can’t have some rules that are for fun…

One very common rule that many use in their lifestyle relationship is no self pleasure without permission.

Now you ask me what the benefit is in that… So allow me to explain.

Certain rules and elements can be set up to create a Pavlovian environment.

The concept of Pavlov‘s dog, or really any kind of actions that are involved in training creatures involves a system of performance and reward. Scientists and researchers have long studied creatures and their behaviors in regards to being triggered by certain stimuli… Pavlov‘s dog found that every time it heard a certain stimuli like a ringing bell or the footsteps of his masters assistant… The dog knew that it was time for them to be fed.

I have two dogs which I trained to know the feeding time comes two times a day with a certain action. My life being a routine as it is, the dogs have come to recognize my actions and acclimate their behavior to them. They now automatically get into place and sit down next to each other and wait for a command… Which doesn’t even have to be verbal at this point.

The dogs conduct themselves according to what they have been trained and accustomed to do, and in turn .... they get a reward.

(And by no means am I associating your submissive as a dog, multiple studies and scenarios like this have been done on humans as well)

I once had a sub who even a year or so after we had parted, admitted to me that to that day the sound of jingling keys would trigger her to sit up straight, place her hands together, emotionally gain confidence.... and become turned on and wet.

This was because during our time together I wore a large ring of keys that I modified to jingle with every movement I made... and I always wore them when we were together. After a certain time, she psychologically tuned into and began to associate the sound of the keys to the actions and environment she was in... and subconsciously acted accordingly when the sound would come

The main point of seeing all that is to provide the concept that action often ends up creating reaction.

Back to the no pleasure without permission rule: a submissive who has to ask to pleasure themselves will find comfort in being told that they’re allowed to and then extra comfort in the gratification that comes afterwards.

They will actually end up looking forward to asking for permission in order to be able to get what they want, because it creates a structure in their life… And then the reward of pleasuring themselves which in turn also satisfies their Dom, is up making that gratification even more so valuable to them.

In a similar fashion you can implement rules like bathroom or potty time. The act of having to ask to go potty and then the passive micro dominance that follows can be beneficial to both people in the relationship. The dominant gets to control the action, and the submissive gets to fulfill a request.

How I do it: when the submissive asks to go potty, I look at the clock and round up to the nearest quarter. If they don’t have to go that bad at the moment, make it the nearest half hour. The psychological effects alone are beautiful in and of themselves. It gives the Dom control, and it sets a rule all in itself for the sub. Now in addition to needing to pee, and having had to ask, they now have to meet a time requirement while dealing with their discomfort. Stay away from number two though... and stay away from this rule if they have a history of UTI problems.

Things the rules should never interfere with;

- Family. Whenever it comes to a family event or some thing involving the submissive’s family, you should absolutely not interfere in that. Keeping the safety in your submissive’s life is priority number one and anything that you do the compromises that will end in disaster.

- Their work. In a similar fashion as family you cannot interfere in their work or set a rule that would cause them to get in trouble at work or lose their job.

- Their health. You should never do anything or implement a rule that causes them to feel shameful about their body, or that would harm them in some kind of way. Making your submissive starve or eat something that’s dangerous or something of that like his cruelty and abusive.

- And as I said, rules should be talked about and mutually agreed-upon. Ultimately your submissive knows what’s best for them, and your rules should be set up in a way in which helps them to grow and become better.... while keeping in mind that they may be changed, deleted, or otherwise modified later according to needs..

Enforcement

One of the larger reasons that a relationship ends up failing is due to the consequences of neglect and frustration. These things come because of the lack of enforcement of the rules by the dominant in the relationship.

As stated before, structure is one of the biggest things that submissive desires with in the relationship and if the person who is in charge of them begins to fail in providing that when it’s expected, the submissive will begin acting up and causing problems which is the harbinger of disaster. Before you know it... you’ve made your once lovely and obedient submissive into a brat.

So to put it simply… If you do not plan on putting in the effort to continuously enforce and keep up with making sure that your submissive is adhering to and following the rules, don’t set them in the first place and don’t get yourself into this type of relationship.

Someone who sets of rules and then does not enforce them is equal to someone who abuses someone. Because an expectation of structure and then a lack of structure causes emotional and mental anguish… Which then in turn causes an effect on the submissive for lengths of time well beyond what your relationship will last.

It also removes their trust in you, their respect for you, and their obedience to you.

A submissive who has structure and stability in their life ends up being a happy submissive… And a happy submissive equals a happy dominant.

Just don’t be surprised if they purposely break a rule every now and again... it’s not them being mean, it’s them giving you a wake up call and saying pay attention.

Thank you for enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others to benefit from.

- Mister

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

Snapchat: Mistersbeard

Black and white fox

Art by Luis Royo

If you have been following me for a while or have read a great bulk of my writings, you would know and understand how much I harp on the role of the dominant in the relationship… And the difference between what’s important and what’s not.

But to summarize and recap, the most important parts of the role of the dominant come with being a great pillar of stability, strength, security, and trust in the life of their submissive. Things like sex and naughty time and the like take a backseat in favor of forward growth of not only the relationship… But the submissive as a whole.

I’ve talked about things like having a mission statement for your relationship… Where do you want to see it be in six months? A year? Five years? What is your purpose for being in the relationship if it isn’t growing together or fostering growth in each other? Because when the rubber meets the road that’s what it should be all about… The dominant helping the submissive to become something better today than they were yesterday. How you get there and the means in which you use to do so, is up to you and particular to the relationship. And it’s certainly much more important then getting your rocks off or finding a third playmate or having some kind of sexual gratification be put into place.

If you are in a relationship as a submissive and your dominant only cares about those last few things… You really should consider running as far away from that person as possible right now. Because they are not interested in you, they are interested in what you offered to them on a time to time basis that they need or want.

The role of the dominant

A dominants role in the life of their submissive in the relationship should be one of constant and forward growth. When you take on this role you are putting on a mantle that carries a gigantic amount of responsibility. You first need to understand their submissive Space and if you don’t I suggest that you begin with this link

https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/186189647863/anonymous-wrote-hi-ive-been-really-confused

I do talk primarily about DDLG because that is the strength of my background, but what you have to understand is that DDLG is just a subculture of BDSM to begin with… So remove the specific label and content, and the simplicities of the content still applies to BDSM and relationships in general.

So now what…

Then what you need to ask yourself as a Dominant… Who am I? Am I a leader? Am I a teacher or mentor? Or am I simply someone who likes to be in control? Because there’s a very strong difference between being a leader and a boss, which you can read about here to determine

https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/183336420423/dominance-101-are-you-a-leader-or-a-boss-when

After you have done that and figured out something as simple as “ oh, this isn’t just about aesthetic’s and spanking and getting a great blowjob… I actually have to put in effort and work and grow a person” then that’s when you need to make the decision as to whether you can actually do that or not. Because if you can’t… Then please, get out of this lifestyle and stop polluting it and ruining people.

Submissive‘s have a lot of things in common. Littles have even more in common. And the majority of what they do and how they see you and what they do for you comes from experience in Life. They are searching for the one person who is going to bring stability to it all, who is going to make everything right and be there and give them a safe space for them to be themselves… what they are not looking for in most cases is just a guy who is angry at the way that his mother treated him all his life so he wants to take it out on any female who is gullible enough to fall into his trap’s.

So you as the dominant need to make a decision… Why am I going to be in this relationship? Why am I in this relationship? Why have I allowed this relationship to go on so long where I’m simply being an abuser and taking advantage of someone?

Because if you’re not putting rules into effect… If you’re not properly taking care of them… If you’re not seeing them grow in their own ways… if you’re not contributing to their advancement in life in anyway shape or form… Then what the hell are you really doing?

And the role of the submissive….

Why are you settling for the least possible relationship that you can fine? Why are you allowing yourself to believe that you were going to change him when you never will… Because people can only change if they really want to. Why are you still there after he’s made that 74th promise to you that he’s going to begin doing what you want him to do when the first 73 times he didn’t?

Did you know there’s over 8 billion people in the world? And the law of averages and statistics should tell you that at least a great portion of those people are into the kink or the lifestyle.

Get out from behind a screen and off the Internet… Go out to an actual event in your community. Find a munch.com would be a tremendous resource to you. Get a fetlife profile and keep it blank to avoid all of the fakes and abusers, all while you search for local events to go to… And then go to those events regardless of whether you have a friend to go with you or not. In most cases those events are going to be a safe place, and the people who attend them always attend them and they vet out the people who aren’t supposed to be there. They will recognize you as being a new person and they will protect you.

There is a world outside of Tumblr and Snapchat and the confines of having your face smashed into a screen all day. There are people out there just like you who want to connect with you and who are genuine and true. There is the one out there for you who’s going to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated… You just have to put in the effort in the work and have patience.

Loneliness and depression are two terrible things that make an ugly disease that ends up leaving littles and submissives used, abused, chewed up, and spit out.. it’s happening all over the place every day because it’s simply being allowed to happen… But the cycle of abuse and treachery can come to an end with simply believing in yourself and knowing that you are worth the work, worth the wait, and worth putting everything into in order to see you grow, be happy, and thrive as a person.

Having a strong base of friends helps with the loneliness and depression, and in order to find these friends you have to actually get out into your local community and make those friends. Its scary I know… but its completely worth it and will change your life. 

You cannot simply rely on someone that you are communicating with from thousands of miles away, or the person who is confining you to simply serving and seeing only them. You need to spread out and expand your horizons and actually grow beyond the 4 walls that make up your bedroom.

If the person that you have allowed to be in charge of you is dragging you along rather than leading you… Then it’s time to cut that rope and end your misery.

Your submission is a gift. It is no one’s right nor is it their privilege. It is yours and yours alone to give to whom ever you decide it should go to…

… And sometimes being alone is much better than being ignored.

Thank you for enjoying this writing. Feel free to like it, love it, and share it with others who you believe may benefit from it.

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mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents : THE DDLG IDENTITY CRISIS: Figuring out who we are.


I get a lot of questions from people concerning something that I would like to call ddlg identity crisis.


This is something that happens when you know that you are into the lifestyle or attracted to it, but you can not quite figure out where you fit into it. You enjoy some elements of this… Some elements of that… But you can’t truly find your place because of the things that you see on other blogs, in other people’s postings and pictures, and the way that they act.


One way to get closer to the root of the answer you are searching for is a simple concept that is involved with in the lifestyle… And we will examine that concept in this post.


Regression vs. Role play


Focus: regression


Most commonly within this lifestyle, there exists something called a regression age. This is the age at which you regress to in some way in order to feel little or that place you feel that you are when you are in little space. Commonly, it is a time that you regress to where things were more innocent and fun… And this typically takes place before something rather traumatic like divorce of parents, sexual abuse, death of a close loved one, mental issues, or anything else that could drastically change the behavior and coping ability of your brain.



BDSM lingo: “Little space” - The moment(s) in which you feel like you are little or an age drastically well before your current adult age. In this head space, you are inclined to mentally and emotionally be in the head space of a variety of moments in your life, and may take on tendencies or actions of a younger time.



With all of that in mind we will move on and discuss a few of the common roles that exist within our lifestyle. By roles… I mean most simply, the way that you identify yourself.


Another thing to understand is that this lifestyle, being ddlg, CGL, whatever you would like to call it… Is a subculture of BDSM in itself.


DD/lg - Daddy Dom & little girl CG/l - Caregiver & little


Both of the cultures share the same elements and both of them differ greatly from one another at the same time. But the fact of the matter is that this lifestyle is a sub root of the original trunk, being the BDSM kink. A very adult lifestyle, for actual adults.
Therefore.. from the common standpoint, a little, middle, Prince, princess, and every other type of bottom in the relationship is submissive… While the daddy, Dom, and the one who tops or is in control, is by nature… dominant…. With the switch being a mix of both.

The little


In little space, this is an age of regression that is most commonly found to be between the years of 2 and 5..rarely later, and hardly ever earlier.. Littles enjoy pacifiers, stuffies, coloring books, being cared for completely, wearing clothing and accessories indicative of a toddler/little girl, not having to make any decisions, mental approach, taking baths, eating baby foods and foods geared towards little girls, and otherwise engaging in activities that a typical 2 to 5 year old would enjoy. Its my personal opinion that someone cannot regress anywhere before the age of 2 or 3, because your cognitive memory and science just doesnt support it.


The ABDL


The abdl (adult baby diaper lover) little is very closely related to the typical little and may at times identify at a younger age depending on who they are. They enjoy diapers, being diapered, and in some cases using their diaper.. wearing onesies or other baby related articles of clothing… and doing more babyish things.


This goes for both boys and girls…and others who identify as both, none, etc. Anyone of any gender identity can fill these roles.


And before you scoff at this idea, know this: Without ABDL, there would be no DDlg or CG/l. ABDL began the entire movement and without them we would not exist. So next time you encounter one, thank them and be grateful for their groundbreaking accomplishments in allowing our community to come to be.


The middle


The middle will typically and commonly identify their middle space, or their regression age, as being between the ages of 5 and 10. The middle still enjoys some elements of the little space… Such as coloring books, using little plates and silverware, having a bath being administered to them… But they typically do not go for diapers, pacifiers, or other things that toddlers or younger ages might enjoy.

The middle likes to be able to make a few decisions with supervision nearby… And she is confident that she can be on her own for short periods of time. She will typically dress a little bit older while still keeping that younger style at the same time. Very few middles still use a pacifier because in most cases they feel like they are little… but they are not drawn to those kinds of elements. Most middles still keep a stuffie… Though they may not keep an army of them nor do they need their stuffie all the time for comfort.

They may also occasionally revert back to little space having tantrums, playing with Daddy, or just basically finding a short amount of time to be in that space to engage in certain behaviors that satisfy them… But overall they spend their time in middle space when and if they regress.


The big/tween little/middle


Moving into an even older age bracket you will find the big little..tween little, who is basically between the ages of 10 and 15… And usually this is found within those adults who are in their late 20s or early 30s because they have progressed and grown inside.

Most commonly they will not enjoy coloring or really any kind of little elements outside of owning a stuffie or being cared for and told what to do… Given rules… And things of that nature.


Keep in mind… I speak from a point of commonality. Not every little or middle and whatnot will be as I have described, its just most common for them to be those ways… And at the roots all of these roles stem out of the submissive / slave role.


Submissives are most commonly found in roles such as health care, Children’s Services, and other places where they can help others greatly while still being under authority. They enjoy serving in great capacity.

The Dom/Master


The DOM is a most often a pure top(dominant) in the relationship and most typically and commonly operates himself with great discipline and strictness. Most of the time he will be very stern,cold, very to the point and exact, and will conduct himself in a manner in which he exudes complete control all of the time.

The Dom will typically not mess with a little but more so go for those who exhibit themselves to be pure submissives, slaves, and so on. He doesn’t so much enjoy shopping for little things, cuddling and talking about stuffies, or watching Disney movies… But more so goes for the adult nature of the relationship. He probably will not make you a bottle, change your diaper, or be very forgiving if you do something that a toddler would do.

He is more interested in stern discipline, stern structure, imposing himself in a way that proves and shows that he is an ultimate control, and will prefer total power exchange… sadism and masochism, etc.


Keep in mind that not all doms are like this, but rather I speak from the point of commonality.


The Daddy/Mommy( daddy dom,caregiver, big)
The daddy finds his roots within the dom, but he has learned or cultured himself to be a lot more soft and forgiving. Typically he will enjoy things like cuddling, feeding you, catering to your needs, giving you a bath, buying you a stuffie and so on… While still instilling structure, rules and such, and other elements of the dom mental space into the relationship. A daddy is typically more nurturing and more lenient, understanding, and such. He will be strict but with limits… And is more prone to showing his soft side while still keeping control of the situation.


The daddy and the DOM and such are most commonly found in roles of management, self employment, military or law enforcement… construction and industry, and other places where they are either in control… Or have some form of control over others or themselves.


The switch

The switch is someone who enjoys a little bit of everything stated above. There are times when they prefer to be in control and top you… And there are other times when they prefer to be submissive and let go of that control to get their pleasure. There is no real set structure to the switch other than those elements of power reversal and trade. The switch can most commonly be found working in a position of authority or being responsible for something like family and the household at more times than others.

They are in so much control all of the time that they desire to let go of that control and be controlled themselves outside of where they are responsible.
and then there is simply role play… And this is where you enjoy the fetish side of the lifestyle, being the clothing/aesthetic, the actions, and other elements… But you do not feel that any of these roles are what you actually are. You simply engage in them for the kink and the playtime.


The Gemini

The Gemini crosses lines between one and the other because they are so closely related to each of the roles involve. They could be little/middle, middle/big, little/kitten, etc…


The kitten/puppy/pet

The kitten, puppy, etc… is a form of the lifestyle in which the submissive takes on the role of a pet, an animal spirit and so on. They typically desire to act like/regress to, and be treated like some form of animal pet.

I say it that way because that could range anywhere from being a kitten to being something large and unconventional. Its dependent on how they identity. They will also often own the associated gear or desire it… collars, ears, a tail, etc… when in playtime or their headspace, they will take on the mannerisms and behaviors of the pet they identify with.

And do keep in mind this is a surface level overview.

Because YES… you can be a daddy sometimes, a little sometimes and everything in between sometimes.

The only limits in this lifestyle are the ones you impose upon yourself.


So now that you have an understanding of the basic roles at the core of this lifestyle, where do you feel that you fit in?


Now I have figured out, but how do I address my partner?


One of the most common things that I get goes a little something like this:


Do I have to call him daddy? Can I call him something else? Can I use the term sir? Can a female be called daddy? Can my mommy be called daddy instead? Is she little… is she a princess? What about kittens and puppy play?


The simple fact is, you can do whatever you like and works for your relationship.


Whatever is comfortable for you is comfortable for you and that’s unique to your relationship. Daddy is simply a common catch-all term that is a little more specific and less generic than the caregiver term. Caregiver is typically used for those who dont want to gender conform, or take on the masculine pronoun associated with being dominant.


And since the most common aspect of this dynamic has to do with Daddy dom little girl… It just ends up becoming the generic term. But that’s okay if you want to call your daddy Sir, or something else of your choosing… And that’s something that should be discussed it together.


The other side of this is in females or mommies or what not calling themselves daddy. Which is totally fine of course. With today’s ever-changing exploration of our sexual selves along with an ever increasing list of gender identity, we tend to find that we are things other than what we thought we were earlier in our lives… Or those who identify as being pansexual, and what not.


If you are a female in the caregiver role and you feel like Daddy is a comfortable term for you then by all means use it… Because really when it comes down to it there’s no rules behind what you should be called. Nobody sat and wrote a grand rule book about everything and it was decided that everyone was going to follow it…


We simply fall into place along common means according to the culture and sub culture in which we live in. Once you get close to the basic area of finding where you fit in, thats when you can fine tune things to settle into your spot.





Thank you for enjoying and reading this. Reblog it if you feel others would benefit, and comment on where you find your identity. Hopefully you now have a more clear understanding of where it is you land.


- Mister

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com


Questions and conversation always welcome on my Snapchat: Mistersbeard

For my whole life, I didn’t know if I even really existed. But I do, and people are starting to notice. Joker (2019) dir. Todd Philips