If The Only Thing You Can Vividly Remember About What Love Feels Like Is Just That It Hurts, You Start

if the only thing you can vividly remember about what love feels like is just that it hurts, you start welcoming pain. chasing it, even.

right, Jinx?

right, Ekko?

*

after she slaps him to get him away, or else she'd jinx him, she never really looks at him. sweeps her gaze across him like a paintbrush, taunts, cocks her head on one side, feigning contemplation, fires at him (or does she, really?), fights him, follows him, spies on him, yet never looks at him.

not really.

not until the bridge.

not until she's sure she is going to die and the acid of vulnerability will never eat away her flesh in front of him, exposing how much she wanted to go back, back, back to where his hands were warm and gentle, just as his eyes.

she knows that for one glorious, excruciating moment, he sees her through. all that longing, pain, guilt, and exhaustion.

of course, he sees her.

of course, she doesn't die after. she is Jinx, after all.

she hates herself Ekko for that.

*

after she slaps him, something fractures in him, and he sucks in a breath, feeling how jagged edges of his broken heart pierce his lungs. she doesn't need him. Powder died, she said it herself, and Ekko repeats to himself, "Powder's dead, Powder's dead, dead." he says it to everyone, to the Firelights, to Scar, to Vi, who got back from the dead.

he looks at her anyway. he looks for her anyway.

eyes blue and mad, braids like snakes, clouds shifting along with her muscles. it's only to anticipate her attacks, he says, clutching his weapon with a sweaty hand.

the chasm in his chest throbs, mocking him.

he fails every time.

every time, until the bridge.

he feels the skin on his face tug as he smirks, his head buzzes, as do his hands, his legs, his stupid heart, hurting, squeezing, somewhere far away from his consciousness, hidden under layers and layers of old scars.

he looks at her and readies himself to throw a final punch and to finally make Jinx disappear so that he can, after all these years, bury his best friend.

and then he sees her. and his heart tugs, and he can't breathe - why is she looking at him like Powder did? why would she do that to him? -

he lowers his fist. doesn't relax his stupid hand that wants to wipe off the blood under her nose. it hurts so familiar, it's almost good.

of course, she decides to die right away.

of course, she steals it from him. she is Jinx, after all.

he misses hates her more for that.