Can't Sleep. Too Many Thoughts Abt All My Many Plans. What To Wear Tomorrow. Shoes Maybe? Ugh

someday I hope to have a wikipedia page. but I want it to be as inaccurate as those weird sketchy websites that make up shit about youtubers

like "minatorypigs is 4'11, 7lbs, and was kicked out of Harvard Law for academic dishonesty in 2009."

there's two wolves inside me when I'm writing fanfic:

the wolf that recognizes it's better if I write short fics so I don't get burnt out and actually finish them

and the wolf that remembers that one time the hyperfixation was so strong I wrote 7,000 words in one sitting

me: I gotta get up early so it's super important I get good sleep tonight

brain: i-important?? that's scary! too much pressure! noooo we should stay up watching youtube with steadily growing anxiety instead!

ok guys the world is not allowed to end rn, I'm on the toilet and that would be sooo embarrassing

y'all can we bring back the public execution? like hanging in the town square

not for anyone else, just for me

and not for any crime, just cause that's how I wanna go out

me, after setting an arbitrary time limit for a wip: what nonsense is this?! how could I ever finish in this time frame?! might as well give up and do it never! never I say!

my top 10 favorite (funniest) emojis (on an android/Samsung phone)

10. 😀

lowkey looks traumatized. homie just got told something awful and is still in shock.

9. 😦

previous entry a few moments later

8. 😔

very pitiable shame. like a dog that ripped up the couch. perfect for when someone is mad at me

7. 🤔

hermmmm. usually follows a conspiracy theory

6. 🙂

head empty. or, possibly, full of quiet evil

5. 😏

heh, nothin' personal kid

4. 🤨

3. 🤥

says so much with so little

a liar. but he seems very disappointed in himself

2. 🥸

great for texting incognito. "that message couldn't have come from me, that guy looks nothing like me!"

honorable mention: 😗

was gonna kiss you, but then you said that and now I'm not sure

1. 😱

nothing I will ever text anyone is worthy of the sincere horror seen here. "what if they're out of carrots 😱" unparalleled drama. best read with a loud gasp.

yo check this out. Alexa, cure cancer

Alexa-

april fools used to be such a big deal to me. now I let year after year pass without a single jape or gag performed

is this what it is to lose your childhood whimsy?

hearing bird noises in the forest compels me to smile, to do a jig in my soul, to stroll with the gaiety of a man reborn

conversely hearing my phone buzz compels me to rot like half a potato fallen behind the stove

yet my ears subject me to both with the same cold efficiency. we live in a fallen world indeed