Light Academia This Dark Academia That; There Is One Real Academia And It’s Made Of Rubber Dusts, Papercuts

Dear reader,

The reason I started this blog is because I wanted to document my journey throughout medschool.The past two years in medical school have been a little difficult both in my academic and social life.

This is the truth that no one tells you about medical school.

It is not all about the aesthetic, it is not all about the title you get after graduation and it is not definietly about neglecting yourself for your education. It is a very slow, tortuous and laborious path that will examine every ounce of stregnth you have. It will push you to the breaking point and pull you back. It is a very long path that will test your mental and physical strength. I have 4 years left, as the total is seven years of study. This drains your hope of reaching your goals. As the years get longer, the obstacles you face also multiply. From peer pressure to pressure from the senior doctors, you will start questioning your decesion making skills. You will feel as if eveything you say is wrong and that you know nothing. You will feel as if you are wasting your years without amounting to nothing.

During my first two years of study, I have made decesions that have led to the deterioration of my mental and physical health. Although I haven't been clinically diagnosed, there are certain symptoms and signs that don't need a medical degree to notice. These unfavourable conditions have had negative effects on my physical health as well resulting in me over eating to cope with the stress that was prevealent in my life. The weight gain that resulted from that has led to a disorted body image where I couldn't see my self as attractive or desirable although that was far from the truth. My self confidence plummeted because I compared myself to other people, I couldn't form healthy boundaries because I felt that I would be abandoned by people if I had restrictions, I became insecure in my apperance and my clothing style which made me waste a lot of money on clothing and accessories because I wanted to fit in and I would have manic and depressive episodes which affected my sleeping pattern, apetite and memory.

I would think all this was hard on me because I was weak and undeserving of the opportunity I had. This gradually led to the development of imposter syndrome where I felt as if I wasn't enough, as if I didn't have the abilities required to be a medical student. I felt inferior to the other student with their studying and good grades. In order to escape this, I would go out to hang out with people who had questionable characters and never had second thoughts about manipulating me to get what they want. My first and half of second year of medical school went like this.

A new change started in my life when we had a minor course on the half of second year, which didn't require attendance. I stayed in my dormitory for the whole two months not even going to go out for meals. I entered a period of self reflection where I thought about the past choices I made and their effects on my present life. After an agonizing and meditative period, I did a lot of shadowwork on myself and defined my problems and their solutions. By the time the course was over, I was already adapted to my new mindset. This solved my social and personal problems and only the academical problems remained.

I didn't know how to study. That was the truth. I was a gifted overachiever in my highschool years. I didn't need to have long and intensive study sessions to understand the materials. Hence, I had no clue on how to do structured studying sessions. I reserached studying methods and tried them out sacrificing my grades in the process. I am still experimenting but I am confident that I am doing better than before.

I also decided to be open to the relationship aspect. Before, I didn't feel as if men were to be trusted and only had physical attachments that didn't pass the kissing stage. Currently, I have a boyfriend that is caring, academically gifted and amazing. Although he will be leaving after 6 months as he is in his internship year of medical school, I consider this a good experience in the dating department and I hope our relationship continues outside medical school.

I have also refined my social circle. I am only friends with people that have a healthy perception of what friendship is. I enjoy their company and do not feel like an outsider or feel awkward with them.

My advice is to remember who you are, to be yourself and to know your principles and routines. These have helped me on my journey to a better medical school life.

Join me on my journey through medical school. 😊

'God's Idea' by Da Loria Norman, 1931.

EKG Tattoos

Can we all just agree that if you work in medicine and you’re going to get a tattoo with a heart rhythm, you should ensure you know the rhythm you’re putting on your body?

I will 100% judge you if you tell me that V-fib on your wrist signifies life.

The moment I realised that worrying is also a form of manifestation, I stopped.

I love how grades don't define us, but getting a bad grade still makes me feel so much like a failure

shoutout to every neurodivergent adult who has never been on a date and grew up with very few friends, believing over time that a lack of a social circle meant they must be fundamentally broken and unloveable as they watched everyone else hit social milestones like partying and dating before them

you’re still cool and lovable and a legit adult even if you’re “behind” by NT standards

gatekeeping how hot i am by never taking pics

Always take good care of yourself so you can take great care for others

Staying private and why it's important

People are sooo nosy, it's human nature to know what everyone is doing at all times. but you don't know what the person you're telling something to is going to do with that information, which is why it's better to stay private.

WHEN to stay private:

- plans you have in regards to your future

- how far along you are in an assignment or how well you did on something

- any ideas you have regarding business or creative assignments

WHY stay private:

- people might steal your ideas or use your words against you

- make you feel bad about your ideas or thoughts

- does not give anyone who is not close to you any unnecessary insight into your life

- protects your peace

HOW to stay private:

- think before you speak and think about who you're speaking to

- stray away from any topics regarding yourself unless necessary, people love talking about themselves

- write down your ideas or thoughts if you really wanna tell someone