Everyone Panicking Over Cassandra Clare Saying A Character We Met In The First Three Tmi Books Will Die

Boyfriends?

You can’t blame the islanders for constantly thinking they are dating - Fit and Pac will admit that at times, their relationship toes the line between platonic and… something else.

That doesn’t mean they won’t inform them that ‘no, we don’t like each other, we’re just roommates,’ because it’s the truth! And either way, their relationship status is NYFB.

If only the others got the memo.

OR; 5 times someone mistakenly thought hideduo was dating, and one time they were right.

(Ty to my beta reader, @/Kaije_224 on ao3)

the sun, the stars, the moon, mars, earth

Like the Saying Goes...- Double Life Ensemble

Return to File

Recovery date: December 19th, 2023

Description: The participants are left to ponder double life as they return to their regular lives.

Notes: N/a

Word count: 677

Back to directory

Tilly death do us part.

Pearl grinned as she tied up another bin chicken in her store. She was convinced Ren was stealing them for eggs, though she didn’t know why. Maybe it was some friendly competition from Gem or Impulse, her neighbors in both business and housing, and she’d find them hanging around her base later

Tilly, he’d made a pun. At the time, she’d been too caught up in panic to catch it but she’d had plenty of time to rethink. Laying in bed at night, restocking, gathering materials, building, Scott’s goodbye wouldn’t leave her head.

Death did them no part.

History does not take kindly to lovers.

Jimmy sits in his explosives shop, hat tilted over his eyes and leaning back in the crates of tnt. It’s much hotter here, and brighter. The terracotta reflects the sun back into his eyes and the heat sticks to the ground, maybe a trip to a more temperate climate was in order.

He’s got a box in his lap, closed and locked. Grian had given him an incredulous look when he’d asked for a clipping of his red string, he’s sentimental like that. It’s tied around a poppy and a spyglass, tucked against the side of the box filled with trinkets and pictures.

They weren’t really lovers, he smiles, but they were close enough for the universe.

It takes two to tango.

Impulse swings his pickaxe down into the stone, breaking out more room for his base. It’s not quiet, he can hear the river outfront and his neighbors arguing. His mind drifted back to being poolside with Bdubs and planning how to break up the other couples.

They’d pulled them apart, planted seeds of doubt, and it would’ve worked if they hadn't underestimated the trust of the other duos. They’d tripped up Scar and gotten cocky, they’d been the ones who tripped over Cleo and Etho.

It takes two to tango, and theirs was the smoothest.

Red at night, sailor’s delight. Red in the morning, sailor’s warning.

Etho is watching the sun rise over the server when Joe makes the comment as everyone enters the tcg arena. Beef wonders if they should move inside incase it rains, Etho finds himself admiring the way the sun sets the world aflame.

He’d done that once, side by side with Joel. The world never stood a chance as they took vengeance for the relation-ship. It was almost ironic how they’d found their end in burning lava. As it starts to rain, he chuckles to himself.

They’d delighted in the red flames burning down the server, but there’d been no rain to save them.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Cleo’s balance wavers as they build up their city, and they panic. They throw their weight backwards, falling against the wall and feeling the wind rush out of their rotten lungs. There’s a sharp pain as they collide with the stone, and suddenly they’re back on the diving board.

Martyn had caused them so much pain, and in turn they’d taken so much from him. He’d been their greatest weakness, and they’d let him roam free. They’d angered the witch because he left them.

They made the mistake of letting their enemy walk away, when they really should have kept him close.

History repeats itself.

Scar is paving out more of Scarland’s road when his tower Warden lets out a roar, making him jump. It rings out through his head, merging with that endless echo, and he has to take a second to re-compose himself. Grian comes up to him as he sits on the edge of the flower bed in the roundabout and takes a seat.

Jelly wanders across the road, and suddenly they’re back in the panda sanctuary. They’re bound together once more by Scar’s recklessness. Scar is following his every whim and fancy as Grian desperately tries to keep them alive. In the end, they always find their way back to each other.

They will always find each other, and it will always be their undoing.

A Timeline of Events in the Artemis Fowl Series

If anyone's interested, I did do an actual analysis for where I pulled some of these dates from. But because I cannot type succinctly to save my life, it's 5,000 words long, so that's below the cut. I also put the timeline there again, but in three separate images, so hopefully they load well enough to be fully legible if the above isn't.

A thousand thanks to @sadbitchapologist and @zahnie for their help and advice with this, despite neither of them having any more than the barest interest in the series and therefore having no clue what I was on about. Thanks also to @orangerosebush for fielding completely out-of-the-blue questions about the French school system, so I didn't have to attempt to navigate web search results to figure out what mandatory gym classes were like for the sole purpose of plotting Luc's birthday on here.

An Analysis of the Timelines in the Artemis Fowl Series

A Brief Introduction

The Artemis Fowl series is made up of eight books covering a range of years and events. I wanted to see how accurate the timelines present in the books were, as well as try and plot out some other details implied in the novels but not explicitly stated, to have a better understanding of the overall world-building. To that end, I went through the series and made the above timeline. I colour-coded it based on the relevance of the specific items to certain categories, namely Humans, Fairies, Villains, and the Series itself. This does mean that some things could have fit into multiple categories. For instance, you will see some items involving Opal categorized as Fairy-Specific (such as her college years, as those are fairly neutral to the main plot or her villainy), Villain-Specific (such as her setting up her emergency fund, as that is mostly related to her schemes as opposed to relevant to her existence as a fairy, or part of the main plot of the series), and Plot-Specific (such as her opening the Berserker Gate, the primary plot point for the final book).

Before we really delve into things though, we should establish the baseline assumptions I was working with. Firstly, I am only using the original series. I have not used anything written in The Fowl Twins trilogy, given that those books seem to ret-con a considerable amount of the original information, and that is far too many headaches to give myself. Any supplemental series information, such as the short stories found in The Artemis Fowl Files, or anything from interviews is also not included. The premise here is: using just the original books, what is the event timeline of the world? The second thing we need to establish is that I am using the North American releases of the novels. I did make notes on where each bit of information comes from, but there isn’t really a citation style for this kind of thing, so I’m not sure how relevant that is. The third assumption is that the first book takes place the year it was originally published. According to my copy, the original publication was 2001, with the first American paperback edition coming out in 2002, and the first mass market paperback being released in 2003. This means our starting point is in 2001.

For sake of clarity, this analysis will start with setting the dates of the books and continue on from there.

The Basics of The Books

With that out of the way, let’s talk about the first book, Artemis Fowl (AF). It is actually not until the very end of the book that we get a solid answer for when it takes place. It’s only in the last few pages of the novel that Angeline Fowl leaves her attic room after all the plot points are tied up and announces that it is Christmas Day. This might be cause for concern – Angeline had not previously been established as a particularly reliable narrator – but given that we are asked to believe that Holly’s ‘feel better’ mood booster worked, and that neither Butler nor Artemis balk at or question the pronouncement that is Christmas Day, we’ll accept that it’s true and move on. This means that, with Butler’s earlier announcement that he was stuck doing four months of stakeout, we can say with a fair amount of certainty that Artemis obtained and translated the Fairy Book in September 2001, and managed to capture a fairy in December of the same year.

Moving on to Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident (TAI), we are given a decent chunk of information, albeit spread out a bit. The first is the announcement that the ransom drop for Artemis Fowl I is to be held on the fourteenth. The fourteenth of what, you might ask? Well, we are told that Artemis is currently thirteen years old. Clearly, things are past September 1, 2002 (we know Artemis’s birthday is September 1 based on information in both the fifth and seventh books). We are also told that Luc Carrere has been trading with the goblins for six months, starting in July. That puts us in either December or January, but we can narrow it down further since Artemis gives us another helpful clue. He mentions they are not expecting to see the dawn while attempting to rescue his father in the Arctic. There are only a few latitudes on Earth where polar night (of any type) occurs, and at Murmansk, polar twilight occurs between December 10 – January 2. Combining all of this, we learn that TAI takes place December 14, 2002, give or take a few days to either side.

This can be corroborated by information in Book 3, Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code (TEC). After Holly heals Artemis Senior, we are told that it takes over two months for him to wake up. Since we are specifically told two months, as opposed to two and a half or three, we can conclude that the events of TEC take place in March 2003. Mulch gives us some information that confirms this. He was living in LA “less than four months ago,” and since he was conscripted to help with the events of TAI in December, a March plotline fits the bill. We are given further confirmation as well: Spiro mentions that Artemis will be fourteen in six months. A specific date for Artemis & Co.’s attack on Spiro’s Needle can be pulled from the throw-away line that Pex and Chips are “burying” Mulch on the full moon. A quick web search tells us that the full moon in March of 2003 takes place on March 14, and the rest of the events in the novel take place roughly two days to either side of that.

In Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception (TOD), the fourth book in the series, we are given several very clear indications of when the events take place. Firstly, Artemis is contemplating that at fourteen years and three months old, he is the youngest person to successfully obtain The Fairy Thief. Based on previously noted details that his birthday is in September, the events of TOD must take place in December of 2003. Additionally, we are told that things are the middle of winter and Opal has been in a coma for eleven months and counting as of the end of TAI, another December plot.

Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony (TLC) requires the most math and interpretation so far to figure out when it takes place. We know Artemis is still fourteen, so the main events clearly happen sometime between January 2004 and September 2004. Beyond that, we are using a fair amount of context clues. Artemis and Butler have evidently been traveling for four months looking for demons, so we are dealing with events in at least May. But that still leaves us several summertime months to work with, so to establish a timeline here, we will need to look forward a bit. In the sixth book, Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox (TTP), it’s noted that Artemis is not yet fifteen, and has, on multiple occasions, spent the full moon in the study. Ergo, he’s spent at least a few months back from Hybras. If he has been back for two months and not yet turned fifteen, he would have had to have returned by July at the latest, and since he returns almost three years later than he leaves, we are looking at him returning in either May or June. This would have him disappearing to Hybras – and by extension, dealing with the earlier events in the book – in June, July, or August. After his conversation with Minerva, he notes to Butler that they “are planning a June wedding,” which wouldn’t make sense to say if they were currently in the month of June. From all of this, we can extrapolate that the first three-quarters of TLC take place in late July or early August 2004, with the triumphant return of our intrepid heroes occurring in June 2007.

As previously stated, TTP mentions that Artemis is still not fifteen, but is nearly there. He has also been home again for at least two months. This would put the events of the sixth book in August 2007. At least, the events set in the current time period. TTP does bring back time travel, and with it some problems. We are told that Artemis and Holly jump back nearly eight years to Artemis being ten and trying to fund searches for his missing father. This would put the events of the past in early 2000. However, other details presented regarding Artemis Senior’s disappearance, which we will discuss later, make that impossible. Artemis also admits, in TEC, that he was eleven when his father disappeared, not ten. If we take a bit of creative license with our interpretations and base the time-jump to the past on other presented information as opposed to the dates given in TTP, we can say that Holly and Artemis instead return to early 2001. This lines up with further details, such as the sinking of the Fowl Star (as calculated a few paragraphs down in this analysis) occurring in December of 2000, and the textual confirmation in TTP that it’s barely two months past that sinking when Artemis brokers the deal(s) regarding the silky sifaka lemur. Since, at the end of the day, the time jump impacts very little in the grand scheme of things, and the year 2001 actually fits in better with other textual evidence and events, that’s what I’m going with for this timeline.

The seventh book, Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex (TAC) gives us a very helpful base point! It takes place on Artemis’s fifteenth birthday, September 1. From our previous results on setting dates for book events, that would be September 1, 2007. The sections in which Butler and Juliet are fighting mesmerized wrestling fans and meeting up with Mulch are noted in the novel as happening “the day before,” which would fall on August 31, 2007.

Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian (TLG), the eighth and final book in the series, creates some problems. If we assume that Artemis starts receiving treatment for his Atlantis Complex immediately after diagnosis in TAC¸ that would put him receiving treatment in September 2007. We are told he is certified as cured after six months. Yet we are also told that the rest of the events of the book take place in the week or so leading up to the Christmas holidays. Everything so far has said that the Artemis Fowl series follows the current calendar, in which case there is no way that six months can fit between September 1, 2007 and December 25, 2007. However, the only reference to Christmas is in two lines noting that the Fowl parents were planning on holidaying with their children on a foreign beach. If we simply say that six months have passed, and they are instead planning on spending the Irish school system’s spring holidays in the French Riviera, everything else lines up much better. So that’s what I’ve done. This would also put the resurrection of Artemis, after the events of the book and a further six months have passed, at roughly September of 2008. There is a pleasing symmetry to Artemis being born and then re-born in September, though if you want to get really technical and say the events of TLG take place during the 2008 March full moon as Opal claims (as noted in another web search as March 28), a six-month wait time for the clone to grow would put the resurrection in October. Still, there is something to be said for having a boy’s ghost haunting a clone of himself close to All Hallows. Since it’s the last plot point of the series, you can choose which you’d like; it doesn’t have to lead to anything else after it.

Let’s Talk Timelines: The Beginning of the Line to The End of The 19th Century

Now that we have our baseline book time periods established, we can get into the math used to determine some of the events in the timeline above. Several events are easy; we are given specific dates for them. Turnball Root meets Leonor in 1938, Juliet wins the Miss Sugar Beet Fair beauty contest in 1999. Other things are based on some basic math, such as Artemis claiming his parents got married fourteen years prior to AF¸ putting that event in 1987.

The majority of the items on the above timeline, however, do take some mathematics, extrapolation, and interpretation to plot out. To try and keep everything organized, we’ll start at the far left of the timeline, and work our way forwards, looking at events oldest-to-newest to explain why they are where they are on the graph. I won’t be getting too in-depth on everything in the graph, since I’m not sure how relevant the notes on the very minor side characters such as Carla Frazetti are, but I’ll at least try to touch on some of the more relevant points.

To start with, the Battle of Taillte was noted in the 2000’s as being ten thousand years ago, putting that at 8000 BCE. Similarly, the last dome breach at Atlantis was apparently eight thousand years ago in the 2000’s, so that would be 6000 BCE. Troll sideshows were legal in the early middle ages, which implies they were not legal after that. A quick web search says the early middle ages ended around 1000. The first crusades were in 1096-1099, and as those crusades are the start point of the Butler-Fowl working relationship, a point for noting that comes next on the graph.

From there, we get into more modern – relatively speaking – events. Briar Cudgeon and Julius Root are noted as attending the LEP Academy together and being raised in the same tunnel, as well as having about 600 years of history together. If one assumes “being raised in the same tunnel” is similar to the human equivalent of “growing up in the same neighbourhood,” we can assume the two were born roughly 600 years ago, in the 1400’s. Vinyaya is portrayed as being of a similar age to Root, so her birth can also be put in the same general era. We are also told that Fowl Manor was originally a castle built in the fifteenth century, that in the early 2000’s the theories of timeline corruption were first introduced over five centuries ago, and that cloning has been banned for over five hundred years, so those three events are also tossed into the 1400’s.

Julius Root is noted as doing his LEP basic training 500 years ago in Ireland, so that would have to be in the 1500’s. He would have attended the Academy before then, putting that in the mid-to-late 1400’s. As previously stated, he was in the Academy with Cudgeon. Opal also met Cudgeon in college, and competed with Foaly for science prizes there, so they were all in school at the same time.

Mulch now enters the picture. We aren’t ever given a specific age range for him, but we are told about his career. He has, apparently, spent three centuries in and out of prison after a couple centuries of success as a thief. This would make him at least five hundred years old. There is a brief mention that he tried the athletic route at college before becoming a thief, so he would have to be an adult at that point, putting his age at roughly 550 years during the events of the series.

We then enter a period filled in from one-off lines throughout the series, presumably added to give some depth to the world. Things about the wine cellar at Fowl Manor being a seventeenth century addition, Captain Eusebius Fowl and his crew dying in the eighteenth century, and Mulch first faking his own death over two hundred years ago.

Time Marches On: The 20th Century

There is nothing of much relevance to linger on between the 1550’s and the 20th century, so we’ll jump ahead to the 1900’s, when we have Holly Short’s birthday. She is in her eighties during TLC, and her father died “over twenty years ago” when she was “barely sixty” as of TAI. Based on that, she would have been in her early eighties in 2002, putting her birthday sometime in the 1920’s. What a doll.

A few more birthdays now appear, and we’ll ignore, for the most part, some of the irrelevant ones. I don’t think we are at all concerned with Gaspard Paradizo’s birthday, or Mikhael Vassikin. We are, however, rather more interested in Jon Spiro, Domovoi Butler, and Artemis Fowl I.

Jon Spiro enters the series in TEC, as a middle-aged American. A quick search on the Internet says that middle age is generally noted as being between the ages of 40 to 60. We are told that Spiro has worked in three main industries over the past two and a half decades. Additionally, we are told that law enforcement has been “trying to put [him] away for thirty years.” If we assume he entered the working world at twenty, spent five years developing his professional self, and then started going down a path of questionable legality to get the police after him, that would put him at fifty-five in 2003, and born in the late 1940’s.

It was a bit easier to determine Domovoi Butler’s age, and we can get more specific with his actual birthday. We are told that he is forty at the start of TEC, and he is still forty during TOD. From that, we can assume his birthday is not between March – December, which means it has to be between January – March. Now, we can just leave things there, but contextually, Butler says in late March 2003 that “a lot of people know [him] as a forty-year old man.” Since I doubt he’s the kind of person who introduces himself by announcing that his birthday was last week, we can assume that his birthday is not in March. Since about half the books in the series take place in December, and there is never any mention of Butler’s birthday coming up soon, we can likely assume it isn’t in January. We can therefore conclude Butler was born in February, 40 years before 2003, which puts his birth year in 1963.

We then have Artemis Fowl I. This one took the most extrapolation to determine. We know he has run an ethical empire for a few years as of 2007, which coincides with his return to his family after being kidnapped by the Mafia. He apparently ran a successful criminal empire for two decades before that, though, so in 2007 he has been working for at least 25 years. Based on the interactions he had with his own son, I’ve assumed he was also taught to take over the family business from a young age. If he started working at his age of majority at 18 (as possible in the 1980’s in Ireland, based on a web search), we can assume he was born in roughly the mid 60’s.

Billy Kong, born Jonah Lee, is one to touch on. He plays a large role in TLC, during which we are given possibly the most backstory of any villain in the series. He was evidently born in the early 1970’s, and was eight years old in the early 1980’s. Mathematically, that can only lend itself to so many birth years, so it’s easy enough to put his birthdate somewhere in 1973, and his brother’s death date in 1981.

While we’re here, let’s talk about the 1980’s. A lot of things happen in the 80’s, so we’ll be here for a few paragraphs. Butler would have graduated Madam Ko’s Academy in the early ‘80s, Artemis I would have started working in his family’s business and stolen some warrior mummies (of note, the theft is only noted as being in Artemis Sr.’s “gangster days,” but if you are a young, rich criminal, you’d likely commit a wild theft in your early years as opposed to your thirties, which is why this is put in here). Additionally, in the mid 1980’s, Holly graduates the LEP Academy and her mother dies, as noted in TTP when she is contemplating missing three years of her friends lives.

Butler would have started his five-year stint in Russia with an espionage unit in the mid-to-late 80’s, and become a big brother in 1985. Juliet is noted at being four years older than Artemis in AF in 2001, and he is twelve then, making her sixteen at the time. We can extrapolate the month from TEC, wherein she is apparently eighteen when she is called regarding her brother’s apparent death. At the time, we are told what gifts she received for her birthday, implying it was fairly recent. Additionally, Artemis was only thirteen at that time, which would make Juliet five years older than Artemis. If, however, we trust that acolytes at Madam Ko’s start their training on their tenth birthday and get one chance to graduate per year, it would make sense for that one chance to be on their birthday, or within a day or two to allow for as much training time as possible. Since Juliet was in the midst of this one graduation evaluation when she gets the phone call and joins the crew for the March heist at Spiro’s Needle, she’d have to be born in March. (We can also corroborate this with some details from AF: if AF  takes place in mid-September, that would be just after Artemis’s birthday, which puts the 4-year age difference back into play.)

Spelltropy begins for the People in 1987, if it appeared 20 years ago from 2007. Artemis I and Angeline Fowl would get married in 1987. They would have their first child, Artemis Fowl II, in 1989, as calculated by Artemis being twelve during the initial siege of the Manor in December 2001. Artemis II’s grandfather was noted as having been dead for over ten years at that point, and it was mentioned in TEC that Angeline married her husband before he really took over the family business, so those events would likely happen when Artemis was but a baby in 1990.

The ‘90s are a period where a lot of things are happening, but few are particularly important. Spelltropy has a cure found, Minerva Paradizo is born, Juliet begins her bodyguard training and her brother refuses to let her shave her hair. These, and other events in the 90’s, are mostly calculated by math along the lines of “Event A happened X number of years ago,” but since the 90’s was mostly a time of worldbuilding events rather than plot events, we’ll just skim over the specific details.

‘You Are Here’: The 21st Century, and Where The Storytelling Begins

Welcome to the 2000’s! The kick-off point of not only the 2000’s, but also the entire series, is the sinking of the Fowl Star. We aren’t given a specific date for this, but we are given enough information to extrapolate the date. Specifically, in September 2001, in AF, we are told Fowl Sr. has been missing for almost a year. In TAI, in December, we are told he has been missing for almost two years. That does have the potential to have the ship go down in either December or January, so we need to use a bit more details from TAI to make a final determination. Mikhael Vassikin and Kamar were told to dump Fowl’s body in the Kola if he didn’t wake up in “another year,” so they’ve been looking after him for one at that point. Fowl Sr. wakes up two weeks before the deadline, and as noted earlier, the ransom drop for him takes place December 14, after he has been awake for perhaps a week. From that, we can tell that the deadline for “another year” was mid to late December, putting the initial sinking of the Fowl Star in late 2000.

The analysis gets a bit confusing at this point, because 2001 is when future Artemis and Holly join the party via time travel, as well as having their regular selves in the timestream. Essentially, we’ve established the timeline for the events of TTP above, so we know the whole lemur fiasco takes place in March 2001. Artemis wakes up at the end of that book thinking about fairies, which ties in rather neatly to him then dragging Butler across three continents for six false alarms (with an assumed approximate 3 weeks between each jaunt) before striking metaphorical gold in Ho Chi Minh City in September. During their time-traveling, Holly also gets a chance to talk to Root, who wonders why she isn’t in Hamburg, which was noted in AF as Holly’s first major failure as a Recon officer and was nearly preceding the events of AF. The time-traveling would also mean that Opal would have had to harvest her DNA for future diabolical plans before March 2001, when her younger self travels to the future. Since it takes up to two years to grow a clone to adulthood, and her clone has to be ready in September 2003, we are a few months off in the time requirements, but really, for a practice that’s been outlawed for 500 years, I can offer a bit of leeway.

We are now well and truly in the thick of the main events of the series. Most of this will be tied into the initial assessments we made way at the beginning of this essay, where we established when each book occurs. Because of this, we aren’t going to spend time on anything plot-related. However, a brief note on Turnball Root and Artemis’s Atlantis Complex is likely in order. Artemis was, as previously stated, dealing with his return from Hybras and the after-effects of stealing magic during July and August of 2007. His Atlantis Complex, and Turnball Root’s plan to escape the Deeps prison, are in full swing in September of that year. We have a brief note in TAC during the evacuation of Atlantis, that Turnball had, a month before, spied on Artemis and noted his Atlantis Complex developing. Therefore, Artemis’s Complex likely came into play in late July or early August 2007. This is close enough to Artemis’s magic theft to make sense for the deterioration of his mental health, and enough time for Butler to have started to notice something was wrong, as he did. We can therefore assume that Atlantis Complex, at least in the case of magic-stealing humans who have a propensity for time travel and getting involved in supremely complicated and improbable plots, develops relatively quickly.

This leaves just one major discussion point from the last few books: the age of Artemis’s twin brothers, Beckett and Myles. The twins are first introduced at the very end of TLC. They are written as being two during the events of TTP, three during the events of TAC, and four during the events of TLG. Regardless of the time-traveling shenanigans of their elder brother, it is impossible for the twins to age two years in the eight months between Artemis’s return from Hybras in June 2007 and the finale of the series in March of 2008, so we need to look at what makes sense.

Myles has already potty-trained himself, and done so at fourteen months, so they must be at least that old. Their other behaviours would make sense for them to be two in TTP. Diapers are still a part of their lives, and their language and vocabulary fit what a two-year-old would have, at least in Beckett’s case. Since Artemis was surprised by their existence, it doesn’t seem likely that  Angeline would have known she was pregnant, or at least not have told Artemis yet, when he went to Limbo. Ergo, they can’t be any older than two, since (one would hope) Artemis would have noticed his mother’s pregnancy if the twins were any older.

Additionally, in TLG, we know Artemis gave his brother a birthday present, so he had to have been around during the twin’s birthday at least once. With this fact, the twins cannot be born between March – June, which just leaves the question of when are the twins born?

 The most logical answer is February 2005. If Angeline was early on in her pregnancy, say six weeks (which is when most women start noticing symptoms), when Artemis disappeared in July 2004, she wouldn’t necessarily have told him yet. Then, if we assume that since most twin births occur around the 35-week mark, that would math out to having the twins be born in February of 2005. Fast forward, and they would turn one in February 2006, and two in February 2007, which puts them at the correct age for the events of TTP. [One could argue, of course, that a twin pregnancy in an older woman (unfortunately, there is nothing in the series to indicate Angeline’s age) and in a woman already dealing with significant stress could result in a very premature birth, thereby voiding any of this math and leaving the whole question of the twin’s birthday unanswered. However, since I’d rather not subject the Fowl parents to the strife and misery of having one son missing and presumed dead, and their younger children in the NICU with a low survival rate, I’m working with the assumption that the pregnancy was a healthy and normal one.]

The brief comment from Juliet in TAC about the twins being three can be passed off by them being a little over two-and-a-half and Juliet not being around as she is touring in Mexico. By the time TLG takes place, in March of 2008, the twins would have had their third birthday, allowing for Artemis to give Myles his chair as a birthday present, Beckett to be old enough to no longer need diapers, and the behaviours to act more like children than infants. While this doesn’t quite allow for the repeated textual confirmations in TLG that the twins are four, we’ll go with what mathematically makes sense.

That brings us to the end of the timeline! Not everything is touched on in the timeline, and not everything in the books is plotted (we are never given enough context to know Foaly’s or Opal’s birthdates, for instance). But the main events of the Artemis Fowl series are all analyzed, mathematically or logically or textually corroborated, and plotted out, for use or ignoring as personal preference dictates.

Welcome to the Hall Of Fame

(open for better quality)

[reblogs do a lot more than likes thanks]

I think this is something really, really important. It can be hard to feel like you're "not disabled anough". Being "high-functioning", not ticking all the boxes, not being the textbook definition, not being "neurodivergent anough".

As a "high-functioning" autistic, I constantly feel like I'm not autistic anough. Like I act too "normal". But then I feel so guilty, because I should feel so lucky and grateful that I don't struggle as much as others. I feel so selfish for wanting people to recognise that I struggle too.

Just know you are valid. It doesn't matter if your diagnosis is official or not. It doesnt matter if you're labeled as "high-functioning" or "low-functioning". It doesn't matter, because you are valid.

(not just talking about autism btw. This goes for all neurodivergents <3333)

fuck it. shout out to "high functioning" neurodivergents

the ones who can mask easily, the ones who can get social cues, the ones who have managed to go most of their life not even knowing they were ND because they didn't present as the stereotypical ND person.

the ones who can pay attention in class, understand social etiquette, who understand societial expectations

the ones who don't feel neurodivergent enough bc they don't struggle in the same ways/areas a lot of NDs do, or they can't relate to other NDs' experiences because they always understood these things easily

the ones with high empathy, the ones who DO get the joke, the ones who are constantly told that they can't possibly be neurodivergent because they don't act like what you'd expect a neurodivergent person to act like.

you are neurodivergent enough. you are valid, and so are your experiences. not struggling as much as others do in some places doesn't mean you dont struggle at all. your condition and diagnosis is valid. your symptoms are valid. YOU ARE VALID. not checking all the supposed boxes doesn't mean you aren't neurodivergent. you are enough. you are valid. you are loved. you are valued. you matter. you belong in neurodivergent spaces, you deserve to use whatever resources are available to you, you are allowed to take up space in these communities. and i am so, so proud of you.

feel free to, and actually, i encourage you to reblog this with your experiences. we belong in this community as much as anyone else. please also tag this w/ any neurodivergent conditions i may have forgotten 💙

since this is getting lots of notes I'd like to add, even if you're undiagnosed or maybe self diagnosed, for whatever reason, (i.e. can't get access to a diagnosis, not being taken seriously, or just not wanting an official diagnosis, etc.) this still applies to you. actually especially to you folks. don't think for a second you're not valid just bc you don't have the paperwork or whatever to say it

yk ive seen lots of jokes abt how kit would describe ty as beautiful, (mentally) write flippin poetry about how he looks, assist in necromancy for him, and yet still think theyre just good friends. which i love, its hilarious, BUT.

im p sure he Knows™. like, he vaguely refers to his feelings not being fully platonic throughout qoaad. most notably, when he thinks abt the reasons why he no longer thinks abt being parabatai w ty, and at the end hes like, "maybe it was something else, but he pushed away from the thought"

which, yk. what else, kit? 👀 what else? 👀👀 kinda sus yk 👀👀 i mean whats the primary reason ppl cant b parabatai 👀👀 one u dont want to think abt 👀👀 what the smth else, kit? 👀👀👀

91 hearts

don't hang up yet, i'm not done

Hi sorry just gonna rant about the song I'm currently obsessing over (The Milk Carton by Madilyn Mei)

(I'll be saying "they" and "the person" instead of "her" and "Madilyn Mei" cause it's my interpretation of the music, not Madilyn's. (Future Luna here, I'll also be using "you" apparently.))

Okay okay sooo... I've seen a variety of interpretations for this song, but personally I think of it as a person who is growing up and suddenly being thrust into the adult or 'real world'.

So, starting with the first lines:

"I think I really miss my bed / Oh when, oh when will the nightmare end?" - so, I can see this in two ways;

One, with the bed part being a metaphor. The person misses the comfort and easiness of when they were younger, (their bed,) but are now an adult, and can't live life like that. (the nightmare.)

Or two, the person actually misses their bed. They can't just relax on it like when they were younger, they have to get up and work, and do all the other things adults have to. (which is the nightmare.)

Now, this part:

"I had it good, I had it good / And yet I left and can't retrace my steps" - this one's pretty straightforward;

So, the person had it good as a child, yk had a good, happy childhood, (imagine that,) but now they've become an adult, they've left that behind permanently.

Now the next bit:

"You're gonna be eaten by a coyote / Run, little one, though the pack may follow" - so, I see this as the person being given some "advice";

They've just become an adult, (hence the 'little one', because they're still young,) and, well... people can be cruel. Some people are like coyotes, taking advantage of people who - like the person singing - are a bit lost. The newbies, so to speak. So, this is kinda like, the person's met someone who is going to take advantage of them, or hurt them, or something along those lines, and someone's giving them a piece advice of sorts, like, "be careful, don't hang around those people/that person, (aka the coyote,) cause you're gonna get hurt. (aka 'eaten'.)" The other person tells them to run, even though those bad people (aka the pack) might follow.

So, next line:

"Two quite thin, their brother fatter / He can still win, just gotta be faster" - this is saying like, everyone is fighting to get through life;

Some people are bad, but they're also just trying to get through everything. Even the coyotes are trying to be faster, to win the race - or chase, as we see later on - despite their disadvantages.

Next up:

"Run for the yard, they've barred up the gutter / That was our route, better find another" - this is about the unpredictability and difficulties;

There are a lot of challenges as you grow up, and sometimes you have to improvise, to find another way when you can't go the route you wanted. Doors close. Sometimes, they can be locked; you have to find ones that aren't.

These two lines are some of my favourites:

"Was that a rabbit? Really not like the one / I'vе seen on a cereal box" - childhood vs. adulthood;

Rabbits are common on children's cereal boxes, and they're all cute or cartoony - not at all realistic. But suddenly you go out into the 'real world', they're, well, realistic. It's a comparison that is also seen later on; the realisation that the world is nothing like what you see as a kid, and that it's much less, well, happy, for lack of a better word. So yeah, I love this comparison.

It's also a bit of, like, you're actually seeing it in person now. You're not just looking at the 'real world' and at the adults (aka the rabbit) from afar - you're there, in person.

"And the birds don't talk / Likе the ones on screen / Have they really domesticated me?" - like the rabbit, it's childhood vs. adulthood;

Birds talking is very much from children's shows, and really illustrates how the world you see when you're younger is much prettier that what it actually is. You're looking at it with rose tinted glasses.

And again, like the rabbit, the change from seeing things in person, and actually being there in the world, compared to seeing it through a screen as a child.

Then, it talks about having been domesticated. There are two meanings that could fit with this.

Firstly, being domesticated as in "make (someone) fond of and good at home life and the tasks that it involves." In this case, making them used to how life is as a child, and not prepared for life later on.

The other meaning it could fit is "tame (an animal) and keep it as a pet or on a farm." Now, this one's really interesting. The person is comparing themselves to an animal that has been tamed. And this is just so interesting, because they're saying that they were so easily tamed, like a dumb, clueless animal - because, at least compared to humans, animals are generally at least a bit dumb - by this wonderful-looking world they were presented as a child, and never saw the truth until they were right in the middle of it.

Now, next part:

"Cotton tail, gonna end up in jail / Wrong place, wrong time / Bad tune but it rhymed / And lined up perfectly to blame / The one who is far too tame." - Okay, so quite a few lyrics in here cause they're all connected;

This one's quite simple, honestly - life's unfair, people get blamed for things they're innocent for, punished when they shouldn't, just because they were at the wrong place, at the wrong time, or they acted some way or so many other reasons.

Time for the next lines:

"And he say / "Out, let me in, let me in, let me out / Stop tellin' me all about your problems / I been to hell, still in, get me out / Whatever they are, I don't know how to solve 'em"" - this one's similar to the coyote one;

Other people are also struggling. They have their own problems, and a lot of the time, they don't wanna listen to yours. Everyone's struggling, everyone's trying to just get through this.

And the title comes into play:

"Say, is that the kid from the milk carton? / Can I do anything when I'm also missing?" - some more childhood vs. adulthood. Here's why;

So, when you're younger you can see the kid on the milk carton, but you're disconnected from it - that is, until you're also like that kid. You grow up, and suddenly you're not just seeing some of those struggles, you're feeling all of them yourself. Suddenly, it's all the more real. And you have to ask yourself, can I really help them? cause you're also struggling, so how can you help them find their way when you can't find yours?

Next:

"Something tells me kid / Never learned to swim / But can I do anything when I'm also drowning?" - this is the same as the one with the milk carton;

How do you help someone when you can't help yourself? How can you teach someone how to swim when you never learnt either - or, in this case, how can you teach someone how to manage the 'real world' when you never learnt either?

Now, next lines:

"Think I forgot a couple things / My brain is still at home / Home's far away" - more about being unprepared and missing your childhood;

So, they're unprepared. They've forgotten things, left their brain at home. They weren't ready and are now lost and confused. And now they can't go back - just like home's far away, their childhood is in the past and they can't go back and learn everything they needed to now. They've just gotta make do.

And the next two:

"I really thought that life was one big race / But now I know it's one big chase" - I referenced the chase thing at the start;

It's really simple. When they were younger, they thought life was just a race, but now they've realised they're being chased. They're not just living their life, (aka racing,) they're surviving while unprepared, and it feels like everything's out to get them (aka being chased).

You could also see this as chasing an easier version, trying to get a better life.

Next up:

"You can still win, just gotta be faster / You can, you can, you can, you can win" - more about life being a chase;

You have to win, to come out on top when facing all of these challenges. That's one of the biggest messages in here, which pops up a lot more near the end. You've got to win, to beat all of the struggles chasing after you.

Also, these two lines repeat 5 and a half times consecutively. Really trynna get the message of "you have to win" ingrained into your brain, prepare everyone else so they don't struggle like the person singing did.

It shows how the person is learning that winning the chase is what matters.

Now, next, it's been repeating for a while but there's a change I wanna talk about:

"Two quite thin, their brother fatter / You can still win, just gotta be" - at first, it was "he can still win", not "you can still win".

Now, it's about them. It's not talking about, "oh, other people are also struggling," like at the start. It's about how they can win. About how they can come out on top - they're learning, so to say.

Nearing the end now:

"Oh, the air is thick / Kinda makes me sick / Can I give CPR when I'm suffocating?" - This is in the same vein as the milk carton and drowning ones;

How can you help someone when you can't help yourself. Also, if you had barely any breath, would you give what you had to help someone else? Should you help someone, give them CPR, when you know you can't spare those breaths?

Next:

"And the birds don't sing / Like the ones on screen" - now the birds aren't just not taking, they aint singing either;

This is moving from "childhood vs. adulthood", and realising life isn't what it looks like, to seeing things from a really negative, twisted perspective. Now, we're going from seeing the world way too positively and naively, to seeing it way too negatively and darkly. From not seeing the dark, to not seeing the light. The sun shining, birds singing - that's all very positive things. Now, the person can't see those things cause there's so much dark. They're so focused on winning the chase, they can't focus on the things outside of it.

Second to last line:

"Have they really domesticated me? (You can still win, just gotta be)" - this is just repeating prior stuff, but I do wanna talk about some things;

These two messages - shock at how unprepared they were, and having to be fast and win the chase - repeat several times. These are the things that the person is taking with them. The shock and maybe even betrayal about the fact that the people who should've prepared them for this didn't, and the knowledge that you have to be faster, keep on running, win the chase, are the lessons the person learnt.

Final line:

"Have they really domesticated me? (Faster!)" - very similar to the last one, but I still want to talk about this;

Really hung up on the fact that the last word is "faster". The last thing you hear, the final message, is to be faster. It's not them reflecting on the difference between being a child and growing up, it's not them wondering if they can help someone when they can't help themselves, it's not even them asking themselves if they've been domesticated, although that is right before this.

But no. The final thing they want you to know is that no matter what, just be faster.