I Recently Rewatched Attack Of The Clones With My Girlfriend And She Brought Up Something That I Hadn’t

Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thoughts

I saw some friends in my dream last night. One of them I haven't talked to in over a year, not for lack of trying. He just doesn't need my friendship anymore. Anyway, he was happy to see me in the dream and we hugged and fellowshipped. I was happy. It was nice.

Been really lonely lately. Been getting beat down by the cruelty of my coworkers. I don't understand why people are so mean. Wish I was stronger so it didn't affect me.

This life isn't worth living.

Feel like shit bothering my moots all the time. Not their fault I don't have a life. How do I explain that this is the only place I have to connect to people? My therapist would say, "Simple, you don't." All in all, I think I'm handling the isolation well.

"I think I'm gonna kill myself. Cause a little suicide." This song by Elton John came on shuffle yesterday... I'm not influential enough or powerful enough or whatever you wanna call it to make the world a better place. This was said as a joke, but I'm starting to believe it's true that the only positive impact I could make is if I go to sleep and never wake up.

Here's hoping.

Just wanted to say that you're super cool and I hope you're having a good weekend!

Oh wow, thank you so much! You're so kind! I hope life is treating you kindly 🫶

22. (A Brief) Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Young Adam (2003)

I haven't made a post in awhile, especially a Ewan movie review. I had started working on the Screentime Percentage about a month ago and then life happened and it got shelved 🫤. I didn't want to leave it halfway done so I finally finished tallying his SP this week! However, this won't be a regular review and I can't guarantee that I'll go back to my original format. I still enjoy tallying the SP but honestly, I've fallen out of love with the review writing portion. It's just a lot and I figured I might as well just do the part I enjoy instead of forcing myself to do the part I don't. So that's my little update!

Synopsis: "Young Adam" is about Joe Taylor, an amoral drifter, who discovers a dead woman's body while with his workmate. As the rest of the town is swept up in the sensational story, Joe is slowly consumed by his secret that he alone knows the true fate of the mysterious woman.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for 69/98 minutes making his SP 70%. This means that Rogue Trader has finally been knocked out of the #1 spot!

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? Yes. Outside of the high SP, this is also an erotic movie so there's lots of sexy Ewan content. I counted seven sex scenes plus one implied, ten shirtless scenes, five kissing scenes, and two nude scenes (one ass shot and the other frontal nudity). This isn't even including the nudity performed by women. There's also the infamous Custard Scene™️ which you just have to experience for yourself. Is the movie worth watching in general? No. I've seen it a few times now and it just fails to interest me. Maybe the book is better but the movie is plain boring.

Where to Watch: It's currently uploaded for free on YouTube.

Okay so here's my unsolicited thoughts:

I'm thinking these particular options are meant to represent the weakest songs of each artists discography. I'm only saying that because I've noticed that the MCR fandom dogs on Teenagers (overplayed maybe?) and that the PatD fans think High Hopes was booty cheeks. I don't know nothing about FOB fandom but I'm going to assume based on the other two that Centuries isn't a fan favorite either.

So the opponents in this brawl are all very weak already. Now, we have to decide who is the weakest of the weak. 🧐 Remember! (For me) This isn't about which song is more POPULAR, it's about which song can PHYSICALLY overpower the other two, hence them being in a fight.

Okay so immediately, I think Teenagers is getting knocked out cold. The song is a flee-er not a fighter and that's okay. 😌 The song is about a grown man being scared to death at the mere presence of children so it's getting eliminated easily.

Next on the chopping block is High Hopes. I think High Hopes would put up a very respectable fight and give it everything it's got. The song is about believing in yourself and chasing your dreams no matter the odds. It's very plucky and optimistic and therefore I think it's willing to get into fisticuffs if something is blocking it's path to success. However, it also has a very starry-eyed innocence to it. I think that just because it's willing to fight doesn't mean it's capable of WINNING a fight. So, after a courageous effort, it would be eliminated.

Which means I think the winner of the brawl would be Centuries! It has a similar theme to High Hopes but has the guts and maturity that High Hopes lacks. It has a very Naruto-ish "I will become Hokage no matter what, believe it!" energy which gives it the edge it needs to take the crown.

So there's my thoughts on the matter! I'm so happy cuz I love overthinking about fun polls like this! 😁

Obi-Wan Kenobi + 5 🎶

What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Easy! "Alone and Sublime" by Mother Mother. This song was MADE for my poor Obi

I like wondering what a Scarecrow music video would look like. Also, it's the last song I listened to on Spotify today 😁

I think my top choice for a music video would be DESTROYA. I feel like Gerard would make it a big spectacle filled production like Welcome to the Black Parade but...neon or something lol

What's a song from Danger Days that you wish got a music video?

Scarecrow or an actual plot video of planetary if that’s a possibility :3

Vent Post

I'm desperately trying to drown myself in the fictional worlds of characters that bring me joy. I really want to feel loved and cared about. It's not working very well because, you know, they're fictional 😅. At some point, I have to snap back to my own reality of never-ending loneliness. I feel a bit frustrated because I have this idea that if I can create more, create better, then I can make more friends. More friends mean more opportunities to talk to people. More opportunities to talk to people means less loneliness. It's a dumb idea for several reasons. It takes time for me to write stuff. Just "making more" doesn't change that. Secondly, I already have friends that I care about. I don't want to get in the habit of chasing numbers because I know there's no satisfaction there. Lastly, what I need is physical connection and as much as a blessing having people to chit chat with online is, it's never going to solve the problem. Can you die from lack of physical contact? Can a deficit of loving care put me in the grave? I'm sure that's not possible. Just overreacting. I like to imagine that my favorite characters know me and can tell when I'm not doing well. They hug me and stroke my hand and worry for my health. They don't leave. They cook to make sure that I've eaten. They spend the night to ensure I'm not alone. I feel safe. I don't feel like a burden. I'm not afraid that I will say the wrong thing or be too sad and will make them give up on me. They don't call me a bummer. They always have time for me. They make time. They don't tell me "that's just life." They love me. Are there any character x reader Criminal Minds fics that aren't romantic or sexual where someone from the team takes care of you? That'd be nice. I really want to finish the Ewan McGregor Movie Reviews. The desire is almost enough to make me want to keep fighting. But there's so many movies and I've barely scratched the surface. I don't think I have enough time. In a perfect world, I would get every last movie done, written, and queued and they could just post automatically. No one would notice I wasn't here anymore. I could have my cake and eat it too. I would also like to meet Ewan McGregor. If you've met him, what was that like? It's crazy that I exist at the same time as him. We might as well be from two different planets hehe. I've wasted my life.

Ewan Character Ask Game

Obi-Wan Kenobi + 8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Oh yeah, Pal we're going there. I choose violence! Lol

Oooooo we’re going there. Ok.

I hate when Obi-Wan is portrayed as cold and unfeeling. The most emotionally charged moments of the prequels come from Obi-Wan (Qui-Gon’s death and Mustafar’s “you were The Chosen One!!!). He does show his emotions: sadness, grief, irritation, annoyance, pride, to name a few. He’s affectionate towards Anakin. He hugs Dex.

Just because he’s not creepy stalker flirting levels of professing his love or slaughtering villages in his grief doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel them.

He has emotions but he’s the example of what a Jedi should be - not ruled by them.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Past Tense, Pt. 1"

I'm glad to see you active, I've been worried about you. 💖🫂

I had to take some time away for a bit.

Thank you for thinking about me. 🫂 I didn't think anyone would notice my absence because for some reason, I believe that I don't exist unless I'm actively doing something for someone else, smh. It means a lot that you cared.

To those that left me kind messages after my last post, I don't know what to say. I didn't expect anyone to read it or care. Your compassion touched me deeply. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️