I Just Struggle With Knowing Where To Start, I Feel Like I’ve Made Up So Many Rules In My Head Already

I HAVE to stop intentionally looking at triggering content and get my shit together, a family member I live with just called me of today for not eating like I’m supposed to and mentioned taking me to the doctor over it and it’s like they can’t do anything cause there’s nothing actually physically wrong with me it’s just what’s going on in my head and eating less has reduced my appetite. She’s the last person i want to take me to the doctor though so leaving my Lana del ray girl interrupted era that lasted about 2 days 😓

I often forget my life isn’t some fictional story to be viewed by others, and I assume that’s what spending years in your head pretending to be someone else in 15 different realities gets you

It’s always me trying to get better for a few days before I fall back down and it slaps me in the face ten fold for the next three months.

Credit: https://www.instagram.com/mapartche?igsh=bTZkNDg3ZWY2NTRr

"global internet and computer outage affecting companies" well i can get on tumblr just fine. skill issue.

It's like we all collectively forgot as a society that friendship and just connection in general takes effort. Even if you meet someone you immediately click with, it takes hanging out about 20 times (!) to become friends. And guess what, some of those 20 meetings might be awkward or unimpressive.

We all want to reap the benefits (having a friend circle, having a partner, getting married) without doing the work (going to events, interacting with people, learning to handle conflict maturely, dating). Myself included. If I could, I'd never leave the house or go on another mediocre date again... except, that's part of the process.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, the cure to the loneliness epidemic is touching some grass and building tolerance for tedious in-person interactions.

I think I’m learning to become comfortable in my loneliness, which I guess I was going to have to learn to do sooner or later. I would complain about the lack of social interaction I can say that it feels better than overextending myself to talk to the people I consider friends when they take so long to respond or don’t respond at all and then rarely take the initiative to reach out to me and with me already feeling a sense of stress that I don’t even know why I’m feeling it just wasn’t sustainable and yes it does hurt but so did being ignored and disregarded.

We need to start telling Black girls that they’re beautiful again I’m so fucking serious. Enough of the “average Black girl” bullshit and pretending to be positive while tearing yourselves(and other Black women) down. No, you are not average just because you don’t wear makeup or wigs or extensions and aren’t slim thick and don’t look like an IG baddie(no shade to IG baddies ofc, you do you!). The whole “well ya see saying all women are beautiful is misogynistic because it places beauty as our primary value as women” shit doesn’t apply to Black women and never has. Black women live in a society that insists on telling us that we’re not beautiful any time we try to be confident about ourselves and how we(naturally) look. So let’s not give them the satisfaction. All Black girls are beautiful. Lightskin, brownskin, darkskin, short, tall, skinny, fat, muscular, cis, trans, girly, tomboyish, short-haired and long-haired, no matter what you look like, if you are a Black girl, then you are beautiful by default! Period! 💅🏿

It's okay to 'grieve' things that aren't just death. I've allowed myself to grieve a friendship ending, a situationship, losing something important to me, etc. It's okay to give yourself time to process the loss of something. Grief looks different for everyone, try to find a way that works for you to help make it easier for you.