I Do Not Know Who Else Needs To Hear This Aside From Just Me But I Am Writing It Down Because It Helps:

But what if I can never save myself…?

It's like we all collectively forgot as a society that friendship and just connection in general takes effort. Even if you meet someone you immediately click with, it takes hanging out about 20 times (!) to become friends. And guess what, some of those 20 meetings might be awkward or unimpressive.

We all want to reap the benefits (having a friend circle, having a partner, getting married) without doing the work (going to events, interacting with people, learning to handle conflict maturely, dating). Myself included. If I could, I'd never leave the house or go on another mediocre date again... except, that's part of the process.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, the cure to the loneliness epidemic is touching some grass and building tolerance for tedious in-person interactions.

Having to live a future you didn’t think you’d be alive for is so fucking hard

enemies to lovers but it's me and myself

I don’t care anymore. Just let me go.

This is all meaningless and pointless. I’m fighting a losing battle, I’m trying to survive something I never had a chance to begin with.

This place only brings me sadness and paint, just let me leave.

Lunch date with Choso 💜

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment