My Mother Had A Regular, Plain Childhood. Nothing She Ever Complained About, Anyway. And She Complains
My mother had a regular, plain childhood. Nothing she ever complained about, anyway. And she complains often. No abuse or neglect or any significant pain.
So where did her cruelty come from?
I’ve been conditioned to expect villainous people- or even just regular mean people- to have pain themselves. Something unhealed and ugly they must let out in any twisted way.
But she didn’t. There’s no reason for her to be like this. Or to do the things she did.
And yet she is cruel.
And though there is something unhealed and ugly she gave me, I don’t want to let it out on anyone. I feel an instinct to soothe and mother people in pain. I can’t make sense of it. It’s backwards.
And yet I love her. I will deal with the consequences of loving her for the rest of my life.
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eating can make you be not lightheaded
DEI does not mean lower standards.
You are thinking of white privilege.
I can’t believe how many basic concepts I have to relearn. Yes going outside and drinking water WILL make you feel better. Yes doing hard things IS rewarding. Yes there IS worth within me. Yes people DO love me. I knew these things and felt I should be ahead of the curve, I don’t need to learn or come of age like other people do. And then I felt it was more poignant and intellectual to be in pain.
Now I’ve let myself relearn the basics. Love finds its way back. I run my fingers through the dirt again.
"the world isn't kind" ok??? Much more importantly are you?????
kiss kiss fall in love
“the ending is always the same”
war of the foxes - richard siken / waterloo - ABBA / euripides’ medea - the little theatre / anne carson / the three fates - luca cambiaso / the oresteia - aeschylus / road to hell II - hadestown / when i met you - mira lightner / andersen’s fairy tale anthology
the neurodivergent experience:
20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333
80% of the time: this mind is a prison
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