HAWKS ANGST!!!! 🫡 Im Ready Captain.

HAWKS ANGST!!!! 🫡 Im ready captain.

just gonna put content warning here; reader dies due to complication during childbirth!

post war, keigo is ready to settle down. he's got this desk job as president of the commission, and he looks forward to coming home to you every night. snuggling up like usual, though there's an absence that makes the bed feel emptier at night. he doesn't have to watch out for feathers or an appendage when he tosses and turns.

it's two years post war and four years into your relationship when he brings up having kids and starting a family. by now, the two of you have had the marriage talk and agreed that marriage wasn't exactly necessary-- but if it happened, it would happen.

but kids?

you weren't sure where the whole family talk was coming from. you knew about the ugly childhood he had, and how he still struggles with blame and responsibility. he wanted to have kids even with all of that trauma?

the topic is dropped after a quick argument that leaves the both of you sick to your stomach and lying back to back with each other to sleep that night. he doesn't bring up kids for a bit after that, but the universe always has ways of fucking with either one of you-- and one day several months down the line, you slam a positive pregnancy test down in front of him while he sits at his desk as he works from home.

and yes, eventually; you fall in love with the idea of having kids with keigo. it's kind of hard not to while you're actively carrying one with him.

and it all goes smoothly, keigo is so soft and doting to you, he makes you appreciate every day as it comes when he lies at night against your side, cooing soft words into the skin of your swollen stomach. the toothy grins he shoots you when he receives a kick back when he's placing feather-like kisses along your bump.

he leans in so eagerly to the whole family thing, the future he had been hoping for since he settled into his position at work, that you're afraid he's preparing a little too much for it.

keigo thought he was prepared for fatherhood.

he was not prepared for the sound of a flat-lining heart monitor in the middle of your daughter's delivery.

and even more now, several years later; on the anniversary of your death-- your childs birthday-- it haunts him. he struggles with the fact that he simultaneously lost the most important person in his life while also gaining one on the same day.

he never knows how to spend these days anymore, since his daughter turned 15. she looks too much like you. acts too much like you, he can see it in her eyes and when she makes certain faces at him even though you haven't been around at all to teach her how to make those expressions.

how does she know how to do them so well that it causes his gut to react so violently?

it's her 20th birthday this time. for the past four years she's been visiting your grave by herself. it's tradition-- she visits, spends about ten minutes meditating and dreaming about what you would look like if you were alive today (though she knows what you look like, keigo keeps pictures around the house. he's not that far down in denial anymore) and then she leaves a small joint and a half burned cigarette.

keigo always told her that you never finished cigarettes-- you only smoke when you drank, and could never finish a full one. and even though keigo doesn't like to know that his daughter is smoking, he knows who's leaving the joints. he finds them every year when he visits, hours after his daughter has left and has moved on to whatever plans she had scheduled for the night.

maybe he'll confront her one day about it. he knows he won't, because if you were here-- you'd be sitting on the balcony sharing it with her anyway.

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