MJ: Hey Losers. Give Me An Honest Answer On How Much You Hate Flash.

Bucky: Nice hands, Nat.

Nat: Thanks?

Bucky: But they'd look better around my-

Sam: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE! PRAISE RHE LORD JESUS! AMEN!

Clint: There’s only four ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way, the Nat way, and the Clint way.

Rest of the Avengers : ???

Clint: The Nat way is the faster way to the right way, the Clint way just creates another problem to cover the original problem, which leads to a snowball of problems no one understands.

Loki summoning daggers:

Where is it?!

Thor frantically trying to calm him down:

Loki, wait!! You should treat spiders how you wish to be treated!

Loki:

Killed without hesitation!

Thor:

Not again! Please stop dying!

Everyone proceeds to look at him weird

Peter: My parents died when I was a child, I watched my Uncle get shot and everyday’s despair when I go out at night

Flash: Penis, what the fuck?!

Peter: You’ll know what I’m talking about soon enough

Also Peter as Spider-Man at a press conference: I promised my class I would explain a comment I made after being told to write about our happiest childhood memory. So here it is. *takes mask off*

Mr Harrington: today's activity is easy! Just write about your happiest childhood memory!

Peter: my what now

Loki is more easily irritated by Thor on Thursday. He’s grumpy and sad but Thor doesn’t understand.

“What do you know about infectious diseases?” -teacher

“They spread” -person

“Does that make sluts diseases?” -me

TW: Dark humor.(?)

I can't stop thinking about Tony and Peter casually joking about death and shocking everyone around them like us Gen z's do with our friends.

~~~~~

Peter: I hope the light at the end of my tunnel is a fucking train.

~~~~~

Tony: I used to be a playboy but now all I want on top of me is 6ft of dirt.

~~~~~

Random bad guy: I'll snap your neck

Peter: I'll let you

~~~~~

Tony: I swear to God I'm gonna start a hit list.

Peter: I volunteer

~~~~~

Kidnapper: *hands them a gun* One of you has to die.

Tony: I will

Peter: No let me do it

Tony: Get behind me I'll shoot both of us

~~~~~

Robber: *Aiming a gun at Peter but hesitating to shoot him*

Peter: Would you like me to pull the trigger?

~~~~~

Bad guy: I'll kill you.

Peter: I'll fucking do it for you.

~~~~~

Tony: Don't come Heimlich me if I start choking cause that's my ticket out of here and if you save me then your fake and just want what you can't have.

~~~~~

Tony: *staring at a vase of dead flowers*

Peter: lol you wish that was you huh?

Sam: Oh hell no! I’m not giving Bucky $100,000 dollars!

Bucky: I would because I hate myself and then because I hate myself would give it all to Steve. He deserves it

Rhodey: You’re offered $50,000, but if you accept, the person you hate the most in the world would get $100,000– do you take it?

Tony: Why would I miss out on the chance to get 150,000

So Zeus without all his dick children

Hey not to sound evil, but if I had the power to cast lightnin bolt on anyone I wanted, I'd use it on people who inconvenience me even slightly

Thor: *giving uncle advice to peter* Remember, a good romance starts with a good friendship.

Loki: And a bad romance starts with a “ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma ro ma ma”